Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
Sign in to follow this  
Family Man

Hello from a Newbie

Recommended Posts

Hi there folks

 

I'm the Dad of an amazing 14 year old boy who is currently waiting for a CAMHS assessment to officially diagnose Aspergers which every other health care person he's seen recently feels is absolutely clear. He has been school refusing for a year now and there seems little understanding between the school and LEA on the best way to provide him with some sort of education.

 

My son is a wonderful caring lad who managed really well until the transition to comprehensive school but now he is almost a recluse in his bedroom with such low self esteem despite us trying everything to make him happy and build his confidence. We seem to have been given so much conflicting information on how we should help him with his anxieties and sensory issues so really interested to hear of other forum members experiences and how they have helped their children through adolescence in a culture that seems to be so unforgiving on being different.

 

Best Wishes

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GRP1919   

Hello there,

 

My name is Gareth, I will be thirty-two in March and was formally diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (AS) at the age of seven.

 

From your story of your son with AS, as well as my own memories of life on the autistic spectrum as a youth, I can fully understand where your son is coming from. Even though my family and I found champion in a community-based clinical psychiatrist, in the process of my formal diagnosis, the biggest problem of all for us was that AS was almost unheard of all the way back then in 1991. Even the average healthcare professional then had very little (if any) realisation of AS and its prevalence. Many of the teachers, including my own, at the mainstream school I was attending at the time were just clueless, as well as very frequently and heavily anxious over the problems my personal and social differences were noticeably causing at school, especially in the classroom. What with my very frequent self-absorption at the time, I very seldom focused on the displays of low-spirited emotions on the parts of my teachers and peers, remaining obsessed with things in my sights in which I sought pride and comfort etc. My attitude towards school did, however, vary from day to day. For example, there were some days when I so went bananas, causing great disarray, especially amongst my peers. On the other hand, there were also days when I attended school no more than half-heartedly, but did not cause any noticeable scenes. Conversely, there were other days when I would attend school with noticeably high spirits, without responding with pathos to exploitation from peers. Even though I very frequently thought at the time that I was happy as a sand boy, what with my then inclination to look predominantly on the bright side of my life routines, I was emotionally at war with others on myriad occasions, throwing heated emotions at even my own immediate family possibly once a day on average. The solution to this ongoing conundrum was a very long and painful process. When I was roundabout your son's age, there were myriad occasions when I felt like avoiding school completely myself, as a result of very frequent and disgraceful exploitation from peers, but was just frightened of the trouble this would more-than-likely have landed me in. I do not know about your son, but I am the youngest of two siblings - I have a lovely, desirable sister two-and-a-half years my senior. Although I admit I took a very negative attitude towards her from the age of nine until the age of sixteen, as a result of being led astray by various life issues, I ever so...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GRP1919   

...deeply regret all of this now :tearful: It was a little over three years ago when I finally came to realise just how lovely and interesting a person she truly is :D She is just a great comfort to me at the worst of times :D

 

Another thing I would like to tell you is that despite my deep, dark, isolated, stormy and turbulent past, at which I have hinted, things are now noticeably better for me. It is now almost a year since I managed to complete a degree course at last :clap: I am now determined to keep my nose clean, steering abundantly clear of trouble, for the rest of my life, in spite of (or perhaps because of) my blatantly unfortunate choices of friends from the age of sixteen to the age of nineteen. Whilst I acknowledge that the truth for me is that there is no taking a bright future for granted, I am still confident that I am on the right track for the brightest future possible for me. I would therefore not lose hope for your son's future, despite the difficulty you are facing in seeking the ideal support for his special needs as an Asperger. Maybe - just maybe - your ideal next step would be to remember the subjects in which your son has most frequently aroused a clear interest, investigate corresponding opportunities for your son, share the subjects with the teaching staff at the school(s) he could attend, and see if they can identify any links between your son's favourite subjects and what is covered in the classroom in his school year. I just thought that maybe this would cause your son to feel more positive about school, and possibly reassure him that attending school will broaden his horizons for pursuing his favourite subjects and support him in preserving the prospects of his favourite subjects :robbie: :robbie: :robbie: You see, one thing I understand from my experience of life on the autistic spectrum is that autistic people like your son may need extra reassurance when it comes to what you say about your "trying everything to make him happy and build his confidence," especially when they are still growing up.

 

You are more than welcome to contact me about anything you please and whenever it may suit you. You can use whatever language you may feel comfortable with.

 

Best wishes,

Gareth

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It must be terribly destructive at his age being the focus of such attention due to his differences as he won't have the hindsight / life experience to put things in perspective. The stress will make him shut down for protection.

Have you looked into home education + via internet?

Either way all you can do is support him to be happy as a person. Best to be complete and secure as a loved individual. Formal education can come anytime. Focus on supporting his self esteem and tell him how proud you are.

Opportunities are always around in many formats. If education isn't working for him now it may in the future as Gareth shows.

I stopped school a year before I should have due to terrible times...I'm 53 now, and though I don't have a string of qualifications I feel proud of what I have achieved. We spend our lives studying, it doesn't end at 16.

Good luck. Regarding advice on how to treat him, he may be able to add something there, but always be very clear and consise so he does'nt need to guess or fill in the gaps ..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×