Help with inappropriate behaviour

[dinky73]

Hi

 

Firstly I want to say hello and introduce myself, I am married and have a daughter who is 7 years old. She was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder aged 4 and since then Dyspraxia, Hypermobility and Aspergers (diagnosed a year ago).

 

She has been doing really well in mainstream school, a few wobbles in Year 1 with the change at the start of term but apart from that fine and managable. She has been having a great Year 2 but since Feb she has changed a lot in school. The teachers started by telling me she was much more "obvious" in class, lots of calling out when she shouldn't and sometimes just annoyingly repeating random words over and over. Consequently she loses golden time most days and recently became very upset about this one night at home. There has also been a few cases of inappropriate behaviour recently. At her art club she was leaning across the table and kept saying "who can see my white knickers", at school she asked a visiting teacher, who was a complete stranger, seating near her "if she wanted to see her knickers". Today I collected her from school and the teacher said the knicker obsession is continuing and today she was lifting her skirt in the playground and showing her knickers and trying to get other children to do it too. After art club today her teacher said she had to tell her off 3 or 4 times as she just found it hard to pay attention and stay on task and kept rushing her work, finishing quickly and saying she had nothing to do and generally being loud.

 

At home she has become very argumentative over the tiniest thing. I think she is very tired but will never admit it and still seems hyper even though I know she is exhausted. She won't face up to things she has done if I ask her about them, she just walks away and won't talk about anything that has happened in the day. She said today she knows she shouldn't show her knickers but sometimes she can't help it.

 

I just want to help her. Anyone have any experience of similar behaviours? I was thinking there might be some good books to sit down and share with her. We are seeing the national centre centre for high functioning autism at great ormond street on may 21st for a thorough assessment and I hope that will help with understanding her needs better.

 

I am starting to feel like I can't do this on my own and I need some help (and so does she). School are calling in the Advisory Service but have warned me they are unreliable. She is such a sweet girl at times but I finding her behaviour hard at the moment. Very challenging, argumentative, doesn't listen, asks a question then ignores the response, sits and listens to same song over and over and over every morning.

 

Sorry for the long rant. I hope someone can help. I think I may be on here more regularly as I think I need the support. Last week she was so upset one bedtime, said she was different because she was naughty and keeps losing golden time, says she tries to stop but can't. She went to say the other girls never lose golden time and they are funny and people like their games better. She kept asking me what i was like as a child and did I "behave" like her. I don't think she can control herself at times and I find that very worrying. I can't help but think being in a class of 30 isn't helping her.

 

Thanks

 

dinks

x

 

[smiley1590]

is any way she can have IEP and have one to one classes to be in SEN class where broken down in steps to suit her needs as then she may not feel so overwhelmed and frustrated at trying to be 'normal' i have dyspraxia and AS i remember being in class of 28-30 daunting and scary at the time only had diagnosis of dyspraxia in juniours school! i was always labelled as 'naughty' as this then lowers your self esteem for years to come as you personally attach that label to yourself and hard to shift once in there leaves you in 'sticky mess' you have to try and work on and deal with which isn't easy to face! teachers don't realise the negative impact this can leave a mental mark stays with a child forever you never forget how you was treated differently stood out from the rest made feel ashamed humilated embarrassed ashamed of your behaviour but deep down knew you couldn't control it! you feel made to blame at fault again another negative label shifted onto you before you know it! you have no empty self esteem to work upon sounds like your daughters know she different from others they work it out pretty quick i know i did i used to come like your daughter mentally drained and exhaused ad brain has to work double extra to procress information given and take in it especially if has a official diagnosis of SPD it alot of hard work to keep up with the others you feel pressure to try keep up and not fall behind! so much involved! you start feel upset and anxious as you feel you are all time anyway!

 

how about an LSA too?

 

are you getting outside assistance /help/guidance/support??? NAS ,pyschologist,paedtrician,O.T ?

 

take care

good luck

 

XKLX

[smiley1590]

repeating general words over is part of AS called echolalia and so is also singing the same song all linked up with AS :

 

http://www.autism-help.org/communication-e...alia-autism.htm

 

quite common in AS to do like a broken record effect don't even realise we doing it like a parrot style OCD behaviour pattern!!! though can be annoying and frustrating for people around us putting up with it regularly!

[dinky73]

is any way she can have IEP and have one to one classes to be in SEN class where broken down in steps to suit her needs as then she may not feel so overwhelmed and frustrated at trying to be 'normal' i have dyspraxia and AS i remember being in class of 28-30 daunting and scary at the time only had diagnosis of dyspraxia in juniours school! i was always labelled as 'naughty' as this then lowers your self esteem for years to come as you personally attach that label to yourself and hard to shift once in there leaves you in 'sticky mess' you have to try and work on and deal with which isn't easy to face! teachers don't realise the negative impact this can leave a mental mark stays with a child forever you never forget how you was treated differently stood out from the rest made feel ashamed humilated embarrassed ashamed of your behaviour but deep down knew you couldn't control it! you feel made to blame at fault again another negative label shifted onto you before you know it! you have no empty self esteem to work upon sounds like your daughters know she different from others they work it out pretty quick i know i did i used to come like your daughter mentally drained and exhaused ad brain has to work double extra to procress information given and take in it especially if has a official diagnosis of SPD it alot of hard work to keep up with the others you feel pressure to try keep up and not fall behind! so much involved! you start feel upset and anxious as you feel you are all time anyway!

