bad day

[matzoball]

had half day from work to get co-codomol for sensory related headaches - new doctor decided i didn't seem like i was on the spectrum even though it took me 10 minutes to explain something that would take someone else 30 seconds. ended up arguing as he was trying to say i was just depressed - don't know how he got that from 'i am having headaches because of my sensitive hearing please help me'

 

so that got my back up

 

in meantime boyfriends cousin is getting married - boyfriends mother after saying i had nothing to do with family asked me to help get dj for reception as someone at work does it spare time. got a quote and waited on word back from her - she tells me it is 'to deer' which i take to mean too dear and that an ex friend of boyfriend is coming to 'weading' isn't that fun haha. ex friend currently is spreading rumours about me and boyfriend(which i shouldn't get upset about so i've been told), and physically ignored boyfriends mother in street after knowing her for 19 years. this is all because i am going out with bf. last friend of his ended up getting married and got the same treatment except he turned up at their wedding with a crowd of troublemakers to try and stop them from getting married. he won't try and ruin this wedding, but i am angry he is going and worried because he will spout all these horrible lies to my boyfriends family who already think i am wierd.

 

i won't make any scene and be civil even pleasant, as it is a family wedding and it is not right to get into any kind of confrontation like that. i know i can trust myself to not make any negative impact on the big day. but i cannot help but get stressed about what might happen even if logically i know that there is no point being stressed over 'what ifs'.

 

i know myself enough that when i find out something negative, and that i cannot control the outcome i become very stressed and over react. but it is only a very short intense outburst and i am okay once i have time to process it.

 

when i phoned boyfriends mum to talk about it - she didn't even say hello she laughed at me and i could hear boyfriends sister in background laughing at me because they said they knew i would phone once i found out ex friend was going. then she told me i was stupid and just had to deal with it then said if i was going to 'get ill' over it i shouldn't go. but when i tried to explain why i was stressed she said it wasn't my problem and to remember i was going with family and not to bother if he said anything.

 

now i am not even bothered about the wedding i am bothered about boyfriends mums attitude to me and my AS - she says i don't have a real disability and that i don't have problems like people who have wheelchairs etc then when i have meltdowns because of stuff she says she makes me feel stupid and low and not worth a damn. can't speak to boyfriend as talking about mum is off limits. i think his mum hates me because i am a problem in her eyes and not good enough for her son.

[matzoball]

just wanted to apologise for the(now reading back on it), completely manic post!

 

things have calmed down, and talked out, and as a result our relationship is a lot better. i think being near a computer when i am upset is generally a bad idea - even deleted my twitter as a precaution lol

 

again sorry for the rant!

 

jxx

[Ceridrial]

i just read your post - and if you cannot rant here, then where can you rant! if you are feeling stressed then getting it all out and then reading it back does help!

[matzoball]

i just read your post - and if you cannot rant here, then where can you rant! if you are feeling stressed then getting it all out and then reading it back does help!

 

thanks