Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
Fourthdimension

Aspie Quiz

Recommended Posts

Hi, I have just took an aspie test. It says i am very likely to have Aspergers. However i want in-depth information of what the chart means. From what i gather the outer perimeter of the graph is high and the center is low and for things like social it will either show it as high or low depending on where you fall but what about such topics as hunting? what does that mean. Here is the test results http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly12c.php?p1=98&p2=90&p3=91&p4=97&p5=99&p6=70&p7=95&p8=75&p9=83&p10=52&p11=80&p12=61

 

thanks

Edited by Fourthdimension

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aspie hunting

This group contains passive hunting traits. One part of the traits is related to preferred habitats (e.g. slowly flowing water; caves; woods; liking mist or fog). Another part seems to be

close-contact hunting traits (e.g. jumping over things; climbing; chasing animals; biting; enjoying spinning in circles; strong grip; strong hands; physical endurance; enjoying rodeo riders).

Some other traits are related to sneaking (e.g. sneaking through the woods; sneaking up on animals; walking on toes) and general hunting tactics (e.g. mimicking animal sounds; digging;

throwing small things; building traps; fascination for fire; sniffing)

 

 

this was from the same website, after you take the quiz, click on 'detailed results suitable for printing PDF'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OOOPS lol - Sorry i never seen that. Thank you very much for helping :) If i feel like i am Aspergic and i feel i have the symptoms and the tes says i am - Is that a yes i am aspergic. Just people at work and familly members i have asked for a second oppinion on the matter confuse me by making me confuse myself - they say that they dont think i am which ends up in a viscous circle of me going back through the pages i have written and looking at the symptoms online not just once but lots n lots so that i can keep re-evaluating because i dont wanna exagerate and i dont wanna lie i am just trying to find out if i got aspergers but it proves troublesome because people make me question myself to wether i am exagerating or not and i dont think i am exagerating i think just have good coping techs so know one realises i have it. I suppose without seeming schitzofrenic i consider there to be like two me's , the one i show people n family that is mainly just showmanship rather than been me. Then theres me who i keep for myself that i indulge in during solitude and enjoy studying and other weird ideas

 

maybe the people and familly just dont know me weel enough to judge me on the matter

 

By the way i like your poem its very inspirational

 

thanks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think AS affects each individual so differently, and each person has different ways of adapting and coping that often no one will see the 'signs' of being Autistic. What about any close family members? You could ask about what your interests were as a child. What you played with etc. Rather than asking if they think you have Aspergers, because u probably won't be steriotypically AS. Many people have the wrong perception of Autism.

 

 

thanks: its an old song, i just stole the lyrics ha ha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah your right . Well i think that even my family dont know me very well because i had quite a bad childhood and because i act different when people are around me to try and fit in a litle whilst deflecting attention from the real me unless i want someone to get to know me.

 

They all will admit about my habits n hobbies been weird but they still wont come to terms hat this is a logical possibility that maybes i do have it.

 

I got booked in for an appointment with the consillor bu again everything i say and do is gonna be planned because i dont wanna go in defenceless so here again he will only see the showmanship and not me so he will probally just tell me i have nt got it either . he probs will just think am disturbed.

 

If you like music that has meaning i have a few songs that bring back sentimental memories

Dire straits - brothers in arms - When i was learning to teach outdoor education such as climbing i learnt at college and i miss the commaderie because although none except maybe one person understand me for been me they still respected me and its totally different trust when you have someone dangling a couple of hundred feet by a rope. They become your brothers. Unless you been on the edge its so hard to distinguish between the trust you gain out there and friendship to the ones you might make in normal life. Its like a bond.

 

Also i love "the animals-house of the rising sun", "pink floyd- wish you were here", "pink floyd - division bells" :)

 

Thanks :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

why not put what u want to say in writing, it might make it a bit easyer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have 3 double-sided pages of A4 filled with my experiences and its relation to the symptoms i assume it correlates with and i took it to the Doc's with me and i said well i bough this to make it easier and he started giving me a lecture about self-diagnosisng and he never even read a word so i doubt the councillor will especially when i could write double what i already have.

 

I think because i have taken the time to write it down the doctor my have thought it was planned or am after some state diabillity money or am just a plain hypocondriac all because i put it in writting .

 

I agree with which ever person said people are like a flock of sheep but what he forgot to inform us is that these sheep are completey crazy and yes there domesticated. not in a good way there just domesticated in rolling around in there own "S**t" and running head first in to one another without care or consideration just total chaotic.

 

not all people but a majority

 

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Taking too much writing doesn't help - I've frequently done it and maybe 1 in 10 people actually read it and help me deal with the things I've written.

 

Some people have said I write too much down - like too much info for them to deal with, too many problems and issues and experiences - it's kinda daunting for a lot of people to be presented with more than 2 sides of A4 (and that's still approx 400 words depending on the size of your handwriting).

 

Try linking things together with one word prompts so you can remember what you wanted to say, and so you say some of the things out loud - which tends to go down better.

 

Hope this helps

 

Darkshine

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Taking too much writing doesn't help - I've frequently done it and maybe 1 in 10 people actually read it and help me deal with the things I've written.

 

Some people have said I write too much down - like too much info for them to deal with, too many problems and issues and experiences - it's kinda daunting for a lot of people to be presented with more than 2 sides of A4 (and that's still approx 400 words depending on the size of your handwriting).

 

Try linking things together with one word prompts so you can remember what you wanted to say, and so you say some of the things out loud - which tends to go down better.

 

Hope this helps

 

Darkshine

 

Yeah your totally right :)i need to be more objective because i do tend to divert from the conversations :) but how can i be objective whilst still getting a majority of the answers i want rather than just some because to be objective means i need to cut out the unrelevant bits even if i wanted answers to them

if you know what i mean :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Taking too much writing doesn't help - I've frequently done it and maybe 1 in 10 people actually read it and help me deal with the things I've written.

 

Some people have said I write too much down - like too much info for them to deal with, too many problems and issues and experiences - it's kinda daunting for a lot of people to be presented with more than 2 sides of A4 (and that's still approx 400 words depending on the size of your handwriting).

 

Try linking things together with one word prompts so you can remember what you wanted to say, and so you say some of the things out loud - which tends to go down better.

 

Hope this helps

 

Darkshine

 

Yeah your totally right :)i need to be more objective because i do tend to divert from the conversations :) but how can i be objective whilst still getting a majority of the answers i want rather than just some because to be objective means i need to cut out the unrelevant bits even if i wanted answers to them

if you know what i mean :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah your totally right :)i need to be more objective because i do tend to divert from the conversations :) but how can i be objective whilst still getting a majority of the answers i want rather than just some because to be objective means i need to cut out the unrelevant bits even if i wanted answers to them

if you know what i mean :)

Now that's the million dollar question! I've had a discussion about this recently on here - post is called "A question about health services" its a lot to read and I'm useless at paraphrasing - but if you are interested here's the link Ze link There's some really useful tips - and you will also see how I am finding this problematic :)

 

I have a meeting very soon and am struggling to narrow everything into 3 to 4 groups with just one or two examples for each - Also - it'll depend on what you want to achieve - maybe I'm further down the line appointment-wise, so you might need a couple more groups, with a few more example for each since your at the start of a process...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the link. I have been reading about paralanguage and i think that non verbal communication aswell as paralanguage greatly increases my social understanding and sociability :)Can i ask what your groups are? please

 

Thanks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:lol: they are the ones Baddad suggested - social, self-esteem, mental health and phobias/sensitivities (they really summed it up perfectly so I saw no need to find different ones).

 

If I had to start seeing GP's or shrinks or whatever all over again - knowing what I know now - I would have possibly used groups such as

 

Feelings/emotions

Fears

Confidence

Past (childhood)

Present

Future

Major problems (for me anxiety, going out, stress and worry etc)

 

My biggest problem is knowing what things to prioritise and figuring out what's important - I guess the main idea is to see what things come down to the same problem (like anxiety for example could include the stresses and worries - or health issues can be put together).

