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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team

darkshine

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  1. Problem reading music while playing the piano

    Hi Littleplum, I think while age may be a factor and adults may have less plasticity in terms of new connections made in the brain, this does not necessarily mean adults cannot learn, but perhaps it may be true that it might take longer to learn some things. If anything I wonder if the hardwired behavioural differences between adults and children is that children seem to have a tendency to believe things are possible. I find as an adult that it is all too easy to form a lot of perceptions about things as well as beliefs formed from years of personal experience and I believe that at times these things can actually serve as a block to learning. I understand why it might mean more to you if someone proficient offers advice or suggestions on this, and it is possible someone will. Admittedly I only passed grade 1 in piano - the keyboard I completed grade 5. I think even though there are significant technical differences between the two, the basic principles of using left hand, right hand and sight reading remain (in simple terms) the same and it is on that loose basis that my suggestions come from. When it comes to remembering music I can do so in the forms of patterns relatively easily, in contrast I found/find sight reading harder - I think that even though synchronising three different actions is not easy, it is possible when the whole sequence of actions becomes so automatic that it does not require thought any more. Perhaps for some this happens swiftly and fluidly without excessive amounts of conscious intention, for others it might be more a process of repetition that is fuelled by determination and maybe belief of the possible. I myself am somewhat out of practice but when I did devote myself to music I played for a few hours a day every day, the constant practice and engagement with the instrument is what helped things began to become fluid to the point where I could read the notes and move my hands without really looking where I placed my fingers. Even when I wasn't playing the keyboard or piano I would be tapping out note patterns and doing finger exercises on any available flat surface or just inside my head. In many ways, I sort of lived the music, it was so much to me at the time and that level of meaning mattered because I loved the feel of it coming together. I used to joke that my left hand wouldn't 'play ball' to people when I have spoken of why I didn't continue with the piano, it was part of it, the bringing together of far more detailed levels of movements and notes. But really I just never felt it with the instrument, beautiful to listen to but just not me. What prompted me to reply to your post Littleplum is because when I looked at continuing the exams with the piano, something that I clearly decided against, I was able to play simple tunes by sight with both hands, slowly at first but it was workable enough to improve upon, and I did so by transferring the principles of the keyboard learning over to it. But I think its about more than just tips and techniques and stuff, because I believe my improvement was to do with my take on it all - because if all else failed I was either determined or stubborn enough that I wasn't going to admit defeat - especially with the grade one piano stuff, if all I could play was a couple of notes and there was no progress for days and days until I could almost do another bit and another bit, then that's what it took and believe me it took a long old time compared to the keyboard. A lot of things in my life have been like that, not just music and piano playing, I think there may be easier ways of going about things but I guess sometimes its about finding your own method and finding out what works for you, but just as importantly it might be about not giving up. With both the keyboard and the piano my philosophy was that if I could play one extra note then it was enough for me to believe that if I could manage one extra that time, then I could find one extra again. Even when it all fell apart, the fact I had found three notes with both hands meant that I could do it again and make it four, five and eventually I'd have a few bars and so on. It helped to keep changing the music I was working with and have a broad variety of pieces that ranged through various ability levels from simple to complex and also having variety in music I liked, did not like, sort of liked, hated, was neutral about. I'd listen to a piece sometimes to help fill in the texture of it and I'd mixing different types and styles of music to play, along with a range of exercises, always keeping things brief and fluid by covering a lot of ground there would always be progress somewhere and its all good practice and better than ramming ones head against a brick wall with one tune and feeling like I'm getting nowhere (which I've done all too often lol). The thing is, many skills with music do not come naturally to me, I have no pitch, I'm quite uncoordinated at times, because my movement memory was clearer than my memory of music notation I need to work constantly on keeping that fluid. Its the first thing to go for me even though I can still play many known songs and I need the music because I haven't memorised them, but I don't need to think about it as I read the music I can just play the piece at speed and correctly. But with new stuff I very quickly realise that the memory is not connected, somehow I can play the known songs and know exactly what the notation patterns mean but I can't do this with a new piece of music in the same way, I used to be able to when I practiced regularly and had the skills developed enough - but this skill of sight reading and playing has almost reset to a more basic level due to a lack of updating that knowledge. It isn't that I can't read the music, I know what the notes are and with the bass clef I can work out what they are, its that I am unable to connect what I'm reading with the movement and the notes on the keyboard/piano and that the fact I'm not doing this for a few hours a day is part of that as well as utilising what you have got to help compensate for what you have not. Sometimes........ I'd just visualise myself playing the piece wonderfully in my head and then in reality I'd place my hands on the piano or keyboard and bang my fingers down in the right times for the perfect notes in my head - I'd pretend to follow the music I was looking at and ding dong the piece out - and while I'm sure that this might be viewed as completely pointless, sometimes its good to relax and make a row because then the real practice sounds a whole lot better, because for a minute or so it just doesn't matter and can be fun, bit like excessive improvs that make no sense whatsoever, sometimes its good to just do something because you can rather than because you cannot. All the best Darkshine
  2. Problem reading music while playing the piano

