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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
Gold MD

Meeting new people?

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Merry   

Hi. I think it depends on how you feel in each situation and with different individuals. Personally, I use it for my own benefit when I feel I need to. People may see that as wrong..but it works for me. Some people love the fact that I'm different and see things differently, usually these are people who have open minds or see things differently themselves in some way, like my friend Hollie, who likes to quote Terry Pratchet when he said something like "I don't fall in love with someone, I fall in mutual weirdness with someone"....In which case, all is well. These are the types of people who appreciate differences in society. I can be free with them and having Aspergers rarely comes up in conversation, if at all. There are some people though who may not understand or have such open minds and may be a little more `conditioned` into believing that there is simply "normal" and "abnormal" and that everybody should ideally be the same way. These kinds of people may be slightly dismissive of everybody who they see as disabled in some way, but at least they don't expect you to live up to their expectations of "normal" and they then won't judge you harshly, the way they would if they saw you as being abnormal with no good reason for it! They don't mean to be that way, it's just how they see things. I don't see it as bad. In those cases, I might tell them so that they can expect me not to be exactly the way they expect everybody to behave. It means that either way, I get to be free to be the way I like, without trying to hide who I am or how I like to be. That's the main thing for me. It's not about getting acceptance either, just if anything, enabling those who like to categorize people, feel at ease. Otherwise, they would struggle with understanding why I might do things differently and would feel uneasy around me perhaps. But It's never really been the first thing I've said to anyone. I would say, just be yourself.......always, be who you want to be. And if people struggle understanding you, then give them the autism talk so that they can understand. Otherwise, just be your natural self! That's just what I do though! I find that people stop judging me when they know about the Aspergers if anything, because they already think they know what autism is so however I am, they don't comment. I found that people were far more judgmental before I was diagnosed, because even though I had always been different, they EXPECTED normality from me! It's just exhausting trying to live up to to other people's expectations. I try not to do that anymore. I wouldn't do anything bad and use it as an excuse, but it means I can be free to behave in a way that is natural to me without being judged as odd or unstable or a daydreamer etc!

Edited by Merry

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Tanya52   

Hi Gold!

 

Thanks for this topic. Here’s my opinion. In a word NO! Unless you’re communicating with Aspergers or those few people who are coaching aspergers social skills.

 

First meeting with a stranger is crucial, lots of information in and even more out and the last thing you might want to do is massively puzzle your new acquaintance with something they haven’t any idea how to handle . Why not to come across as a bit mysterious or an eccentric? In this culture eccentricity is widely accepted social deviation. From my point of view one has to be sure that this new information about herself/himself is going to be presented in the best possible positive frame. Yes, people will always judge us, because they can only use the social analytical tools they’ve got. It’s not good or bad, it’s our reality.

 

 

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Gold MD   

Well, the reason I was asking is because I'd be worried if I met a wonderful looking woman (which is unlikely knowing my luck) and I told her I had (whatever) and she didn't take to me because I admitted that I had it, I'd be left feeling worse off.

 

I fancy some of my support workers, but I cannot date them. It's to do with their rules. That's because I love women, basically. But I've never had a loving girlfriend. I've paid for sex before, but that's not love or emotional. So if they one day quit the job and go elsewhere, they get replaced by other helpers. My problem is I don't really do much with my available time, but I want to aim to improve on this. You see, I lack in confidence and rely on them too much to take me from A to B everywhere I go to. I rant and rave a lot to them about being lonely and frustrated over what my ex did in the past, among other things. However, I think it's not a good idea to get 'too used' to anybody in that job role again, in case they leave. I was fond of one lady who eventually left and I still talk about her. I don't want to feel that way about anyone else again, but in general, I sit on my butt too much and watch the parade go by.

 

I have got a bike now, at least. I just need new lights, oil, safety gear, but Bob's your uncle. :)

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Merry   

You wanna hear something funny? Bob really IS my uncle! Not many people can say that! Yes, I do have an uncle Bob!

 

Well, I do sympathize with your situation. It must be frustrating if you're not really having the opportunities to meet like minded girls. And it sounds like you are craving long term, consistent relationships instead of becoming attached to people who may come and go....I don't know what the answer is. I guess to build up your confidence? Do you know why your confidence is low, and has anyone tried to help you with it?

