This is so complex .. hello

[theo]

I am 61, and have recently had a preliminary assessment. I was mentally prepared for dismissal of my suggestion of aspergers. I was pleasantly surprised at the empathy and kindness of the person who assessed me. But what was clear from the outset was that she wanted me to forget any sort of label and go back to square one. Very professional, I cannot argue with that. Her conclusion after listening and talking to me for just over an hour was that my history was such that it was impossible to ever assess if I had aspergers - there were too many other factors involved. That is "the chicken or egg, which came first?" question.

 

Is there anyone reading this who feels like me? - regardless of what any professional says or does not say, I know what I feel and have experienced throughout my life. It's like I've turned up with a broken arm and been told I'm mistaken, I'm not a doctor so how could I know .............. something to do with the pain?

 

Thanks for reading this. Any feedback gratefully received.

[gazmcfaz]

could you describe what things happened to you or you had trouble with that made you ask for a chat with the lady mentioned?

[theo]

could you describe what things happened to you or you had trouble with that made you ask for a chat with the lady mentioned?

 

Thanks for your response. I only recently found about the symptons of aspergers - and I was shocked at the number of things that I have in common with this syndrome. Like possibly many people around my age group there was no such thing as aspergers when I was growing up in the 50's. Having spent my life struggling with relationships, avoiding social interaction, and obsessively "making things" for no other reason than I need to, I feel that perhaps there maybe an answer as to why I feel so isolated and different.

[baddad]

Hi Theo - I think your analogy of a broken arm is a little too simplistic, because a broken arm is a simple cause and effect equation, which autism isn't, and it's by and large the same effect in everyone.

 

A better analogy would be someone who's limping, for which there could be a thousand and one valid explanations ranging from a blister to a broken leg. It would not be appropriate or helpful to label everyone with a limp with either of those 'causes' you have to have a closer look. And it could turn out that the patient has a broken leg AND a blister!

 

The fact that you think autism 'fits' isn't a qualified opinion, unless you are also qualified (have enough knowledge) to reasonably rule out every other alternative and enough insight/emotional distance to be able to apply that knowledge non-subjectively to yourself.

 

None of which, of course, is to say that you couldn't be autistic, but just because you think it fits isn't enough of a reason for any professional to confirm your 'home' diagnosis, and it wouldn't really mean anything if, purely on that basis, they did.

The things you've mentioned in your post (and I'm sure that's not the full details, but I'm just making a point with what you have posted) are in no way exclusive to autism - very few couples these days don't struggle with relationships (and I suspect many couples from other eras did too, but just put up with it on an 'I've made my bed' sort of basis that doesn't apply these days), and social unease, shyness, etc are equally represented among the 'NT' population, just as personality traits and/or as a result of wider social influences like family, upbringing, life-events, etc etc.

 

What do you think you would gain from a diagnosis? Do you think it would make any difference to how you live your life? What would it/ you change? Having considered that, if there are positives to be gained from thinking/acting/behaving differently or changing aspects of your life, what's to stop you doing them anyway?

 

In the simplest terms, a dx of Autism is an irrelevency in many ways - it wouldn't change a single thing about who you are or who you have been for the past 61 years. That person is the person you have got to accept/understand, and he's the same person with or without a dx.

 

I hope you'll appreciate I'm not saying your 'wrong' in your suspicions that you might be on the spectrum and I'm not saying you would be wrong to look into that possibility. I just agree, to a certain extent, with the person you spoke to which is that you're the sum of your parts - a lifetime of experiences - and that it would probably be very difficult to unravel what bit goes where (as it were) and why.

 

HTH

 

L&P

 

BD

[theo]

Hi Theo - I think your analogy of a broken arm is a little too simplistic, because a broken arm is a simple cause and effect equation, which autism isn't, and it's by and large the same effect in everyone.

 

A better analogy would be someone who's limping, for which there could be a thousand and one valid explanations ranging from a blister to a broken leg. It would not be appropriate or helpful to label everyone with a limp with either of those 'causes' you have to have a closer look. And it could turn out that the patient has a broken leg AND a blister!

 

The fact that you think autism 'fits' isn't a qualified opinion, unless you are also qualified (have enough knowledge) to reasonably rule out every other alternative and enough insight/emotional distance to be able to apply that knowledge non-subjectively to yourself.

 

None of which, of course, is to say that you couldn't be autistic, but just because you think it fits isn't enough of a reason for any professional to confirm your 'home' diagnosis, and it wouldn't really mean anything if, purely on that basis, they did.

The things you've mentioned in your post (and I'm sure that's not the full details, but I'm just making a point with what you have posted) are in no way exclusive to autism - very few couples these days don't struggle with relationships (and I suspect many couples from other eras did too, but just put up with it on an 'I've made my bed' sort of basis that doesn't apply these days), and social unease, shyness, etc are equally represented among the 'NT' population, just as personality traits and/or as a result of wider social influences like family, upbringing, life-events, etc etc.

 

What do you think you would gain from a diagnosis? Do you think it would make any difference to how you live your life? What would it/ you change? Having considered that, if there are positives to be gained from thinking/acting/behaving differently or changing aspects of your life, what's to stop you doing them anyway?

 

In the simplest terms, a dx of Autism is an irrelevency in many ways - it wouldn't change a single thing about who you are or who you have been for the past 61 years. That person is the person you have got to accept/understand, and he's the same person with or without a dx.

 

I hope you'll appreciate I'm not saying your 'wrong' in your suspicions that you might be on the spectrum and I'm not saying you would be wrong to look into that possibility. I just agree, to a certain extent, with the person you spoke to which is that you're the sum of your parts - a lifetime of experiences - and that it would probably be very difficult to unravel what bit goes where (as it were) and why.