    Hi Littleplum, Can you sight read each line independently at this stage of your learning? Because while I am not a piano player and only dabbled with it, I have to say that ignoring the fact that I struggle to make my left hand play ball, my main problem with learning the bass clef was that I found it difficult due to the different note placement (in the main). I never really got as fluid with reading that line as I did with the treble clef and I think that might have been a factor for me, don't know if this rings true for you or not. If you can read both staves quite fluently separately and are struggling to do both my suggestion would be to really break things down and either: a. learn the right hand (I find this easier but you could do it the other way round) then once you have that down, start adding a simplified bass line and build up from there by adding in the bass clef notes for the left hand. b. take it either one bar at a time with both lines and gradually piece things together that way building up the piece of music step by step in a I guess 'wholer' way than by breaking it down too much (like option a would) but it might need more jumping around between the two. I'm sure there are other strategies and mine is a purely basic one (because this is what I did and I pretty much transferred keyboard approaches over to the piano). But I would also say that learning to read our language as a skill is something that some of us did quite some time ago and while I completely believe it is possible to add new skills, as with any skill it might take time to be able to do it smoothly and with flow. It might be reasonable to give yourself some space and time to do so, you've made quite a lot of progress from what you say since you started playing and these stages of getting a bit stuck are normal I think. Hope you are well and all the best Darkshine
  3. MY STORIES

    The keeper and the kept Lines or boundaries shifting into something else where mini battles occur, plans are drawn, places taken and the dice are set. With all the good intentions, best wishes and care in the world there can be so many regrets. In the void between knowing, does it make any sense, can you know what to expect? In the space where communication breaks down and not grows. I wonder I wonder. Who is the keeper and who is the kept?
  4. And me too.

    This will be short and sweet, I am breaking my rule for you, I couldn't say nothing, you are worth too much for that and I respect you for who you are. I know I've been part of this and I didn't intend anything, but I guess we all effect each other. You will get what you want in life, I know it. Best Darkshine.
  5. I Bid You Good Day

