Greeting People

[Sidewinder040]

Hi,

 

I am 46, married with 2 teenage daughters in Bedfordshire. I have had similar difficulties to others on this Forum.

 

I was 'different' and 'quiet' as a child, given to alot of withdrawn daydreaming and was a magnet to bullies. I was able to hold down friendships then, but only with one or two people at a time, I was withdrawn from everyone else. I have always been very introverted trying to work myself out, wondering why I am different, why do i keep saying the wrong thing and why do i clam up???

 

In the early 80's I started suffering from my first serious (for me) episode of depression. I wanted to go to the Doctors. My Mother advised against it. She looked horrified. She thought I would be put on Valium and that that would bring its own problems and I think she was scared that i would talk about my childhood (she was physically and mentally abusive. It is generally agreed with people who know here that she most likely is OCD. I have never had anyone to talk about my problems, I have just tried to ignore them and muddle through.

 

To be fair though I could have gone to the Doctors since, but i (misguidedly) though that would open a can of worms (medication side-effects and the feeling that medication would change who i am - I still want to be me)and because of social stigma of mental health issues.

 

I suspected Bi-polar. I rationalised that the secret to overcoming this was to try to keep myself on an even keel. Huh! my underlying problems were still there even on good days. Awkwardness, quietness, avoiding social interaction and oh! the eye contact thing, which i put down to shyness.

 

Earler this year I saw a self-help book call 'Mood Mapping', this has helped me realise the prolonged excess activity without adequate relaxation can lead to Anxiety which if prolonged will most likely lead to depression. This has helped me a lot.

 

I read the Millennium series of novels which lead me to find out about Aspergers, which lead me to the Dummies Guide to Aspergers. This has helped me enormously. Not only does it explain the depression and isolation, it explains my whole life and why i lead it in the way i do. It explains the pattern of a typical Asperger childhood, the difficulties encountered, obsessive interests and hobbies also the irritation felt when someone interferes with those interests.

 

I don't want to wear the Asperger 'badge', ie use it to blame my inappropriate reaction/actions. It helps me understand myself and why I maybe make others uncomfortable and give out confusing/conflicting signals.

 

I am lucky that my life is now fairly stable and that most people I come into contact with have know me for a long time and accept my differentness or 'strangeness'.

 

It is good to have somewhere i can tell people how i feel, please leave some feedback.

 

i would like to encourage others to seek help - don't be too proud and live in denial like i have.

 

Difference is good - it gives the world variety.

 

[Nathan]

Hello there. I've actually got the post below yours, just saying hi myself. I had similar experiences with depression and friends (I only have one I keep in touch with, other than that I keep to myself).

I agree about not wearing the Asperger's Badge, but sometimes I have to go 'FBI' with it when at work I've suddenly said or done something that brings the office to a standstill. That's why I want a job with minimal human contact!

Good to meet you!

[littleplum]

I don't want to wear the Asperger 'badge', ie use it to blame my inappropriate reaction/actions. It helps me understand myself and why I maybe make others uncomfortable and give out confusing/conflicting signals.

 

Welcome Sidwewinder. You have summarised very well what for me is the greatest benefit of realising I am Asperger's. For years I wondered why I unfailingly repelled people, leading to virtually zero self-esteem. Non-verbal face-to-face contact is like Klingon to me and I just have to accept it is a language I can never learn. I much prefer the written word or the phone.

 

My family view me as eccentric and that is fine with me. As you say, vive la difference!

[Pancakemaker]

Welcome.xx

[indiscreet]

I don't want to wear the Asperger 'badge', ie use it to blame my inappropriate reaction/actions. It helps me understand myself and why I maybe make others uncomfortable and give out confusing/conflicting signals.

 

I assume from what you say that you didn't seek medical advice i.e. attempt to get a diagnosis. I did, because I thought it might be helpful to have this entered on my medical notes if I ever needed long-term treatment in a hospital.

 

Apart from that I don't advertise the fact that I'm on the spectrum to people I know but, as you say, it's good to have somewhere like this to come and discuss things.

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome to the forum