where do I start?

[BuntyB]

Hi all.

Bit of background:

DD is 14. She started refusing school at 8 and got a dx of AS at 9. We struggled on with support, most days she was physically sick before school, had a lot of anxiety etc.

We looked at all the options and in year 5 we moved her to a private school along with her older sister who was in year 7. She had problems with the transition but settled in. At this school there were only 200 pupils from 5-16, so only 12 in her class. they both did well. She used to be on school action plus at first school. She needed no special support at this school. the teachers and pupils were fantastic with her.

 

DDs older sister finished this year and has gone to college. We knew there would be a problem wihout her sister's support and she opted to go to the local school with her brother. This school does have support for autism. We had to appeal to get her in as the school was full. The other schools in the area were out of the question as she would have no family support and were so big they brought on panic attacks.

 

So far I have only been able to get her into school 2-3 days a week as she gets so stressed.

 

Week 1 she seemed to cope but melted down on the Friday. I went to see SENCO who was amazed she was in school because nobody had told her! I think this was because decision at appeal was made the week they broke up for summer, but thought her info would have been passed on. I certainly put her dx on the form! She had no dinner all week because she was to scared to go in the dining hall, but hadn't told me because she wanted me to think she could cope!

 

 

The SENCO is lovely and she did offer DD some standard help (card to be excused etc) but DD told me afterwards she thought she was patronising. She said there is no way she would use a card to come out as that identifies her as 'different'. She feels she is being bullied and really doesn't fit in. The girls in her class are 'orange' (all wear make-up, into boys etc etc.) The boys make comments about her but I am sure it feels so much worse given her situation.

 

SENCO has now said she has done all she can. DD must come into school or she'll have to go down the route of fines, ed social worker which we really don't need (I am a social worker, so that has implications!)

 

I'm trying to think the best way to go. Persevere, home ed? I don't really know the best route, so any advice would be much appreciated! I am phoning the SENCO this aft to explain why she's not in again.

[Kathryn]

Sorry to hear this, - it must feel like you're back to square one. Starting a new school in the middle of a phase is challenging for any child, let alone one with AS so she probably needs a lot of support to make friends.

 

Legally you have to make sure she attends school, they may take action against you so it's important you keep a record of everything you've done to cooperate with the school and trying to get her there.

 

Other things you can do: if she can't go in at all, get your doctor's support and get her signed off sick due to anxiety - that gets the EWO off your back and perhaps then you could discuss other flexible options such as part time attendance plus home tuition. At the same time you could make a request for a statutory assessment.

 

If all else fails, could she return to her old school where the familiar environment might compensate for not having siblings around?

 

K x

Edited May 7, 2011 by Kathryn

[coolblue]

My son (12) has been home educated for three years and we are just starting the school placement journey. Because of his 'complex' needs (which, being translated means 'we don't know what to do, rather than the fact that his needs are complex) the inclusion service recommended getting a referral from his paediatrician to the tuition service. This we did. Guy from the tuition service comes to see us, explains what's on offer in terms of ds getting a statutory assessment and transition into school. Doesn't think his centre for pupils with medical problems would be suitable because it's choc-a-bloc with kids from Y10 and Y11 who can't cope with school, and can be a bit 'busy'.

 

It was like stepping into a different world. Suddenly, we realised there's an entire community of school refusers/not copers out there. One of my son's former classmates has been in a similar unit and has thrived. A neighbour told me her son has been in one and loved it and did really well. No problems with attendance there in his case.

 

Probably not at all helpful to you, but just to let you know that there are other options. In our area, these appear to be (understandably) a closely guarded secret and the impression generally given is that school attendance is the only option.

 

cb

[Mandapanda]

Hi Shona

 

Looking at the situation as you've explained it, I would say that staying in the old school would have been the best solution, but I have been in a situation where I wanted to move my son to a different school but he didn't want to be moved as he had a few friends there. It's difficult to go against what they want in some ways, as if they are 'happy' they are more likely to be able to learn, however as we and you've found they may not make the right choice for the right reasons. My eldest only realised when he went to secondary school that I was right about the Junior School and he understood why I had wanted to move him. I don't think it's made any drastic difference to the end result, and in fact he has learned from the whole experience that there is more than one view of a situation.

 

If it was possible to return your daughter to the previous school, would she consider it? She had much more support by the sound of it than just from her sister. That is worth so much. It frustrates me very much that teachers/schools don't understand that all children would benefit if they explained things clearly and didn't use hints and sarcasm. It isn't just about class sizes, but about the teacher keeping control and creating a calmer environment. My son would tell me the other children would make fun of him and poke him even when the teacher was there but they didn't notice, because the classroom was such a noisy busy environment anyway.

 

Although I home ed my youngest son and I am a wholehearted advocate of home ed, I think you still have options to keep your daughter in the system in a way that suits her. I personally would explore all the options first, as she had settled in and was doing well.

 

Personally I find anxiety much harder to deal with than the Aspergers, my son is a virtual prisoner to his anxieties, secondary school brought things to a head.

 

Could the present school arrange for her to go into a Pupil/Learning Support unit if they have one? There she can learn in a quieter environment away from the class. It could be a start to build her confidence again. Do they have somehwere quiet she could go at break times (often very difficult for our children)?

 

Good luck.