Hi

[annross]

Hi all, I have posted about my son before but this is for me! The more I read about my sons condition (Aspergers) the more I see of myself.

I always thought of myself as strange as a kid and found any social occaison difficult to the point that I would not go to anything planned (panto,parties, etc) I had one best friend at school and we played together all the time but I found I could not manage with more kids. There are a lot of other things but my hubby (of 3 years) kept throwing ay me how alike my son is to me (he says I am thrawn) as I don't like change at all and cannot get excited about anything. Thing is, this was before son was diagnosed. I have managed through life but struggled in a lot of ways, especially socially. I wonder now if I could have the same condition and would a diagnoses help? I suffer from depression which has been ongoing from childhood and I now think this may be the root cause. I always suffered from lack of confidence big style and put it all down to that but what if the diagnoses was Aspergers and that is why I have no self confidence - chicken and egg! My husband feels I am distant from him and I have to agree in that I need to think about saying 'I love you' to him and he keeps trying to get me to say it.

[Tally]

Hi Ann,

 

I am an adult with Asperger's, who was not diagnosed until adulthood. Because Asperger's has only recently become known, a lot of adults with it would have been missed as children. A lot of parents seem to notice their own autistic traits following the diagnosis of a child.

 

It's quite common for people with Asperger's to develop secondary mental health issues like anxiety and low self-esteem, especially when they have gone through life undiagnosed. When you think about the social difficulties Asperger's can cause, it's easy to see how someone might develop anxiety about social situations and feel like they are no good at them. It's really difficult to separate everything out, as all the things you mention could be caused by anxiety and depression, or simply personality. However, the fact that they extend right back into childhood does suggest there could be more to it than that.

 

It's really difficult to say whether a diagnosis could help. There is very little formal support for adults with Asperger Syndrome. A diagnosis could lead to more appropriate support from mental health professionals, but as I am finding out at the moment, many of them have no experience of Asperger's anyway and cannot adapt their treatment accordingly. However, you might get lucky - I did have some very effective therapy from someone I saw a couple of years ago who was very helpful.

 

For me, my diagnosis has enabled me to see that my difficulties are not my fault and don't make me a bad person. Through readong about Asperger's and talking with other adults with Asperger's, I have picked up ideas I can use to get around some of my difficulties. Of course, you don't need a formal diagnosis to do this. It can be a real battle to get assessed as an adult, so you might decide that just knowing in your own mind is enough for you to accept yourself and start to make progress.

 

The saying, "I love you" thing is quite a common theme amongst partners of adults with AS. I'm not really sure why it is, but perhaps you don't even need to understand why to accept that your husband needs the reassurance of hearing you say it more regularly.

[annross]

Hi, thanks for that. I finished rather abruptly as my hubby came home and he is finding all this so difficult. So long as I am going along at 100miles/hour doing things (usually for others) I seem ok but then it all gets too much and the depression kicks in. I have always managed it before but being married means I have to show some semblance of order all the time!

I agree that a diagnoses may not make a difference and as I have coped all these years it may not be possible to diagnose anyway as I have learnt to do things correctly. I suppose part of this is that I worry about my son, knowing how I felt as a child, because I do 'get' him although others don't. This makes it difficult because I see how he thinks (sometimes) while my hubby reckons I am just spoiling him! Oh it's so difficult feeling like this. I intend to see my doc this week and maybe there will be a counsellor who can help me through this.

Thank for your reply.