 

HTH

 

L&P

 

BD

[theo]

Thanks for your response baddad.

 

You're quite right - that was a pretty rubbish analogy. As usual I open my mouth without thinking things through. But you really didn't need to put so much effort into breaking down the analogy.

 

You asked me why a diagnosis matters?

 

I grew up being labelled bad, naughty, difficult, unco-operative, diffident, stubborn by my parents and teachers alike. I was the freak in the class, the one everyone shunned. Those labels and experiences don't just disappear in adult life. They continue to affect every aspects of one's life.

 

I am the the child who ran away from school from age 5 becuase I couldn't bear to be around other children. If I was 5 today hopefully my parents and or teachers would realise that I had a big problem - I wasn't just being naughty.

 

I have no advocate - perhaps the reason I am seeking a diagnosis is to find a different label - to find some dignity and self respect in my future life.

 

My son was diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome in his late twenties. As with aspegergers there's no cure. That diagnosis has enabled him to understand why he behaves in certain ways, to try and recognise and adapt his behaviour. Perhaps more importantly it has enabled his long-suffering wife to understand him. She has stuck by him though thick and thin. They now have 2 children and the future may not be entirely rosey but it's undoubtedly better than before the diagnosis.

 

A question - if I do suffer from Aspergers is it possible it could be passed on to my grandchildren?

[baddad]

Thanks for your response baddad.

 

You're quite right - that was a pretty rubbish analogy. As usual I open my mouth without thinking things through. But you really didn't need to put so much effort into breaking down the analogy.

 

You asked me why a diagnosis matters?

 

I grew up being labelled bad, naughty, difficult, unco-operative, diffident, stubborn by my parents and teachers alike. I was the freak in the class, the one everyone shunned. Those labels and experiences don't just disappear in adult life. They continue to affect every aspects of one's life.

 

I am the the child who ran away from school from age 5 becuase I couldn't bear to be around other children. If I was 5 today hopefully my parents and or teachers would realise that I had a big problem - I wasn't just being naughty.

 

I have no advocate - perhaps the reason I am seeking a diagnosis is to find a different label - to find some dignity and self respect in my future life.

 

My son was diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome in his late twenties. As with aspegergers there's no cure. That diagnosis has enabled him to understand why he behaves in certain ways, to try and recognise and adapt his behaviour. Perhaps more importantly it has enabled his long-suffering wife to understand him. She has stuck by him though thick and thin. They now have 2 children and the future may not be entirely rosey but it's undoubtedly better than before the diagnosis.

 

A question - if I do suffer from Aspergers is it possible it could be passed on to my grandchildren?

 

Hi again Theo -

 

Yes, there does seem to be a genetic component to autism, but it's in no way a hard and fast 'rule' either way. Personally, I think there's an element of genetic predisposition which is quite widespread, and then environmental/developmental/health etc issues 'trigger' - to a greater or lesser degree - that predisposition.

 

I can understand what you're saying about dx, and I think to a point it can be positive in that respect, but for some people that positive becomes a negative when they look back and either 'blame' autism for all their woes or feel unjustly angry at people who judged them in a different time and context. Them's the bear-traps, it depends on the bear whether they can avoid them or not.

 

Another way of looking back at your life, though, is to say 'Well, yes, that bit was tough and this bit was horrible, but I got through it anyway.' Trouble is, an autistic child can still be a naughty, difficult, stubborn child and that isn't necessarily down to autism- so you still don't have an answer!

 

I'll be totally honest, and I think there are more children at the mild/AS end of the spectrum who are going to be more 'damaged' as adults from their dx than there are currently undiagnosed adults, because the dx has for many meant such lowered expectations about what they can/can't achieve and so many assumptions about autism being the root of every negative behaviour that they become completely disenfranchised from wider society. I'd say autism is fairly unique in that way; where a diagnosis off disability leads to the enablement of disability rather than the challenging of disabling barriers. Makes me shudder every time I type that, but sadly I think it's true. That said, there seems to be a new crop of diagnostic terms arising from the field of psychology and/or autism that replicate those fundamental errors, so at least they won't be disenfranchised in isolation, if that's not an oxymoron!

 

Dignity and self-respect come from accepting who you are 'warts and all'. You can cover the warts with sticking plaster labels, but you'll still know they're there and until you accept their presence you'll still feel them as negatives.

 

Did anyone see C4 last night, BTW? Now there were some inspiring kids and parents!

[Tanya52]

Hello Monica,

 

Welcome, nice to meet you.

 

Like you I’d like to find some answers. A diagnostic assessment, not doubt provide some. But what one can do with them?

 

Years ago when I explained to my son that my assessment for dyslexia/dyspraxia was positive, he was not interested and said that I’m 'too obsessed with digging into myself and should let my imperfections rest in a piece’. Some support!

 

Now I have another fish to fry – Asperger’s assessment. I’d dare to say anything about it to my relatives. They wouldn’t want to know. It is simple. People used to think about you in a way that suit them (a proven schemata or a number of ‘reliable’ presuppositions),and they wouldn’t like to change their opinions about you because it can result some power shift.

Why should they bother? Please consider next

 

1 Will this push them out of their comfort zone?

2 Are they ready/willing to adjust their behavioural/thinking patterns?

3 Do they believe in equality between NTs and people with Autism/Asperger’s?

 

Do it for your own piece of mind and if they want to understand and accept the answers, it’s a bonus.

Edited June 10, 2011 by Tanya52