 

Just to mention.......What you've said above is perfectly okay, but just be aware that we must all be discreet if planning to discuss the subject of sex any further....only because of our younger users. :)

 

It's a difficult situation for you. You must feel so lonely. It's something which a lot of other people struggle with too. You're not alone. Only you can change your life, but perhaps you need some help to make positive changes or steps in that direction. Have you directly asked your support workers about whether there is help available to help you build confidence in this area? Is there anyone else who could help you to meet friends or potential girlfriends? Have you tried internet dating sites? I'm sorry to hear you were hurt in the past. Did this damage your confidence? When you do meet someone, only you can know when it will be the right time to tell them about your autism. I suppose you will have to rely on yourself knowing when the time is right.

 

With greatest respect, and fingers crossed that your life works out just as you dream it will. :)

Edited by Merry

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Gold MD   

Well, I've had many key workers since I first started receiving support in 2008. Some have been better than others and my current one is by far the nicest of the lot, as she is not sarcastic, smarmy or judgmental like some of the others were. She is Spanish and very sweet. Unfortunately, support workers are off limits for dating. It's hard to keep focus at times on women you like for just a professional business relationship, when you want more. It's really something that should not be on my mind, as it's taboo. By being awkward, I could end up not having female workers helping me at all. Maybe it's because I have other things on my brain. And I think you know what one of those things is, too.

 

The first lady I had as my KW was an older senior and she went to do gardening elsewhere, and returned eventually. We did get on well together, but occasionally she was being sarcastic about issues I was going through and that was something that bothered me. Since she's older like I said, I am not attracted to her. She was briefly my key worker again in 2010. I had one KW who left to be a school teacher at the end of 2011. That's not the one I was fond of, though. She was just a regular support worker and she is intending to become a nurse now. She left the service I'm with in 2011 as well. We liked the same sort of movies and she has a lovely personality. However, since she left quite a while ago, I don't hear from her anymore. Her brother is a part-time support worker, but I think he knows I just keep asking him questions about her because they are related.

 

A key worker sends you your weekly rota for support shifts by e-mail or text, discusses meal planning, helps clean up the flat you live in and assists you in looking for work or social events, so I'd say they do actually do their job properly. However, if you had a crush on a female worker and asked her out, that is against the care commission's rules.

 

What I was getting at though is that if you get fond of someone assigned to help you and they leave the job one day, it's a case of life goes on. However, that is upsetting because you get used to a person and if they leave, it's goodbye for good. They can't even add you on Facebook or anything, even if they leave. It's considered improper to maintain contact once they're gone. But why?

 

Sometimes, I also blame my disability on why I cannot get a girlfriend. Sometimes, I think I'm just a 'meal ticket' and they hold my hand. I don't mean that in a nasty way, but they can find love effortlessly while every single thing I do is seemingly another huge hurdle to get over. Maybe I lack the skills, but I know I need to move forward and I need to own that inner doubt.

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Tanya52   

Hi Gold, :)

 

You might be better placed to find a lady-friend than you think. There’re a number of books, blogs and networks dedicated to the aspys social education and how to build relationship.

 

My first thought was to give you a hand with it and to post a few links but can I ask you to do a bit of a research yourself? I’m happy to send you a few tips if you like.

 

Tanya

 

 

 

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Merry   

I agree with Tanya52! Actually, you sound like quite a sensitive and thoughtful person. Women like men like you. You just need to meet the right ones. If key workers are totally off limits, so be it. It may seem messed up that people can't just be free to date who they like, but that is the way of the world. So be friends while they are about, and practice your social skills with them and build confidence but remove your attention from them in romantic ways. If it was me, I think I would just accept it for what it is, and concentrate on looking for the right lady.....I'm sure she's out there waiting for you too. :)

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Gold MD   

My key worker asked me yesterday about all the things I want to do in October. She made mention of a drama group. She also suggested having one shift a week to do some household cleaning. Like I could mop the floor, do the dishes and clean the shelves in my fridge. At this point I've not been able to make a big list of stuff I wish to do next month, but I did not see much of interest to me on meetup.com the last time I looked. I do like that site, though. I discovered a group that likes horror films around a year ago and I've been to watch movies with them a few times already, but I did not feel I made an effort to interact with anyone before or afterwards. For example, they usually sit in the area where you get served before and after the movie, and that would be a good time to sit down with these people and chime in.

 

I have been to a gay friendly pool group with a mate as well. I'm not gay, but the organizer does it on behalf of her gay brother.