    The Short Version I feel I have to take a massive step away from talking on the forum, and potentially forever, right now I have to view it as forever because otherwise I remain trapped in a sort of no-man’s land. I am having to compromise myself more and more as each day passes and despite enjoying certain aspects of talking on the forum boards, I cannot do that any longer as it is not healthy and I cannot live with this conflict all the time. I regret this decision but I feel I have no choice, this is based on many factors and not one-off incidents and this is not a rash decision, to walk away from the only AS community I have ever known. I have enjoyed being a member of this forum and the times spent on here just as much as there have been hard times. I am grateful to the people who have either given me great advice, or spoken to me in PM and also for the people who have contacted me to thank me for my input. I would like to continue that contact in PM Regards Darkshine The Epic Version Of course there is an epic version, those of you who know me might smile or laugh at me now for doing this, but you know this is who I am and I have had this file containing the following words sitting on my computer for some time now (the 17th of December as it happens). I have been thinking of leaving for much longer than that, almost as long as my membership on here, because there have been very serious questions on my mind and I could not settle them, but I had to try and I have done so consistently for a year and a half. This is not just the issues I have raised over the past week or so, although they are vital to me and a big part of this and my sense of self, this is not just about that, its about hope, I hoped for something more, something different and I am afraid I cannot settle the questions and issues I have, despite my continued and various efforts over the last 18 months. I have informed my friends a while back that I have been thinking of leaving the forum boards, I have told them I am winding down and as a process they know I have found that difficult, so to them this will not be a surprise. I feel now is the time to bring this process to an end for although on some levels I am filled with the deepest regret on so many levels about this decision, on other levels dragging it out is not helping me and I see this as a positive, realistic and appropriate decision. I’ve been a member of this forum for just shy of 2 years and you get to have feelings for a place and people in that amount of time, my experiences on here have been varied and I have had a deep affection to this place and the people here. I remember the day I arrived, asking if it was 'ok' if I “posted a post”, asking if I could, because I was not sure whether I would be accepted. I was angry with my diagnosis and myself, seeking to find my identity, I’ve been lost, confused, upset and depressed and I’ve poured myself out here, I’ve shared myself as much as I could and as much as I can, and I've come a long way since then due to the people on this forum and my own efforts, but there are lines everywhere and I cannot live in a cage, I cannot be confined behind bars, not on here and not in my life. I have felt at times that this forum and some of the people on it have really helped me out, but then, until fairly recently, I never really accounted for how much work I put into things myself either to start to change my own life, and how much I have tried to give to others on here. People have given me some really good advice from time to time when I have sought it, really shared themselves with me and everyone else and I am and have been grateful for that, I’ve shared fun times and bad times, I’ve shared a lot of my life and my experiences, my pain and I’ve shared yours, but always with limits, always with lines on the forum – but not in PM and the contrast is so obvious to me, the value of my conversations in PM make the distinction so apparent and I cannot ignore that. Some of you are still here and I see you everyday, or once in a while, some stay behind the scenes and you talk to me and send me messages that make me smile and even cry sometimes, you light up my mind and make me think, ask for my advice and give me advice. Other people I only see out here on the boards and I value and enjoy many of those interactions too, and some people are long gone from here and I have been asking myself why for a long time, although some have told me. Almost exactly a year ago I was coming out of a very bad medication change, I wanted to end my life, a fairly short life to end at 31 but not as short as others. And I decided not to, I decided to fight, and so began a battle for my life, typical me really, turning everything into a black and white all or nothing war. Part of that fight was a decision to stick around on here, and it hasn’t been easy, but all a part of the battle, all part of the fight in my life that is me and who I am, and I owed it to myself to do that and to know that I gave it my best shot. A fight against the darkness that so often crowds around me and sucks me under and I try to give away the light to anyone I can just to be able to see it in my life, to feel there is a purpose to my life. And I see that there are many shades of grey between black and white and light and dark, but sometimes on here there are not those shades of grey at all. Over the course of the last twelve months I have realised that not everything needs to be a battle, I exist in the world between dark and light in many ways, for it is part of me and always will be. I have a suicide note on my computer – not because I am going to kill myself – it is incomplete and will stay that way. I keep it to remind myself to never ever forget how that feels, to want to die, to plan it, to say goodbye, and it reminds me to never be afraid of sharing that pain with others, it reminds me to be open to, and experience things painful and joyful and everything in between, and to always be true to ourselves and open to all our experiences and not just pick and choose the ones we like. And as I find more light in my life I realise that the dark is me too, and all sorts of greys in between, but I do not fear it, I do not live in fear of that darkness that I know is so powerful. I would like to remain in contact with those of you who share yourselves with me in so many ways and bring such value to my days when you walk past and give me a shout from time to time in PM's, and so for a while I would like to remain on here in that way, for your messages and friendship's hold great meaning to me. To everyone else on these forum boards, I bid you good day - this has been a very difficult decision to make, but I feel I have no choice, I have enjoyed the interactions but I have to do what feels right for me. Darkshine I have another file sitting on my computer that is a little more my style - to those who know me a little better, it might be more fitting - and I will end on that note because it is the true me, unorthodox, unconventional, a bit odd, and as a mate on here tells me all too often (Ben lol) "way too deep", but for some reason I have this urge inside me that I want people to understand me and who I am - and so to feel true to myself I am allowing myself this additional rambling because it just feels right and I haven’t really rambled for a long time have I? And yeah Ben, its way too deep In the land of Darkshine The land of Darkshine is a hostile place at a quick glance, that first look will show something, but there’s all manner of things to see, you could see any of it, just know that what you see is but a small fragment of the story. If you are willing, let me take you on a little tour and I will try to explain. The land of Darkshine is desolate and bare, it’s painful and scary, deep and dark, but within all that there is a light side, with humour and fun. But the land can be an angry place for me to live in, violent and destructive, harmful and hazardous, it can poison with its toxicity and strangle and choke with its tangled vines of beliefs. There’s crooked, sharp, rocky peaks, deep chasms and pits of despair, forests of loneliness and rivers and seas to drown in. Monsters roam freely here, disturbing and infecting me with their evil twisted logic, their venomous reasoning, their aggressive torturing, and I exist in a cage and they surround me, they taunt me, punish me, hate me, love me, protect me and harm me. I stare through the bars of my cage at them, and I stare at the bars themselves, they are black, cold, hard, metal. Very solid and very real. Sometimes part of me can walk amongst the monsters, walk through the land, and it’s a sad pitiable place moulded from my life, my experiences, my pain, my agony. It is filled with mistrust and rage, a bitter resentment darkens the sky and the clouds lay heavy with a thick gloom of hopelessness, sorrow and futility. I sigh, and it is hard to fill my lungs here, the air is glutinous and thick, it coagulates in my bloodstream and suffocates me as a sense of anguish floods into my very being. I look back on my life and my heart aches painfully, it breaks apart and fractures as I grieve for what I have lost, I’m genuinely acutely distressed at what I’ve given away or avoided, at the years that have slipped by me and I feel ashamed that I ran away and got lost in this place, that I let myself be caged, that I caged myself away. And I have tried to mend the broken pieces of my life, and I’m trying to create a new life, but this land is unforgiving and the monsters rule on high with their currency of conflict, battles, fights and domination. I lift my head and try to see, it’s difficult, the darkness is so dense, so impenetrable, and I think I see indistinct shapes shifting within it, but they indecipherable and unclear. There’s a sense of vengeful menace lurking there and I do not wish to walk too close, I don’t know if I want to see what lies in that blackness any more, for I already know what it is and I’ve seen those monsters enough in my life. The atmosphere here in my landscape is intense, you could cut it with a knife and suspicion reigns supreme, I think they won’t let me go, the monsters won’t let me go!! I have a profound sense of loss and they have no sympathy, no empathy, just a malignant, vile, foul heartlessness and a pernicious hatred, they are abhorrent, and I loathe them, they repulse me with their aversion of letting me go. I feel a pervasive essence all around me and my perception sharpens and evolves as I change grow progress advance and develop, as I strive to keep moving forwards, I try not to look back, I want to escape, to be free, but they won’t let me go!! In the land of Darkshine there’s a light side of things, and as I try to approach it I am blinded by it, I cannot see and I am afraid, so I run for cover of darkness again and again, and the monsters spit on me, and I cower beneath their fury, I tremble at their uncontrolled rage, they grab me and hold me, twisting me, hurting me, and I cry for forgiveness, I repent for stepping out into the light as the darkness embraces me once more. But I squint in the brightness again and again, and it hurts so much that it burns into my eyes, and for the first time I begin to see. I shade my eyes and slowly I begin to look around me, I begin to see, and I start to walk, stumbling at first for I don’t know how to walk in this place, this new landscape and I take step after step, I fall down and I crawl, pick myself up and try again and again and again. Because I am not just “Darkshine” I am a real person, with a real life and real thoughts and real feelings and I am not fixed and static, I am developing and changing, AS doesn’t stop that, the darkness doesn’t prevent it, maybe some will have seen me grow and find something in that in their own lives, see that I am walking out of my own cage into my own freedom - how is that possible in a place where 'real life' is often seen as a separate concept? And as I turn and look back one last time, I do mourn what I leave behind, I try to take it with me, I see people in my mind in cages all screaming and it hurts my ears and it rips my heart apart because I cannot free them. Some of them are my younger selves, me as a kid, as a teenager, the me entering my young adult years, and some are other people who do not even see that they are caged and I cannot take them with me and I grieve for that too, I stand undecided, unsure, uncertain as I am pulled in pieces internally, for I have my own view on things, rightly or wrongly I have my own views, and I cannot stand here any longer looking around. I have to walk away.
  6. leaving the cul-de-sac

