Will the aggressive behaviour mean the sack for me?

[Frizz]

Hi. I desperately need some help & advice & I hope there is someone who can give it!!

 

My DD has a diagnosis of Aspergers & our biggest headache is her agressive behaviour.Any time,any place anyone.We rarely leave her in the company of other kids for fear of what may happen.Her younger sibling is frequently the target for her agression & she is frequently in trouble for it at school.

 

I work part time,but the amount of hours that I do in a typical month depends on how many times I get called out to school & how many times she is excluded!!Comments have been made about 'staff reliability' & basically it doesnt take an idiot to realise they are refering to me!

 

My question to anyone in the know is basically in two parts.

 

1:Could my employers sack me because my daughters behaviour/disability calls me away at times.

2:Will this agressive behaviour EVER stop?

 

Having just read back what I have written it seems so cold & full of self pity,but thats where I am at the moment! We need my jobs measley income & I am at the end of my tether with my daughter.It feels as though she is wrecking all our lives & I just dont know what to do anymore.

 

Sorry guys I'm looking at your wealth of knowledge for some answers.

 

Thankyou.

[bubblesboo]

if i rememeber right you are allowed a certain amount of unpaid leave if you have a child with a disability

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/text-only/advicenow-guides/work/parental-rights-at-work/taking-time-off,10200,F

http://www.cmoptions.org/en/separating/employment/parental-leave.asp

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Timeoffandholidays/DG_10026555

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/life/employment/parental_rights_at_work.htm

 

my duaghters aggression has mostly dispeared, the onset of periods made an imense difference.

good luck xx

[NickyB]

Hello Frizz

 

I found this link which may be of interest : http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/CarersAndEmployment/DG_4000206

 

I think your employer should be as flexible as possible as you are the carer of a child with a disability. Obvoiusly it will depend on the type of work you do as to how flexible they can be. I am in a situation at the moment where myself and DH are having to co-ordinate our working day to get DS from school at lunchtime, Both our employers have been very helpful, although it's not a long term thing (hopefully )

Is your boss fully aware of your circumstances and that your daughter has a diagnosis?

Also, are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to (DLA, Carere's Allowance, Tax Credits etc.), as that may help if you have a month where you don't work very many hours?

 

Hope that helps

 

Nicky <'>

[Frizz]

Thankyou both for the links you posted.I found them very helpfull.I think the fact that she has a diagnosis & we recieve DLA puts me in a good

position-at least I hope so!

 

I work in a pre school so my absence or need to leave suddenly does cause major issues for the staff on site.

 

NickyB-I do hope periods makes a difference,at least I guess then we will only have to deal with the pmt!!

 

Thankyou again.

[Autastic]

In reply to the second question:

 

Will this agressive behaviour EVER stop?

 

If she is like me (I also have Aspergers) it is unlikely to stop completely. I'm 42 and have to be self employed because I'm too intolerant to be an employee. I still occasionally have outbursts that I'm immediately ashamed of, but they come without warning.

 

However, they only happen when both the following occur:

 

1. when I'm tired (and therefore anxious)

2. when my expectations are not met

 

The first one (in theory) is controllable, but easier said than done, and the second is almost impossible, as it can only be combatted by not having any expectations. And we often have unconscious expectations that we're not aware of, until they are not met!

 

But if I get plenty of sleep, then I'm a lot more tolerant in general.

 

 

And the comments have been made about 'staff reliability' could be seen as harassment or victimisation. I found that one of my employers had a Dignity At Work policy. Sadly however, in reality it was a farce, because when I did complain about not being treated fairly, it was like a David and Goliath situation - only Goliath won!

 

But you might have better luck, not having ASD yourself, and like the others have said, you could be able to come to an arrangement with your employer. I guess it depends on how agreeable they are and how far you want to pursue it.

 

Good luck!

[Sally44]

I would also suggest you have a benefits check to ensure you are getting everything you are entitled to.

Ie. Working Family Tax Credit if you work over 16 hours a week, with the disability element for your child with a diagnosis.

I don't know about Income Support and what you maybe entitled to via that for a disabled child.

Disability Living Allowance.

Carers Allowance (if you earn less than around £90/week).

And still claim carers allowance, even if you earn above the threshhold because you will still get the carers 'element' which means you can claim Council Tax Benefit and get a reduction in the amount you pay each month.

 

Your area must have an organisation that helps people complete benefit forms. Make an appointment to see them to see what you are entitled to, and then make an appointment for them to help you complete the forms.

[Sally44]

Also I don't know what kind of diagnoses your child has, or what kind of school she attends.

But have you had a CAF referal for your child to Social Services and also a carers assessment for yourself?

You need to start getting better support for your child in school (or a more suitable school placement if needed). So that you can continue working if you wish to.

Having said that, many of us parents don't work, or work part time.

But the issue is that your daughter is supported in school so that they are not constantly calling you or excluding her. That sounds like the support level or placement is not right.

[peaches]

I sympathise with your problems with your employer, my husband has encountered them too. I am disabled and I have 4 young grandchildren to bring up one of whom has the diagnosis. He has had to ask for special unpaid leave or take days off if I have become ill or when I had surgery earlier this year. He is fairly new to his job, but his previous employer wasnt very family friendly although they claimed to have "family friendly" policies. The way he solved it with this employer, who is more enlightened, was to get a trade union in on the scene, and he arranged meetings between my husband, his departmental manager, the union and personnel department. He explained about our circumstances, provided proof of them (letter from GP/school) and at first nothing much happened. Then I rang them again, went through our problems and shamed them to look at it again. It was passed to another manager, who took over the case and allowed my husband to change his hours and days of work to better fit with the family. The union rep managed to get hold of the E.U. legislation fregarding people with caring responsibilities/young children and their employment rights. Many of them are discretionary, but just putting these on the negotiating table along with the trade union rep made the management change their mind. Now if he has to take time off to look after any of us, he has to take unpaid leave, but he doesnt get into bother at work as they are aware of his circumstances.

 

What it hasnt solved are the remarks by certain colleagues about him being allowed better hours etc than others, but fortunately he is quite thick skinned, and if he has had a particularly sleepless night because of the children will give them a monologue about how many months ago it was since he had a night out/a complete nights sleep/time to watch a film or football.

 

Im sorry if my post is a bit long, but I guess the bottom line is get well informed as to rights and entitlements, get a union rep if possible, call a meeting and make sure work are properly informed about your circumstances and how this can cause absences.

 

On the education side, you maybe need to have a multidisciplinery meeting at school explaining how you dont think things are going so well for your daughter, how you feel school could do more, how you need support, and how your job is suffering. But Sally has also made valid points.

 

Good luck, PM me if you want.

[peaches]

This gives details of your rights, which may help with the situation at work:

 

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Timeoffandholidays/DG_10026555