 

One thing I do know from experience is that when you rely on writing too much, you have to think about how your gonna get that information across. If the person reading it just brushes it aside, you need to know what's important enough to need addressing more thoroughly. I find that reading my writing aloud makes it sound rehearsed, but it still gets dealt with better than giving it someone to read, especially since there have been plenty of times when people have treated my writing as though it is irrelevant (like I've made it up).

 

The best way really is to be able to write key words (that you understand) as reminders about the subjects you want to discuss, and then say as much of it out loud as you can, cuz you can say things a lot quicker than people can read (makes good use of time).

 

Having said all that, I'll probably be on here moaning in a few days that I didn't communicate effectively in my appointment :wallbash: (the theory is good - its just difficult to put into practice - but when I have succeeded I've always got the most out of those appointments where I could speak).

 

Best

 

Darkshine

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Darkshine :) So its best for me to just brain storm?

 

You know whilst where on the topic people sometimes think i can empathise too much or sympathise but the truth is i only do that truely to the things i hold near and most of the other people i interact with who think i am empathise dont realise that its not that i m good at communicating cause am terrible but its because i took the time to objectively learn about how to treat social situations and so most of the time i dont say it cause i feel it i say it because its objective and approved by society and sometimes i feel guilty for looking at things an an economic sorta way of should i make the effort to interact is there any signicant interact.

 

Hope your meetings go well :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Darkshine :) So its best for me to just brain storm?

 

You know whilst where on the topic people sometimes think i can empathise too much or sympathise but the truth is i only do that truely to the things i hold near and most of the other people i interact with who think i am empathise dont realise that its not that i m good at communicating cause am terrible but its because i took the time to objectively learn about how to treat social situations and so most of the time i dont say it cause i feel it i say it because its objective and approved by society and sometimes i feel guilty for looking at things an an economic sorta way of should i make the effort to interact is there any signicant interact.

 

Hope your meetings go well :)

Hello again :)

 

I'm terrible at brainstorming :( if it works for you go for it :thumbs:

 

I suppose the best advice I can give is to make sure that you get to say the things you really want to say - I had one appointment today and feel like it did not go the way I had planned at all (for various reasons) but more specifically because I lost what I was going to say when I walked in the door :wallbash: fortunately I have the luxury of knowing I have a second shot at it later in the month - but my biggest mistake was not being able to cope with all eyes on my - which made talking impossible and taking in information very difficult.

 

I have difficulties with empathy - some people think I'm a really caring person :lol: but it's all things I've been taught to say - every time I get it wrong someone tells me to say such and such - this is all fine as long as it is a situation I've been in before - I fail to apply the logic to other circumstances and then say something bad cuz I used my own opinion :wallbash:

 

Hope you appointment goes better :P

 

Best Wishes

 

Darkshine

 

PS - my one piece of advice is in blue in case I lose you in my rambling as much as I lost what on earth I was even trying to say :wacko:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello again :)

 

I'm terrible at brainstorming :( if it works for you go for it :thumbs:

 

I suppose the best advice I can give is to make sure that you get to say the things you really want to say - I had one appointment today and feel like it did not go the way I had planned at all (for various reasons) but more specifically because I lost what I was going to say when I walked in the door :wallbash: fortunately I have the luxury of knowing I have a second shot at it later in the month - but my biggest mistake was not being able to cope with all eyes on my - which made talking impossible and taking in information very difficult.

 

I have difficulties with empathy - some people think I'm a really caring person :lol: but it's all things I've been taught to say - every time I get it wrong someone tells me to say such and such - this is all fine as long as it is a situation I've been in before - I fail to apply the logic to other circumstances and then say something bad cuz I used my own opinion :wallbash:

 

Hope you appointment goes better :P

 

Best Wishes

 

Darkshine

 

PS - my one piece of advice is in blue in case I lose you in my rambling as much as I lost what on earth I was even trying to say :wacko:

 

Hehe your so correct .... one of the hardest things to do is not to deviate from the point lol

How could you not cope with all eyes on you? dont worry things will go better for you next appointment :)

 

Yeah, i understand what you mean about b='been taught' to look empathetic, its just like domestication. If we want a treat thrown our way we gotta learn to act according to social approval and so we adapt to it while we are learning to cope.

 

On some occasion where i thought i was been empathetic i question why am been like this and usually its because i am empathising and feeling sorry for myself than i am the other person. which sounds really selfish.

 

On the otherhand i can be quite romantic but again maybe i have a selfish motive for that. Although i dont think normal people have the same problem with empathising i definatly think that most of the things each individual does is for an economical selfish reason including my own on further inspection

 

Best wishes

 

Michael :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hehe your so correct .... one of the hardest things to do is not to deviate from the point lol

How could you not cope with all eyes on you? dont worry things will go better for you next appointment :)

 

Yeah, i understand what you mean about b='been taught' to look empathetic, its just like domestication. If we want a treat thrown our way we gotta learn to act according to social approval and so we adapt to it while we are learning to cope.

 

On some occasion where i thought i was been empathetic i question why am been like this and usually its because i am empathising and feeling sorry for myself than i am the other person. which sounds really selfish.

 

On the otherhand i can be quite romantic but again maybe i have a selfish motive for that. Although i dont think normal people have the same problem with empathising i definatly think that most of the things each individual does is for an economical selfish reason including my own on further inspection

 

Best wishes

 

Michael :)

Hi Michael - I just love your response :D if deviating from the point were a thing I could get a degree in - I would pass with flying colours :lol:

 

I resent begging/acting "to have a treat thrown my way" but that is exactly what I have to do - it's funny - cuz as you point out it does sound quite selfish - but I reckon that's just another battle with awareness (sometimes there's way too much awareness of where I go wrong, and then I feel guilty or wrong - and other times I do not have enough awareness and I STILL feel guilty and wrong) :wallbash: (fighting the urge to give up quite frequently lately)

 

Actually, I'm in a pretty negative frame of mind - where every forced behaviour I have to perform is just jacking me right off - but hey - plod along anyway...

 

I sometimes have romantic views but not today :(

 

I think a lot of people's actions are governed by selfish motivations - but I think the level of how "good or bad" this is can vary. There's this top bloke I randomly started talking to and I take great pleasure from his emails - and the brilliant thing is I can virtually say what I want (within societal rules of politeness) and he'll answer. The really excellent thing is we never discuss health, he just thinks I'm a normal person (if a little quirky) but then he's quirky too. I use this as an example because I selfishly enjoy the conversation, to him I am normal, and I treasure that and don't think there's anything wrong/harm in it - upon lengthy consideration of course :lol:

 

But then there's actions people do that seems really selfish and wrong. And other things where people might be unintentionally selfish but any judgement can be held until you see what they do after realising they were being selfish (like when I can't go out - it's selfish cuz I have so many issues with it and this can sometimes impact on other people's lives - but if I just hide and be selfish every time then that would be wrong - when I realise I've been selfish, I try to correct it by apologising and by trying much harder next time) but I'm not sure if that cancels it out - maybe it just affects people's judgements...

 

Self-analysis is so annoying sometimes - especially when most of the "norms" I ask say they don't do it - in fact most of them seem to have no awareness at all :rolleyes:

 

That appointment I went to - you asked how I could not cope with all eyes on me? It felt like I was on a stage in front of thousands of people - in a spotlight - and I basically just froze (scared rabbit in headlights kinda thing) - the next one could go either way - but I hope that since it will be one-to-one, this will increase my chances at being able to talk better and more importantly process what is being said to me, instead of dealing with interrupted and fragmented info that is vague and senseless, because I couldn't cope with it - we will see I guess :P

 

Best

 

Darkshine

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Darkshine :)

 

I must first apologise for my negative view point of selfishness :) sometimes i forget how words and oppinions can effect other people and if reading it made you anymore down than you originally felt then i am sorry and hope to amend that.

 

Wait till you hear my deviation lol :) my psychology teacher was so worried about it that he tried to plant multiple hypnotic suggestions although i was aware of them so they never work however sometimes when i do deviate i recall what he said and think about what am saying however i do love a good random rambling mutter in some form or another :)

 

is it ok for me to ask why you have a negative frame of mind today? Whats making you feel like that ? I know am just a random person but if you wish you can send me a PM or reply here about how you feel and i ll listen :)

We are forced behaviours jacking you off?

