help please

[karenann68]

hello,

my daughter is 20 and was diagnosed about 2 years ago, she does nothing all day but sit either on her laptop writing stories or drawing manga type drawings.

 

my concern is over the weekend she went with us and her sisblings to my dad's birthday, my dad's lady friend's granddaughter was there, she is 3 and was making lots of noise and my daughter was very distressed by this, normally in this situaition my daughter will ask to come home, i asked my dad if she could have some paper and pencil and she sat there drawing the rest of the time, she still wasnt 100% happy but she didnt demand to come home,

 

then yesterday she went to a friend's house, i do have issues with her friend (more on that in a moment) she was round there and some younger children were firing foam things at everyone, which deeply distressed my daughter and then these children were throwing things, she started shaking and crying, in the end she came home.

 

she hasnt really "done anything" since leaving college two or three years ago and recently was in a self help thing set up by this lady who was an intensive support worker and helping my daughter, she met this girl there who is VERY LOUD and has ADHD, this girl is my daughter's only friend, but when this girl comes round she is reluctant to leave and as i say VERY LOUD, my husband works nights and if i am there i have to keep saying to keep voice down, as a result i have said she can come round once a week.

 

when my daughter phones this girl, the girl's dad has called the friend a lesbian to my daughter and they often wont pass on the message my daughter has phoned, they have also said that my daughter cannot phone more than once a week.

 

my main concern is about the 2 recent episodes where my daughter has paniced and the fact we are due to attend a wedding at the end of the month, my husband has already said we WONT be coming home when she demands to go, and my biggest fear is she will have an episode there in front of everyone

[LancsLad]

I have to be honest here,

 

Your daughter is 20 years of age and I suspect her friend is a similar age as such they are adults. You say your daughter has been through college up to the age of 18 when she recieved her diagnosis as such she has demonstrated an ability to function in the real world.

 

It might be the case that she has become overly stressed due to a couple of incidents, it happens to me from time to time and as an adult I have to reflect on the circumstances around such panic attacks and draw my own conclusions. I am sure your daughter is capable of doing the same in her own way. If she is concrened about this future wedding the answer is simplr for her don't go. What I do know is that panic attacks are related to a build up of anxiety and heaping your own anxieties onto her surrounding this event is going to do her no favours whatsoever.

 

In respect to her being at home all day with very few prospects of constructive work in the current economic climate is a fact of life for a few million of us. This has in many ways nothing to do with her AS diagnosis, the fact that she is enganging in 'creative' activities shows to me she has something about her. The fact that you label this activity as 'nothing' is frankly a bit disturbing from my perspective as a qualifed professional designer.

 

In respect to her friend she has the right to choose who she wants to associate with in life, if this is a mistake she might learn some lessons from it. What I like is the fact that she is not judgemental of this individual based on the fact she has a diagnosis for ADHD rather she can accept these traits and see and respect the person for who they are, regardless of an indirect insinuations over her sexuality.

 

Just a few thoughts, you asked for help, my advice would be take a step backwards and look at your own motives in this.

[darkshine]

Hello

 

Regarding the wedding I'd probably just let her choose whether she'd like to go - if however her presence is 100% required I would give her ways to get some breathing space if things get too much (ipod, stepping outside, quiet corner with drawing stuff, whatever she thinks can sidetrack her or give her space).

 

Weddings are big events - I personally hate them - and I hate the receptions even more!!! I hope to never go to another - or christenings - funerals - parties - anything like that.

 

However, since this is unlikely to happen (people marry, get their kids christened, have parties, they die) I think the best solution is being forewarned about what to expect. There's lots of people, noise, lots going on, the day can be quite long and tiring anyway, people talking, asking questions, looking at each other!! all this should be prepared for so she knows what is coming - that's why having some options of getting away for short periods would be worth sorting out beforehand rather than having her freak out at the wedding cuz she might not be able to explain herself before she loses it (personally by the time I am ready to say something to someone I am already way past the point of no return!!) so knowing what to expect and what to do if certain things happen (like noise, pressure, too many people) makes a whole lot of sense to me.

 

Hope this helps

 

Darkshine