    Very beautifully put Mike, it might not be the best word 'beautiful' but 'beautiful' seems a perfectly acceptable word right now as I have no better one at this exact moment. Your post has moved me very deeply, almost to the point of tears, it is very poignant - that is the word I want, it is very very poignant and moving, honest, open, truthful and in the wonderful balance between subtlety and clarity it has touched me somewhere far inside myself. I think the loss of you in that aspect, which I already knew was a possibility for some time, is still something which moves me on so many other levels because of the value I see in you a a person, and also as my friend every day and I know how much you have to offer, not just to me, but to anyone, and what a massive loss that you are on here in so many ways, and the fact that only such a small percentage see it is beyond me - but I am glad that some do, for I know you would offer yourself freely, and openly, with no malice or selfish desires. I hope others see that too, but it is too late for that and that loss is as cutting as a car through a safety barrier, as moving as a sunrise on a day when life has meaning after a terrible tragedy the day before, as mournful as a still dark night, and as wonderful as watching a caged bird flying free and singing as it rises into the sky. I feel privileged to know you, and as much as I am moved in so many ways, I have a smile that grows because you do things in style, in your own unique way, and in the landscape of our lives I know that your landscape is a free one, that is open, honest and truthful and beyond imagination and I smile because I value that on every single level there is. A
  7. To Suze

