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About butterfly73

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  • Birthday 10/29/1973

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    I love cooking, food, my work (SALT with SI qualifications) and cats ;-)

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  1. indeed..Or like R. Covey says.. 'the perception of the problem ís the problem' a kid is a kid.. look at the behaviour, see what is behind it.. Also ...make sure you respect your kid, make sure he/she knows he/she is loved and important eventhough you might not always have the time you'd like to spend with them really mention that also.. for kids think really black-white.. ie: y'kid wants to tell you something.. and you are on the phone, so you saay not now..t the kid thinks he/she is not important.., the phone is.. there is no inbetween! So say you are on the phone, and you cannot do 2 things at once.. his/her story is important to you also, as is the phonecall.. so when you are done on the phone.. you can put your undevided attention to the story! Stupidly enough, without any wish to do so.. even the most loving and considerate parents imprint fals beliefs by not being aware of the black.white perception of kids from véry early one.. they grow up feeling not important, feeling mistakes are bad, feeling they aren't good enough.. even if you know at a conscious level that that is utter rubbish,, the subconsious undermines even managers and big bosses each day, unless you figure out when/how you got that believe and with that learn to see such situations thru grown up eyes who cán distinguish more visions than the black/white perception of a kid * try marty lefkoe * try affirmations... the once that make you feel squimish.. usually are the once that hold you down.. love, b'fly
  2. I feel for your kid.. give him a big hug for me (if he can cope!).. How old is he?! 9+?? -->Maybe you should read some parts aloud and ask what he thinks.. does he feel the same? Wow... doesn't the Senco realize that your kid is already highly stressed.. His bowles acting up is a classic example..it is rather an autonomus system.. though I know kids that can get so into their head, that the whole system is outta wack. Tálking to him is not getting anywher, if you ask me.. hasn't he been seen by an Occupational Therapist, for advise the school and home. To get more input on what senses are overstimulated and which need to be stimulated (like handcoordination) in a fun and pleasurable way... He is a KID for ***'s sake! Your kid doesn't feel he has any control.. over anything.. No one hears his cry for help, nor sees what hé needs!* Hím acting out.. is his only means to do so.. he hasn't learned to cope on any other way yet.. (and getting punished usually means being set aside: in a room.. by yourself.. FINALLY!! THANK YOU!!) *And that can be highly stressful also.. I think it might be useful to try a whole different approach, for.. everybody can see that thís isn't working. Ask the senco to try another approach! (or is there another senco?!?) And eventhough you kid doesn't have to dress up.. a day like such (also christmas etc) aren't ordinairy or structured. No: éverything is different, it is overly noisy, overly colourful, highly unpredictable, more moving around the class and around the school, more interacting with more than just your classmates, etc etc.. Doesn't the senco gét what that means for a your son?!?! BAM! stress-level 10+ (no matter what your kid is wearing... a futility.. really!!) I highly believe kids should be excuses from 'festivities' if they are being traumatised by them.. If such is know, that he doesn't need to attend.. i guess that will help him keep his cool the rest of the week.. and that will definitly decrease the amount of sickdays! A Senco should be more aware of this.. I'm sorry to say.. Just common sense, or what..?!? To be honest.. I think school is turning it all upside down.. They ought to be stimulating and seeing your kid better, so he feels safe and accepted at school! Instead he doesn't feel safe.. he gets sick of school.. and now they make the parents to blame?!? What a mind-game they are playing!!
  3. There are a lot of simularities between HSP (highly sensitive people) which isn't a real diagnosis and AS.. Both are very sensitive! Overal HSP seem to have less problems language and communications wise (but so does a very gifted Aspie ;-) ) In my eyes.. it's just a difference in perspective/a different name/view.. but be aware!!: ** A school sees an HSP kid as a special / gífted, and are open to it.. and leave room for the odd behaviour due to extra-sensitiveness: the kid is a miracle!! ** An ASD-kid, aspie or not.. is usually perceived as an extra burden..I'm sorry to say.. most parents cannot but acknowledge this.. So: I do agree with R. Covey: The way we perceive the problem.. IS the problem! (the facts remain the same.. the kid is extra-sensitive.. for which it needs help, to make more sense of it all. Occupational Therapy can help a lóad in that!) Hmmmm.. Here in Holland.. a SALT is not even supposed to mention such things as autism (if not diagnosed), for that is not his/her line of work (could even became a court-issue if they would!). They're only allowed to mention specific traits/behaviourisms they notice, ie ...lack of eye contact, lack of interaction, tendency to prefer talking to grown ups, taking things literally, lack of understanding the difference between for instance a slide in the playground and a tiny Playmobil (wanting to use it in therapy..).. etc
  4. Hello everyone, Since I have not only an ASD diagnosis, but also a sleep disorder.. I noticed that loads of ASD folk have sleeping problems: * sleeping to little or having trouble falling asleep (insomnia) * sleeping excessively (hypersomnia) * nightmares * snoring * sleepwalking * falling asleep suddenly * having muscle lapses, loosing control of facial /neck muscles when laughing or with sudden emotions * ... I found a topic with an BBC-interesting link to several related topic, with helpful research to fill in about your personal sleepprofile + tips to improve your sleep habits but also loads more Enjoy!!
