smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 last couple of weeks at work i work part time at nursery my wokr hours have decreased for that week i had planned so instead doing 8/10 hours in a week i get call at home saying i wasn't needed to come in and that i only needed to do 2 hours on friday for 2 / 3 weeks and doing my head in driving me nuts crazy my anxiety has been sky high and so has my depression i been crying myself to sleep at night and feel so frustrated annoyed with my life i feel fed up bored like i'm going nowehere just spinning round and round all time ..... i feel so lost i only do bank work so only called in when needed extra pair of hands but feel like got no purpose no routine no structure i made up routine /structure of gym and swim every day for like 2-3 hours try get myself out the house and keep busy focused just feel useless .... worthless as feel like my self esteem has dropped all time low again and it was sky high when started there i got real 'buzz' from being part of team playing with kids feel awakard uncomfortable at work .... my boss back from hols tommorrow she going to have word with me in her office as don't know really what's going on behind closed doors and beeen trying to work out reasons in my own head playing out every possibility but doesn't look good the outcome of my job stability as i can't live like this it's too much pressure and strain i feel like everyone knows what going on before me .... i don't think being paranoid in this sutiation but everything been overwhelmingi'm so stressed .....woried the only think i can think of work is centre of keeping myself sane stable .... feel like i'm sinkin drowning i seem to getting in darker hole could just stay in the hous e sleep all time trying to make an effort to keep going strong on job front by going in job centre looking on machine .... nothing on there ... and looking in local newspaper in job section just feels hopless search just want to give in say enough enough i'm tired drained and feel gloomy and feel like letting my family down feel bad guilty even though people keep trying reassure my it out of my control just i ca't live on doing 2 hours a week i got to hold on to the money i have in the bank that wages paid into as this month going to be short hard to live like this as like socialise with best mate going out for lunch cinema pub etc so feel like restricting me into all areas feel so alone isolated even more ... grrr.... this has been hanging dandling over me for ages feel like can't breathe .... all i think about when wake up and go to sleep .... so restless.... if did go bad and ended up walking from work that i'm in at the moment wouldn't get paid redundancy pay off or anything so be left with nothing what help finanically would i be entitled too my mum gets DLA middle rate care and lower rate mobility??? job seekers i know job center got disability team are they any good in supporting to find suitable employment or waste of time and energy? as i'm with N.A.S they have meployment team don't feel much cop really feel like left out in the cold and on your own to step up in the mainstream job world any advice have been in similiar situation ... have personal experience? XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted October 10, 2010 It must be really stressful not having regular shifts. But you really love the work itself. Eventually, you might be able to get a permanent position with regular hours. When you speak to your boss, you will find out what is going on. Try not to work yourself up panicking about what it could be. Wait until the meeting and then you will know. Some people have found the Job Centre's disability employment advisors helpful. It's probably something that varies according to area. You can see them even if you already have a job, so you can make an appointment even before the meeting with your boss, then you can see if they might be able to help you find the right kind of work. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 i go the meeting tomorrow so won't have time to make appointment with job centre disability team .... but feel i need to get prepared for the worst news .... but hitting me bad i can't work permamently as he got enough full time staff i think struggling to afford to keep all the staff they have there already! the work just taken on 2 more bank staff girls so feels that's where my work load going too! it's because effects of the recession .... XKX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 i am working myself up and panicky an awful lot finding hard to control 'stuff' in my head spirals i feel like going 'mad,crazy,insane' .... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 i don't think i can't wait around i feel everybody knows everything before me .... so hard to face work at the moment it has been a emotional rollercoaster i have been a wreck a mess Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 i don't know if i'd cope with too many hours it is trying to find the 'equal balance' in employment and Mental Health Probs .... as don't want to tire myself out but also want to try work 'normal' hours Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted October 11, 2010 How was the meeting today? K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted October 22, 2010 my boss had been told by my 'under boss' i been stress and worried alot while boss was on holiday and going over everything in my head my boss said she may reduce her hours she working so that can build mine back up again .... she said be rocky keep goin up and down while the hours are adjusted with the other girlies ones come back from maternity other the under boss has reduced her hours from full time to part time and has two days off now monday and wednesday my boss said she'll try let me know two weeks in advance as she writes down the rota for me so i can keep track of hours and routine makes me feel more 'balanced stable' and happy i like future planning and organisation it think domino effect of the recession society as my boss showed me the figures behind the background of children of tea time have dropped raipdly so the staff ratio is enough without me coming in so that's why they tell me not to bother coming in! i'm looking into another job on top of odd hours i'm doing now at nursery i have found one on job centre machine i printed out the ticket the job part time creche assistant 5 mornings a week 9-11 am and then can do 4-6pm aswell to earn more money also keep busy and now end up getting bored and fed up .... i also have spare few hours in between to go gym still!!! the job i'm in now pays £6.35 an hour and the job i looked into is £5.95 a hour i need at least £30 a week coming in as i gone direct debit with gym /swim a month £15 and virgin contract which also £15 a month! when i rang up the job they said they are going to ring be back in couple of weeks as the job stop advertising at start of november hope i get both as this leave me in good financial stead instead of watching what i spending and trying to hold on to everything as getting me fed up frustrated etc .... XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
