Is kicking a football a tic? And hubby agrees with me at long last!!!!

[blm]

Hi everyone, another question from me I'm afraid - sorry I'm full of them I know

 

My son had a major meltdown last Weds and since then he has been much better with his tics and hasn't cried much. Apart from this meltdown, something which he has started doing in the house is kicking the football around - he will go back to kick it at every spare opportunity (before breakfast, between going to school, the minute he gets in from school and then after homework/tea) - not big massive kicks just little knocks against the sofa with it and generally moving it about with his feet - does anyone know if this could be a new way of him releasing his nerves and worries?

 

Also, I am really really pleased that me and hubby are singing from the same hymn sheet at long last! For years I've been saying something isn't right and he kept saying he was fine. It got to the point where I was being a referee trying to explain to him why he was behaving the way he was but hubby just saw this as 'excuses'.

 

I had a bit of a meltdown and asked him to read up on Aspergers and find out more himself and then we can talk about it and see what he thinks! He did one session of 'looking things up' on the internet and rang me - "I've been reading about the symptoms and i can see what you mean now, 80% of the things it lists is what he does/acts like isn't it". I couldn't beleive my ears, the most stubborn man in the world is finally on the same wave length as me. It's almost since he has done this that our son has been calmer too - maybe because his dad 'gets' why he is doing the crying etc. He too has noticed patterns with the crying and then being calm after. We have recently noticed lots of hand flapping too (which we had previously put down to him waving his arms about with his jumper hanging loose at the bottom). He has done it twice with no top on and it was so obvious you couldn't ignore it and now we have realised this is what he has been doing with his jumper! He did it at swimming the other day because I asked him to get dressed on his own (something which he has never done before) and because he couldn't put his clothes into the bag, he came to get me with his hands flapping like mad and he wouldn't talk to me at all - not sure if this is normal part of hand flapping to go mute but he didn't cry (maybe he went mute to stop the crying happening). He's so complex sometimes, bless him. His dad has also said that he will stop a conversation mid-flow and start asking about sums and sometimes asks about sums or tells us sums before going somewhere new - another coping mechanism he is trying maybe.

 

I can't wait for the appointment to come through to be honest and get him some proper help rather than me and his dad making rather bad attempts at it. We've had the letter through to say he has been referred but I'm assuming there will be a long wait ahead!

[LancsLad]

I think the answer to the football question is look at the overall picture and what do you see? I suspect this is a clever coping skill developed on his part and I wouldn't be worried at all. My initial reaction was one of thinking how would this feel personally and the answer I came to was pretty good.

 

I think for a lot of people movement plays an important part in stimulating our brains to function well. As a professional designer when I hit a blockage I will walk around my house constantly or go outside to get thought process moving. When I am in deep thought there are often movement patterns going on normally through finger touching patterns. I was watching the Daily Politics show this week and noticed that the guest politicians were all at it as Andrew Neil had them in a difficult position and they were having to work their way out of it, or at best get through the interview.

 

I would go as far as to encourage this type of behavior if it result in him being calmer and more able to think things through in a rational way. As we get older carrying a football around with us might not seem appropriate. For example I doubt my partner would be too impressed should we ever decide to get married and in the middle of the vows I turn to the person conducting the proceedings and ask can I get my football out while I think this one through a bit. On the other hand if I am holding my hands together in front of my waist and touch fingers a couple of times for security in making a relaxed and honest response no one is going to know.

 

The most important fact is we develop effective coping mechanisms and once we do this we might think about transfaring them to a more appropriate format. For many years my chosen mechanism was associated to a large bunch of keys of which I knew off by heart through touch. I could be running large and important meetings and at the same time would be setting myself mini targets of finding a particular key in my pocket through feeling the indentations on their edges. Some people would find this a distraction but for me it was a comfort and a tool to improving concentration. I had to adopt my tactics when I had to hand back a large section of those keys when I moved to another job and was dismayed when I was given a single master key.

 

As parents try and take a balanced view of what is happening and look at many of these behaviours as attempts at coping mechanisms. Your son will be able to work out a lot of things for himself given understanding and emotional support. This might manifest itself in odd behaviour but if their is a positive reason behind it then encourage it. It would be easy to say "stop kicking that football aginst the settee, you know you shouldn't have balls in the house" another approach might be "you look like you are having fun there and I am impressed by how much control you have with the ball". Now if you are that child and do think you have had a real breakthrough and find yourself in a better place, even though this may be at a subconcious level, think about how each of these adult responses would affect and support/destroy that position.

