Sibling

[admum]

Ive posted before but im getting increasingly concerned. 4 year old is due to start school this September. After all the hell with local school and son just sort of left it. Missed deadline and kept thinking something will turn up. Told hubbie it was his turn to find school. What did he do - diddly squat! I work full time he is self employed and so could have tried harder. Found school this week which is near sons school but is out of borough but they have one place - so we went. Seems good. v small, bit cramped but 93 kids not 700 like our local primary. DD -she was awful! Confirmed my fears. Im convinced that she has aspergers. She decded it was a good idea to do tae Kwondo moves in heads office! So frightened. Shes bright - already working way through the oxford reading tree - but clearly poor social skills. When she had paed assessment a while back they offered a social communication assessment. Im sticking my head in the sand but Im so dont want my little girl to be labelled. Since had that the paed assessment have worried and now feel as though going down the same road. She hasnt got dyspraxia but I wonder if shes ADD. Should I take her along to sons next psch appointmnet to ask if they feel she has probs? Or should I just se what happens when she starts school. She doesnt tlak, she sort of shouts. She has imagination but the paed had said she was v rigid in her thinking. She can be literal. She is different to my son but then he has a complex diagnosis. If she doesnt have his learning diffs I may be doing her a disservice by following through with the assessment. Please dont take offence at this. She can focus much better than son but does tend to figit - just not as bad as him. But then perhaps all 4 year olds do this. Not having had a "NT" first im so unsure. Its as if the barrier comes down too quickly and she cant assess what is appropriate. She has been in nursery since 2 so she has been with peers and not just brother. We did wonder if it was copying. She does have friends but ive noticed that she can be overbearing. She gets invited to parties but not to tea. But then we dont invite as I work full time and she goes to nursery where I work not where we live. Im rambling now. If I go for the social comms asessment presumably they will inform the school.

 

 

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Mum to DS 9 Dx ADHD, Aspergers and Dyspraxia and DD 4.

[mossgrove]

I think you should proceed with the asessment.

 

There is a feeling sometimes that in deciding to get an asessment or not you are deciding whether you are going to have a special needs child or a mainstream child, and for all kinds of reasons it's tempting to opt for a mainstream one. Sadly, that is not the decision we as parents are making.

 

The inescapable fact is that your daughter is having difficulties and needs to get the best help possible in resolving them. Without a proper asessment/diagnosis, the quality of help she gets is likely to be compromised at best. In a worst case scenario she may not get any help at all.

 

 

Simon

[Jericho]

I agree with Simon. I really think you should go ahead with the assessment. Both of my sons have been assessed as being very bright but they still need the extra help and understanding. A diagnosis is more of a signpost than a label. It doesn't change who the person is but just gives some directions as to how best to help them.

[admum]

Thanks. Ive spoken to the local social comms team. The SALT was reassuring that I should put her on the waiting list which is 2 years! We can afterall take her off if we find that she settles down. Or I suppose go private if it gets more obvious. Should I tell the school about our concerns? I feel like im going mad. The socail comm assessment is a full day with paediatrician, pschologist and SALT. This is different to the hopsital we are with our son as his main dx at 6 was ADHD with Aspergers later. She did have an assessment for dyspraxia and was fine. I was ok about that as I was sure that she was ok. I cant face more appointments and the wait- although I accept that she is not a priority. Is that standard - 2 yeras. All i want is someone to say shes fine and im mad! I find it ridiculous that a child with greater needs should have to wait 2 years. I thought a year was bad enough with my son but once we got in the system it was quicker. It seems a postcode lottery.

[mossgrove]

We have had our fill of people telling us that our child is fine and we are mad!

 

The school still maintain out 5 year old is fine and it's just a case of neurotic parents, despite two Educational Psychologists, two Clinical Psychologists,his Portage worker, two Community pediatricians, a specialist teacher, the CAMHS support workers and his parents beleiving he is autistic!

 

Simon

Edited May 18, 2005 by mossgrove

[admum]

Sorry Mosgrove I know how you feel. We too had a school which didnt accept our sons difficulties despite lots of evidence. Its just that for once id love to be wrong or told that right to be concerned but that its all fine and that they were right. Does that make sense? Im not sure that I have energy to fight for two, though I suppose I will.

[mossgrove]

Admum

 

I know exactly where you are coming from. We have two boys on the spectrum (7 and 5) and two younger children. I wanted so much to believe that our 5yo only had language delay and was going to be fine when he caught up, although with hindsight the evidence was always there.

 

It is certainly a challenge having two on the spectrum, but we love them all the same. In some ways it is an advatage as, despite being very different children from each other, they are on the same wavelength a lot of the time and are genuinely best friends. Our 7yo in particular has managed to alienate all his friends at school and would be lost without his brother.

 

 

Simon

[Zemanski]

We too had the fight with Com to get assessment but then when Dot was in nursery we were offered full assessment for her from CAMH because they had missed Com's AS.

 

We went ahead with the assessment and were relieved to find that she is NT. She enjoyed all the attention and it did no harm at all.

 

The best thing to come out of it though was a referral to OT as she had apparent motor delay. This came through 3 years later (it would have been about 6 years if she hadn't been referred then as the motor problems weren't too obvious for at least another couple of years) and we're really glad as it showed up some problems which indicated dyslexia (which we had suspected).

 

so, not only were we relieved to know Dot doesn't have AS but we had an opportunity to help her with other problems much earlier than we might otherwise

 

I'd say take anything you're offered, if your daughter does have AS or ADD then she deserves to get the help she needs as soon as possible anyhow.

 

Stay strong

 

Zemanski

[Suze]

Hi Ad mum, I agree with everyone go for an assessment,I,ve been worried too about my daughter,she grunts and does other things when angry,she also replays situations through play rather than thinking of her own scenario.It would be best if your worries and concerns were highlighted now,school as you know brings so many problems.I can understand your worries of paranoia,they are mine also , and I continually think my daughter is just copying my sons behaviour.Good luck with what you deciede to do.