 

However, I still tend to dwell on events from the past and my ex has emailed me. I did email her first, which maybe wasn't too bright. Would she use me again if she come back to see me? I wouldn't want that carry on beginning up ever again. Not after all the other incidents. Oh, no! :(

Edited by Gold MD

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Merry   

Hey Tanya, Bob(by) is my uncle too :)

Itme who's uncle is Bob.... Cool! We both have an uncle Bob!

 

Is Bob not just short for Robert?

I think so, usually. But my uncle's name is just Bob. It's not short for anything.

 

GoldMD keep us updated! Let us know how you get on and what you decide to do! :)

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Tanya52   

Hey Gold!

 

She might want a smartphone these days. Don't let yourself on a hook.

 

BTW in our local theatre a few years ago a few disable kids with down syndrome worked on the stage in a real play. One girl was so sweet! They are very beautiful intelligent children, and brave, if you know that I mean.

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Gold MD   

Yeah. She's that type. She'd just come to see me if there was a trinket for her. But unfortunately, that's not love at all. Love is a mutual respect for both parties. If the other person in the "relationship" is only interested in money, they aren't worth a toss. So to sway away from the negative feelings, one has to get busy doing positive things. Because positive thinking is the way forward. Not everyone is an a-hole.

 

Since I like music a lot, somebody suggested buying a guitar and learning some chords. A few of my support workers have formed a duo that plays Irish style music and another support worker who has since left was in a band and they added a profile on Bandcamp. Guitars don't cost a lot these days. Maybe I could start off with an acoustic. You can get them cheap in places like Cash Generator. Music is my passion, but I've never really thought about learning an instrument until now.

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Yeah, keep positive and be constructive with your time - and don't give your heart away to just anyone, take the time to find someone special - who appreciates you as you are.

 

I met my fiancee on a social anxiety website, neither of us was really looking for love but we just got on really well and haven't looked back. Sometimes love comes when you stop looking for it :)

 

Learning a guitar is a good idea, and you never know it might be an interest that leads to you meeting someone - having a talent is supposed to be attractive, apparently. A shared interest(s) is a really good basis for a relationship.

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Tanya52   

I agree with Tim. You've got to expand your social circle and the best way of doing it is learning or creating with others. If I were you I'd pop in to the local library to look for some inspirational books about guitar heroes. There also could be some ads for a guitar tuition in a local college or even private tuition. My hubby paid only £6 for 45 min private 1-2-1 lessons. Don't forget YouTube - free lessons for everyone.:)

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Gold MD   

My older friend is 52 years old and he is a problem sometimes, especially because of his major obsession with vinyl records. He likes 50s and 60s music very much, but he goes for bands that nobody really knows anything about, just to feel special, I guess.

 

I'm an 80s fan, you see. You can imagine what guff I get from some people because of this. I spoke about it on another forum not too long ago. He often says I am as thick as a plank, not as intelligent as he is and I'm not a full shilling, because I don't pick up on things at times. It's people like that who really just get on my nerves. They know you have a problem, so they pick on you because of it. Plus, he seems incapable of just shutting up. It's like someone was mentioning to me recently what a 'monologue' is and it started making sense to me when it refers to being used in social meetings. It's basically when people talk rubbish a lot and cannot understand when other people are not tuned in. If they kept doing it too, it would drive others barmy. If you liked rocket science for example and kept rambling about it to people who were clearly not interested in rocket science, you can see how that would get irritating. It's the same for any topic. Recognizing when to stop is important and my friend just likes to boost his ego too much.

 

Maybe if I had lots of other mates around my own age, of both gender, I could pick and choose who to hang around with, but there's just him. He just needs to learn that nobody will validate his opinions, because not everybody would agree with his taste in music or his (usually) contrarian and expressional vocabulary.

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/426072-my-older-friend-both-awkward-annoying

 

 

 

That's really cheeky, isn't it? :(

 

Edited for censored word.

Edited by Gold MD

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Tanya52   

From my point of view and based on your description your pal just uses you as you’ve mentioned to “boost his ego”. It’s not nice to say these things and damn cruel to take a credit for something you can’t do and he might can.

Edited by Tanya52

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Gold MD   

Yeah. He rings me up a lot and usually if I'm tired, I'll ignore his calls. I sometimes don't get up until the evenings because I've been online late playing music or watching wrestling. He calls me incessantly and swears at me because I won't answer my phone. I can turn my mobile off. That's okay. But my house phone is tied up with my net and I'd rather not turn that off, but he calls me on my landline a lot too and most other people would call once and stop it there. I recently found out I caught an STD and so I want to focus on clearing that up and knowing him, he'd find it hilarious. If others weren't getting an answer, they'd learn not to keep calling. Sometimes, I just remove the batteries from my phone, but the plastic panel is tightly stuck on.

