Dunno what to name this post!

[Tylers-mum]

OK, I was sat watching TV earlier and my mind was a thousand miles away as usual! (shows it was boring on TV tonight! LOL) Thinking about my son and change.

Dunno what it was but it just kinda flashed into my head and I was wondering if I'm right. Maybe you could shed some light on it for me!

 

OK, thinking about how this past week has been very bad, tearful, meltdowns out of nowhere for my son. Realised that this was due to his routine at school being disrupted as it's a 'quieting down' period now and no work needs to be done. It's obvious that he thrives on routine and hates change.

Now what suddenly dawned on me tonight is that I thought he was playing mind games with me so to speak! He'd ask for something, then say he didn't want it and then change again and again or just when we are leaving school, he'll say bye to his helper and as soon as she is out of sight, realise that he wanted to tell her something and then gets in a piddle and screaming fit b/c she has gone and he didn't get to say what he wanted to tell her. The only way I can bring him out of that is by telling him to tell me what he wanted to tell his helper and I'll write it down so he can tell her tomorrow. EVERYDAY these things happen on a regular basis!

Now I may be contradicting myself here but the first example now, I can put down to change! To me, he wants something but when I do it, he throws a paddy b/c it's different to how it was before and then wants it back to the original place, item etc etc. BUT where I'm lost is the helper issue! What is that all about??? Control maybe???? Surely this isn't about change too?? Or is it???

 

Sorry if I didn't make sense there but tried to type it all before going to bed and I'm tired! LOL I hope somebody will understand what I'm trying to explain! Thanks in advance.

[Lucas]

When there is change there's an overwhelming feel of helplessness. I'll often make random attempts to exert some form of control, I don't expect it to be successful so it's a shock when it is and I may want to undo it.

 

I think you have struck pretty close here.

 

I know what I want based on all the information available to me and all that information comes from eveything I'm experiencing. When that changes, I have to re-assess what I want again and have to work through every effected area. If things keep changing or moving too fast it becomes confusing. This is when withdrawl becomes preferable to just blurting out what I'm thinking as my thoughts will be in a mess.

[Guest flutter]

sounds like control to me

i still find all of this confusing, but so far i think i get, it all has to be the same unless they decide to change it? and if we dont get the fact that it changes, then tis frustrating to them

[mossgrove]

Are you sure we don't share the same son?

 

Seriously, our son (7, Aspergers) does exactly the same thing when there is upheval in his life. He is finishing his old school this week and starting in a special school in the Autum. There have beenmany tantrums this week as he has tried to assert control, often by insisting on having things that, in truth , he doesn't really want.

 

I think Lucas hit the nail on the head.

 

Simon

[lsw146]

B is so desperate to regain control at the moment. always is at end of term. Came down to whole timetable written out for the day on Sunday!

 

Must say i am feeling pressure from all the things to remember at the moment (concerts, final assembly, dancing festival .....) so she must be feeling terrible and it shows.

 

We are just trying to go with the flow and allow her to be what she needs to be. Tis seems to be keeping her worst behaviours at bay.