 

The thing is Darkshine over the past few weeks as i mentioned somewhere i have converted back to the nervous wreck i was before i learned how to interact even if that may be superficial its still better than not interacting at all. I realise that its mostly because i have stirred up some bad memories and because i am labelling myself and by writting this message here i am still labelling myself.

 

Just because our cognitive funtions and social interactions differ from others it does not mean we are different.

is a white man anyless human than a black man and vice verse? The answer is no. We are all human and we are all individuals and thats something to be proud of hun. I am not perfect and i have got aspergers but to me i would nt change. THIS IS ME AND YOU ARE YOU - Have a listen to this :)

 

As a teen around about 18 i use to teach climbing and kayaking and about this time my whole world just fell apart. I tried drownin myself but i could nt and i tried climbing high mountains with no ropes hoping that god would strike me down and if he did nt then thats another chance it means i still have meaning if he never took me back.

 

This is my general philosphy :

 

I know alot about the afterlife and i feel that its much more beautiful than this physical plane but good things are worked for and so we cant quit. we should never quit. we should stand tall and try to live life to the full no matter how hard it is so that when we do pass onto the afterlife i can say "i earned this rest"" i lived and took every chance i could"

 

Your totally correct there is different forms of selfishness for example selfishness is about possesions and gain - So without selfishness we would be lacking alot for example we would nt be able to find a girlfriend or partner and develop mutual affection because without selfishness we would nt have the motivation to do so.

 

Thats what selfishness is worded as in a postive context its called motivation and it means getting of our little bums and doing something for a beneficial reason.

 

I agree about the self-anyalsising and evaluation as it seems second nature to me and it can be torturous especially in romantic relationships. I have learned to write what i want to achive in a type of spider diagram . thats where i write aspects of my life and then i look over each aspect and ask myself if there is any potential risk of something bad happening in this area. This greatly helps me with my anxiety and tends to quench my need for self evaluation.

 

Thats the good things hun . that they dont have any awareness at all and you do that means that your the more advanced partner in that interaction because you do have that awreness. Genrally i dont think people self analyis much and i think its because they dont know how and they think different than us :) Anyways its better to be the shepard than to be the sheep so just keep on trodding your own path and soon enough people will find you and accompany you on your journey.

 

To be honest despite my anxiety, paranoia, lack of social interactions :) I have developed superficial but nevertheless good speaking skills although sometimes my true self can interupt and make me nervous. In general this is what i do when i speak using eye contact.

 

I look in the persons direction and try to evaluate using what knowledge i have learned as to who will more likely to side with em and its that person i give the most eye contact and eye contact with any other person is to merely keep them in the conversation. It might be a good idea to try and evaluate how you think peoples oppions change as you talk for example a person who you might thought never liked you might start to become interested.

 

I took a book out from the library on non-verbal communication and spent a week remebering it and practicing it and now my interactions have improve greatly.

 

So once you have that established with who your gonna give the eye contact to start by speaking and maybe looking in the direction alternating between different people. you dont have to look at them but at least look in the direction to shoulder hieght. The main person am speaking to i make eye contact with them for a few seconds when trying to understand if they understood what i was saying and then my gaze falls back to about cheek level.

 

when i am talking i cant remeber what i was looking at as i blank out and feel as if i have a copy of what i am saying in front of my eyes so i litrally cant remeber anything i look at while thinking but this greatly helps because if i cant notice what i am looking at when speaking and cant remember then i have nothing to be nervous of.

 

Remeber to smile :)

Michael

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Michael, you didn't make me more down with your views on selfishness - I think any view is just an expression of a truth that is felt at the time it is disclosed - that truth could change at any time in any number of ways :)

 

is it ok for me to ask why you have a negative frame of mind today? Whats making you feel like that ? I know am just a random person but if you wish you can send me a PM or reply here about how you feel and i ll listen :)

We are forced behaviours jacking you off?

 

The thing is Darkshine over the past few weeks as i mentioned somewhere i have converted back to the nervous wreck i was before i learned how to interact even if that may be superficial its still better than not interacting at all. I realise that its mostly because i have stirred up some bad memories and because i am labelling myself and by writting this message here i am still labelling myself.

 

Just because our cognitive funtions and social interactions differ from others it does not mean we are different.

is a white man anyless human than a black man and vice verse? The answer is no. We are all human and we are all individuals and thats something to be proud of hun. I am not perfect and i have got aspergers but to me i would nt change. THIS IS ME AND YOU ARE YOU - Have a listen to this :)

I'm in a "what the hell" mood too - so I'll just answer here ;)

 

I'm in a negative frame of mind because I have pressure of a course coming to the end, while simultaneously trying to learn about Asperger's and how to sort myself and my life, also I'm needing to think about how I will discuss issues with the MH team I see to get the most productive outcome for everyone involved, in addition I need to think about a CBT assessment that is soon on the horizon - and will need me to get a grip and be able to work effectively with whoever I will see for that.

 

This would probably be manageable if in the mean-time I wasn't struggling to function in so many ways in daily life - getting up, living through the day, forcing food down my throat (and failing so I have little energy), getting to sleep etc. I can't concentrate on my course and have an assignment due in tomorrow that I've looked at over and over again and I just cannot write a word.

 

Despite all this (and without including specific details of life stuff like family probs, everything going wrong for people who then want/need my help/input - and just general things that are required to be part of running a shared household) - which would also probably be manageable - even with the other things - the real stumbling block is that the bad stuff from my past has all dredged itself up, I feel pretty low (but I've felt much lower) but its just getting to me, every little failure, every flaw, everything that never goes right.

 

I feel misunderstood - I feel like I'm another species - I cannot find a single scrap of hope or of gratitude for my existence - and because I have no belief in anything, there is no comfort for death other than it being an end - if there is indeed an afterlife - I don't wish for it - I just want an end to this - but I don't do suicide so I have to live and today I am really depressed and angry about that, also I'm angry and depressed at myself, my life, the world, and that I do not feel I have a place here - I feel like I've been trapped in a parallel universe designed purely for my own torture as someone's sick little joke...

 

The reason every forced behaviour is jacking me off because I feel like I can barely ever just be me, I have to constantly be aware of this "normal" act - or rather "how not to be me" - its why I like this forum sometimes - because a random person can say or ask something, like you've done and in that moment of time I can be me - even if it's for this instant and even if the facts of today alter tomorrow because I feel better or more able to think logical or clearly.

 

Thanks for the advice on talking and eye-contact - all I need to do now is actually speak without sounding like a moron :lol:

 

It's funny how many people in my life tell me to smile - they say that it takes more facial muscles to frown don't they? I don't walk around frowning but they never say just how hard it can be to smile...

 

Darkshine

 

PS - I quite liked the video you linked - just wish I could do the things it says (other than sunscreen and flossing - which I already do :lol:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Michael, you didn't make me more down with your views on selfishness - I think any view is just an expression of a truth that is felt at the time it is disclosed - that truth could change at any time in any number of ways :)

 

 

I'm in a "what the hell" mood too - so I'll just answer here ;)

 

I'm in a negative frame of mind because I have pressure of a course coming to the end, while simultaneously trying to learn about Asperger's and how to sort myself and my life, also I'm needing to think about how I will discuss issues with the MH team I see to get the most productive outcome for everyone involved, in addition I need to think about a CBT assessment that is soon on the horizon - and will need me to get a grip and be able to work effectively with whoever I will see for that.

 

This would probably be manageable if in the mean-time I wasn't struggling to function in so many ways in daily life - getting up, living through the day, forcing food down my throat (and failing so I have little energy), getting to sleep etc. I can't concentrate on my course and have an assignment due in tomorrow that I've looked at over and over again and I just cannot write a word.

 

Despite all this (and without including specific details of life stuff like family probs, everything going wrong for people who then want/need my help/input - and just general things that are required to be part of running a shared household) - which would also probably be manageable - even with the other things - the real stumbling block is that the bad stuff from my past has all dredged itself up, I feel pretty low (but I've felt much lower) but its just getting to me, every little failure, every flaw, everything that never goes right.

