Stressed out children

[BuntyB]

Hi,

My son started secondary school last year and had an awful year of being bullied. The school tried to be understanding and told him he could come to the office anytime if he was having problems. However, I accept that a lot of the 'bullying' is how he perceives what other children say. Some of it is probably harmless banter but he won't be able to recognise it as such.

 

My son didn't want to go down the route of being diagnosed, but after talking to school and to him, he has now agreed to be assessed.

 

According to school, he does not display any signs of ASD, although he is on their 'gifted and talented register' and they complain that he 'doesn't try' at certain subjects (those that require lateral thinking) You'll get my drift, but they don't!

 

I hear that they are sending school a questionnnaire about how he behaves in school. I don't think this will be helpful. It appears he can 'act' fairly much like any other child at school but then falls apart at home. He gets very weepy and hates schhol. I can understand why, but I am not sure how best to help. School suggest he could talk to a member of staff, but talking to anyone is not his strong point- in fact he goes out of his way not to talk if he can help it.

 

I think school see 'a nice quiet lad who is good at his work!

[nellie]

Shona,

 

I sympathise, this situation is so common. Hopefully you will receive this questionnaire too, then they might see the difference between the two. if not you could request one.

 

Could you document how your son displays at school, the difficulties he is having and how he has to pretend to cope? Maybe your son could help with this. Yes, in theory he can ask questions and seek help and support but in reality he has a disability which makes this very difficult. I'm sure there are many examples. Bullet points are best.

 

There's some information from professionals on this topic which explains the Jekyll and Hyde/two character phenomenon found in some children with ASD.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry8544

 

Good luck, keep us posted.

 

Nellie xx

[Mother in Need]

I had the same problem, my son is also on that register and a member of a special Academy via school, and he seems to behave fine.

The questionnaire that gets sent to school is only a small part of the assessment, our psychologist also spent a whole half hour (!!!) watching him at school and despite his good behaviour she did pick up quite a few things from it. Despite school not seeing any problems and only thinking they were dealing with some incompetent and overprotective or whatever mum, he did end up getting his diagnoses of AS and Oppostional Defiant Disorder, even though school did not see that side of him, but CAMHS also asked me loads and loads and loads of questions and did some tests with him.

[BuntyB]

Thanks for that.

I did actually write to the Head this a.m as I didn't have time to add that my daughter is also totally stressed. Both coped okay at primary school, but we live in a village and this is a huge school in comparison to the village primary.

 

I am not sure if the culture in this school is a lot different because it is in a big town and the kids are 'streetwise' in comparison. Maybe bad manners and rudeness is commonplace. But whether the other children are to blame or the effects of ASD, they still require help from the school to deal with it. I suggested that if they couldn't help, the kids might be better learning at home.

 

My son came home with a message that his teacher had been talking to him about my letter sent by e-mail and has obviously been read! I suspect they wouldn't like to lose their 'model pupil' so perhaps they will do more to help him now.