  5. butterfly73


    Hi Luna.. Welcome.. just answered your request for advice.. hope you find it useful love, B'fly
  6. I guess it is most usefull/advisable to have him seen by a multidisciplined group of people.. usually that means he's tested by one.. observed by others thru a one-way screen. There might be follow ups, when there are further questions. Ask about how they work.. that gives you both rest Why a whole group? They see more than one.. and you could also try my second advise (SI therapist).. which might still lead to a multidicipilairy group eventually. The fact that he acts out at you.. and nót at school.. is very common actually. First of all.. One ought to behave at school (AS folk are great chameleons/conformists!).. though that means adding stress in his system.. which he releases: at home!! Secondly.. where do you act most as yourself.. there where you feel móst safe.. with your mome/at home.. Though this is some sort of compliment, the behaviour is deplorable! :C Bé very aware that he = he, and behaviour = behaviour.. He might have been a great boy 90% of the day, and suddenly act out.. Be aware that you mention you dislike the way he ácts! (and you still lóve him despite the horrendous stuff he might do!) making that difference helps you and him get things in perspective! Discuss these things with him, tell him about the behaviourisms, when you are both calm! Tell him that you don't like that.. and that you both will try and find a solution.. maybe a trampoline helps him from not hitting you: he needs the sensory input! Has he ever been seen by an Sensory Input Therapist?! if not.. I'd go asap Probably more worth while than just orthopedic stuff (which is good too, but if the problem isn't tackled.. the behaviourisms will need a way to vent anyhow!) And... it might even be helpful to let hím think of solutions.. what would you like to do when you get home: what do you need.. he might need to get rid of the overload of stimuli.. in a dark room/no stimuli whatsoever.. or actually really intens stimuli: like jumping and carrying heavy stuff! You don't need a diagnosis for this kinda therapy, though you need a prescription form your GP! With any question about behavioural issues, which no-one can put it's finger on, my experience (which is extensive, I've seen thousands of 5-6yrs old, while screening them for years.. and I always noticed the odd-ones-out.. and believe me, teacher keep info behind.. just to try me out ;-) )--> try an SI therapist, stat! And all they do in such therapy, after the assesment and tests... is play and have fun (or at least that is what it looks like.. they look what input your kid needs, and which inputs need to be dempend). And they're great in giveing advise on certain situations at home.. be open and ask ;-) And school.. uhm, might not be challenging him enough, or giving him projects his motor skills aren't up too.. if he is an AS kid, and bright.. they have great ways to get around doing stuff they dislike! And they really dó know what they can and cannot do well.. they wanna do well.. and dislike doing stuff their not good at. Things they know for ages: they don't like to do that either.. so lazy might not be quite the right word.. And they have great ways of distracting they're audience.. and get away with needing to do certain work! (like getting a tantrum.. you wanna be abgry, fine.. do it in your room! Come back if you wanna be serious, I'll take you serious than too! ....and... dó that! Forget once and loose his faith instantly! Parents aren't supposed to lie..) And SI therapist can help with that too and give advice.. How is his eye-hand coordination? His pengrip?! Gymnastics.. If he scores poorly for his age.. great way to get a prescription to the SI-therapist.. and there you mention your other concerns ;-) PM me otherwise when you have more questions Love,B'fly
