Obsessed with fear of fire

[Mum of 3]

Hi, I wonder if anyone can help me with G's latest obsession.

 

About 2 years ago, he was playing in the basement, with his dad, when his dad noticed smoke coming out of the tumble drier.

 

His dad turned off the tumble drier, opened all the windows, then we called the fire brigade, who removed the td, installed new smoke alarms, and talked us through a fire safety plan.G was very worried at the time, but I had a word with the fire officer, and he was really reassuring, and told G it was ok, they are only 5 minutes away, and mum & dad know what to do if t happens again.

 

He has been a bit concerned since, but nothing OTT.

 

Then, a few weeks ago, he had a tantrum in his room, and threw his lamp, which went out, and hit the Fast Forward button on his tape player. He didn't realise about the tape player, but came rushing downstars saying he'd started a fire by throwing the lamp! I'm well used to his histrionics, and so I didn't over-react, but calmly said I'd go and see. He was screaming with panic, asking what I'd do with the fire, but I just said 'well, put it out, of course', trying not to panic him.

 

Of course, I was able to show him the tape player and the lamp was ok, but i did warn him that throwing electric things that are plugged in is a bad idea, and yes, it COULD start a fire!

 

Well, now, he's going on about it constantly....'Can trees set on fire?....do cars set on fire?...do beds set on fire?'...he seems unable to understand that fires need starting, so we told him all the ways of starting a fire....he then went to investigate the kitchen floor because it looks like wood, and the chairs are wood, so when we scrape the chair legs on the wood floor we'll start a fire!

I showed him a match, and explained how it works, and the red stuff on the end made the fire....he then emptied his room

of all red things and asked me to give them to charity in case they set on fire!

 

He goes on and on with the questions, often wringing his hands and whining as well. He cries about it and says he's so worried about fires that he can't get it out of his head.

 

Is it any use trying to convince him, or am I just adding fuel to the fire (sorry, couldn't resist it! ) by engaging in the discussion? Why doesn't he ever just put his faith in me to protect him?

 

Edited to add: G is nearly 6. Dx meeting this Wednesday. Ed psych 'utterly convinced' it's autism/AS...Clinical Psych was 'stumped', now 'pretty sure it's the only explanation'.

Edited September 7, 2009 by Mum of 3

[baddad]

Hi -

 

Don't know about fires specifically, but my nephew has had some pretty strange obsessive 'worries' over the years that sound very similar...

I think what you've done so far is about right - answering the questions and explaining as well as you can why the fears are unfounded - but would say you've probably reached a point now where limiting the amount of time you will contribute to conversations on this (or variations of this) topic is the best course of action. Sometimes this type of intense 'worrying' is an expression of general concerns/uncertanties that the child finds hard to verbalise. My nephew, for example, increased this type of behaviour enormously around puberty, but any 'transition' phase could be a 'trigger'.

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

 

Oh - to clarify: when I said 'finds hard to verbalise' I meant it in the sense of the child not really understanding/realising what the underlying fears are, rather than them not being able to find the words or being embarrassed etc. Hope that makes sense

 

 

[Mum of 3]

Thanks BD. Yes, I have been thinking that it might be necessary to only allow him so much 'air time' to voice this obsession, then change the subject/try some sort of distraction (if possible!)

 

I agree also about the 'changes', the biggest one, of course, being the new school year and new teacher. I think he's also aware that I'm giving up work, and although we've played it down, it's still a change, and he might be wondering about how it will affect him....

 

Now, how do I convince my mum that telling him that his wooden pirate ship has been sprayed with a special stuff so it can never set on fire is probably not the best of ideas?....

[baddad]

Now, how do I convince my mum that telling him that his wooden pirate ship has been sprayed with a special stuff so it can never set on fire is probably not the best of ideas?....

 

you're on your own with that one!

 

Yes, distraction/redirection are good ones, and maybe if you can start each day when the subject first comes up with a gentle reminder that you will not talk about it 'every time' or 'all day'. An NAS suggestion with a boy who was obsessed with Cars ("Do you have a cat? That's only one letter different to 'car' and a 't' can look like an 'r' sometimes which spells car...' etc etc ad infinitum) was to give him a fixed number of times he could discuss it each day for a 'few minutes', and backchain from there. You wopuldn't want to jump straight in with that, but if it becomes an all consuming thing it's something to think about...

 

L&P

 

BD

[NobbyNobbs]

we've had this one before with a child and it really does get incredibly annoying. after explaining, talking round and round it and generally indulging her fears it got to the point where enough was enough. we sat her down and explained that while we knew she was very worried and we'd always keep her safe we weren't going to listen to her talking about it anymore. we then reinforced we'd be happy to talk about something else, but that we would not discuss X again. after about two days of us saying 'i wont talk about that, what else would you like to talk about?' she gave up and calmed down about it. it still pops up every now and again when something reminds her, and we just remind her we wont discuss it but would she like to tell us about something else instead.

 

i'd give it a go as anything else is pretty unsustainable, you can't take away everything that is red/might cause a fire etc. i was absolutely terrified of fire as a child, wouldn't touch matches, used to wake up in the night and have to go and check that the oven was off and there wasn't any fire in the house etc. i suspect this was because my father was overly enthusiastic telling me fire was bad due to a cousin dying after being in a fire. i gradually grew out of it as i got old enoug to 'play' with fire - campfires, bonfires etc i learned how fire behaved and how i could manipulate it/put it out. (i also learned the hard way how much it hurts after going to poke a bonfire with a stick and burning a charred line across my hand cos the stick had fallen out of the fire!)