 

Lately, he's been bothering me to join a league for pool players. I don't think we're at that level yet. To be on a team or in a league, you have to be a brilliant player. We're probably not low down on the list, I'd say, but we still cannot play the way professionals do. So that's why I think joining a league would cause stress and maybe some embarrassment, as he is the type to blame me if we lost. He's also spoke of buying a trophy and running our own competitions, which is fine. But he argues that we need a lot of players, when I think 6 to 8 people is fine.

 

I'm 27 and he's 52. He also talks a lot of garbage about females being "dominated" by men and goes on and on about banned records, which I think he just believes are banned and they're not really. That's just for starters...

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Tanya52   

Hey Gold,

I understand you are fed up with his ways of treating you and personally cant see myself in your shoes. To your credit I think you must be quite tolerant and flexible with others. One thing I dont understand, please enlighten me, what do you want from this relationship and do you still care about your pal ?

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Merry   

My older friend is 52 years old and he is a problem sometimes, especially because of his major obsession with vinyl records. He likes 50s and 60s music very much, but he goes for bands that nobody really knows anything about, just to feel special, I guess.

 

I'm an 80s fan, you see. You can imagine what guff I get from some people because of this. I spoke about it on another forum not too long ago. He often says I am as thick as a plank, not as intelligent as he is and I'm not a full shilling, because I don't pick up on things at times. It's people like that who really just get on my nerves. They know you have a problem, so they pick on you because of it. Plus, he seems incapable of just shutting up. It's like someone was mentioning to me recently what a 'monologue' is and it started making sense to me when it refers to being used in social meetings. It's basically when people talk rubbish a lot and cannot understand when other people are not tuned in. If they kept doing it too, it would drive others barmy. If you liked rocket science for example and kept rambling about it to people who were clearly not interested in rocket science, you can see how that would get irritating. It's the same for any topic. Recognizing when to stop is important and my friend just likes to boost his ego too much.

 

Maybe if I had lots of other mates around my own age, of both gender, I could pick and choose who to hang around with, but there's just him. He just needs to learn that nobody will validate his opinions, because not everybody would agree with his taste in music or his (usually) contrarian and expressional vocabulary.

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/426072-my-older-friend-both-awkward-annoying

 

 

 

That's really cheeky, isn't it? :(

 

Edited for censored word.

Thanks, I now better understand what `monologue` means. Goldmd, I had a really bad education. I don't know fancy words. The things most people say and do make no sense to me whatsoever. The only thing I am good at is being what I am. I don't need big words for that! You can understand things in your own unique way and it does not matter what anybody else thinks. It worries me that you allow others to make fun of you or belittle you. You are perfect just the way you are and you don't need to change yourself or be anything other than who you are. You don't need friends who treat you badly. You can start all over again and make new friends. You seem like a very lovely person and people would be lucky to have you as a friend.

 

P.s I love what Positive_about wrote regarding talents! I think he's quite right! Having a talent can be very attractive. Your friend is using his music in that way. He is trying to promote his own image so that people will think he is interesting. But those are just his interests, they are not who he is. I would say it's brilliant to have interests but never confuse them with who you are. :)

Edited by Merry

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Gold MD   

Yes. I think it would be good to build on my confidence and my general appearance as well, but also keep mentally enlightened and physically fit by doing other things. I actually didn't want to make it obvious I have autism as I've been badly criticized over the years. Well, it wasn't really for having autism. It was to do with my character and certain bad decisions. But I don't want to have people take me lightly and excuse me, because of my ailment. I cannot date support personnel like I said. I do get jealous of the news that workers are dating other workers. It must be allowed for them but not for service users. How odd is that?

 

Sometimes, I think I don't 'have a life' and I only know the people I know today, because it's their job to be helping me. I mean, if it weren't for that, I keep thinking I'd have a chance to date a lady from the service, but at the same time, I would probably never have met them if not for the fact they help me today. Reality bites.

 

All they can do is sympathize with my situation while pointing me in the right direction for to meet others, but it's hard to adjust to life on the outside. Really, it's hard. I understand being yourself is all that matters, but I wish I was more manly for a start. Had lots of crazy insults and remarks about being skinny. Like I get accused of never eating, when I never gain weight. It's just the way I am, but they look at me and think I'm wasted.

