embarrassed myself at school this morning

[joybed]

We have had a rough couple of days with the 2 boys. Last night being particularly bad. Piers came home from school in a bad mood (he isn,t sleeping due to a cold) and threw a large pebble which narrowly missed Lydia and hit my car. Then i had a phone call to say Marcus had missed the school bus and wouldn,t get the next one and was having a panic attack. Had to go out anyway so went to pick him up. Then went to chemist to pick up prescriptions, it was only a matter of running in and collecting them so i left them all in the car (bad ideawon,t do it again). when I returned lydia was hysterical, Piers was shouting at Marcus and Marcus was laughing like a maniac. It turned out he had released the handbrake while on a slight slope and the car had started to roll, Lydia was terrified Marcus thought it was hilarious and Piers was upset because Lydia was upset (despite the fact he regularly beats her). Told marcus off who couldn,t grasp what he had done so he was sent to his room when we returned. From that moment on we had tantrum after tantrum, the usual stuff i have posted about, lasting for hours. Eventuallly got them all to bed and fell into bed exausted. Another bad night for Piers, night terrors, general waking etc. This morning Marcus continued to argue Dh made matters worse as usual, twins at this point OK. Left for school in plenty of time, Piers wanted to wave to Daddy DH not quite ready so explained we didn,t have time. This led to another morning of him being dragged to school, laying in middle of road, shouting, avoiding complying. We got to school 10 minutes late. We were 15 minute late the other day and his teacher said if we were that late again could i please take them to the office. As we wern,t that late i took them to classroom to be greeted by an NTA who said could i take them to the office as i had been told before, she wasn,t particularly rude but it was the last straw and i broke down. The lollipop lady ended up comforting me and then i met another mother of a child with ASD who also helped calm me down. Feel a twit now but just fed up of the fight all the time and lydia getting late marks due to Piers. Feel better for posting this but still feel like crazy lunatic mother.

[Mandapanda]

I know how it feels to break down like that and I feel for you.

 

I've broken down at school, at the GPs reception desk, in the pharmacy, at the chiropracters, in the bank etc..... (over the years that is, not all this week!!)

 

I once broke down at the school Easter Egg Hunt, because I had got the time wrong and we turned up after all the eggs had been found. I felt so pressurised to get it right for my son and felt I had let him down and ruined the day. Ho hum

 

When my youngest had started becoming really difficult to get to school I just wrote a note to my older boy's tutor stating that if he was late it was due to his brother and could they not punish him at all. Luckily it was mostly OK. Older son (also a Marcus) chose to go by bus in the end so that he wasn't held up by brother (that probably doesn't help you though).

 

We too have had a lot of sleep problems and it is draining. Even if the kids can catch up on lost sleep, we can't as have too much to do or just cannot sleep due to stress etc. I know I am more prone to being emotionally fragile if not getting enough sleep.

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

[JsMum]

 

 

 

It sounds really hectic and no wonder your callasping into bed exhausted, it sounds like you really need more support with school and maybe a meeting with headteacher and senco, also Educational welfare to see if there could be a plan of action to try and help resolve this, before you break down, today was just the feelings coming to the surface, we can only cope with soo much, and in a way its positive because your feeling, its not nice but its good for you to let it all out.

 

Im glad you were given some support from others, and that from today it gets better, I would see if there is any additional support to help get peirs to school, so transport included.

 

And that Transport could be a consideration for Marcus with him having regular panic attacks and its effecting him mentally.

 

The council have a panel for deciding what transport to school are considered and its considered for exceptional circumstances, so do look into this.

 

I would also look into some respite for your self, as you feel no one really is supporting YOU at the moment, Jay gets a sessional worker and in the past we have had evening support to help with his challenging behaviours this would have to come from a social services assessment though and understand you may not want this.

 

Contact a family have outreach workers and could come and give you some practical support and ensure that you and your family has the right services providing the right provisions.

 

It sounds like the school could be more sympathetic and understanding too.

 

I hope that things start to improve soon,

 

JsMum <'>

 

 

 

 

 

[joybed]

Marcus gets a taxi to school but he leaves school earlier than everyone else so he can get the bus so encouraging some independence. We only live a 10 minute walk from Piers and Lydias school and lydia loves the walk to school. she never ever complains about her brother making her late she just seems to instinctively know he finds it all difficult. Piers and Lydia are now at the school marcus was at and it was great when Marcus was there but they have a new headteacher and lots of people are having problems, (the ones with special needs kids are having problems). He doesn,t appear to like to statement and there are diagnosed kids who (according to there parents) he has openly questioned there diagnosis. I so far havn,t had any problems but from what i have heard don,t hold out much hope of getting help. I suppose in the past i have been too proud to accept help even from family and have a tendency to feel like a failure when things like today happen. DH tries his best to help but burys his head in the sand a lot and if he does help he does it in an unhelpful way, although i know he tries.

Marcus anxiety levels are through the roof at the moment and he appears very depressed I also think he is developing a bit of OCD. I think he may benefit from medication but not sure what and if this was prescribed i would have a fight with my mother as she doesn,t think this is the way to go. However I think we may be heading this way as we are at rock bottom right now.

One of his obsessions is really impacting on everyone in the family. He becomes very concerned about any kind of waste. We as a family are very keen on recycling and are reasonably environmentally friendly this has turned into an obsession for Marcus. He refuses to leave any food on his plate even if he is overfull, he attempts to make everyone eat everything and becomes very distressed if they don,t. If there is any waste he becomes very distressed about the food going into the bin he can,t stand the thought of it all being mixed together in landfill and will say every few minutes thats not going to landfill is it. If he sees plastic/ glass bottles or paper lying in the street he collects it and brings it home for recycling. i have to retrieve rubbish from his bag every night, he even collected and brought home a load of broken glass for recycling. He attempts to make us recycle things that are not recyclable. It causes him great anxiety if we don,t do as he says, infact he becomes very anxious if he isn,t in control full stop. We are seeing a family therapist but no psychiatric input (except ED psych). I don,t know where to turn he is attempting to control everyone and because we won,t comply he has tantrum after tantrum. i know he is anxious and feel desperately sorry for him but i can,t reach him and equally I can,t give into his obsessions as they are unrealistic. my Mum thinks she can but he just pretends everything is fine and is just as bad when he comes home. Mum thinks he is a little angel as he doesn,t behave like this with her. I try to be patient but am rapidly running out of this, this makes me feel bad as it is anxiety. There is a family history of anxiety disorder (my sister is agorophobic and clinically depressed)

We see CAMHS next week and I will ask what they suggest, but any suggestions in the meantime. Thanks in advance.

 

[Mandapanda]

I am sure you don't need me to tell you that the problems with Piers and the stress you're all under is probably why Marcus is being so obsessive at the moment. You need to tell CAMHS (perhaps print out what you have typed here) about how this is affecting all of you.

 

Last year our Marcus appeared to be a typical teenager - couldn't 'be bothered' to do school work etc and decided he didn't want to go to college. It now turns out this was due to the stress whole family was under and he was getting a bit depressed, just showing it very differently to his brother. This year he is much more enthusiastic about school work and going to college. Our children show their anxieties/worries/unhappiness in very different ways.

 

I don't know if you could talk to Marcus about what is happening with Piers - at a time when Marcus is not obsessing (if there is one!). You might be surprised by what he has to say - out of the mouths of babes and innocents.

 

Thinking of you.