  7. Congrats SmileyK!! Enjoy! Aeolienne.. Just mention you have an injury; the instructor will take notice, and tell you not to do certain stuff! Go and enjy yourself! Dislocated shoulder: that might take time.. longer if you do not get in shape, though ... Zumba, most of all.. is FUN!! That alone helps to get over a threshold! Even for motoricly akward folk like me.. And really.. you are nót the only one in the class.. There is nothing wrong if you turn the wrong way for another time: doing it and being there is the whole point! And, feel free to mention that your motor skills aren't your virtue ;- Most women don't mind at all!! They're all too preoccupied with their own flaws! And you know what: you might even get a compliment on sth you might not have noticed about yourself! Réally!! It also helps you.. if you open up, be assertive enough to ask that you'd like to repeat a certain section after class... slowly.. bit by bit and there probably will be women in the class who stick around also (because they have the sáme problem and didn't dare either..) you did dare! Actually.. I drew certain parts for myself! I need the visual stimuli to be able to translate it to my body! I took a notepad with me! If you dare.. you might wanna ask the teacher to video herself.. (or video the routine to cóme ;-) pre-try before the class ) You are free to try above mentioned.. OR.. to just take notice of it an not dó as such as yet.. áll in due time, ok! ;-) love, B'fly
  8. Dear Adam, I just came across sth that interested me.. and míght interest you and of course your parents.. Ever heard of the pineal gland?! It stimulates hormones.. also serotonine (which helsp making melatonine).. a key ingredient as for wake/sleepbalance! Around 11yrs.. that gland will start to produce other hormones (only logic: puberty ..) Science doesn't know that much actually, they must admit.. first thinking it was just a rudimentary little gland.. My hypothesis.. As for it starts making other neurotransmitters/hormones.. other production might be lower/nihil?! Besides that.. On the narco-forum.. I read several stories of 11-12yr olds who have fallen asleep in the bathtub, while never ever doing that before! So please don't dismiss this hypothesis! Keep it somewhere in the back of your head.. and read up on it, also on cataplexy.. which seems different, but is also a sign/part of narcolepsy. I definitly hope that you're and will be free from a disorder as such..! Keep us posted will ya?! Love, B'fly
  9. Nothing weird about having more difficultu now that it's affecting you directly.. Not that you don't care for the folk you work with, but thís is your mom! You have a strong emotional bond with her.. Most of the time, when done with work.. you leave matters there, at work.. That cannot be done with your own mom. Even if you are at home, you will be busy with her! only normal, only natural: you are a sensitive caring human being!! It's wise to help your mom to get some help, other wise thru her GP.. but be open with what kinda questions you have. Don't go behind her back, so to speak.. enne Leuk dat je interesse hebt in de Hollandse taal . Hoezo Hollands?! wat zijn gastropods?!? groetjes Vlinder
  10. really glad to hear you're doing better..Shows you that you can trust your own experience.. and act asap if it doesn't work for you! Uhm, théy might be professionals.. but wé are the experienced folk when it comes to ourselves!! (Even scientist still think we are unfeeling, have no intuition, no need to interact etc etc.. blegh!!) Confidence wise.. yóu are the ónly one that can tackle that.. your partner can stimulate, but you will have to do the real work! Write down what you are good at.. and say that to yourself! Be nice to yourself also!! Treat/pamper yourself.. you deserve it, honestly.. you've worked hard enough.. ..and even if things don't go as you'd like.. getting yourself down isn't very constructive.. so be gentle: nó negative thoughts!! rephrase to what you'd like.. positive you know that thát in itself will be a great gift to yourself! Most AS folk are very gentle and sensitive people.. though so hard on themselves.. why?!? you're such an nice person, so show yourself the same qualities! (she wrote..like it's easy; just learning this myself.. but very eager to share for I see the results!! And still need to be gentle for thoughts are patterns too, and dislearning those is difficult for everybody, especially ASpeople..) love, B'fly