 

Now that I'm nearly 28, I keep thinking I'm watching the parade go by because I'm not making friends and moving forward. There's no point in saying I did such and such in (insert year) because that was then. We need to keep evolving. So we would have to do things presently that are rewarding and make you feel like something was earned. And I think Frank is a little old and immature for his age to boot. It's time to branch out and meet people my own age...

Edited by Gold MD

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Merry   

In my opinion, a brilliant post! You sound very positive! You are the only one who can change your life, and you do have the skills you need to do it. You certainly seem to have the intelligence and clear thinking to know what you want. You've just got to make it happen. Changing your life begins with changing your mind. Instead of thinking that certain things you want are out of your reach, you can decide to see them as possibilities and refuse to let others (or your own mind) tell you otherwise. The mind can work against us, or it can work for us. But it's your own mind. You can tell it what to think! The reason others on this forum understand, is because we've probably all had the experience of feeling like a failure no matter how hard we try. We've no doubt all wished we could change ourselves or our past at some point. But the important thing is to accept yourself for who you are and know that you don't have to change. As long as you have good intentions and wish to love not harm anyone, why on Earth should you ever have to change? You don't have to live up to anybody's expectations of how they think you should be. You just need to find the life that suits you. A woman who suits you, if that's what you want, and anything else which suits you. You are a free man! Your body and mind belongs to no one but yourself! It's really quite exciting to let your mind search for new possibilities. Do what you want, as long as you harm none, and do it it your own unique way! That's how I feel about life. I wish the same happiness for you. :)

Edited by Merry

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Part of learning to live with autism is being aware of your self, and working on what doesn't work - we tend to live in rut we have made for ourselves, to keep things stable/predictable. Breaking out of past habits is hard, but its also liberating - you can experience much more from life. Its defo a good idea to live in the present, focus on where you want to go - not where you have been.

 

You know what you want, and what you don't want - now its time to take that first step forward. Its like being at a crossroads - you can either stay on the safe and familiar road, or take a risk and turn off and go somewhere new. Yes its hard to change, hard to change things - but if it leads to a better life then its worth all the effort and pain.

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Gold MD   

The only thing I'm always going to hate about my current "predicament" is that annoying rule about not being allowed to date support workers. I mean, if two people actually loved each other, for real, the law makes it into a Romeo & Juliet type scenario because according to their rules, it is not allowed. My current key worker is really lovely. But you know what sucks? I've no darn chance in this lifetime of getting with somebody like her for a romantic relationship. She'll be my support worker for as long as she's contracted to be, then like many people before her, she'll probably leave. Even if she left, I guess those boundary laws will remain in place. And I'll turn 30 one day, still stretching the good old skin (which as funny as this sounds, she actually recommended this for single gents). I kid you not. She said it's what any single guy does and guess what category I come into? :(

 

It's a direct, polite, simplified way of saying this:

 

"Well, since vagina is out of reach, you lonely men with no lives may as well get tugging away." The hell? :(

 

Honestly, if you had a choice between masturbating and real love and sex, the choice should be obvious. You wouldn't buy some lame run down car in place of a really cool car that runs. Right? So why have something lesser because you cannot have the really great things? Unless I of course do something about my inability to meet women, I'll watch the parade go by. Unfortunately, it's hard when you have competition in front of you and you don't make a good first impression. I've been in some social situations, but they resulted in epic failure. Well, okay. Not epic, but by no means great. Besides needing a lot of confidence and above average social skills to stand a chance at succeeding, you have to be good looking or that dwindles your chances too.

 

I worry that I'm too skinny. Not counting the fact I have big teeth and I wear glasses. I mean, Jesus. Do ladies even like myopic, skinny, smelly, autistic no name guys who do nothing but sit on the computer all day long? Unless they were a nerd like me, that's not attractive, appealing or sexy. Plus, take into account I don't really do much with my spare time (and I certainly have enough of that). If you have neither of these qualities, you usually only stand a chance of attracting losers, users and tarts. Well, in my case, that's probably quite truthful as it's been happening a lot to me in recent years. However, I also believe if you want to find that person, starting at the bottom is necessary. You need to hone your skills and confidence first so you are happy already. Because if women think you need them to be happy, they would find you not very appealing.