    Suze, I would like the opportunity to respond to your reply, and that is the purpose of this thread. I have not done so in private because I feel that I have the right to be able to respond and for people to see my response. I have very strong feelings about the issues I raised, I realise that within the way I laid out my post that I criticised the rules, I did not do so to purely slam rules per se. I appreciate that there are occasions where rules exist for reasons - and I had got to a point personally where I felt that I had to discuss the issues that I raised - that happen to fall directly within those rules. It is a very fine line between those two factors, and the only way I felt I could approach it was in the way that I did, I feel it would have served no purpose to put up a post about each topic and potentially incite responses, not just from the moderating team or the admin team, but also the other members of this forum. You are correct, the actual percentage of posts that are locked, deleted or indeed warnings meted out is not a very high one, and I have looked in on other forums that exist for such issues as I raised and I do not deny that this one is very calm in comparison. However, I see with there are reasons people do not feel they can broach such topics, or talk freely here even though they are clearly elements of a deep gravity in many people’s lives. When I say discuss, I mean in productive ways – some of those topics are not easy to talk about and it is my opinion that there are people who are members of this forum who would like to talk about those things. It is difficult, as certain topics do have a tendency to spiral out of control as obviously everyone is free to comment and sometimes the initial topic does go awry somewhat. I also appreciate that there is a massive difference between a topic that is obscene and completely inappropriate and one which is an adult discussion within a mature setting for the purposes of self learning, self awareness, sharing experiences and understanding, and this is why an adult section of the forum is a worthy consideration. I have felt for some time that certain issues are avoided and I wanted to express my opinion on that and I of course welcomed responses. I acknowledge that my post was blunt and to the point, and I asked the questions I needed to ask, while also letting everyone know where I stand on the issues I raised there. These issues are ones that really are important to me, as someone with AS. A difficulty with joining other sites or forums about those specific issues is that they are largely made up of – I don’t like this term but I’m going to have to use it – ‘NT’ people, and as you have pointed out, those places are not friendly and welcoming, they are not safe for those of us on the spectrum who are vulnerable and they are a veritable minefield for someone on the spectrum to navigate. Upon reflection I see that it might have potentially been more constructive if I had spoken as I am now, at the time I wrote my post I felt that I was compromising on my beliefs, morals, values, opinions and integrity in keeping quiet about my concerns on the issues I raised, and I had reached a point where I felt I had to speak about it - and that set the tone for me on subjects that are emotive and challenging. My post was intended to broach subjects that I do have concerns about and because I consider some of the issues I raised do relate to people on the spectrum (including people who know or are related to people on the spectrum with such issues), I wished to know if there was any leeway on those rules, including the potential for an ‘adult only’ section, not only because all this was my opinion, and I was speaking for myself , but also because I have observed others say that these issues are factors in their lives and I have been told the same, considering that I believed that it was well-worth asking and I feel that you and Simon have been very clear in your responses to my query. Regards Darkshine
  8. Depression - What triggers it?

