advice regarding DS2

[joybed]

DS2 is currently being assessed by the ed psych, she has enough info to make a diagnosis we are just waiting to here the official verdict. we have been told by a paediatrician that he has no problems and is just naughty but the ed psych thinks there is, there has been talk of many different conditions, development delay, aspergers, PDA and ADHD.

There are a couple of things which are currently major issues, more annoying than anything and wondered if anyone had any advice.

1, Getting to school in morning: Piers has got better at getting ready for school i still wash and dress him but he doesn,t fight much anymore. The problems start walking to school, most days he just flatly refuses to walk or walks very slowly. This makes us late every day for school. He uses various techniques, pretrending he has forgotten something, his legs don,t work, he takes his coat off and throws it on the floor, he is tired, he needs teddy/daddy his brother anybody really, he doesn,t like school, he feels sick. If all this fails he lays down on the floor and cries, most days i half drag him to school and a lot of days other children tend to win him over and he walks with them, i then feel quilty because they are late for school.

2, When he leaves school he attempts to go home with anyone but me, he insists on going to someones house and often they allow this. If he has to come with me then he cries and becomes very distressed crying after the chosen child of the day (he becomes obsessed with particular children and rotates tham periodically) and the performance on the way to school begins again. He will often blank me when he comes out of school and run to the chosen childs mother despite the fact the teacher says he has been asking for me all day. It looks like he doesn,t want to be with me and am worried what people will read into this. Also i don,t want the other mothers to feel obliged to take my child home every night (although i do take theres very often as the twins are in the same class so there is rarely a night we are without someones elses child).

I am fed up of fighting with him and don,t have any ideas how to prevent this occuring. I am beginning to dread the walk to/from school. We live within walking distance and really don,t want to take the car for such a short journey as both myself and Lydia enjoy the walk and it is an unnecessary journey, he is also a hassle to get into the car. Any ideas.

[JsMum]

Hi, it sounds like he is doing a lot aviodance, and may be struggling with interaction in different setting, friends home, school, his own home.

 

Could there be a visual weekly planner of which friend he stays at and maybe one evening per week he has an evening at home, doing family games, or family time, it could be board games, a dvd and nibbles with just you, hubby and the children, also on top of that one night a week just to chill out no going to friends and no friends round all doing your own thing.

 

The asking for you during the day and then going to his friends mums may be because he thinks he may be in trouble if the school day hasnt been good, some kind of confrontational issues, and he aviods been with you after school more because this may of been the time you get to find out his day from teachers ect..J also use to be incredibly challenging after school, maybe if he is struggling with school stuff they find it harder to control their impulses and behaviours after school and he is scared what he might do.

 

I dont know hes still really young, he just might want to be with his freinds more, and after school he can let it all go, may be he likes it at different friends houses because they have different toys and games, and interest, treats offered from their mums, different rules, different parents, Im not sure why exactly he prefers to be at a freinds house, so trying to understand why this may be.

 

I find it hard having loads of children round so now limit it and not every night either.

 

We all need a break from our friends at some point.

 

JsMum

 

Edited February 26, 2009 by JsMum

[Sooze2]

My son has certain days where he see's his friends, on Wednesday his best freind comes here one week and then to the freinds house the next week - that one has been ongoing for about 18 months! It works well. He see's another freind on Mondays or Tuesdays but usually thats about it - so 2 days per week he see's freinds after school, sometimes all the kids have freinds here on a Friday. Everything is pre arranged because I like to know where I am and make sure the house is tidy! Although the Friday one pleople just tend to migrate to my house on a whim which is great They have various clubs during the week and he is always shoked and creates loudly in the playground about having to walk to Rainbows for the girls on Tuesdays even though they have been going for 18 months!!!!

 

I wouldn't worry about him ignoring you in the playground and heading for other parents, just go up to the parent and arrange a day when the kids can get together but don't let him go and play that day always arange it. You could start making plans a week in advance and tell your son each morning what will be happening after school - today we are coming straight home after school on our own or today you are going to play at Jonny's house etc. Write it on a calendar so he can see how the week is planned and stick to it.

 

We have a bit of a problem here now because there is a club on a Wednesday every other week which we go to if we can, both my son and his freind find this very annoying because they can't possibley see each other any other day but Wednesday! Its never easy is it!

 

On the walking to school thing - you could use seeing the freinds as a bribe! Like - if you walk to school nicely today and tomorrow Johnny can come to play tomorrow etc put a happy face on the calendar if he walks nicely. You could do it so he walks nicely in the morning and the freind comes that night for an instant reward at first - all pre arranged with the parent without the kids knowing about it

Edited February 26, 2009 by Sooze2