annross

This my son's clone......! So many, so alike, but so different!

Hi, thanks for that. I finished rather abruptly as my hubby came home and he is finding all this so difficult. So long as I am going along at 100miles/hour doing things (usually for others) I seem ok but then it all gets too much and the depression kicks in. I have always managed it before but being married means I have to show some semblance of order all the time! I agree that a diagnoses may not make a difference and as I have coped all these years it may not be possible to diagnose anyway as I have learnt to do things correctly. I suppose part of this is that I worry about my son, knowing how I felt as a child, because I do 'get' him although others don't. This makes it difficult because I see how he thinks (sometimes) while my hubby reckons I am just spoiling him! Oh it's so difficult feeling like this. I intend to see my doc this week and maybe there will be a counsellor who can help me through this. Thank for your reply.

Hi all, I have posted about my son before but this is for me! The more I read about my sons condition (Aspergers) the more I see of myself. I always thought of myself as strange as a kid and found any social occaison difficult to the point that I would not go to anything planned (panto,parties, etc) I had one best friend at school and we played together all the time but I found I could not manage with more kids. There are a lot of other things but my hubby (of 3 years) kept throwing ay me how alike my son is to me (he says I am thrawn) as I don't like change at all and cannot get excited about anything. Thing is, this was before son was diagnosed. I have managed through life but struggled in a lot of ways, especially socially. I wonder now if I could have the same condition and would a diagnoses help? I suffer from depression which has been ongoing from childhood and I now think this may be the root cause. I always suffered from lack of confidence big style and put it all down to that but what if the diagnoses was Aspergers and that is why I have no self confidence - chicken and egg! My husband feels I am distant from him and I have to agree in that I need to think about saying 'I love you' to him and he keeps trying to get me to say it.

Thanks all, will keep a lookout next time I get to town, at least I know there are some out there!

Hi my son is 12 and I cannot find jeans that he will/can wear without difficulty. I do make him wear ordinary ones but if he is out at friends it would be so much easier to have pull on ones. He gets anxious if he knows he cannot undo or do up a button and then worries he won't make it to the loo on time. Can anyone help please?

Hi, thanks all. I will change the bottle to a dish or go back to putting sauce on plate for son. The salt issue only occurs occaisonally so that not too bad. The problem is more that my hubby starts on son even before he gets the sauce out but I feel if he would make an effort to say 'let me help you with that' rather than full blown 'don't put too much on' things might be better. I try to explain this to hubby but he just thinks I am getting at him and I don't take sides at the table in fact I try to ignore it all...... I will go back and try to get some help for both myself and hubby to understand a bit more about condition and take the sauce bottle away! Thanks all for your advice.

Hi, thank you all, I do think the issue with hubby is that he is looking to be the dominant male! It's not so much that he tells son off about cutlery/ketchup and salt (which we only ever have with chips) it's the way he does it! If my son is still having problems cutting up food at 12 then obviously it is a problem, is it not? but he sees it as son being lazy (and no, it's not that, honest...) When he puts too much ketchup on plate (because he finds it hard to regulate his hands) hubby sees that as defiance! I realize that my son can be cheeky, lazy etc but I can sense this, hubby can't. He is trying but he has no patience at all. I suppose I should be glad that he at least acknowledges is lack of patience!

Hi, has anyone had this problem. My hubby (not son's father) always seems to want to argue with my son. We had him assessed privately (the school were doing nothing) and he has been diagnosed with Asperger's. Thing is my hubby picks on him at the dinner table about things, like using his knife and fork properly and not putting too much ketchup on and not using too much salt (these are specific things ongoing everytime!) I suggested to him that he changes how he speaks to son as I really can't be bothered with the fights all the time. Hubby says son is fine when he is on his own with him. Is it me that causes son to be like this (I don't take sides at the table) or is it just that his condition makes it easier to be on a one to one with someone? I have been trying for 12 years to get son to use cutlery properly so it's not like I am not trying! Hubby cannot understand son's condition, he keeps looking for the negative. He just sees him as awkward, cheeky and lazy and even the diagnoses has not helped hubby!! I have been at my wits end over son who is due to go to high school and now I think I will scream if hubby does not change his attitude.

Hi there, I had my son privately assessed as I was going off my head with worry ( been suffering from stress related depression for 7 months) I needed answers and the school just kept saying 'well yes he has problems but we can handle them' The school has only 5 kids in total and one would think this would be an ideal setting for a child with problems but believe me it only adds to them in different ways. The assessment showed Asperger's though on the lower end of the scale. I feel 100% different now cos I have an answer and at least I can look for ways forward. My reason for assessment was that son due to go to high school and the stress to me and him are going to be huge. I realise that even with private assessment you still have to go through the system with the school but in my case it has helped me enormously. It is costly (everything including travel (500ml round trip) cost about £400) and we had to borrow but at least now someone out there has to listen to me. It is so hard to get things done and your son, like mine, thinks if you change the situation it will all get better but we know differently. Keep nagging everyone and I am sorry I cannot offer practical advice cos I am in the same boat as you still. Involve as many folk as you can and I hope you get the help you and your son so need. x

Hi, I have just found this site and am amazed at all the problems out there. My son (12) has just been diagnosed with Asperger's. I had to get a private assessment as no-one had been taking it seriously. I realised that if I did not find out what was 'wrong' with him I would crack up! He has only a mild condition but now that I know I can see the problems more easily. He goes to high school in August and nothing is in place for him and only about 3 weeks left to deal with it..... I have had an amazing amount of help fom outsiders, indeed but for one woman giving me the heads up about the ATT clinic in Edinburgh, I would still be pulling my hair out. I have a long way to go though. My hubby (not son's father) is finding it very difficult to understand and thinks I mollycoddle my son (which I don't) but hubby keeps winding him up not realising he cannot understand his joking then they both start arguing....................... Son's father is good with him though but he only sees him during the holidays so he does tend to get mollycoddled there! I will no doubt be using this forum a lot in my search for advice and help and it is great that so many people are willing to share their experiences to help others.