 

Well, sorry. That sounded crude, a bit. Ha! But it really does suck when you think about it how all the other guys get women just by doing whatever it is they do. And us? It's tough.

 

Then again, you wonder if these support personnel would want to date me anyway. What are people "really" thinking about me? What goes not in that noggin? God, life is lame at times. :(

 

Harsh stuff.

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Tanya52   

Hey Gold,

 

You’ve got your unique way of thinking and self-expression. Did you think about writing it down and perhaps even publish when the time is right? Apart from being remedial – DIY self-counselling it can be your pass to successful networking.

 

I’m doing a project, analysing a blog which author lives his dream! How cool is that? Of cause his blog is only a product of his social cyber-identity or what Merry quite rightly named “a persona”. But the result is very impressive and it’s the most popular blog in his local community.

 

One last suggestion. The blogging can be a pain, so every step mast be taken to protect you identity and personal information should be NEVER disclosed to anyone on-line!

:)

 

 

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Tanya is right, you have plenty of self-expression, and you write really well - you'd make a good blogger judging from your posts here, or you could put together short stories about aspects of your life, something I'm considering. Song lyrics is another option, seeing as you are musical. It does help to write down how you feel, what frustrates you, what you'd like - it helps your brain to process things if you write them down, apparently. Aspies can get bogged down in thoughts and feelings, so creativity is a good way to break the cycle.

 

I know how you feel about being attracted to support workers, I was attracted to a young social worker about 10 years ago - though she pronounced TH's as F's which confused me and put me off her (fortunately, for her), "Tell me your forts!" she used to say, I was lost at first, and had a picture of a castle in my head lol. Its painful to have feelings for someone you can't have, but its good to have feelings - you just need to focus your energies so you can one day find a girl you can have.

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Gold MD   

I've noticed that near the end of any year, I frantically try to 'fix' or 'complete' collections, correct things in general and deplete other concerns before a new year starts, or then it won't be a "fresh start" as a result. I'm actually feeling this way again, since we're nearing 2014. Of course, what is a year but a set of numbers? How is December 31 any different from July 31 of any year?

 

I especially used to feel this way about 2000 to 2009 because the decade was full of horrid stuff and I thought the arrival of 2010 or the 2010s decade generally would be better. Then the new decade arrived and nothing really changed a great deal. Like right now, certain people aren't associated with me anymore. Because the world changes and I don't change enough with it, I become stuck in a rut, which is not healthy. There is no point in relying on people like Ruth when she was paid for to be my helper.

 

I have matured a lot, I'd say. And I've accomplished a lot of minor things. Well, I moved out of my parents' place and that means you are away from the nest, sort of. That's always a big step. My sister is going through a legal battle to do with her eldest son, so things at their home is awkward in general. However, I also found my ex last year, which was high on my most wanted list and although it was a rather poor experience, I still found her again. I can at least say I accomplished what I set out to do.

Edited by Gold MD

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Tanya52   

Sometimes I find myself thinking too much about my troubles, recycling over and over the same second hand thoughts. What really helps to stop this cycle and to appreciate my life more is to observe how much more difficult might be, how much unfair might be the lives of other people.

 

For example, for those young people with no limbs who've been training hard to compete on the last Paralympic Olympic games. When you hear their interviews, they do not feel sorry for themselves but lots of self-respect and simple pragmatic prudence in their words. And it gets me. I think “You ‘ve got your hands, legs, everything is functioning! Aren’t you a lucky girl! Think for a moment what these wonderful people wold give to have what you’ve got!” And the morale is that they also might think of themselves as the lucky ones. Life is so short and so precious!

 

 

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Gold MD   

2013 has sucked. There isn't any doubt about that. However, I have realized what I need to do to make things better for 2014.

 

For starters, I need to stop feeling jealous and pitiful inside. If I cannot date a support worker, that's just tough, you know what. There are many other women in the world and although it will be hard to think of things to say, it is worth the effort because you can gain more skills and learn to get better at conversing with new faces. I'm not going to meet them sitting on my butt either. Engaging with others will potentially lead to my meeting a woman.

 

I need to eat more healthy foods (I already do) and exercise more often. Get on my bike more. Join a gym. You can get gym use with discounted prices. Really, I immediately noticed after cyclling for hours, I felt great. Exercise really does help. It releases endorphins, so you feel great inside. I could sleep at night if I worked hard enough to want to sleep.

