Meltdown in the street it was HELL!

[jonathan]

jonathan: reading from the start of the thread to what you are posting now sounds like things moving forward in positive way, and changing things has started things moving forward (I also read your post about the healing, is it Reiki?).

 

I also think that what bid and many other have posted about picking battles, being firm about certain things etc and being clear about what rules are is sound advice. The book "the explosive child" talks about this sort of idea, putting certain behaviours in baskets - A for things you cannot ignore, B for things to work on, and C which are things it may not be worth battling over (well thats how I remember it simplistically, cant check have loaned it to someone though!) .

 

My son has behavior issues these have reduced a lot lately poss due to a number of things, or maybe a cycle of good behaviour (though I think/ hope it is more than just that!)

 

I have tried lots of things as have school including various anger management books/ behaviour and reward systems etc for NT and ASD children. It is hard work esp. to establish the boundaries when they are not used to the idea of consequences so I think you should be really proud of yrself and keep battling on (as we all do!).

 

Some interesting posts on here, lots of different ideas which is good because one thing does not work with every child! With PDA children you have to remember and use a variety of different things as what works one day does not always work the next!

 

Am now trying to help youngest as he has some behaviour issues. For some reason seems as hard the second time round, even though he is a lot better than J was at that age in terms of level of aggression and anger! So reading this is helping to reinforce it in my head as well.

 

Good luck and hope things keep moving forward X

Thankyou I keep trying and trying to be honest like all us mums do to help our children

we started the healing the same week as the meltdown and I was amazed how quick it worked

my son doesn't take medication as I keep trying alternative methods it has been lovely

to see him feeling happier we have a rule now also on aggression he goes to his trampolene

now if he feels he is getting angry when I say no he seems to understand now that I mean it

and it is for his own good and not because i am being mean, lots of praise too for good behaviour

fingers crossed it is coming together nicely for now

thanks for your support it means alot x

 

[westie]

Great news on him using the trampoline!

 

One of my friends is currently using a kind of modified behaviour chart only for aggressive behaviors as this is issue identified as one needing action more than others (you cant work on everything at once sadly!)

 

where child gets rated at regular intervals (1hr intervals before and after school, 2hr intervals on weekends/ hols), with a 1 being "unacceptable" (violence to others) 2 being "not good" (bullying verbally/ provoking, and damaging belongings) and 3 - "excellent", either not getting angry, or using acceptable alternatives to dealing with anger (like your sons trampoline thing!!)

 

My friend has listed under the chart what each rating means, and also listed alternatives for her child to try when they are angry (hit a pillow, go outside and scream in garden etc etc etc) to help her. Then at end of week total is looked at and if child gets a certain amount of "3" ratings and no more than five "1"' ratings (chosen the amount carefully to minimise aggression and also not so out of reach at first so needs to be fit to the child, so to speak and also needs to be adjusted if child has moved forward or back to try to keep it working) the child gets a "reward" from a list also displayed under the chart(which the parents talked through and agreed together with child to ensure the rewards is something they really want, which will motivate them and is also agreeable to parents!)

 

My sons school used a slightly different version of this to help my son with anger within school , which seemed to work rather well so we adapted idea to above. For my friend its early days but it is making her child think more about the behaviour and other ways to deal with anger.

[frogslegs]

When my son was younger and that we didn't know he had AS but was simply 'difficult' and my daughter was small, things got really really out of control to the extend that we could not longer go out anywhere and he was so angry and miserable. He used to hurl objects at me and hit me and his sister, cracked his head open on the concrete during one of his rages.... Anyway, completely by chance my NHS surgery was organising a parenting course which lasted 12 weeks and that has been my lifeline. I would have jumped at any help which was offered so did not take any offence at being labelled a rubbish parent! It was fantastic and they were following a programme which is devised by a doctor called Carolyn Webster-Stratton and the NHS used it for children with mental health problems too.

Basically the purpose was to change to balance of power for the parent to be in control, not the child. So at first for about three weeks, I had to play with him for 10 mn (using a timer) daily and he could choose whatever he wanted to do during that time and boss me around. Then, I had to give him praise all the time, over anything positive that he did, 'you've put your shoes away, brilliant...'. He responded very quickly to those two things as I became far less negative about his behaviour and he had special time with me. Then we picked a couple of very specific bad behaviours and devised a chart for them and gave stickers when he did well and I had a bag full of little treats that he could choose from when the chart was completed. Then we were taught that we had to keep the instructions extremely simple and only give one at a time and give time for it to be completed. The tone of voice had to be assertive and never use 'could you tidy your room' because that would give him the option of saying no and instead say 'tidy your room please' and it recommended to give warning if you were about to do something. For example 'in ten minutes we will be leaving the park so get ready'...Then we had to ignore any 'bad' behaviour that had no consequence and concentrate on problematic stuff and if you told your child off you had to try to find praise to give on something quickly, so if he swore but two minutes later he helped you carry the shopping then you'd say 'thanks for helping me that is great' forgetting the negative. My son's bad moods and mine lifted very quickly instead of being stuck all day in bad temper. Then I had to tell him when we were both calm how well he was doing but that he was still hitting me and throwing objects across the room and that for those specific things he would go time out out of the room. There were times when I had to hold the door as he would be kicking it, but I stood my ground and it became less frequent. If we went out somewhere I would remind him in advance of what behaviour I was expecting and if not good then we would go home. It only happened two or three times but he quickly learnt.

He is now 10 and on the whole he is good but he knows that I am not nasty but incredibly firm and 'mean business'. The biggest challenge for him is unstructured play i.e. the park, the playground, so I keep those very short (15mn no more) and if good then he gets a treat but otherwise we go home direct. Children like structure and consistent messages, so if I say something then I need to do it. My daughter is NT but has also responded well to all this.

I hope it helps!

[westie]

I too have heard positive things about webster stratton parenting course - there are sure start centres who offer this in my area, and also a local mental health team who work with families.

[NobbyNobbs]

SS use webster stratton for the parenting course they send the parents of looked after children on. i've seen it work miracles!

[frogslegs]

The important message was that for the child to change, the parenting had to change. It was incredible to see how quickly things improved for us. In some ways it was like a diet, once you have learnt that method, you need to stick to it for the rest of your educating years. Also the funny thing is that nowadays my son puts himself in time out if he feels angry. He just goes to his room and says he is cooling down! Fine by me!