 

I feel misunderstood - I feel like I'm another species - I cannot find a single scrap of hope or of gratitude for my existence - and because I have no belief in anything, there is no comfort for death other than it being an end - if there is indeed an afterlife - I don't wish for it - I just want an end to this - but I don't do suicide so I have to live and today I am really depressed and angry about that, also I'm angry and depressed at myself, my life, the world, and that I do not feel I have a place here - I feel like I've been trapped in a parallel universe designed purely for my own torture as someone's sick little joke...

 

The reason every forced behaviour is jacking me off because I feel like I can barely ever just be me, I have to constantly be aware of this "normal" act - or rather "how not to be me" - its why I like this forum sometimes - because a random person can say or ask something, like you've done and in that moment of time I can be me - even if it's for this instant and even if the facts of today alter tomorrow because I feel better or more able to think logical or clearly.

 

Thanks for the advice on talking and eye-contact - all I need to do now is actually speak without sounding like a moron :lol:

 

It's funny how many people in my life tell me to smile - they say that it takes more facial muscles to frown don't they? I don't walk around frowning but they never say just how hard it can be to smile...

 

Darkshine

 

PS - I quite liked the video you linked - just wish I could do the things it says (other than sunscreen and flossing - which I already do :lol:)

 

Hey Darkshine,

Am glad i did nt make you more down with your views and your totally correct truth could change anytime in a number of ways and thats why reality is totally subjective and not objective because its about how you experience it and a single small truth or change could cause a dominoes effect on ones life and perception :)

 

thats alot of stuff you have to do. have you started by lsiting and prioritising it? and writing down what you have to do?

 

Whats the brief on your assignment ?whats it about?

Why do you feel like your struggling with those things and are you seeking some form of help for make those things better?

 

I like assighnments so if you send me a copy i could help you :)

 

I understand about the past been dredged up and this has happened recently to me :) but i would nt change it because every flaw and every error and every reward and corrrect choice have lead me to been me and although there is a lot of room for self development in know way would i change who i am :)

 

have you tried to think about every little good thing in your past? when this happened to me i could nt cope with it so i just repressed it again till i can cope lol

 

I understand how you feel misunderstood and like a different species but in a way does it not feel good to know that we are different. The fact that i love been different and dont want to join the majority is the one thing that has got me through this as a child. You get bullied so much then you just start to think "hey , if they see me as different and dont wanna befriend me then sod them who needs a nest of ants running round in a circular jar?

 

not me . in know way to i think am superior to them but i feel prized for been different . hope that does nt sound egotistical.

 

The thing is i dont know many people who understand me but since i came here i have felt understood. do you have many friends with aspergers (local)?

 

If not i think this would help you alot so that you can discuss your thoughts and feelings with like-minded people and this will benefit you with social reinforcement which means that because you both think the same you feel good about it . :)

 

Why dont you feel gratitude for your exsistence? what makes you feel like this?

 

I can understand how you feel because i can relate to that i sometimes think that society is the oppressive overseer that condemns me that god enjoys to see me suffer like its some endurance test . as if he is trying to see how much i can take before i crack and go crazy and totally loose the plot. yeah and the worst thing is i cant do nothing about it. I cant kill myself no matter how hard i try it feels like am keep pressing the "esc" button butmy life is frozen in the screen and no matter how hard i try to quit . I still end up living which is torture.

 

but then think of this darkshine. Think of what your life could be ? How could you escape this? Is the things your doing now gonna help the future be better for you?

 

when i get like this i think....well am trying to keep fit and thats progressive. my college will get me a good job if i stick in and with that comes a family and loving relationship and maybe some friends. my learning develops me and makes me more consicous of the coices i made.

 

Try and do that go through each aspect and see if you feel wether its a dead end or wether it has progression and if its a dead end then try and remove it from your daily life. because everything you do today are like seeds that will grow and become the plants that your future survives upon. so do the most with the present.

 

Am sure once you find your path that you will more understood and loved and life will become easier :)

 

Why do you feel that you have to be someone else and can never be yourself?

 

I know that it feels hard that you can never be you but if that happens why dont you just be you. its insignificant wether somebody likes you or not b but its significant that you like yourself and am sure someone will like you for you. If you really feel like you cant be you is there anyways you can take time out and get away from society so that you can be you even if it is in solitude?

 

Am glad you feel like you can be you on this forum :) i feel the same :)B)

 

It takes just as much muscles to fake smile as it does to fake frown. thats how you can tell someone is faking smiling because the muscles that hold there corner of the lips up staying up longer :)

 

You dont have to smile or frown :) but try to be at piece with yourself and then am sure that sooner rather than later this :( will turn into this :):thumbs:

 

dont worry you ll be able to do them things soon :)

 

I dont know your age so i dunno wether or not you ll remember this but there was this song a while back by ub40 and pato banto :) i have it stuck in my head so i ll post the link here lol (cant find it , i ll find it soon)

 

Do you like blues and folk music? I love it so if you like it you might like this

 

Hugs (everybody here, is here for you so your not alone)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thats alot of stuff you have to do. have you started by lsiting and prioritising it? and writing down what you have to do?

 

Whats the brief on your assignment ?whats it about?

Why do you feel like your struggling with those things and are you seeking some form of help for make those things better?

 

I like assighnments so if you send me a copy i could help you :)

I'm sort of organising some things in terms of meetings, but as for everything else it just gets done in any old way until I regain a grip again and sort things properly

 

I'm glad my assignment interests you but I can't discuss much of it til I've done it :rolleyes: the OU takes a very hard line against people asking for help and I've seen enough stories of people being caught out to do the same.

 

Some assignments are easier to discuss without worrying about fine lines - but the remit for this one is so explicit that there is no way of discussing it without seeming like I'm getting help - I'll have to get an extension for Saturday probably and find the thing inside me that lets me get it done...

 

 

I understand about the past been dredged up and this has happened recently to me :) but i would nt change it because every flaw and every error and every reward and corrrect choice have lead me to been me and although there is a lot of room for self development in know way would i change who i am :)

 

have you tried to think about every little good thing in your past? when this happened to me i could nt cope with it so i just repressed it again till i can cope lol

In all honesty - when I feel like this - good things are hard to think of.

 

However, I have got better at listing "positive things" that I have done - it's just they make no difference to how I feel...

 

 

I understand how you feel misunderstood and like a different species but in a way does it not feel good to know that we are different. The fact that i love been different and dont want to join the majority is the one thing that has got me through this as a child. You get bullied so much then you just start to think "hey , if they see me as different and dont wanna befriend me then sod them who needs a nest of ants running round in a circular jar?

 

not me . in know way to i think am superior to them but i feel prized for been different . hope that does nt sound egotistical.

 

The thing is i dont know many people who understand me but since i came here i have felt understood. do you have many friends with aspergers (local)?

It sounds totally egotistical :lol: but I see what you mean and your attitude is a lot more positive than mine is - so maybe ego aint a bad thing in this case - so long as you don't get a superiority complex ;)

 

I only know one person - who I have met - with asperger's - but he's a teenager and I don't see him cuz we both have agoraphobia - which strikes me as pretty funny in an ironic way...

 

Why dont you feel gratitude for your exsistence? what makes you feel like this?

In simple terms because I was an accident that shouldn't have ever happened - everyone's lives would be better off if I never existed.

 

It sounds really stupid - but when I was 14 I got it into my head that I would be dead before my 18th birthday - I was convinced - it made things easier knowing that I would die - when I didn't I kinda lost it - had a mental breakdown - everything I'd struggled to hold together just fell apart and buried me and the thought of a lifetime of it is too much to bear.

 

but then think of this darkshine. Think of what your life could be ? How could you escape this? Is the things your doing now gonna help the future be better for you?

I'm trapped in a vicious circle where everything I need to solve is interlinked so much that I don't know where to start - I have things in place to keep going and I have appointments coming up to assess things - but it feels very bleak and hopeless right now.

 

 

Am sure once you find your path that you will more understood and loved and life will become easier :)

 

Why do you feel that you have to be someone else and can never be yourself?

Aah the ever elusive path eh? I come across it every now and then (once in a while)

 

I know I have to be someone else - I have to be the person society wants me to be - I have to move, act, talk, think, speak, function and do everything like them or they see that I'm a freak

 

I would like some peace in my mind instead of the storm that all too often rages away...