    See, that's where I don't have a leg to stand on - as they say - because I am more open to magic than prayer and that in itself is illogical perhaps, I don't believe in 'God', but I like the ideas of other types of - I don't know, life force, energies, 'something'. And that is why I felt I had to come back and add to what I said to Ben earlier today. I am flawed, but I admit that, it makes me who I am. Good luck with your war Sa Skimrande - I appreciate that ''luck'' is also open to debate.
  9. Town centres

    From everything you say it certainly sounds like the copper is right. My previous post here about permission was an afterthought, I know you are 'on it' regarding the law so I assumed that you were within your rights, but thought I'd check rather than just assuming. Their loss, online shopping has many plus points, although it is good to get out too (which I know you do)
  10. Depression - What triggers it?

    It is difficult to hear of such things and of course depression is an unstable element for many people, I am not sure whether there is a one rule fits all approach to depression, and of course, more severe feelings, what works for one, may not work for another. I believe that life can get better Lizzy, and it is a shame that some cannot see that - it is difficult when drowning in the grips of depression, there doesn't always seem to be a way out. I think trying to understand such things as this tragedy as you have tried to do, is a good thing, awareness is not easy, but there can be a lot of value in it. I respect your opinion because at the end of the day Ben, even the most non-religious can get on their knees and pray in desperate times. I think the act of prayer is a very symbolic one, a lot goes into it from a person's soul at such times, I can accept that can be powerful, and the intentions and meaning involved in prayer could indeed be a very powerful thing. As I once said to a friend in PM, I at times wish I could believe and have faith, but it isn't exactly something a person can just switch on and off is it. As for spirituality, well, I find my own versions of that and in trying to connect with the world in which I live, and I do find those elements that I do find or experience to be very important. Best Darkshine
  11. Forum Rules

