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one day old on here so i thought i would say hello and ramble on for a while.


i looked after mum for many years after she had a fall at work and with the arthritis in her knees mobility was difficult. i'd been at staffordshire uni doing a politics degree, the studying was fine but it was the wrong enviroment for me, i developed depression quite badly and left in 1996 i was placed on lithium by the hospital

psychiatrist. mum always sorted the outside world out making phone calls answering the door i have always found spontaneous conversations difficult especially with strangers, things worked out ok between and the two of us and we could cope.


mum was taking Codeine painkillers which are a opiate so she was quite happy most of the time, given hindsight i don't think lithuim helped with the depression it was being home and feeling secure that helped the most. familar surroundings and routine with minimal contact with the outside world helped a lot i had no feelings of isolation or loneliness, the lithium went into the bin i was ok, and 10 years older.


mum was unable to use the stairs so she stayed in the bedroom 90% of the time. one morning i took her breakfast up she woke up looked at me and said hello dad, i said mum its me paul, your stll half asleep sit up and eat your breakfast and i will get your pills. when i returned she asked where her mum was i told her not to be silly then i told her that her mum and dad had died long ago and she began to cry i felt terrible. mum always had a nap after breakfast. i took her some tea and woke her i asked her did she know who i was she said, of course your my paul.


then the incontinence started i bought some pull up pad things from boots mum would put them in a plastic bag i would leave in the bathroom. it was still ok and we were still coping untill the fall behind the bedroom door, their was no chance of pushing the door open alone i had no way of knowing if she was injured or not

i hate talking on telephones and it was really scary dailing 999 but it had to be done. mum was alright just a carpet burn on the knee, the nurse took me aside and said that she had to inform mums social worker about the fall i told her we had never had one she said how do you manage on your own.


mum was diagnosed with alzheimer's and came home. socail services sent trisha round to bathe mum 5 times a week and placed handrails to help get mum to the bathroom. she got 2 weeks in a respite home too help regain some mobility the staff said mum was hard work as they had to lift her all the time which really annoyed me like i didn't know, it was a 12 hour day 7 days a week job and they were getting a lot more than the £10 a day carers allowance i got. i wish now i would have said something but i never do.


mum became double incontinent and imobile the alzeimers had destroyed her brain, a socail worker suggested that she should go into a rest home i reluctantly said yes. i could smell the urine long before i entered the home. it was a large victorian house with a huge extension at the back it didn't feel right to me for some reason and i got mum moved. the second place was a purpose built care home and it was packed its sole purpose i believe was to make as much money as possible. so i asked for another move this time the manager of the care home wanted to talk to me before she accepted mum i felt annoyed again and again i kept my mouth shut i glad i did though the manager debbie just wanted to show me around and get to know me.


so mum moved in there it was more of a home, than a care home really, mum was happy she enjoyed the food and all the attention from the staff it was 2009

my depression returned i was put on prozac untill i could see a psychiatrist who could prescribe lithium i have never dealt with the outside world to much and i'm unable to use a phone, i'd never had a bank account i was totally lost.


i had my carers allowance money in the post office which i never spent so i just locked myself away for 2 years in 2011, my psychiatrist referred me to a clinical psychologist and i got the results this febuary so i'm still learning what aspergers is. i bought aspergers for dummies and i'm still non the wiser. but i am getting help now to sort my life out and the lithiums back in the bin again .


mum died on march 30th two weeks short of her 77th birthday at the funeral it was just me and care home debbie and jill mums carer. mum out lived all her family and friends. she was always worried about what would happen to me after she had gone but i'm going to be ok,

Edited by pabs

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Hi pabs, and welcome.


I'm sorry that you have lost your mum. You worked really hard to look after her, and then to make sure she was well looked after by others.


I'm glad you're getting help to sort your life out now. It really does sound like you are going to be OK.


Asperger's affects everyone differently, so when you read about Asperger's, there will always be things that don't relate to you. You can just ignore those things. Maybe you need to ask the people who are helping you for more information about your assessment and what difficulties they have identified. Many of us with Asperger's find it hard to see ourselves as others do and realise how we are different, which is why it can be necessary to ask others sometimes.

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Hi pabs. Welcome to the forum.


So sorry to hear about your mum.


You sound as if you have had a difficult life and maybe it's time to be kind to yourself now you have less responsibility.


I have only known for a year that I have Asperger's (I'm 48) and it takes some getting used to. If I was to offer any advice it's not to dwell on how things would have been different if you'd known earlier.

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Thanks for the replies its my first venture into the furom world its better than i imagined it to be. i thought they were real time conversations and i would struggle to keep up as i type so sloooowly should had used forums years ago it would have been really helpful. finally found a constructive use for the internet so much better than asking people what they had for their lunch on facebook.

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I wish I'd have known about forums a decade ago - but maybe I wasn't in the right place back then - who knows? :)

Edited by darkshine

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