 

Nice chilled music - not something I actively listen to - but nice for a change :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Darkshine :)

 

Sorry that i never replied last night when i was online just had my mind on other things. Today i woke up and i had to go out and i took a self evaluation and realised that by going out am not putting my self into any threatening situation nor could anything bad happen and it is more likely that bad outcomes will come from staying at home then going out . I could nt go out though i walked up the street 3 times and had it in my mind that i would go out but i just physically could nt . i felt nervous and anxious like everyone was looking at me as if i was inferior and a weirdo because am sure people do. So despite my sincere attempt to go out . I just could nt it felt so Agoraphobic and the thing is i have had this feelings and this lots of times but this is the first time i truely understand what it is and to be honest understanding it does nt make it much better at all.

 

Anyways ...lol

 

I understand what you mean about your assignment and i hope you get your extension. Haha no way could i get a supriority complex lol my positive attitude is more super-imposed and very superficial . Its like something i have to do to hide myself from the real me who is down and depressive because of a multitude of reasons but i just learnt to pick my delf up and i even if its not really real after a while of convincing yourself you start to feel like its real and find it easier to do. Does nt mean am happy though but its alot better than feeling totally down :)

 

Yeasterday, my friend texted me 10 times asking me to go see them and i had to make excuses up so i did nt have to go but i just dont understand why people cant just understand and accept the fact that i dont wanna go out and am happy myself. they made me really fustrated last night the way my friends would nt leave me alone. they even offered to cook me tea but that just made me feel worse . made me feel like a sympathy case. so i never went lol. i did try though

 

Thats what i need to do to. By giving you advice it kinda makes me reflect and think that what am telling you is a good idea is the same thing i should be doing to. I should be meeting more like-minded people too and i just realise that.

 

Do you think there will be many people with ASD in your local area? am thinking about how i might make friends with some people like that in my area. At first i thought there might have been some meet up website for people with this like there is for other things. People have meet up internet groups for everything from spanish to gymnastics lol but apparently not aspergers. So i thought maybe there is some support groups for ASD but then again it feels wrong going to a support group. It feels like am catagorising myself as having a problem that i cant solve myself and thats why am going for support which is not what i want at all.I dont wanna lean on any ones shoulder.

 

How do you feel about support groups?

Do you have any ideas about how we might get in touch with like-minded people? am all out of ideas haha. I think today is my down day or was that yesterday :P

 

I know it can be hard to think of but getting better of listing them is good because then when your down if you go through that list make it of things you feel passionate or eager for. like i usually think about how my studying will be further down the line and how good it will feel to get somewhere with it and i imagine when am older having this beautiful wife and some kids in a nice little country house with some tradition and culture and totally serene and stable life. If you try that try describing a picture like that to your self then after awhile you become "sucked into" the picture and find it easier to manifest positive thoughts on the basis of your romanticist ideas.

 

I was an accident to and i was the reason my mam and dad got married and my dad use to try and kill my mam but my mam is just as bad and alot of other stuff thats bad happened but then i think . well if i wasnt born then they would nt of got married and he would nt have beat her and caused her to have breakdowns etc

 

but then theres another way to look at it "if my mam and dad had of used contraception and been responsible then i would nt be here and effect them in such ways so its not might fault am here its theirs so noway am i letting them make me feel responsible for been an accident when that was there choice not mine lol.

 

plus we affect people in just as many good ways as we do bad.

 

I am really amazed because in no way am i making this up but just most of the stuff you say i can relate to even the stufff that i never thought other people would do. Like when i was young i use to do the same i use to feel as if i would die before am an adult .I would lie in bed and just think about what it would be like to be dead or just to simply not exsist. sometimes i wondered if i was scared or happy. wether i wanted it to come or wether i just wanted to lie there motionless for the next 85 years lol :D

 

I suppose i dont believe am gonna die when am an adult now because i am an adult but i dont feel i will make it to 60 and to be honest am not sure i wanna make it to that age. not just because i hate been alive but because i would need to depend more on people and i really would nt be able to cope with that. so i really hope i do go before then but i usually think qabout how scary it would be to die.

once or twice i tried to kill myself and one of the main things that put me off is thinking of the suffering before death such as drowning or suffering with an illness cause if its worse then this feels for us then it must feel like getting screws drilled into your head whilst forced to be conscious......which is somethng am sure i dont want haha

 

So its not wrong to think you might die before a certain time i think its normal well to me its normal . How do you feel about it now?

 

How does everything your trying to hold together fall apart and bury you? what makes that happen and what makes you feel like that darkshine >:D<<'>

 

I dont know if this will help but sometimes i feel trapped in that viscous circle to and i feel as if the circle is mainly made up of routine and i find by looking at it from a different point of view and seeing it (my life) as an equation and then logically trying to solve it. like logically try to find a solution to the problem. totally just logic. no emotions, feelings, thoughts involved just purely treat it as a formula you have to solve.

 

Do you know what i mean?

 

I sometimes find that path to then loose it then when it comes around again sometimes i wonder wether its a totally different path or just the same old.

 

do you know about the errors of attribution? where sometimes people arent thinking the things that we think they are thinking about us. well it just occured to me there.

 

what happens if we are wrong what happens if society does nt want us to be "I know I have to be someone else - I have to be the person society wants me to be - I have to move, act, talk, think, speak, function and do everything like them or they see that I'm a freak" what happens if were just assuming that and thats the cause of all our problems?

 

it does nt make any difference i suppose wether i think they want me to act normal or not am still gonna think they are thinking that i need to be normal and i dont think a simple truth as above (if it is a truth at all) will make any difference.

 

Sometimes our peace of mind is in the storm but we just dont realise. for example when i use to do my mountaineering i got so use to the situations that the situations i felt most in control of was the dangerous ones. felt like i was born to be in those situations and that in everyday life it proves insignificant and uncontrollable compared to the control i have over dangerous situations

 

what happens if thats how it is for us. that we are made to be in these situations and still stand tall and bear the weight rather than live like everyone else.

 

Your right about wanting peace of mind and i guess all i can do and all you can do is look to the horizon and keep searching for our paradise and then one day when we see it . thats the day we should try and steer ourselves from this bad weathered storm and finally take the weight of our backs but till then i guess all we can do is stand tall and keep gritting our teeth :( am sure it will be worth the effort though.

 

am glad you liked that music i love jackson c franks music. I think he was an alcholic and died though so i guess thats ironic lol i ll send you another song of his that i like since you liked the last :)

 

 

I was looking for my favorite song he sings which is called marcy's song but i cant find it anywhere lol

 

Hope your feeling better today :)>:D<<'> :robbie:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Michael - will answer tonight - gotta study and go out :blink:

 

No problem Darkshine :):D Take care and have a good time :):thumbs:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hehe you're so correct .... one of the hardest things to do is not to deviate from the point lol

How could you not cope with all eyes on you? don't worry things will go better for you next appointment :)

 

Yeah, i understand what you mean about 'being taught' to look empathetic, it's just like domestication. If we want a treat thrown our way we gotta learn to act according to social approval and so we adapt to it while we are learning to cope.

 

On some occasion where i thought i was being empathetic i question why am being like this and usually it's because i am empathising and feeling sorry for myself than i am the other person. which sounds really selfish.

 

On the other hand i can be quite romantic but again maybe i have a selfish motive for that. Although i don't think normal people have the same problem with empathising i definitely think that most of the things each individual does is for an economical selfish reason including my own on further inspection

I'm not sure if I understand what romance is. So many of the things that are said to be romantic strike me as silly, insincere or selfish.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is this the song? myspace link

 

Thats what i need to do to. By giving you advice it kinda makes me reflect and think that what am telling you is a good idea is the same thing i should be doing to. I should be meeting more like-minded people too and i just realise that.

It's funny sometimes how thinking something through on someone else'e behalf can help to clear things up in your own mind isn't it?

 

 

 

Do you think there will be many people with ASD in your local area? am thinking about how i might make friends with some people like that in my area.... So i thought maybe there is some support groups for ASD but then again it feels wrong going to a support group. It feels like am catagorising myself as having a problem that i cant solve myself and thats why am going for support which is not what i want at all.I dont wanna lean on any ones shoulder.

 

How do you feel about support groups?

