fiorelli Report post Posted May 5, 2009 Had some problems with L this weekend just gone. He had been absolutely adamant that he was seeing his 'father' this weekend, going into great detail in school to teachers/friends about what the plans were/what he was going to be doing. 8.00pm Friday night, and he realised that 'father' wasn't coming for him. We knew that 'father' had said that he wouldn't be seeing him until the summer at least, and talked to him about that, as did school. School also discussed with him about various scenarios that may have happened, and worked through some coping strategies. Several times over the weekend, we have had one very distressed/anxious/annoyed/confused L. He has been crying, screaming, shouting, in amongst talking absolute gibberish. He has been getting all his 'problems' mixed up - he'll be talking about one thing and giving details for another. He has been upset about 'lies' he said he has told - when in fact, he hasn't told any lies these things actually happened. We ended up with a completely broken bedroom door, where he kicked it so much that it has fallen to pieces, and has great big holes in it. (We discussed this with him when he was calm the next day, and he is to do some chores in order to earn some money to help replace the door. Not talking lots, just a couple of chores for a few weeks in order for him to earn a £1 or 2, of which he will need to give up 40/50p, just so he - hopefully - will realise that there are consequences to his actions, no matter how distressed he is. The more I think about it now, the more upset I get for him. I didn't know how to help him. I don't know how to help him. I can see where the weekend started and why, but I was powerless to prevent it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frogslegs Report post Posted May 5, 2009 I don't have answers but give you <'> <'> .Does your son speak with his father on the phone? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
call me jaded Report post Posted May 5, 2009 Poor boy. Hugs to you all. <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fiorelli Report post Posted May 5, 2009 frogslegs, no he doesn't speak to his 'father' on the phone - L rarely uses the phone anyway, and if he can get away without using it, he will do! This is just typical of his 'father' he will go for at least 6 months with no contact, then suddenly he's been trying to contact us and can't get through, will see L for a weekend or 2, then nothing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Emma_74 Report post Posted May 6, 2009 I know how horrible this situation is and how fustrated you must be feeling from personel experience I just wanted to let you know that your not alone. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Emma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted May 6, 2009 Is there no way that the father can commit to something more predictable. Even if it was the first weekend in every month? Or do you feel that it would be better to just severe links? Does your son have any understanding of the passage of time? My son doesn't and he gets very angry and confused about what is happening when. It was suggested to me to make up weekly or a monthly timetable to help with that. But obviously that isn't going to be good if at the end of it his father doesn't make an appearance. But I just thought I'd mention the understanding of the passage of time thing. For example if I mention we are going camping in the summer holidays etc, then I know I have made a rod for my back because he will keep going on and on about when that is. And he will think that he can say this weekend is 'summer' and it will happen etc. Also, when he is upset he does something similar to your son and will start to say things totally unrelated to the situation. What I think my son is doing is using words or scenarios that show how upset he is about the current situation. I think he does that because he can't get the right words together in his head to explain what he is thinking and feeling. But he can use words or scenarios that have already happened to explain how he feels. So if your son has been talking about telling lies (and he hasn't don't that), he might be trying to tell you how bad he feels (like someone who has told lies), or he might be feeling that he has been lied to (either his father letting him down, or due to not understanding time he may feel a visit should have happened but that he has been tricked out of it). I don't know if any of that would make sense in your situation with your son. It is just things I have gleaned with my won son that I thought I would mention incase it helps. Would using social stories to explain feelings like being let down by other people be useful? It is an awful situation for any child to be in to be let down continuously by a parent <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
