Alone.

[oxgirl]

Hi Oracle, thanks for your reply.

Yes, I do know what you mean, in fact it's what my husband says whenever I get upset. Maybe it's just that he accepts it more and doesn't yearn for it as much as I do, but he tries to make me see that what was right for me as a kid is neither possible nor right for our son, and I do understand what he means. He says that what I'm dreaming of for our son is my fantasy and not a reality for him and I should accept that he is what he is. I just wish I could be certain that my son really is happy and can remain happy as he is, because there is a big part of him that desperately wants friends but just doesn't know how to go about getting them.

 

But I guess time will tell and all the fretting in the world won't help him.

 

Cheers.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Hi Loulou, thanks a lot for that and for your welcome.

 

Yes, I do see what Oracle is saying, pretty much what my husband says. It's funny because I talked to my son about this the other day, about maybe he could think about making a bit more of an effort to find some friends and he thought long and hard and in the end decided that it was WHAT they were doing rather than WHO he was doing it with that was most important, and that was quite an eye-opener to me. He's not willing to give things a go for the sake of making a friend, he just wants to do what he wants to do and if others want to join in with him then fine, let them!!

 

I guess I should take some comfort from that!

Take care

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Hi Pepper, thanks for your reply. Yes, I am very pleased with all the support and discussion I'm having about this and I'm already starting to feel better about things

 

You're right, things do change so much, and in two years time things could be very different. I guess we just have to hang on in there and do our best for them and hope things turn out okay in the end. It's easy to get bogged down with worries and negative feelings about things we can't change and to forget to focus on all the good things about our kids!

 

Good luck to you as well.

 

~ Mel ~

[pepper]

Hi Oracle, thanks for your reply.

Yes, I do know what you mean, in fact it's what my husband says whenever I get upset. Maybe it's just that he accepts it more and doesn't yearn for it as much as I do, but he tries to make me see that what was right for me as a kid is neither possible nor right for our son, and I do understand what he means. He says that what I'm dreaming of for our son is my fantasy and not a reality for him and I should accept that he is what he is. I just wish I could be certain that my son really is happy and can remain happy as he is, because there is a big part of him that desperately wants friends but just doesn't know how to go about getting them.

 

But I guess time will tell and all the fretting in the world won't help him.

 

Cheers.

 

~ Mel ~

 

dunno if its of any help - but my lad only got a dx 2 yr ago when he was 12, and tbh - id not really noticed much amis before school hauled me in - always seemed such a forthright independant sort - i just presumed the lad was brimming with individuality nowadays i just judge on sons level of contentment/ happiness/ viewpoint at world - tho i freak out - if hes wandering aimlessly through it and not stressing self silly - suppose i shouldt try expect him to conform ( cos sure as **** he wont!)

 

After 3 years in same class the rest of the pupils seem to have got completely used to sons whacky ways and hes part of the furniture?! if u get my drift! - well if hes ok with it / ill will be

 

as i mentioned earlier - son clicks well with adults / older kids and those a fair few years younger - hopefully it will all level out eventually ( eternal optomist me)

[oxgirl]

Thanks a lot Justine, everyone has been so helpful and I really value everyones' input.

 

Your husband sounds a lot like mine (he would score an interesting score as well, I'm sure!!), he thinks I should stop worrying about what is my own fantasy for our son and just accept that that is beyond him and isn't going to happen (he makes it sound so easy!)

 

At the end of the day we can't change what they are, just do our best to encourage them and help them on their way

 

Take care.

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Hiya, thanks for your reply.

Having friends can certainly complicate things, I agree, but they can also bring so much joy to kids' lives. At the moment I guess it's easier for my son to be on his own because it's just so hard to mix so he avoids it, but deep down I don't think he's happy about it. I just hope that one day he can experience the fun of sharing stuff with a true friend, but I guess he might have to wait a while before that comes.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

dunno if its of any help - but my lad only got a dx 2 yr ago when he was 12, and tbh - id not really noticed much amis before school hauled me in - always seemed such a forthright independant sort - i just presumed the lad was brimming with individuality nowadays i just judge on sons level of contentment/ happiness/ viewpoint at world - tho i freak out - if hes wandering aimlessly through it and not stressing self silly - suppose i shouldt try expect him to conform ( cos sure as **** he wont!)

