mac4 Report post Posted April 6, 2009 Hi I thought it would be interesting to hear about how siblings cope with living with there sister/brother with AS. We have two girls 9 & 7 our youngest has been having a really hard time lately. Often she thinks we love her AS sister more because she is more demanding of our time. I think she is more annoyed at sisters behaviour, as she shouts at people alot and finds it hard to play for any lenght of time. She hasn't any patience with her anymore and although understands she has AS, I think she gets really hurt by the things B says to her and the fact she lives in a house which is in constant turmoil. Does anyone know of some books which explain things abit more? How do you make them feel special and loved too, while spending most of the time coping with behaviour? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
purplehaze Report post Posted April 7, 2009 Hi I thought it would be interesting to hear about how siblings cope with living with there sister/brother with AS. We have two girls 9 & 7 our youngest has been having a really hard time lately. Often she thinks we love her AS sister more because she is more demanding of our time. I think she is more annoyed at sisters behaviour, as she shouts at people alot and finds it hard to play for any lenght of time. She hasn't any patience with her anymore and although understands she has AS, I think she gets really hurt by the things B says to her and the fact she lives in a house which is in constant turmoil. Does anyone know of some books which explain things abit more? How do you make them feel special and loved too, while spending most of the time coping with behaviour? Hi, this really hit a nerve for me-my daughter (18) has had the same feelings over many years and it has been hard to find quality time for her. She has been a dream lovely daughter and tries to be understanding but it has been so hard for her. We can't just go to the cinema etc without really trying to plan it and then usually it doesn't happen. The reason this has really hit a nerve is my duaghter has just been dx with alopecia areata and i'm sure it's due to the stress over the years, although i'm told it's not from stress. We have just been offered direct payments so I can sort some kind of leasure activity for my son (15) and spend time with my daughter-easier said than done!!! This is going to take months to sort out particularly for my son to actually do it. It's a shame it wasn't offered years ago!!! As she's got older I have supported her to do things outside of the family with friends etc. This has really benefited her, shes off to Camden market next week which i'm helping to fund-I believe this kind of therapy is really needed. The problem I feel is a lot of families have to find the support and whats on offer themselves. I suggest that you look into what is on offer as support now for your children and you! There are sibling groups around and some great books. Goodluckxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sassyj Report post Posted April 7, 2009 Hi, I have 3 children the youngest who is 6 has AS, the older two are 13 and nearly 18 and they find it very dificult to cope with M tantrums, permanent demands and violence. The 13 yr old is very resentful and bursts into tears at the drop of a hat and he spends a lot of timing trying to hide in his bedroom or mine to get away from him, he does try to play with him sometimes but because it is all one sided (M's way or no way) the 13 yr old gets fed up. My nearly 18 yr sleeps a lot during the day when she is not at college and I think that is her way of shutting off from it all, We are in the process of weaning M off his meds coz he was on 3 antipsychotics (M also has ADHD, TOURETTES, ODD & SPD) so things are a real nightmare at the mo, hoping that once he starts school and starts concerta things will calm down a little bit coz he is at home 24/7 at the mo while waiting for statement to be finalised. Sometimes I feel like I cant handle him anymore so no wonder my two eldest feel so frustated! Talking about tantrums (here we go again) he wants to go out to play and I said later coz no-one out in the street yet and he will start screaming at people and knocking on their doors to get up. Yesterday he ended up rolling round in the round screaming because a little girl wouldnt do what he wanted so he started screaming at her pulling her clothes and ended up on the floor crying, (he is so big now, I cant lift him) I dont know what to do sometimes I think it would be easier to keep him in so he doesnt upset the other kids in the street, but that doesnt seem fair either. Sarah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted April 7, 2009 Hi I thought it would be interesting to hear about how siblings cope with living with there sister/brother with AS. We have two girls 9 & 7 our youngest has been having a really hard time lately. Often she thinks we love her AS sister more because she is more demanding of our time. I think she is more annoyed at sisters behaviour, as she shouts at people alot and finds it hard to play for any lenght of time. She hasn't any patience with her anymore and although understands she has AS, I think she gets really hurt by the things B says to her and the fact she lives in a house which is in constant turmoil. Does anyone know of some books which explain things abit more? How do you make them feel special and loved too, while spending most of the time coping with behaviour? Hi.This link includes several ideas for books for sibblings.I cannot remember the one I particularly liked. http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=402&a=4361 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted April 7, 2009 I remembered one book that I liked.Although not specifically for siblings it does explain AS very well. ''Can I tell you about Asperger Syndrome'' by Jude Welton.[JKP]. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frogslegs Report post Posted April 7, 2009 My lovely daughter who is 7 at times gets ever so frustrated with her brother. It is especially hard now that she is getting out of 'babyhood' and her brother is gradually being left behind. She is often keen to play but if he goes in her room he always ends up breaking something as he is very clumsy. Board games are difficult, he often goes 'bananas' when we go out if it is not structured and he can get rough. I think at times she feels embarassed and people come and make comments to her at school. In the street my son has managed to ostracise everyone and now noone wants to play with my daughter either which is very sad. We try to have time on one to one basis with both children because during the week there is no time as my son needs so much support with homework. My son is going to camp for a week next week and my daugter and I are staying with Granny for a few days and we are going to do 'girlie things'. Often my husband takes her out as well which may mean a drink in a caf or some time at the library so that she can vent her frustrations or simply have a nice chat. I noticed (although I have not tried yet) that the NAS has a section for siblings and I was told that at some point my daughter will be able to go to activity days for siblings so we shall see. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Donna K Report post Posted April 8, 2009 Hiya, my son has 3 siblings, at the moment it's only the elder one who's 9 that has issues about him, the younger one is fed up of being hit by him etc but doesn't really know why he does the things he does. The eldest has hated him, had suicidal thoughts, fed up of him being centre of attention, ruining times out, us never going out during school hols etc because of him and his violent nature, she gets the brunt of it, after me that is. I recently bought her a book from the NAS called everybody is different and since she's read it there's been a massive turn around in her behaviour towards A, she's tried to cuddle him, been far more tolerant of him, says she feels more sorry for him now and not as angry at him now she knows he can't help a lot of what he does and she's even made attempts (good ones I might add) at calming him down when he's starting meltdown and has managed it once or twice! She seems happier than she's been in weeks and I think it's had a positive effect thankfully, before she read the book I was struggling to explain things to her in a way that she's understand. I have also been told of sibling groups but I have yet to find out all the info on these. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted April 8, 2009 hi we r having alot of problemsith shnnon at the moment x she has been refered to pcamhs and a lady is coming out o tues to see watthey an do to help and support they can give her so im hoping this wl b really helpful forher love donnaxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Donna K Report post Posted April 9, 2009 My daughter has also been referred to CAMHS after speaking to the Gp about her issues he thinks they could help her in the form of councilling, but in the mean time that book has helped a lot Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Diane Report post Posted April 9, 2009 My daughter has had support through CAMHS due to the pressures of living with her brother who has AS. As a family we had support meetings this helped also. My daughter attended for six weeks and it did her the world of good. I learnt to appreciate things from her perspective and learn how to support he in the way she needed. Not the way i thought. Because of CAMHS our family are in a much better place than a couple of years ago. We have a lot to thank them for. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted April 9, 2009 (edited) that is so good to hear that camhs has helped dianne x im sooooo hoping that shannon can get the support she needs as she is getting very angry and teaarful bless her love donnaxxxx Edited April 9, 2009 by dooday24 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