 

And I think I need to stop using call girls. As much as adults want sex, it's so much better in a relationship because it's free and there is no hassle involved. I also stated I caught something. Really, my current issue will be cleared up in time. What if I caught something worse? You have to consider these things.

 

I'm not physically active enough, so I have anxiety as a result, probably because of my blood pressure and depressive state. All I usually do is stay on the computer, but I have myopia and I don't want to go totally blind in years to come, as I know my vision has got worse over the years. All attributed to computer use, of course.

 

As for all the other stuff with my ex: Well, I care about her and all, but she was very abusive. She also isn't honest and I can attest to that. There's no point in striking up an alliance with anyone who tells lies and mistreats you for his or her own gratisfaction. That's only going to lead to further anguish. You can own depression. It just takes effort, but part of the plan is to get rid of anything or any person that makes you unhappy.

 

P.S. I also apologized to one of my support workers for being rude a few days ago. I was feeling upset and sent something to her that contained inappropriate remarks. But I have said sorry.

Edited by Gold MD

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My ex was abusive, manipulative, a liar, and destructive - she nearly destroyed me completely. Fortunately, I grew some balls and left her - and have kept away from her, despite her best efforts to cling on by writing abusive letters to me and my parents. You need to let her go and move forward.

 

People with autism can have difficulty reading other people, so that's something to be aware of.

 

You know what changes you need to make to your life, its all about positive choices.

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Tanya52   

Hi Gold,

 

It’s big of you to take responsibility for something you’ve done. I’d do the same.

 

I found a msg on another AS forum where one aspie has sharing his experience about his fruit dieting for a year. It’s a well written account with some personal evidence and references to empirical research about serotonin and endorphin levels in a brain . He explained that a fruit diet is boosting your endorphin level and reducing the overproduction of serotonin – the chemical soup for developing depression and anxiety. He said became more social, CHATTY ( NT’s small talkiesh chatty), at ease in communication. I was very impressed and puzzled. Think.

 

 

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Merry   

Why not indeed. Hmmm. I was a fruitarian in my teens! Hadn't thought about that in a while. Hey GoldMD I do agree with what you're saying about your support workers......I mean, how the rules don't make sense. But you have to remember, that most people live by their structures and rules. It may make no logical or rational sense to people like us, who can think outside of many boxes, but most people need these things for a feeling of security, stability. It keeps things explainable, safe, dependable for them, in their minds. Most people feel less fear if they always know what to expect and can fit things (and themselves) into neat little roles and categories. That's why things are so tightly controlled in this way, and we just have to accept that the world, at this present time in history, needs this. Also, don't ever assume no one will want you. There are many different people in the world, different, just like us. There will be someone out there for you. I love the ideas about blogging, your posts are very easy to read. Don't give up! Oh and also, there are ways to take control of your sexual energy if you find it overpowering at times. As an idea, you could research tantra or sexual transmutation. It really works. But we must remember to keep such topics here to a minimum. :)

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Gold MD   

I saw Johnny Marr from The Smiths last night in Edinburgh. There was also an artist called Meredith Sheldon playing for a while before he and his band come on. I don't really like live music. It's very loud. There was bright lights and I went home feeling kind of sick. Plus, it's very loud like I said. You cannot even hear yourself think.

 

But I did like hearing 'Panic' live. But yeah, it's loud. :)

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Tanya52   

Yah, I'm the same - can't stand live music. It's too much to handle and I'll get a bad migraine. But I think I can risk it and to try a philharmonic orchestra or a piano concert. I do go to operas or ballets but always try to get a sit far away from the orchestra.

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Gold MD   

It's the noise. Too loud.

 

Anyway, one of my support personnel suggested breaking my shifts up. I have 12 hrs of support at the moment. He suggested maybe doing cleaning one day and cooking a meal, or use a Friday mid-day until 6 shift in order to have more hours and do something fun. It's going to be Winter soon, so it's going to be too cold to want to go for long walks. That's why I reckon indoors activities might be better right now.

 

I also agreed that going on certain forums to talk about my issues won't be helping. I'm not referring to here. You guys are nice. Just some others were a bit up and down. :)

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Merry   

It's good to be mindfull of where you get your support. You'll be okay here though. People are very nice and supportive. I agree about live music, but it does depend on the type of music and the length of exposure time for me! Took a few festivals to realise that sitting in muddy tents with a headache is not for me! Was it Positive_About who suggested guitar lessons or similar? Something like that might be good, indoors and meeting people. :)

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