 

The greatest expert in his life will be himself, this will be followed by the people closest to him initially you and posibbly his own partner/family in future. Other people might offer some good suggestions but what they can't offer is unconditional emotional support and that transcends any mistakes you might make with him, be patient and keep learning together as a family day by day.

[Lyndalou]

What a brilliant response LancsLad and totally agree!

 

I did all sorts of 'odd' things when I was a kid but I was left to it a lot of the time and it probably kept my stress levels down. One thing I still do is sniff my fingertips...I know, very strange but whereas I did it very obviously as a child it has changed over time (having had it pointed out to me that it was strange) to me touching the bottom of my nose and just making it look like I'm scratching it etc...

 

I also frequently played with balls, mostly juggling against walls. This was at the time that all kinds of ball games and skip rope were in vogue. I 'tested' myself to go faster and do longer sequences of bouncing and this also applied to standing on my head or doing handstands, toe-pointing, splits and all sorts of jumping, skipping and hopping. I still indulge in a little bit of toe-pointing and arabesques when I feel the urge but am not fit enough now to do anything else...

 

I would say as long as it is 'safe' and it helps him cope, let him do it! My little boy asks for 'round and rounds' when I have to spin round in circles with him and tickling is a good lever for encouraging him to do things he doesn't want to do Bouncing on the trampoline is a good stress reliever too! xx

[butterfly73]

I agree with the above also!

footballing and trampoline are great! (jumping rope might be a bit more in the budget in the mean time..)

 

Excercise/movement is key.. For everyone! actually Aspie's are toooo much busy in theird head; but can't vent..

Use the body.. use alle muscles.. not only the brainy ones! That's what muscles are for!!

And it helps to get some stress out and relax the brain.. becoming less busy, and more effective

 

Yesterday I found a youtube vid with an 68yr old.. jumping rope on his porch..

He néver used to like excercise.. nów he sees and feels why it is so important.. not only due to his age..

 

It might be very helpful to get a therapist to assses what kind of stimuli would be useful in class ;-)

So when there is sth special, like a family gathering or sth.. you have the means to help him get thru without to much hassle

Deep stimuli usually work soothing for busy kids, but also activating for 'what seem like inalert' kids.. (It might wear ought though.. with a few..)

[LancsLad]

I think personally think as research progresses into autism that we are going to understand more and more about things such as this. I know and very much accept that there is no cure for my asperger's. I also accept that my brain connections are different, not better not worse, but different than the majority of other humans. I suspect that parts of my brain are very strong and other parts will be weaker and that as I compensated for these natural differences this would inevitably have an effect on my development and skills.

 

One example in my life is that my handwritting is very poor and things such as writing on a blackboard were very difficult for me. In contrast I can draw and sketch to a very high standard with my left hand and am pretty good with my right to be honest. I put this down to the activities coming out of two very different control centres of my brain one strong one weak. I have done creative design sessions many times over with pupils and students at all levels and the difference in output when we do some exercises first and get the body warmed up is amazing. In my view all I am doing is getting the chemicals running in the side of the brain we are going to use.

 

I think a lot of the behaviours you have both likewise highlighted are kind of ticking over things which enable us to better relax and think and simply be in our 'special zone' as I like to put it. Rhythm plays a big role in many of these either I believe as a synchronisation effort with our own bodies in matching things like heart rates which really helps us become re-centred and releasing us from the influences of background noises, smels etc.... Another rythm I like is to build a beavioue up in pace to a creschendo to provide a natural release point to help me focus and following this move into a task I might be a bit anxious about. I my mature life i have never been ashamed of these behaviours and many of them I have tried to teach and pass on as a means to increased human performance. I personally believe us Aspies have a lot to offer the world and it would be well served to foster a better two way relationship.

 

What I will highlight however is that there is a very thin line at times between comforting behaviour patterns in my life and OCD tendancies and I suspect others would agree. For me it is not about how often I do something which makes it compulsive but wether or not I have control over it and does it relieve anxiety or add to it in my life. I suspect some parents of children on the spectrum will have this concern. If I looked as something and was trying to make this decision I would always personally go on the side of supporting the behaviour and then trying to modify it in future if it seemed to be having negative impacts.

 

I will finish by highlighting to all NT's who may have concerns about unconventional behaviour the excellent movie The Kings Speech which aptly demonstrates it is not all about how we go about doing things when we have hurdles to get over but what we can achieve by doing so.