how do i tell him he's got aspergers ?

[linss]

Hi, my son came out of school at lunchtime and said ," i've had a great day but i'll let you into a secret i'm the schools bad boy i'm the worst boy they've got,that's why i'm being kicked out again "

He's seven, and despite all of us trying to make him feel otherwise he persists in this opinion of himself and to be honest i can see that's how it would look that way to him.

Things aren't helped now by the fact that his school (this is his second after two nurseries) have found they can't meet his needs , so we'll be moving on again.

Has the time come for me to tell him he has Aspergers ? Will it help him to stop blaming himself if he knows there's a reason for his difficulties ?

And... the biggest question of all , how do i tell him ?

[phasmid]

Hi, my son came out of school at lunchtime and said ," i've had a great day but i'll let you into a secret i'm the schools bad boy i'm the worst boy they've got,that's why i'm being kicked out again "

 

Hold on a sec! What is going on with the school???? Why has he come out with this and, if it is true, what have you been told about it? If someone at the school has said this to him, even in jest, they are bang out of order. I do not like the sound of this at all.

 

 

As for telling him, Jomica went through the same dilema very recently so have a look at some of her threads. I think it is a very personal decision to make and is likely to be the sort of thing that presents it's own time to tell - if you know what I mean.

[Flora]

linss, your poor little lad !!

 

If the school can't meet his needs then he needs to know that isn't his fault. It is absolutely tragic that he thinks he is to blame for their inabilities.

 

Only you will know when the time is right to tell him of his dx. William was about 91/2 when I told him. Luke is 9 but is certainly not ready to hear it. Somehow I think 7 is too young to take it on board, but only you know your son well enough to decide that.

 

If you don't tell him, you certainly have to find a way of showing him that he isn't to blame for the school not meeting his needs.

 

Meanwhile, I'd be trying to find out why a 7 year old has been made to think and feel like this.

 

I agree with phasmid, there is a rabbit off here.

 

Lauren

[westie]

Hi I dont know if this will help you, but my son is also age 7 and has a diagnosis of PDA

 

I have been recommended a book (by a professional who is expert is autism/ ASDs and the condition my son has been diagnosed with, PDA) .

 

It is called Aspergers.... what does it mean to me (a workbook explaining self awareness and life lessons to the child or youth with high functioning autism and aspergers. Catherine Faherty is the author, ISBN188547759-7

 

It is a workbook for the child and the parent/ teacher to look through and complete TOGETHER (not just advice for parent). It has many sections , and I suppose not all will be relevant to everyone. I have started reading first part for my own knowledge (the professional is going to recommend that me and my son work through particular sections but I do not know which ones they will be) but it has sections on "how to use the book", "strengths and talents", "autism is a thing about me", "what is autism", "Why do I have autism" and "was I born with autism".

 

Other chapters cover "ways of thinking", "The sensory experience", "Artistic talent", "people", "understanding", "thoughts", "communication", "school""friends", "feeling upset" (many topics covered within each chapter as workbook for parent and child to complete, and also info. for parents and teachers to read alone.

 

She said that my son was a little younger than age it is intended but she thinks he will be able to understand it because he is quite intelligent. I think this is true, especially if I look first and am able to help him work through it.

 

I found it cheapest at amazon.co.uk, and it was delivered in a couple of days..

 

Has anyone else on the forum seen or used this book? Perhaps you could see if you can hire it from a library to have a look before you commit to buying it????

 

I also agree with other posters that these things should not have been said to him at all, and you should find out who it was who said this to him sounds like an angry adults comments rather than a childs comments (my opinion)

[Zemanski]

please tell us more about what is happening with the school, the situation sounds all wrong. Some of us have probably had similar experiences and may be able to help you sort things out. - PM Phasmid or me if you would rather communicate privately.

 

At the very least ring IPSEA, they have an excellent help line but you need to keep ringing as they're very busy.

 

http://www.ipsea.org.uk

 

Com was in this state at 6 or 7 and was diagnosed with dyspraxia before AS and telling him that there was a reason why he was struggling did help him feel better about himself but he was aware of his problems and differences very young and so was given most information at the same time as us so telling him wasn't an issue

 

Zemanski

[lotty]

I said to my 9 year old,have you heard of aspergers syndrome,he said no, I said

Some peoples brains work slightly differently, (then i used his positive things first )

like some people are very creative and good at art and reading, but may find some things at school quite hard and need extra help. also they might not like having friends and find noises and lots of people really hard to cope with.

He said yes that sounds just like me, i said yes it does doesnt it,he said do i have aspergers syndrome and i said yes. then i explained that his brother doesnt etc and thats why he likes to play with other children etc, and we chatted and that was it