  11. LOL.. autistic cat: no touching exclamation point.. 'stead of please..
  12. I understand both your ways of thinking.. Sidious wanting to rely on his own thinking, which for him has proven most valuable so far and LancsLad for he has móre experience ;-) Sidious.. Uhm.. I guess most bad experiences you might have had when not able to rely on others.. well, that is coloring your vision. It is very useful to use a different paradigm for a change.. difficult for AS fol.. but if you are a puzzler.. you also like a challange ( )... right?!? So which part of you is gonna win (doesn't have to be now.. maybe in years to come..) * your love for challenges * your fear of relying on others and getting disappointed What is... it proves to be an more difficult/very challenging way.. but eventually a quicker or better one.. which opens doors you hadn't even imagined.. I know at present all you think of is.. A A ) I need a diagnose to get ahead.. B ) I need a psychiatrist for that.. C ) around the corner there is ... and the other one is far away.. so! Being a bit blunt, sorry in advance: Uhm.. what is the puzzle in that?! I'm not saying your choice is wrong.. nor is the other advice wrong either.. Both will give you a diagnosis. But I made sure I choose a renowned psychiatrist.. for it is not easy to spot..especially in women. So I most definitly would like an experts opinion.. not somebody seeing his wages increased, if you catch my drift.. I want somebody who cares for people! And who see's me for who I am.. with all my benefits and flaws.. And I had to go across the whole of Holland, travelled 3 and 5 hours by train (delay on way back).. But I spoke a person.. who saw me as a person.. Not a label!! And I can téll you.. looking for folk who appreciate you for you, will insure that you find more likeminded people!! If you'd prefer to close such doors and go your own way.. that's fine too.. though people would miss out on you and so will you.. I wish you all the best in your choices, do what feels right! Love, B'Fly
  13. in 2013 Aspergers will not even be diagnosed no more.. for than the Diagnostic Manual (DSM V) will be put in effect and they scraped the name.. Overall.. Aspergers is usually seen as a mild sort of autism: people with great intelligence, also language-wise but lacking in certain interaction skills and insight. Perception from the outside world and some Aspie's aswell: Top of the bill.. the cream of the crop!! Hardly any of the problems, but all the benefits.. or is it...?!? I hear several fellow adult Aspie's complain that they are usually over-estimated.. due to their language skills! Which give aditional problems or miscommunications And usually the intellect has compensated certain lack in skills (for some: on a very unconscious level!!).. When the stress adds thru the years.. certain fail safe mechanisms might slowly fall away.. and you think you're getting mad.. why do I react like this.. why do I now take his or her words so literally.. I'm very skilled at language and never used to do so!! (Howcome: for not using your body much.. there is no means to release tension and anxiety.. it slowly builds up..) Problems 'we' encounter.. others encounter too... so you're usually perceived as overly complaining or, also common, you hold it in (not asking help, while you should) But there is a difference between * annoying (NT) * annoying and getting overstimulated over time (AS). Though no-one understand howcome it affects certain folk (you) more.. not even the Aspie's.. :-( When overstimulated or getting a higher/more (socially) demanding position (like manager.. for you are so skilled.. -at your job: yes.. at managing.. nóó!!-) the balance is off and all build-in foolproof tactics fall away... In short.. Aspie's problems are less at the surface (think ice berg!) But no less severe!
  14. I can only speak from my perspective.. and what I've learned thru my work (as a SALT and also skilled to work with sensory issues).. Most of my kids benefitted greatly from working to balance their sensory input.. that allows other developments to become easier accesable! Why? For you work with the body actively.. and literally they feel better within it... feeling better also means lessening anxiety!! anxieties block growth.. get rid off anxiety and open a path.. Personally.. Uhm it took me 38yrs to finally see I have Aspergers (first dx in my family, while there actually are loads..) eventhough my work and the sensory info.. I have trouble with getting oversight ánd difficulty reading myself (especially emotionally).. What did I learn recently? * It is crutial to activate my body: walking or biking for at least 40-60minutes a day.. for it clears my head (from worries) * For me also meditation works.. Though getting a daily new schedule down to maintain these useful things PFFFFFFFF, sooooo difficult! I need others help/support in that.. to make it a new habit.. Old things will intervene within 1-2 weeks (or even days..) by the way.. yoga is benefitial for body and mind.. and actually is NOT meant to be difficult or painful at all! A good instructor tells you and helps you the body postures, which are actually stretching poses* if anything feels uneasy.. listening to your body is móst important.. móre important than what the instructor says (and a good instructor will tell such!) (*and with some that will block bloodflow in a small part of your body for a little while, to get better flow after letting the posture go, which helps getting rid off more build up toxines in the bloodstream) Getting a better balance with your body can also be achieved with Tai Chi, Karate, or other eastern stuff like Martial Arts.. There is a lot to gain thru that.. I wish you loads of luck in finding the best route for your son! Love, B'fly
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