Do you have any ideas about how we might get in touch with like-minded people? am all out of ideas haha. I think today is my down day or was that yesterday :P

I've never been to a support group before - I've been offered for a few "mental health" things but have always declined.

 

I don't have any problem with the idea of them - it's just that something like that wouldn't really help me - I get very little support from people (even when people are offering it - I feel like it's fake or something - so it doesn't help make any difference).

 

I'm interested in groups where people do something - like "normal" people - maybe a course or a hobby or to learn something new maybe...

 

 

I am really amazed because in no way am i making this up but just most of the stuff you say i can relate to even the stuff that i never thought other people would do. Like when i was young i use to do the same i use to feel as if i would die before am an adult .I would lie in bed and just think about what it would be like to be dead or just to simply not exsist. sometimes i wondered if i was scared or happy. wether i wanted it to come or wether i just wanted to lie there motionless for the next 85 years lol :D

I used to do that too except something always happened to make me move :wacko:

 

 

I suppose i dont believe am gonna die when am an adult now because i am an adult but i dont feel i will make it to 60 and to be honest am not sure i wanna make it to that age. not just because i hate been alive but because i would need to depend more on people and i really would nt be able to cope with that. so i really hope i do go before then but i usually think qabout how scary it would be to die.

once or twice i tried to kill myself and one of the main things that put me off is thinking of the suffering before death such as drowning or suffering with an illness cause if its worse then this feels for us then it must feel like getting screws drilled into your head whilst forced to be conscious......which is somethng am sure i dont want haha

 

So its not wrong to think you might die before a certain time i think its normal well to me its normal . How do you feel about it now?

I can't imagine getting old - the thought terrifies me - it's bad enough that I've wasted this much life (I'm 30 by the way - you asked in one of your posts somewhere) ;)

 

I'm not so scared of the pain of dying - everyone convinced me that it would be selfish and I promised someone that I'd never top meself :rolleyes: I don't break promises - simple - yet really irritating...

 

How do I feel about dying? or how do I feel about dying early? :lol:

 

How does everything your trying to hold together fall apart and bury you? what makes that happen and what makes you feel like that darkshine >:D<<'>

 

I dont know if this will help but sometimes i feel trapped in that viscous circle to and i feel as if the circle is mainly made up of routine and i find by looking at it from a different point of view and seeing it (my life) as an equation and then logically trying to solve it. like logically try to find a solution to the problem. totally just logic. no emotions, feelings, thoughts involved just purely treat it as a formula you have to solve.

 

Do you know what i mean?

My mind is what buries me - or the things in my mind...

 

I know all about vicious circles lol - round and round - you break out of it and find yourself in another and round again :P

 

 

I sometimes find that path to then loose it then when it comes around again sometimes i wonder wether its a totally different path or just the same old.

I think the paths are different but also that they cross over maybe - so you can end up treading part of where a previous one was leading until you make a choice or something happens to make you shift paths again - now that's another H.F :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hiya,

 

Finally got some time to answer :P

 

Thats what i need to do to. By giving you advice it kinda makes me reflect and think that what am telling you is a good idea is the same thing i should be doing to. I should be meeting more like-minded people too and i just realise that.

It's funny sometimes how thinking something through on someone else'e behalf can help to clear things up in your own mind isn't it?

 

Do you think there will be many people with ASD in your local area? am thinking about how i might make friends with some people like that in my area.... So i thought maybe there is some support groups for ASD but then again it feels wrong going to a support group. It feels like am catagorising myself as having a problem that i cant solve myself and thats why am going for support which is not what i want at all.I dont wanna lean on any ones shoulder.

 

How do you feel about support groups?

Do you have any ideas about how we might get in touch with like-minded people? am all out of ideas haha. I think today is my down day or was that yesterday :P

I've never been to a support group before - I've been offered for a few "mental health" things but have always declined.

 

I don't have any problem with the idea of them - it's just that something like that wouldn't really help me - I get very little support from people (even when people are offering it - I feel like it's fake or something - so it doesn't help make any difference).

 

I'm interested in groups where people do something - like "normal" people - maybe a course or a hobby or to learn something new maybe...

 

I am really amazed because in no way am i making this up but just most of the stuff you say i can relate to even the stuff that i never thought other people would do. Like when i was young i use to do the same i use to feel as if i would die before am an adult .I would lie in bed and just think about what it would be like to be dead or just to simply not exsist. sometimes i wondered if i was scared or happy. wether i wanted it to come or wether i just wanted to lie there motionless for the next 85 years lol :D

I used to do that too except something always happened to make me move :wacko:

 

 

I suppose i dont believe am gonna die when am an adult now because i am an adult but i dont feel i will make it to 60 and to be honest am not sure i wanna make it to that age. not just because i hate been alive but because i would need to depend more on people and i really would nt be able to cope with that. so i really hope i do go before then but i usually think qabout how scary it would be to die.

once or twice i tried to kill myself and one of the main things that put me off is thinking of the suffering before death such as drowning or suffering with an illness cause if its worse then this feels for us then it must feel like getting screws drilled into your head whilst forced to be conscious......which is somethng am sure i dont want haha

 

So its not wrong to think you might die before a certain time i think its normal well to me its normal . How do you feel about it now?

I can't imagine getting old - the thought terrifies me - it's bad enough that I've wasted this much life (I'm 30 by the way - you asked in one of your posts somewhere) ;)

 

I'm not so scared of the pain of dying - everyone convinced me that it would be selfish and I promised someone that I'd never top meself :rolleyes: I don't break promises - simple - yet really irritating...

 

How do I feel about dying? or how do I feel about dying early? :lol:

 

How does everything your trying to hold together fall apart and bury you? what makes that happen and what makes you feel like that darkshine >:D<<'>

 

I dont know if this will help but sometimes i feel trapped in that viscous circle to and i feel as if the circle is mainly made up of routine and i find by looking at it from a different point of view and seeing it (my life) as an equation and then logically trying to solve it. like logically try to find a solution to the problem. totally just logic. no emotions, feelings, thoughts involved just purely treat it as a formula you have to solve.

 

Do you know what i mean?

My mind is what buries me - or the things in my mind...

 

I know all about vicious circles lol - round and round - you break out of it and find yourself in another and round again :P

 

 

I sometimes find that path to then loose it then when it comes around again sometimes i wonder wether its a totally different path or just the same old.

I think the paths are different but also that they cross over maybe - so you can end up treading part of where a previous one was leading until you make a choice or something happens to make you shift paths again - now that's another H.F :D

 

 

do you know about the errors of attribution? where sometimes people arent thinking the things that we think they are thinking about us. well it just occured to me there.

 

what happens if we are wrong what happens if society does nt want us to be "I know I have to be someone else - I have to be the person society wants me to be - I have to move, act, talk, think, speak, function and do everything like them or they see that I'm a freak" what happens if were just assuming that and thats the cause of all our problems?

 

it does nt make any difference i suppose wether i think they want me to act normal or not am still gonna think they are thinking that i need to be normal and i dont think a simple truth as above (if it is a truth at all) will make any difference.

Yeah I've heard about attribution errors :)

 

It's hard to fully judge of course cuz what is ok with one person - is not ok with another

 

But certain things you can tell about in a more general way - it's mainly suppressing impulses - impulses to do things or say things that "people" don't do - not without getting funny looks, glares or getting moaned at

 

And also learned behaviour - because I've learnt what I'm "supposed" to do that immediately suggests that the other options are what I'm "not" supposed to do :wallbash:

 

 

Your right about wanting peace of mind and i guess all i can do and all you can do is look to the horizon and keep searching for our paradise and then one day when we see it . thats the day we should try and steer ourselves from this bad weathered storm and finally take the weight of our backs but till then i guess all we can do is stand tall and keep gritting our teeth :( am sure it will be worth the effort though.

That's mildly poetic :)

 

 

Is this the song? myspace link

 

I preferred the first one ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Aeolienne

I'm not sure if I understand what romance is. So many of the things that are said to be romantic strike me as silly, insincere or selfish.

