Hullo - adult seeking diagnosis!

[Hooverhoarder]

Hello all, I'm Simon, and I'm a 37 year old who's hopefully going to get a referral from my doctor to our local health service Adult Asperger's team.

 

That I might have Aspergers is something I've wondered about for a number of years, but had dismissed as not a problem. But four years ago life started to overwhelm me and I was hit hard by depression and anxiety, leading me to leaving my job after being signed off for a few months, and splitting with my partner, both of which were the reasons for me getting ill, so every cloud etc...

 

Since then, I've been getting myself back together, but have struggled to deal with strangers and those I'm not comfortable with. I explained it to my doctor as feeling that I had lost the ability to put on a confident front, and looking back on it, I believe that I've spent my adult life projecting that front, trying to pass as 'normal'. Life has always felt like I'm being pulled one way to be myself, and another to 'blend in', which has been a constant inner battle. And although looking back I've always had issues with anxiety, I've always been quite dismissive about it and found it frustrating, especially if the situation didn't warrant it when examined logically.

 

I had a chat with my mum about Aspergers and my childhood behaviour, she agreed I had a point and so I've booked the dcotor's appointment (she's coming with me, as I struggle to explain my feelings and tend to play them down). Having her support is a huge relief, as I didn't expect it.

 

Of course, I'm affected by other aspects too, my main obsession has always been hoovers, and I've always had very poor motor skills - I leave laces tied and buttons fastened so I don't have to deal with them, and can only write slowly, which affects me in exams.

 

I'd be really interested to hear how people who received a diagnosis of Asperger's in adulthood dealt with life before diagnosis - did you go 'undercover', or struggle fitting in, or what? And how has diagnosis changed your life? I'm finding it quite reassuring knowing that any stress or anxiety that I might have gotten frustrated about with myself before may have a medical explanation rather than just me having rubbish life skills!

 

Anyway, it's been an eye-opener reading some of the forum posts, I did post on the adult board, but reading the site since has answered some of my questions

[Lyndalou]

Hi Simon

 

Welcome! I'm 38 and am kind of in your shoes (re seeking diagnosis) but have come to the conclusion after quite a few months of struggle that at least I now know what the 'monkey on my back' has been all these years and I can now do something about it. I've decided that I have the rest of my life to pester professionals but for now I'll try to get on with living life!

 

I too have been plagued with anxiety but I've recognised it only too well for a long time! I'm doing anxiety management just now with an OT who has knowledge of ASD (think I'm very lucky there). She is going down the sensory route first with me as she thinks this may help in pinpointing 'triggers' and therefore heading off anxiety.

 

Hoovers eh? Sounds interesting. Can you come round and give my one a kick up the bum - I can't stand it!!!!

 

Lynda

[AspieMe]

Hi simon,

 

Just like you I'm 37 and have spent my whole life just feeling "different". I never really thought anything about it though until earlier this year. I guess when something has always been a certain way (ie me!) I just accepted that this was the way the world was.

 

The only clues to my recent diagnosis was when we did a few training sessions at work about aspergers. When they described a person with aspergers as an introduction I felt like they were describing me, this is what got me thinking and eventually led me to my GP to get a diagnosis. It's early days yet (only been 2 weeks since my official diagnosis) and at the moment I'm still trying to process what it all means and the implications for the future. I am a teacher and at the moment in summer holidays, the real interesting bit starts when school starts in September and I face the whole dilemma of disclosure in the workplace.

 

Of course there's also been a lot of analysing events throughout my life and its amazing how many of the events in my life can be put down to asperger's. At last now I know what the reasons were and looking forward can look at developing strategies I can use to help "keep me out of trouble" in future. As for coping, from the psychologists point of view I have just managed like many in our situation and just bumbled-along, got-by and as I said earlier, just accepted my shortcomings as just being me. I think very early on in life I adopted the attitude of if you don't like me then that's fine. I have always been a bit of a loner and I guess lucky in that at times had a great group of friends who were happy to accept me for who I was.

 

I have been reading Tony Atwood's book "the complete guide to Aspergers Syndrome" and have found it very insightful, it's too early to say how useful it is, but most reviews I see are positive. What has been revealing is when going through the stage of doubting I have Aspergers or thinking I don't have it that bad, almost every page so far describes some aspect of my personality and has reinforced the diagnosis.

 

I wish you good luck with the referral, it can take some time to come through as the adult services are few and far between from what I can tell. I wasn't sure what to expect, but mine took the form of a 2 hour interview, at the end of which the psychologist told me, he knew within the first 10 mins that I had Aspergers, and that he just spent the remainder of the 2 hours making sure he wasn't mistaken.