 

how about an LSA too?

 

are you getting outside assistance /help/guidance/support??? NAS ,pyschologist,paedtrician,O.T ?

 

take care

good luck

 

XKLX

 

Thanks for your reply. Sounds like you have had a tough time too, like my daughter. My DD has seen an OT for sensory integration sessions since she was 4 and saw a paed twice last year for her AS diagnosis but since then nothing. We are due to go to Great Ormond Street hos[ital on the 21st May for an assessment at their high functioning autism clinic and hope the findings of this will help us all understand her more. The teachers don't feel she is struggling that much, there is the odd incident of calling out or inappropriate behaviour but not enough in their eyes to warrant one to one help. They have no special SEN classes at her school. She does have an IEP and had been on school action plus since starting school but has received no extra help. She has started attending a small social skills group once a fortnight which is run by the INCO. I just need to help her more at home too, maybe using books or stories to emphasise my point.

 

I would love to hear of methods people have used. The idea of visual prompts is appealing but how would I go about using visual aids to stop inappropriate behaviour. Print out pictures of things to put on her wall so she knows what is inappropriate? Or do you do the opposite and put pictures of the appropriate things. I just feel I need some help here. I am happy to sit down and work with her on this btu I don't know where to start or what to use.

 

dinks

x

[dinky73]

repeating general words over is part of AS called echolalia and so is also singing the same song all linked up with AS :

 

http://www.autism-help.org/communication-e...alia-autism.htm

 

quite common in AS to do like a broken record effect don't even realise we doing it like a parrot style OCD behaviour pattern!!! though can be annoying and frustrating for people around us putting up with it regularly!

 

That article was very interesting, thanks. I can understand how it would fit for an autistic child with poor language but my daughter spoke fluent sentences from 16 months and her language has always been her strongest thing. She talks very fluently in quite a grown up way so her repeating words to learn then probably doesn't fit for her. I think its calling out inappropriate things that is more common for her to do although sometimes she does just grasp onto a word or phrase someone has said and just keep repeating it.

 

I just want to help her, particularly with the innappropriate behaviour. I was thinking of putting up something visual to help her as talking doesn't seem to help. No idea how to go about it though.

 

Thanks

dinks

x

[baddad]

Dunno if any of this would be relevent, but my son had a habit in the infants of running into the girls' loo and flashing his bum!

I always suspected but could never prove that he was being dared to do it...

A while back when his best mate was round for dinner we were laughing about this and other stuff and best mate confirmed the 'dare' theory.

 

It could also be related to attention - not attention seeking, as such, but if it attracts the other kids attention (even 'negative attention') this may well be interpreted as 'friendship' by a child with compromised understanding.

 

It could also be simple action/reaction stuff, and she's enjoying all of the amazing, unpredictable things that happen when she does it (relating direcly to 'theory of mind' etc if this is a recent concept for her).

 

As far as strategies to help go, I think making sure responses (from teachers etc - you can't do much about the kids) are calm, consistent and quick is probably the best way to go, with a very concrete / visual sanction/reward programme. I'd also, if school uniform allows it, switch her to slacks rather than skirts, or at least introduce that as a consequence if the behaviour continues.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD

[dinky73]

I put her in trousers today but I was called in after school to be told that dd had been lifting other girls skirts today in the playground at morning play. She was told off about this and I think she said some children were encouraging her so the class were spoken to as a whole about not encouraging other children to misbehave (no names mentioned) but at lunch play she went out and did the same thing again and had to miss some play time. The teacher said 3 different adults told her to stop doing this today but she kept on. When we asked her why she just said I can't help it and that the other kids were telling her to, the teacher interrupted her then to say the whole class was spoken to about that and then at next play she went out and did it again.

 

We have just had a chat and she said it started because a group of girls started saying "come and get my undies" and it started a game of chase them and lift their skirts. All the children were spoken to as a class and asked not to encourage children to misbehave but she then went out and did it again without being encouraged which is what annoyed the teachers i think. I just asked her why she went and did it again and she said because she had the thoughts of "come and get my undies" "come and get my undies" going around her head and it just made her want to do it. She said she couldn't help it. She also said when children ask her to do things she doesn't feel like she can just say "No I won't do that". I am going to write a letter to the teachers as they asked me to chat to her tonight and see what she said. I also spoke to her OT who said she should start having her weighted lap blanket on her lap on the carpet and a fiddly again to try and calm her.

 

Not sure what else I can do. I have been nice and calm about it all. Explained as best I could about the importance of listening and talking to me about things. She just keeps saying she does try and she just can't help it.