 

Sorry that I never replied yesterday. I got the flu so i was too unmotivated to reply however i do feel a little bit better today :)

 

Many stuff of romance can be as you said but then so can everything if looked from an economical point of view but then you also must realize that the economical selfish processing that the majority do is usually done unconsciously . I mean of course you get people who are consciously selfish . The diffrence been that the majority who are unconsciously selfish well they are sincere in there efforts. So if the sincerity is there it does not make love and romance any less real than society romanticist ideas on the topic.

 

if you do consider it in an economical point of view then yeah it is just two people engaging in some type of interaction and indeed benefiting from the social reinforcement on there partners agreement

 

In 1977 a psychologist names Duck defined social attraction and intrapersonal attraction.

He said that social attraction is a short term thing influenced greatly by similarity, proximity and other members of the group.

 

whilst as intrapersonal attract when you stop treating the person as an object stimulus and more as a person and get to understand and know there ideas and about them and this is what forms long term relationships

 

I mean of course to some extent they are both selfish in there own ways but as you gain more of an intrapersonal attraction the less selfish it become because as walster,walster and berschied 1978 -equity theory - which is about balancing the relationship if it is to survive long term and they say that rewards dont have to be shared exact as long as both partners are getting equal rewards.

 

So i think that at first a relationship can start out as selfish and one may only partake in it for their own selfish reasons however within time although the relationship does not become any less selfish it does become balanced and beneficial for both partners in gaining rewards so in my eyes if they are both benifiting from the rewards then its not really as selfish

 

However, later during the relationship or at one point in time both partners might form an attachments which schaffer 1993 defines as "an emotional bond between two persons with mutual affection and a desire to maintian proximity.

 

So the question is not wether romance is selfish because it is but its "selfishly balanced" the question is what is this 'adhesive' that bonds the two people together and thats mutual affection.

 

so then the question becomes what is mutual affection

 

 

p.s. am replying to your post now darkshine

 

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Darkshine :)

 

Thank you for finsing that song :) I love marlene the one that you prefered. it seems pretty biogrpahical of myself haha.

 

I agree that support groups do seem fake and make people depend to much on things and for that reason i dont think i would ever attend one

 

However, i have used that meet up site once or twice in which a group of people meet up for a casual drink or film and its just a bunch of people from all walks of life but because of my inabillity to handle social situations well i end up "subtly showing off" to try and draw a little attention my way to see if anyone is interested in getting to know me. I mean i dont mean to do that its just some sort of defense mech that kicks in but this usually make people look at me and frown upon me

 

courses are quite different though because instead of directly been a subtle show off i can do it indirectly by showing people that am not stupid and answering questions in the class that others dont got a clue about and then usually i ll find someone i find attractive either personality or appearance and i ll say "how u finding the course, how you getting along with the assignment" and then when i find an area they struggle in i ll offer my help to stop them from struggling in it and usually i make some good friends like this because they tend to befriend me more openly then if i had of done it a different way.

 

i have no idea if i just made sense lol

 

30 is still young :) How do you feel about dying old haha :P I would much rather die before am 50 lol and your totally right about viscous circles lmao

 

Yeah maybe so :) it could be nthat it is just a crossover of them both but then that means we gotta admit there some divine miracle that is the driving force that pushes us towards different paths haha :))

 

Yeah i know what you mean about how because other people judge us we judge ourselves on there judgements :))

 

Thank you for the compliment about it been midly poetic haha

 

I am sorry for the short reply its cause am half asleep still lol

 

>:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Roger waters - one of the lead singers of pink floyd and a brilliant solo artist. very different.

 

 

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree that support groups do seem fake and make people depend to much on things and for that reason i dont think i would ever attend one

 

However, i have used that meet up site once or twice in which a group of people meet up for a casual drink or film and its just a bunch of people from all walks of life but because of my inabillity to handle social situations well i end up "subtly showing off" to try and draw a little attention my way to see if anyone is interested in getting to know me. I mean i dont mean to do that its just some sort of defense mech that kicks in but this usually make people look at me and frown upon me

So you're not interested in groups today but thought them a good idea the other day :lol: love the thinking :thumbs::)

 

I guess with any type of group it depends what you want to get out of it - like how some people do volunteering to feel good, some do it to help others, some might even do it as a obligatory thing related to their beliefs - and I've even known some people who do it just to make themselves look good :o (shock horror).

 

To be honest the bottom line of my opinion regarding groups of people with some kind of "problem" is this:

 

I know how to be weird already - it's normal I want to learn

 

So this is mainly why I'm interested in the things I said the other day or yesterday or whenever that was lol

 

Glad it was the right song :D

 

The other song you posted - each small candle - it reminds me of my dad's stuff - he's a big pink floyd fan (in his own way) and he likes gary moore as well - I think he did parisian walkway(s)? And basically stuff like off an album called greatest electric guitar solos or something similar :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So you're not interested in groups today but thought them a good idea the other day :lol: love the thinking :thumbs::)

 

I guess with any type of group it depends what you want to get out of it - like how some people do volunteering to feel good, some do it to help others, some might even do it as a obligatory thing related to their beliefs - and I've even known some people who do it just to make themselves look good :o (shock horror).

 

To be honest the bottom line of my opinion regarding groups of people with some kind of "problem" is this:

 

I know how to be weird already - it's normal I want to learn

 

So this is mainly why I'm interested in the things I said the other day or yesterday or whenever that was lol

 

Glad it was the right song :D

 

The other song you posted - each small candle - it reminds me of my dad's stuff - he's a big pink floyd fan (in his own way) and he likes gary moore as well - I think he did parisian walkway(s)? And basically stuff like off an album called greatest electric guitar solos or something similar :D

 

I know how you feel. Since alot of people dot think that Aspergers is a problem and have acceptance towards it if there was a group made on this site to meet up i dont think it would be centered around AS especially since most of us and myself cant stop muttering about our hobbies etc so i think that the people who managed to make it to such event would tend to make it a hobbie evening rather than a sympathetic cry on the shoulder type meeting. Have we got any meet up groups on this site?

 

Who is gary moore lol?

 

hugs :)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zijN2r3ZKI

Edited by Fourthdimension

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wiki link - Gary Moore - Wikipedia

 

and for a listen of the song I mentioned

 

I've not got much of a clue about meet ups - I did see a post in off-topic about a London meet but don't know if it went ahead or not...

 

I'd probably be too scared to go :blink:

 

Thank you for the song i really enjoyed the guitar :) I always wanted to learn to play guitar :)

Why do you think you would be to scared to go ?

 

:D>:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Does that Pink Floyd song include the voice of Stephen Hawking?

 

Am not sure to be honest. It could be steven hawkins but i think more likely it is just a digitalized voice :)

 

What do you think of the song? There is that song and the rest of the album which kinda tell a story and i love listening to it because its so vague and open to interpretation :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for the song i really enjoyed the guitar :) I always wanted to learn to play guitar :)

Why do you think you would be to scared to go ?

 

:D>:D<<'>

Well there's sensible reasons - like social anxiety and agoraphobia (them things makes thing really hard)

 

Then there's other issues like the military precision and planning that an event such as a meet up would require.

 

I don't think people would like me either.

 

And what if couldn't help but be me and then I can't talk? That'd be a waste of time - mine and other people's cuz I'd feel really angry and bad at myself.

 

I'm also very dubious of meeting people from the internet - you never know what they'll be like (and I attract nutjobs in the real world ebough as it is :lol:).

 

Basically it would seem like an impossible and insurmountable task :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well there's sensible reasons - like social anxiety and agoraphobia (them things makes thing really hard)

 

Then there's other issues like the military precision and planning that an event such as a meet up would require.

 

I don't think people would like me either.

 

And what if couldn't help but be me and then I can't talk? That'd be a waste of time - mine and other people's cuz I'd feel really angry and bad at myself.

 

I'm also very dubious of meeting people from the internet - you never know what they'll be like (and I attract nutjobs in the real world ebough as it is :lol:).

 

Basically it would seem like an impossible and insurmountable task :rolleyes:

 

I understand how you feel. My feelings are more internalised than externally apparent and i think that is because growing up i had no choice other than to cope and in doing so i feel like i supressed alot of feelings.

 

Before i continue i just feel the need to say that i know you would be worried as would anyone of us on this site but the thing is , is that the people who met would all have AS to some degree which i dont think would complicate things . To be honest i think that because we have all had the feeling you have to some degree then we would be more understanding and constructive with ideas to make you feel better.

