Operational.

[PStevenson]

sorry about the odd greeting message but everyone else had already said hello.

I am just going to speak directly from my mind, I normally check and double check - I still end up offending everyone but since this is an aspergers forum hopefully you will understand, well I'm sure you will understand.

 

as you may of guessed I am someone who has this, I guess "thing" I know some people act like it is a kind of blessing or that it has positives and for me in some aspects it does, I can remember everything anyone has ever said to me - that's more of a curse really when I get low those things people have said that were bad tend to haunt me.

I think what has bothered me mostly is the way I appear to people, I always look miserable and I always sound miserable even if I am not so of course people just don't want to be around me often.

 

I can't stop myself from telling people things, if they ask me how I am, I will tell them untill they say "oh. look at the time" I always feel bad because I'm always alone and I'm always alone because I can't shut up, and if it's not that I will bore everyone to death showing them my music or telling them about a new circuit I am making.

 

one of the worst things for me and this is going to sound trivial and I have been through things which subjectively are worse, but this feels worse, about 10 years ago I was in love, it was intense from euphoria to hell never an in between, I remember one time I went into something like a rage, it wasn't a rage but it could of been seen that way, and let me just make sure anyone reading this is aware, I have never and I would never EVER hit a girlfriend, anyway when she left the room after some argument most probably my fault I punched the wall and fell into the corner crying and I thought I was going mental.

anyway eventually being a teenaged relationship it ended, well she ended it and to this day I have never gotten over it, alot of the time it will be somewhere else in my head but it will get triggered and I just get everything I felt on that day back as if it had just happened. I don't think it is because I still love her maybe more because I feel like a piece of me is gone and even with relationships since I never got that feeling that I had with her.

 

anyway. Hello my name is Paul.

[Tally]

Hi Paul, and welcome to the forum