[Hooverhoarder]

Hi Lynda and Dazwan,

 

thanks for your replies! It's only since talking to my mum that I've accepted that a diagnosis of Asperger's is a real probability for me, and that it's something that I should investigate further. I completely agree with both of you that realising that it can be the source of issues helps with planning how to deal with it, instead of getting frustrated at any inabilities or difficulties it might cause. I also kind of feel that it's helping me make peace with myself over aspects of my behaviour that had previously left me angry and frustrated at myself, for my 'weakness' in struggling to deal with mundane stuff and situations.

 

Lynda, fit like! I'm from Aberdeen, but my family moved to England in my teens. The history of Aberdeen and the surrounding areas has always interested me, when I was in my early teens I used to get on yellow buses going all over the place, just to see towns and villages I'd never visited! Going back up there for a family wedding in October

 

Dazwan, I'm convinced that being around the right people can help a lot - I've always been a bit of a loner too, but was lucky to work in two places where I was accepted as a bit eccentric but part of the team, to the extent that I'd actually credit both those jobs (or my ex workmates) with helping me learn to deal with aspects of real life.

 

The issue of disclosure has put me at a bit of a crossroads at the moment, as I'm currently self employed through the old new deal scheme to get those on the sick back to work. The nature of the work means that I'm constantly meeting new customers as I deal with yearly maintenance, but speaking to and meeting new clients feels to me like a job interview, and the anxiety can cause me to manifest some of the physical signs of Asperger's, which in turn makes me more anxious - but I think that mentioning it to prospective customers wouldn't be a good idea. It's a shame, I'm good at the work, just not with the customers So I reckon I have to reassess my work situation.

 

Ultimately, I think disclosure would depend on how much you think it affects your work, and how you think your colleagues would react - although as I think you said, there's been training on it in your workplace, so if you chose to there'd be a greater likelihood of understanding. Glad your diagnosis was straightforward - from what I can tell, provision for adult diagnosis seems to have improved a lot in recent years, just got to get past my GP first

 

Simon

[Lyndalou]

Hi Simon, fit like yersel'?

 

Not actually fae the Deen but been there and the surrounding areas since my teens! The history of Footdee is my 'thing' and the fishing villages and towns from Cove down to Arbroath being of fishing community extraction myself! I hope to do a photographic project in the future documenting all the historic sites inland in the Shire, most likely Pictish standing stones in particular. Nice to hear from a fellow historian...

 

Lynda

Edited August 24, 2011 by Lyndalou

[AspieMe]

just got to get past my GP first

 

Simon

 

The advice I read was to go armed. I went through the list of Aspergers traits listed on the various websites and thought of examples from my life for evey one. I then wrote them all down and took this along to the GP. This was literally a list of bullet points with my take on it and a general bit about where these apply to me. After going through the exhaustive list of traits and examples the GP was pretty much on my side and agreed it was most likely. Remember, the more evidence you have to support your opinion the better.

[Hooverhoarder]

Saw my doctor on Friday, armed with a list of traits and how I manifest them. It went pretty well, and he agreed to refer me. I'd spoken to the local Austism helpline, who gave me the contact details of the local Community Adult Asperger's Service if he wasn't sure who to refer me to - turns out the surgery had only received details about the service on the 23rd so I guess my timing was spot-on!

 

Lynda, sounds interesting, are you going to put your research online? I'd love to research and visit/photo more of the area myself, but living down south makes it kinda difficult...

[Lyndalou]

Saw my doctor on Friday, armed with a list of traits and how I manifest them. It went pretty well, and he agreed to refer me. I'd spoken to the local Austism helpline, who gave me the contact details of the local Community Adult Asperger's Service if he wasn't sure who to refer me to - turns out the surgery had only received details about the service on the 23rd so I guess my timing was spot-on!

 

Lynda, sounds interesting, are you going to put your research online? I'd love to research and visit/photo more of the area myself, but living down south makes it kinda difficult...

Good Luck! I hope it all goes straightforward for you - sounds like a good start! Things are so much easier that way

 

I'm afraid at the moment my research extends to catching glimpses of monuments etc when I'm speeding by in the car. My hands are full with two little monsters (er, I mean two little angels) at the moment. In the future though I'd love to share what I have learned with anyone who's interested

 

Lynda

[Sidewinder040]

Hi Dazwan,

 

I can relate to your post. I haven't had a diagnosis, but i have also felt somehow different but was never able to pin-point the problem until recently. I have also just managed to drift along in life and everything has most worked out for the best. I agree with the advise you gave Simon; you have to be yourself. Most people come to accept me as being 'quirky'. I try to be polite, pleasant and try not to do anything too out of the ordinary. There are some small-minded people around who think everyone should be the same, but hey variety is the spice of life. Vive La Differance!!