    What counts as objectionable? What if we disagree? What if I take objection to discussions and nobody else does, does that mean you will remove posts because Darkshine has a problem? I take massive objection to some of these rules? Will you remove them then? Will you change them? What if I told you I know other people object? What will you do? Ask them to step out here and back me up? They might not be willing to do that for a variety of reasons, they might not want to because they might be scared or want a quiet life, they might fear you will remove their account, they might not know how to step out and speak up for fear of retribution. Why can we not talk about things of a sexual nature? AS is a development condition, sex might be a really important area of growth – but tough luck guys, you are just gonna have to struggle your way through it, be celibate, doesn’t matter if you were raped or abused of course, doesn’t matter if you are gay/bi/lesbian/transgender – tough luck, lock it up inside and if you get depressed and slash your wrists, oh well, your responsibility not ours, doesn’t matter that there are people out there who can talk you through it cuz 'little whoever' can’t handle talking or reading about that stuff. Sex is a part of adult life, sensory issues are a part of AS, sensory issues can interfere in an adult mature sexual relationship – why on earth is this ignored? Even people not on the spectrum can have sexual issues as they explore their sexuality – are we in the middle ages here guys? Do we live in the repressed society where sex is hush hush – doesn’t matter if you want a sex life with your partner or girl/boyfriend or husband/wife or whatever – just get on with it and it doesn’t matter if you are psychologically and emotionally harmed then – obviously. And how exactly does that help people? What happened to the adult section? Inflammatory – again – what I have said here could be deemed as such even though I see it as my honest, truthful and open opinion. Even though I am not looking for a fight and I am trying to raise serious points here – what if one person decides that because they find it hard to talk about depression or sexuality and removes my post – does that mean they are right and I am wrong? Again, some may see my post here as disrespectful to the forum team and the rules, but am I really being disrespectful or am I raising serious and valid points? And how do we learn conflict resolution? If we create a cushioned safe and cheery little bubble, how exactly do we relate that to “real” life – should this forum not display real life? Or should I go outside, get attacked and go “help, where are the mods to save me?” And in my opinion this is negligible, because you warn people for anything on these terms even when there is no risk!! What is 'risk'? Somebody seeks help, they ask for it, they are desperate and they really need to know that people understand, they really need that or they might go over the edge, and what do they get? They get warned, they get edited, they get their post removed and what then? Oh well, the forum doesn’t get blamed so its all alright then isn’t it? Tell that to the poor sod's family when they’ve topped themselves cuz you’ve all shut them right down in their hour of need. Death will happen to all of us, it isn’t something to run away from and fear, the grim reaper isn’t going to knock on your door for it – but because some people feel a little uncomfortable then it doesn’t really matter if someone kills themselves because there is no room at all to talk. I have a lot of advice for self harmers, I understand a fair bit, I have experience. I understand a fair amount about depression, I have had it since I was a child, I have experience. I understand aspects about gender, sexual and sexuality issues, I didn’t suddenly learn how to have a healthy sex life and nor have I reached a position of complete understanding now, I wish to talk about this, to understand others experiences and give and receive help and have a healthy attitude to such things. I understand a fair amount about suicidal thoughts and have had some really extreme experiences, both myself and within my family and also other people I have known – I am not afraid to talk about them or advise or hear about this, and if me visiting dark places to understand someone else and potentially saving a life helped, then I will do that any day. But I am not allowed to discuss these things because oddly enough getting a warning or a massive disclaimer kinda makes a lot of people avoid the topic, and a load of sensitive people who can read the topic title and choose not to read it report the posts abnd they get edited and locked and removed. How is that open people? Please tell me how. These are my thoughts, I hope they are respected and not edited and not removed, and that this post is not locked – because I have a right to an opinion based on my life, as a member of this forum, as a part of this community and for what its worth, whether people back me up or not, whether people agree or not – my thoughts and opinion are valid to me. Darkshine Edit spelling mistake
  12. Community

    I think when I look at the community I live in, which doesn't really feel like a community to me because I am not involved in it, we might all have different views and perceptions. Say a large supermarket chain wants to demolish a nice old pub, some might welcome that for the convenience of shopping, some might value the old pub, some might resent the control of said chain and protest, some might not mind and have no opinion - does that mean it is not a community? If Mrs Jones protests. If Mr Singh praises. If Miss Theodopolopidus sends a letter to the paper about the historical value of the building. If Ms Kennedy doesn't care. If Dr. Watson stays out of it because he is busy. Does that mean there is no community?
  13. gutted and disappointed! ;(

    So does she talk or not then? Cuz that really isn't clear at all when one moderator says one thing and another says something else. How on earth does Smiley talk within those parameters as there isn't much room and everything would have to be worded perfectly and that isn't always possible when you are depressed is it?
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