New to the forum, but needed to get this off my

[fiorelli]

chest.

 

Feel bad for writing such a long and involved post as my first post - Sorry

 

Where to start?

 

Well, my eldest son, Louis, has always been a 'bit of a handful'. For a long time, I put this down to us having a couple of unsettled years while I split up with his (and middle son's) father, and moved away.

 

It is hard to say exactly what was wrong, but he was a lot more 'work' than my younger two sons, and was always quite violent (would bite people, hit, kick etc).

 

He went to playgroup, but would always scream when he was left there, we put this down to him not liking it, and were glad that he was going to nursery soon. He seemed to settle in well at nursery, but was a bit below the standard that was expected (in terms of drawing etc.) for a child of his age. Then we had to move (as we were renting - I had met someone not long after moving away originally - we got 'priced out' of the area).

 

But, Crikey, did I have a bad time then, I didn't like to leave the house for fear that the neighbours were talking about how much Louis was screaming and crying, and how much I was shouting at him. He got settled into a new pre-school, and seemed to settle well in the beginning. Then the biting started again. Of his friends. (he had never bitten friends before), and again, didn't seem to be up to the 'standard' that everyone else was with regards to early writing, and drawing. Even play was very stilted.

 

I lost count of the times, that when the Health Visitor came around (I had a young baby at that time), she asked if Louis's attention seeking was because she was there, and I always answered 'yes'.

 

I just felt so bad that I couldn't control my son, when my younger two were really good and happy, and a lot 'easier'.

 

Well, he went on to school. I think within the first couple of weeks, I had already been called into school about his behaviour. We started trying the sticker charts, reward systems, time-outs, naughty stair, shouting, even smacking a couple of times (which I feel REALLY bad about) (in fact, some of these we had been using near enough from the word go).

 

I had to fill in a medical form for Louis, at the beginning of school, on it I was asked if I had any concerns about certain things (speech being one), and I said yes, so the school nurse flagged it up, found out what had been happening, and that I have siblings with learning difficulties. She arranged for us to see a peadiatrician at the hospital to see if there was anything medically wrong with him, so he underwent a barrage of tests - eyes, ears, nose, speech, etc. He was diagnosed with DAMP (deficit of attention, motor control and perception), and Social Communication Problems, and possible Aspergers.

 

Roll on to this year, things have got so bad.

 

He has lost all concentration. Everything he does, has got to be on his terms - but as you know, a child can not always live life on his terms - life just isn't like that. When he can't get his way, he 'goes into one', shouting, screaming, crying, throwing things, hitting things etc. only last week, he was sent home from school, as his class mates had to be taken out of the room, and there was a teacher at each door, with Louis in the middle with things flying over his head.

 

We are desperately trying to get him seen by the peadiatrician again, but the waiting list is SOO long (possibly being seen end of August/beginning of September), and even then, there probably isn't anything they can do. (medication has been mentioned, but it seems as if no-one around here can prescribe it).

 

We have had to see the ENT specialist again, and it turns out he has a mild hearing loss.

 

We are due to go back in two weeks and see the eye doctor.

 

It is just a nightmare, the school have sent him home again today, as within 10 minutes of registration, he had wandered out of the classroom, and was refusing to do anything. The headteacher spoke to me, and has said he has all but used up his 'allocation' of fixed time exclusions - next time it will be a permanent exclusion - she does not want this, and has said she will do everything she can to prevent it - even if it means that Louis has to have 2 weeks holiday and 2 weeks sick leave to get him to the end of term (this is so as we can get a statement application up and running). The headteacher has admitted to me on more than one occasion that they cannot cope with him there. Yesterday, she said 'He is not learning anything - we are just babysitting him'.

 

now we are a stale-mate - we are waiting on appointments to come through and the LEA to decide what to do. It is just so frustrating not knowing, and not being able to help my son, who is very upset and confused at what is happening to him at the moment.

 

fiorelli xx

 

Sorry this turned out so long

[mossgrove]

Welcome to the forum!

 

No need to apologise for the length of your posting, we've all been there and posting a summary like yours can be a great way to organise your own thoughts. You will find plenty of advice and suport here from people who understand.

