Making other people feel funny...

[Lynden]

Been thinking about this a lot today as we've been discussing nurseries for Logan when he turns three and I was talking to a friend about them mixing with 'normal' kids and she gave me into trouble for using the term normal as it sounded awful for Logan.

 

I also asked another friend if she knew if the school she had worked at took 'children like Logan' and she gave me into trouble for that. By that I actually meant children who hadn't been fully diagnosed yet.

 

I didn't see anything offensive in what I said. I didn't feel I was being derogatory at all to Logan but maybe its because I'm more comfortable with the fact that he isn't *normal* (what is!?) than they are?

 

Does anyone have any experience of similar?

 

Lynne x

[TuX]

Lynne,the word normal to a lot of us is just like saying, "there's something wrong with you",it's saying the person doesn't fit in with regular society,and is often translated as saying those who "aren't normal" are less worthy as humans.

The word has had a long history in abuse,whether it's used against disability,homosexuality,mental illness etc. so it does have the taboo effect.

 

 

I don't think it's the use of the word; normal that is the underlying cause of offence despite it being the trigger,it's the way the word has been used in a derogatory manner for so long that regardless of whether it is said innocently,people have come to believe it is offensive.

[Lynden]

Thanks for replying Tux. I'm sorry if I offended anyone on here with my post - it certainly wasn't my intention.

 

So when I'm talking about schools etc should I say mainstream, should I not say anything ? To be honest I dont really talk about 'normal' unless I'm talking about schools because its just not a word I've ever really applied to people I know because everyone is so different.

 

I suppose because ASD is all fairly new to us and Logan is just only two its a big learning curve as to what is and is not acceptable. He's no different to us than Leona (his sister) but I know others wont always see that way and, in thinking about it, if someone else referred to Logan as 'not normal' I'd be really pissed off so can see how he might see it as he gets older so will avoid it from now on.

 

Lynne

Edited September 3, 2005 by LLaverty

[Zemanski]

some of us use the term NT, neuro typical, to describe people who are not on the autistic spectrum or have typical patterns of development but you can't use this in general conversation because people don't understand it.

 

(a brief interruption by littlenemo)

Most of us here are comfortable with our kids or ourselves not being 'normal', but the general public seem to think 'normal=good, not normal=not good'. So when they hear you calling your child not normal (or Godforbid 'abnormal'), they see it as a put-down, and what could be worse than a parent condemning their child? The joy of 'NT' is that it makes 'normals' sound like freaks too, which counterbalances the assumptions and even, in some cases, opens their minds a bit.

(back to zemanski)

 

(note: we have never referred to anyone as 'abnormal')

 

In conversation with teachers etc I usually specify the difficulties - have you ever worked with child with social communication/pragmatic difficulties or AS/autism? It just avoids the normal/not normal issues and some of the assumptions people make.

 

I suppose I feel that Com and Nemo are normal; normal to us anyway. They just have a few difficulties and differences from other people, some cause severe problems but some are very positive.

 

Com is very proud of being 'weird' at the moment and has in the past used NT as an insult - you're just NT! - after reading Luke Jackson's book. I want him to feel proud of who he is but I don't want him to feel superior. He needs to value everyone for who they are just as much as others need to value him for who he is.

 

We're working on that one

 

Zemanski

[Minxygal]

I like the term 'Diffability' it works for my boys. Different they most certainly are, but in a special unique way, and as many have undoubtably said before, whos to say that there world is wrong and ours is right.

[baddad]

I think one of the other unwelcome associations is with that horrible (thankfully outdated term) ESN, or 'Educationally Sub Normal'. Oddly, it does for the most part seem to be those who aren't directly effected who get most offended by the use of 'non pc' terminology, probably because when we use language we use it in context: i.e. with no unfavourable intent/connotation...

Sometimes I call Ben (i.e.) stupid, or an idiot if he's been behaving stupidly or idiotically. I don't call him it because he's been behaving autistically, and wouldn't dream of, which is something Ben knows and understands completely (and he also knows/understands when he has been behaving stupidly or idiotically, even if he doesn't always want to admit it!). To the outsider, it might be harder not to seperate the two things, so to them it may sound harsh. On the flipside, and contributing to the Positive Self Image I always work toward, Ben is probably praised more, and his positive efforts more soundly rewarded, than a majority of NT kids out there, because I know full well that in most cases he has to go that extra mile to understand and accomplish the task rather than just intuiting it from the role models around him.

In a nut shell, Ben and i can use non-pc terminologies, 'cos we have our own definitions for them... If anyone else does, I'll punch their freakin' lights out