Holiday nightmares

[Klou]

Hello

 

We are back from our holidays. I bit the bullet and put ds in pull ups for two weeks. He relied on them alot if he didn't like the toilet in the place we were staying or if there was a lot going on. Back home he is about where we were when we went on holiday. We kept taking him to the toilet, with stickers or sweets as instant rewards, like we would at home though he protested quite a lot on occasion.

 

On the whole he was quite good apart from not eating and not really playing well with my friends children who he does know really well. I did wonder before we went if having others there would make life easier for us and he would have a better time. I have to say it didn't really. We did get a little bit more time to ourselves but actually spent a fair amount of it sorting out squabbles between the kids and ds hitting and pushing, and worrying about what they must think.

 

We had one afternoon off when friends looked after him and he was beautifully behaved so again we were made to feel like we expect him to be naughty or not eat and so he does it. We only see him being naughty when other children are just as naughty. He's fine......our children do that too......relax and let them sort it out......

 

So we did. Every time one of our friends children would be crying and ds would be in trouble again. Sometimes not even his fault. They are so little and already he is being manipulated into doing something and he is the one who takes it too far, hurts someone and gets into trouble.

 

I feel the need to rant because much as we really like the people we holidayed with the experience proved, in my husbands words 'They say there is nothing wrong with him and yet he behaves like this'

 

DS was compared to their littlest child the whole time. The intention was to make us feel better and that everything he does is normal but our friends youngest child is a fairly average NT two year old. Our DS is approaching four. I am left thinking it doesn't help and serves only to confirm our belief something is not right. Whatever the psychologist says..........or anyone else for that matter.

 

We did have a good time and it was great to get away from the real world for a while. I am actually glad to be back home.

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[witsend]

Hi Klou - <'> to you. Sound like it was pretty stressfull. It is interesting most of the folk who post on here re their holidays come back feeling like they've not had a holiday and they're just glad to be home. Sorry don't know your personal circumstances (re diagnosis etc) but certainly sounds like you identify with these previous posters. We haven't had a holiday this year and I have to admit stressfull as the sumer hols are this year has been less so because we've stayed home. I have some married freinds (married couple - no kids) who are lovely and who asked us (me and 2 kids) to go away with them this year (they even offered to pay 'cos they know we're skint) and I agonised about it for a while. I was tempted to have a holiday and i really do like this couple but in the end I knew it wouldn't work. They are aware of my eldest sons diagnosis in theory (but they live far from us so don't actually know him well) but I just knew their approach would be to 'play it down' eg "oh, don't make a fuss", "lots of kids do that" etc hence making me feel like I'm dramatising everything. Also I suspect real time with my son as opposed to the theory would have severly tested their patience and I would of hated to end up rowing with them or for there to have been lots of uncomfortable moments. Also this couple have been trying for a baby for years now and I would feel totally cr*p moaning about the kids at all due to this and to not moan about them at all would be impossible!

Good luck for next year!! - Luv Witsend.

[Suze]

<'> <'> .....Hi Klou....I know how you feel, for many years pre dx we had hols away with friends and family.....they were very stressful (particularly for me ), after some dreadful scenarios (uncle wacked my son on his back side for hitting his daughter with a spade .....she had been winding him up deliberately ..he was 5 at the time)....we now choose to have our hols just as our family .We plan it together and do each day and meal etc to suit us..much easier. .

[Klou]

Thanks for the support.

 

Mad woman I am I am already thinking about next year's destination. Hubbie found me researching yesterday and pointed out we should pay for this one first.

 

The friends we went with are quite keen to go camping next year. We have done this quite often. They mentioned two weeks but even though ds is used to our tent etc I don't think I could stand two weeks camping.

 

We are thinking of anywhere you can go on a ferry. DH confessed he doesn't really like flying. He'll do it fine but admitted he prefers the ferry idea. We all actually hate crowds and queuing so no wonder ds does! Being grown ups we just put up with it whereas our little boy has no idea he is ment to do this.

[pleasehelp]

Hiya,

yes we can really appreciate what people are saying about the trauma of holidays-our oldest is dx but youngest not. Oldest while a handful LOVEs the holiday experience but as for youngest well we can't get him to go NEAR the beach because he's so terrified of the sea amongst other things

I have a new(ish) bf who has 2 kids as well-oldest of which who also has his 'set of difficulties' and which I have been trying to help bf to understand and get to the bottom of (I think theres every chance he's an aspie but dont know him well enough to make proper judgements yet). We are all going to Blackpool for the day on Saturday so it's going to be complete chaos but we'll do our best to enjoy ourselves no matter what.

Klou if you are looking for a nice family oriented holiday that involves going on a ferry you could do a LOT worse than the Isle of Wight-it's lovely and so many different places to go and things to do there that'll keep the kids entertained so you wouldnt find yourselves getting bored or fed up too readily. Took oldest ds when he was only 2 and he absolutely loved it as did we-I can thoroughly recommend it