Pacing yourself

[Lyndalou]

I'm curious to know how other people with AS 'pace' themselves.

 

I have got better over the years at taking breaks during the day because I have recognised that I need to eat regularly and let my mind and body rest but I can quite easily, for example, boil the kettle 3 times before getting around to making a cup of coffee because I always find something else I need to do. This can drive the other half mad, especially if he has made me a drink and I leave half of it sitting! As I have young kids, obviously part of the need to get things done is totally normal at the moment but I really hate being distacted from what I'm doing - if I've set myself a target of getting the hoovering done (normally within a specific timeframe) how dare someone phone! Strangely enough, I can't remember ever having problems sitting down to watch TV in the evening (must get my CSI fix!)but still, if there are things that I haven't done or I feel I 'should' have finished through the day I have to get up and do it in the breaks. The end result is, if I don't take myself out of the house altogether for a walk or to go to the Playpark or negotiate the odd day 'off' then my life is a series of targets that I either reach (achieve) or fall short of (fail).

 

???

[Tally]

This is a huge difficulty I have too. I have ME and a major part of managing it is pacing myself and taking regular breaks.

 

Inertia is a common difficulty in autism. It does not only mean difficulty getting started on things, but difficulty stopping or changing from one type of task to another. If you have this problem you may find it easier to change from one high-energy task to another. Switching straight from something energetic to taking a break can be difficult. So something like hoovering and then sitting down for a cup of tea might be a difficult transition, you might need some other steps inbetween to help you wind down to something more relaxing.

 

It sounds like you might also be a bit of a perfectionist and have difficulty seeing the middle ground between success (doing everything) and failure (not quite achieving everything).

 

One thing I've found that helps is to write down a list of tasks, beginning with the things that absolutely must be done today, eg. keeping an appointment. Then as I get further down the list there are things that could be left if I don't get time today. If you can see all the important things crossed off it can help to show what I have achieved and leaves me feeling less of a failure if there are still some non-urgent tasks left.

[Lyndalou]

I feel like I'm on a steep learning curve yet again just when I thought I almost had myself sussed! Oh well, every day's a school day... I never thought of it before as a 'transitioning' thing but that makes a lot of sense. Quite often, if I feel that I still need to do something when I sit down, I do do something that doesn't involve being on my feet so perhaps I do what you are suggesting subconciously already, realising that I need to come down the gears one at a time! Of course, today is a lovely sunny day and my little boy is running about in the garden, the baby's in the bouncer and I'm tapping on the computer feeling quite relaxed and not too bothered about doing anything. It must be because I got up this morning planning to have a lazy day! Maybe that is a bit of the 'all or nothing' thing - I AM a complete perfectionist. I can rationalise that I can't do everything well or even half well if I have no talent or ability in it but it doesn't stop me trying...I do try to do the important things first and for the most part I manage but I am terrible for not putting things on the calendar and if I do then not looking at the calendar. I lose a bit of focus in keeping to lists too - I get sidetracked - but I'll give that another go.

[Lyndalou]

Love your quote by the way!!

[oxgirl]

It does not only mean difficulty getting started on things, but difficulty stopping or changing from one type of task to another.

 

It sounds like you might also be a bit of a perfectionist and have difficulty seeing the middle ground between success (doing everything) and failure (not quite achieving everything).

 

I very much relate to this. I have an enormous problem with following tasks through to their completion, or rather the problem occurs when I'm NOT able to. When I hoover, I do it in a very particular way and it takes two hours to do downstairs and upstairs together, and involves following a strict routine. If anything should come along to mean that I'm unable to complete this ritual (for want of a better word), I find it extremely difficult to cope with. One day several years ago I was halfway through my routine when the hoover actually broke. I was thrown into a total state of panic and chaos and ended up running round the house screaming and having a total meltdown because I just didn't know what to do about it; I couldn't continue with my routine and complete the task, but I didn't know how to cope with NOT doing that, I needed to complete my task! It led to the most enormous loss of control where I ended up harming myself and was left covered in bruises and cuts!

 

That was a very extreme example, and looking back, I know I'd be able to cope better now. As Tally says, it's about being able to talk yourself down from it, rationalize it almost. It once was that I was unable to just hoover downstairs and not upstairs, because I felt that the upstairs dust would somehow contaminate the clean downstairs, but I am able to allow myself to do that now by thinking it through more rationally and calmly and being able to forgive myself my failings and allow myself to give myself a break.

 

Hope that helps.

 

~ Mel ~

[Lyndalou]

D'you know ladies, it's so good to finally get this stuff off my chest and not have to carry on thinking I'm just a neurotic looney-tune! That incident does sound fairly extreme Mel but after I thought about it I remembered a specific time when I was desperate just to watch a bit of 'Jeremy Kyle'(to prove to myself that my life really wasn't that bad)at a time that I was very stressed and depressed after my first child was born and he had eventually gone to sleep. My hubby's fancy shmancy universal remote control just wouldn't work or more like I couldn't get it to work and it made me feel extremely stupid which I hate. I was screaming my head off and threw it so violently against the door that it broke and I collapsed in a heap crying and praying that the neighbours hadn't heard me!

 

I know this is off topic a bit but I suppose I see it all as related. I HAD to watch TV right then so that I could watch it for 15 minutes so I could then go and do the other things I needed to do, all the while not knowing when the baby was likely to wake up! It really does sound mental, doesn't it?

 

Of course, when you reflect on a situation you know fine well that you've over-reacted and now that I have recognised that I tend to obsessively do things, rather than normally do things (how do you do that though?) I'm sure I'll learn to give myself a break...