 

They do make things hard and i do the military precision thing :)) but we gotta overcome ourselves because we are the biggest obstacle and you cant be alone forever. I hope am not alone forever.

 

I always plan like a military commander haha. I have to be early, have to be prepared, constantly smack my pockets to make sure the objects are in the correct place before prioritising a to do list haha and thats just the peak of the ice berg haha :)

 

Why do you think people wont like you?

 

unless you wanted to talk nobody would have any expectations. am sure plus the reason they would be meeting is because they want to get to know you because you share something in common with them. They are not bothered about how you feel social norms determine your behaviour of the social mask we all put on . am sure they would be more interested in the person underneath the social mask :)

 

Yes , your right you have to be dubious about the internet :) as i attract nutjobs too (the stories i could tell haha)

 

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.”- Albert Einstein

 

Things take time. Miracles dont happen over night but they do happen but not without effort :) So dont give up :D

 

Yesterday, my friend informed me that an old work mate of mine had commited sucide. The thing is the guy was confident and mature and he had kids and a family and he has everything i dont. Yet all of a sudden one day he wakes up and kills himself.

 

just makes me think that if he can do it and he was in a better position than i am in terms of well being and mental health and general life then anyone can including myself.

 

just one day they might wake up and feel in an odd mood and with some courage tie a noose thats it there gone all because of one bad mood.

 

Just makes me worry , greatly about my own future and of fiends around me.

 

As glorious as death seems am not a quitter and wont take that way out and i hope i actually mean that.

 

>:D<<'>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand how you feel. My feelings are more internalised than externally apparent and i think that is because growing up i had no choice other than to cope and in doing so i feel like i supressed alot of feelings.

lol my feelings aren't externally apparent - I spent years trying to explain to the doctors that just cuz they can't see that I'm having panic attacks doesn't mean I'm not - its just the impulse to stay normal looking is far stronger so I can hide how I'm feeling - there's only 2 or 3 people in my whole life who have been able to tell the truth without me saying - they can just look at me and "know" - I suppress everything - I don't tell people things at all - they don't want to hear it.

 

Before i continue i just feel the need to say that i know you would be worried as would anyone of us on this site but the thing is , is that the people who met would all have AS to some degree which i dont think would complicate things . To be honest i think that because we have all had the feeling you have to some degree then we would be more understanding and constructive with ideas to make you feel better.

Maybe you would be more understanding - or even a few others - but I don't believe they all would lol - they don't understand the difference between the me on here and the me in reality - on here I can talk and be honest and loads of other things that I just don't have the ability or freedom to do in reality...

 

They do make things hard and i do the military precision thing :)) but we gotta overcome ourselves because we are the biggest obstacle and you cant be alone forever. I hope am not alone forever.

 

I always plan like a military commander haha. I have to be early, have to be prepared, constantly smack my pockets to make sure the objects are in the correct place before prioritising a to do list haha and thats just the peak of the ice berg haha :)

I do all that too :D (and more lol)

 

Why do you think people wont like you?

 

unless you wanted to talk nobody would have any expectations. am sure plus the reason they would be meeting is because they want to get to know you because you share something in common with them. They are not bothered about how you feel social norms determine your behaviour of the social mask we all put on . am sure they would be more interested in the person underneath the social mask :)

I don't think they'd like what they see

 

Yes , your right you have to be dubious about the internet :) as i attract nutjobs too (the stories i could tell haha)

Yeah, I've got a fair few and I don't even go out that much :lol:

 

Suicide is a very difficult subject for a lot of people - but to me - the things you said make sense - anyone could do it if they wanted or if they snapped one day or if something happened that pushed them to it.

 

I think I'm ungrateful for not being happy with my life - I try to be - but all the never-ending problems makes it hard to be grateful and positive :rolleyes:

 

I'm definitely anti-suicide even if I'm pro death - go figure :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lol my feelings aren't externally apparent - I spent years trying to explain to the doctors that just cuz they can't see that I'm having panic attacks doesn't mean I'm not - its just the impulse to stay normal looking is far stronger so I can hide how I'm feeling - there's only 2 or 3 people in my whole life who have been able to tell the truth without me saying - they can just look at me and "know" - I suppress everything - I don't tell people things at all - they don't want to hear it.

 

Then i guess i am the same then because i get all of what you said over the period we have been talking most of the things you mentioned i can relate to.

I somehow just supress it inside though so much that people actually think i like social situations but there wrong.

 

Sometimes i get so anxious it feels like my insides are malfunctioning whilst my physical self stays Stearne lmao.

 

I dont think i have any friends who just no i think i convince everyone i am ok and in the end they believe me even my best friend does nt have a clue what goes on in my head and when i told her a few things about what does go on in my head she was shocked and she thought i was been a hypocondriac because she could nt believe it after how she sees me act.

 

Maybe you would be more understanding - or even a few others - but I don't believe they all would lol - they don't understand the difference between the me on here and the me in reality - on here I can talk and be honest and loads of other things that I just don't have the ability or freedom to do in reality...
i know what you mean but its not that you cant its just that you need coaxed into doing so. like eased into a situation where you can learn to let down your guard and be your self :) Everything takes time :)

 

I do all that too (and more lol)

 

lol do you have seperate pockets for each item that has to be placed in a specific way as i do.

for example , my bank card goes in back right pocket as does my passport

learning cards (paper i write notes to learn on) this goes in back left

phone and £notes in front left and keys,pen,coins go in front right haha

 

i also have to spend an hour getting ready or i wont go out and i have to get ready in a specific way lol

brush teeth,shave,moisturise,shower,wash,hair,ears haha lmao

 

I don't think they'd like what they see

 

They wont like what they see? or they wont like what you think they ll see?

 

am sure theres nothing wrong with your appearance if thats what your referring too :)

 

beauty is founded in the boholder (i love this experession but the way i relate it to perfection makes women sound like a possesion . although i dont intend to give that impression)

 

i think that that saying means that the beauty of the other person is seen through the perception of others and perfection is not a check-list . its different for every person

 

so if theres a million ideas of whats perfect am sure you ll have lots of peoples ideas of perfection that you will fit into.

 

Suicide is a very difficult subject for a lot of people - but to me - the things you said make sense - anyone could do it if they wanted or if they snapped one day or if something happened that pushed them to it.

 

I think I'm ungrateful for not being happy with my life - I try to be - but all the never-ending problems makes it hard to be grateful and positive

 

I'm definitely anti-suicide even if I'm pro death - go figure

 

I agree lol i am anti sucide and pro death haha :)) been positive and been negative are contagious they start as a tiny seed then devour the entire host. a single bad thought can ruin a persons life but a spark of idealism can change a persons future :)

 

I find it hard to be happy when am sad but i just force it . cause am not gonna be beaten by myeself so i force a smile and then after a while it becomes genuine and infectious :)

 

i have a weird story....sometimes when i was down i use to verbalise my prays as if actual conversations with god and talk and say "please please make things go right for me with this woman or this job" then maybe it would or maybe it wouldnt so somewhere along the line i thought "maybe he is nt listening because i always ask for things instead of appriciate what i got"

 

my beliefs are weird aswell but the idea that in order to ask for something i have to first appriciate what i got helped me realise that "yeah life is ######" but theres lots of good things :) and this helped me to be postive more :)

 

Whats your views on euthanasia ? am undecided but i do think it should be legalised on the grounds of other peoples behaviours for example the behaviour of putting a dog in pain to sleep is good because the dog shud nt suffer but then why does the law say a person should suffer because euthanasia is illegal when that doc got a one way ticket to paradise :) just seems illogical to me

 

here comes robbie the rabbit .............. :robbie:

 

Night :):D

 

 

"so someone told you how to be a man?! just love 'em 'n leave 'em and score as many as you can?! but always have someone who is close to your heart and if you wanna keep them then keep them in the dark" - the above video

 

i can totally relate to this how when i find someone i like i have to keep them in the dark by showing them a mask rather than me but if i did show them me they would leave anyways so at least i dont get as hurt with my mask on

 

i just thought i d share the video with you.There an amazing bad and have lots of good songs

Edited by Fourthdimension

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×