family using eldest son for information/outbursts

[sawjd]

Hello everyone,

 

 

Its been a while since i have been on here, just trying to get over a cold and really chesty cough, been under the hospital (me and my Other half).

This query i have is to do with family but i need to fill people in with some background up to date info first.

 

I have spent ages copying and copying and ..... even more copying paperwork to IPSEA who are supporting us in a bid to get K (our youngest) assessed by the LEA (yeh not even a statement of special needs but statutory assessed).

 

Whats happening at the moment is that k is still having problems in attending school, delaying tactics in the morning, not doing homework, and the school have said he is reluctant at school to do work and has to be pushed. They (school) know that k does need a lot of help in handwriting and they have specified this on his IEP yet the SENCO does not state how much he is getting. K is under the dietician and is receiving movical and does not take fruit or veg of any kind (not even strawberries or raisins with chocolate on). K is still wearing nappies at night because his bowels need to take time to get back to normal after the muscle has been stretched for so long, the family (partners) have been told this.

 

Now about three or four days ago my partner said that his mum had rang him at work to find out how he is getting on and then went on to say that we need to be consistent in getting k out of nappies at night. I have even shown paperwork to his mum (how disgusting that she does not believe me.) While that is our goal and ks goal.... it won't happen properly until k starts to regualte some intake in fibre. We all know this but my partners mum talks to our eldest who in turn gives us grief as he came out with a really bad verbal outburst (D our eldest is aspergers)about how i was a useless and how HE SHOULD BE OUT OF NAPPIES NOW. My partners family love to be in competition some how as another grandson is out of nappies WOW. Well so what ....! If you pardon the pun i could not give a xxxt.

 

Our K will get there eventually and things are starting to slowly improve on the bowel side of things so its looking good. The fact that our eldest came out with the same comment as partners mum could be of course conincedence but this thing has happened one to many times and we know our eldest does visit and has said its because we don't talk to my partenrs family that he gets asked such stuff or he tells them such stuff. D has been asked not to get involved but if k is off school which he has been but only for two days in recent months then i get a lot of verbal abuse and some stuff comes out and D gets verbally aggressive.

 

How do i approach this to partners family. They know not rely on D as he gets info wrong anyway. He says its becuase we don't visit but with my partners ms (multiple schlerosis) he doesn't go to visist much because of the fatigue and again my partners family don't understand this. So my partner tends not to stay too long. They can call him anytime, they know that.

 

What to do. Any advice on what to say to k when getting ready for school would be appreciated to.

 

I have been taken for granted so much lately that when i became ill everybody in the house lost there temper. I am not to be ill anymore.

 

Thats life i suppose.

 

Thanks for your help and advice.

 

with regards

 

Sarni

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I'm afraid I don't know what to suggest regarding your partner's family and getting K out of nappies. But, perhaps I can make a few suggestions on school issues. My son is nearly 10 and from P1-P4 R used to refuse to go to school, employ delaying tactics, etc etc. I actually found that the more pressure I put on him, the more badly he'd behave and mornings were very challenging. I did tell bim that just as I have to go to work so does he. I used to pick out all the positives of schooling/all the things he likes and 'big' those things up. Admittedly, I don't like being late for things and got to the stage where I felt that it wasn't worth WW3 breaking out, simply to be on time, but rather felt that it was much better for me and for school staff if we went in late with R being in a reasonable frame of mind. Very difficult balance to get right as I'm sure some might think that's a rather soft approach, however, it was constantly reinforced to R that we were going. I found that by providing more structure also helped, for example, I bought coloured sand timers to help him understand how long he had to e.g. get dressed, eat breakfast, etc etc. I think R is a lot less stressed in the mornings and for the past couple of years, it really hasn't been a problem generally (there can be issues from time to time if R has had a problem the day before, etc). Sometimes turning things into a game e.g. I bet you can't get your clothes on by the time that I've made breakfast (though dependent upon kiddo's mood!).

 

Best wishes.

 

C.

[KezT]

My eldest son is ASD and my 6yr old daughter is currently on movical and sadly back in nappies`24 hours at the moment, so I understand some of the issues:(

 

The way we have dealt with it is to be very specific that the nappies are due to a medical issue, which she is recieving treatment for, and will get better from (God I hope so!). There are some good leaflets available from your continence nurse (if you have one) or from the ERIC website, which might help the family understand - although none of them explain the timeframes very well imo.

 

You don't say how old your youngest is, but the bonus of saying it is medical, and ongoing, is that you can then legitimately get quite huffy about disability discrimination if people make rude comments

 

Also, has your partner talked to his family about how the MS affects him? It is a much misunderstood condition, and the info "out there" is not always very helpful. TBH, no-one will really understand unless they see it day in day out, but it sounds as though his family have no idea of what your family are going through.