 

If you have not already done so you need to apply for a statement straight away. You may well find that not much happens for a while as the simmer holiday is appraaching, but you should get the request for asessment in straight away so you can 'hit the ground running' in the Autumn. By then you may be on the road to a disgnosis if the appointments go well.

 

You may also wish to think about whether a mainstream environment is right for your son. It may well be that he simply cannot cope in a mainstream environment with so many people there and so many routines he doesn't understand. It sounds like the school is on-board and doing what they can, but that may not be enough.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

Simon

[Zemanski]

Get all this down in a slightly more formal way - you will need to write up a 'parent's advice' for statementing and a history is very useful (for your records and to give to doctors,etc) what you have just written would make a good start: add some dates, names of people he's seen, etc so that it is a history of his behaviour and difficulties (things like doing buttons, odd behaviours, obsessions, etc) from birth if you can

 

you are on the way to getting him help - It will take time and you will probably have to fight tooth and nail but hang on in there and be very grateful the head is on your side

 

take care and stay strong

 

Zemanski

[Hectorshouse]

Hi Fiorelli and welcome aboard, you are very good company here, you are already on the way to sorting things out and seeing the pead will be a good start as you can get a definite dx. Please do go for the statement of SEN, your son really needs this protection or the school will exercise their powers of permanent exclusion. There is loads on how to do this in the education section, and loads of really helpful people here to help you through the process.

 

Your son sounds in many ways just like my T, and once your able to get a clearer dx you will better able to understand and help him, therefore helping you as well. Before T was dx'd it was dreadful, I was accused as a poor mother (refrigerator mother was the term used which is absolute bull) and MSBP was mentioned as well, alongwith the possiblity that he had a serious psychiatric disorder. He also had many hearing problems when he was younger and this masked the ASD as the 'experts' concentrated purely on this but once this was resolved, the ASD was finally dx'd when he was 8. He is 12 now, its still not easy, but have learned so much that I am able to manage so much better, I no longer blame myself or him for his problems, and have managed to get him a statement (which has so far meant that he hasn't been permanently excluded) which means that his individual educational needs have to be taken into account, although this can sometimes be difficult in actually realising.

 

HHxx

[fiorelli]

Thanks for replying guys!

 

We already have a diagnosis - He saw the peadiatrician in September 2004, and was diagnosed with the DAMP (deficit of attention, motor control and perception), social communication problems and possible aspergers (which was due to be re-assessed next year).

 

But because he has gone downhill so quickly over the last 6 months, it was felt he needs to go back and see the pead. and hopefully get medication of some sorts, or see a clinical pshycologist rather than the ed. pshyc.

 

Bit of an update since I posted this morning. The LEA have said that Louis can go into respite education (so he goes to a special needs unit instead of his school) or a little while to make it easier for the school, so they don't have to exclude him. If he can get through the next 4 weeks without being excluded again, he cannot be permanently excluded before september - and even then, he will have his 30 half day fixed term exclusions to use up.

 

So hopefully all this will buy us enough time to get a statement going through.

[mossgrove]

Fiorelli

 

I'm glad the LEA appear to be on board too. Even before the statement is ratified you may wish to give serious consideration to where you would like your son to be placed. Respite schooling to prevent exclusion is probably the best thing for now, but you do need to have considered what you feel would be the best placement, as going back into the same situation in September will just cause the same issues to happen all over again unless something changes in the meantime (e.g. additional support). Medication is an option but a more suitable environement where his issues are understood and the class sizes etc. are smaller may be better in the long run and could avoid the need for medication.

 

If you conclude that a mainstream environment is the problem you may wish to spend some time researching what specialist provision is available in your area. If you conlude that you would like him to continue in mainstream you may wish to research the interventions you feel he may need to cope. You will be asked for your preferences as a part of the statementing process.

 

Simon

[fiorelli]

myself and the school and the educational pshycologist are all of the opinion that Louis would be better off in a setting where the classes are smaller, and the staff trained to help Louis - eg. special schoolare.

 

In fact, the EP is of the opinion that Louis should only have schooling for 1 HOUR a day for the time being, as he just cannot cope.

 

With regards to all those who have mentioned eyeQ - louis is on them (when we can get him to take it!) we started it a couple of weeks ago, so have a long way to go before we see any changes.

[Jericho]

Welcome to the forum, Fiorelli.

 

It's good to hear that you have people on your side. <'>