 

After 3 years in same class the rest of the pupils seem to have got completely used to sons whacky ways and hes part of the furniture?! if u get my drift! - well if hes ok with it / ill will be

 

as i mentioned earlier - son clicks well with adults / older kids and those a fair few years younger - hopefully it will all level out eventually ( eternal optomist me)

 

 

Yes, you're right, of course - if he's happy I should be! It's so hard to chill sometimes though, don't you find? It just whizzes round and round in my head sometimes and there is no solution so there's no point in my trying to come up with one, but sometimes it's hard to shut up those annoying little voices in my head

 

Yes, my lad much prefers adults as well and I guess, seeing as one day he will be one, it might turn out okay in the end after all!!

 

Cheers.

~ Mel ~

[justine]

laughing is good for the soul ( so is the industrial sized vodka bottle i bought) sons on school overnight trip - im sick with worry so plan to be sick with alcahol poisening by morrow

 

hahahahahha least he went away with one of the more 'understanding teachers' Is it abnormal to imagine that your awfully bright but hideously immature son might end up buried under hadriens wall by rest of his class - rather than examining it????

 

 

Funny enuf, Bob went to Salford Museum today. I was expecting a call to go and collect him, after he plummented the place in darkness. Bob has a real passion (one of a few) for electrics, plugs, wires and anything else that has a power supply!! Once in nursery before dx, he would only have been 3, he decided to be in charge of the power! ran around turning on/off the classroom lights and turned the tape player on really loud to make everyone think it was a disco. All he did was create a crying storm with 20 under 4's and two Nursery Teachers under 30!!

 

Its not abnormal thinking the way we do, it's everyone else's that is. Bearing in mind, Bob is quite articulate regarding mechanical/construction design, science, engineering, my recent phrase is "Bob would be a genuis if only he could read or write". Now how much trouble would I be in if he could!!

 

Just

[Canopus]

'm still searching for that elusive child to click with mine but he has no interest in computers or playstations or football or all the stuff that other kids his age might enjoy, he just wants to play with Lego, but I'll keep on looking. I'm really glad you've found friends for your lad.

 

12 seems to be the difficult age for kids with AS. When kids are 6 or 7 they can often get away with being a recluse, but by the time they reach secondary school age then it can seriously worry parents that they have no friends. I'm surprised that your son isn't interested in computers or game consoles. I always assumed that computers appealed to just about every kid with AS but maybe I am wrong. An interesting sideline was when I got statemented in 1986 an LEA rep was surprised that an 8 year old lad didn't like football. I wouldn't worry too much about your son having no friends as long as he is happy playing with Lego. If you try to force him into social situations then it will probably backfire badly. I was sent to a SEN residential school when I was 12 and one of the reasons on my statement was to force me to mix with other kids in group activities because my EP saw me as a recluse. Things have changed dramatically since the 1980s. Back then kids would play out in the street, ride bikes, and play football in the park. Spending all day in front of a computer or building Lego models was seen as very bad. Nowadays most of the kids who are seen outside round my way fit into the yob or chav category and most of the decent kids stay safe indoors glued to a game console. Being a reclusive kid has become more acceptable in recent years. I think it is a bad move to compare your childhood to your son's and worry that his only childhood memories are 4 bedroom walls and a pile of Lego bricks. Don't be disappointed that your son doesn't participate in the popular activities for kids of his age. I can't understand why so many parents get uptight if they have a kid that isn't conventional as long as they are happy and aren't causing trouble. Is it embarrassing in the eyes of neighbours and work colleagues to be a parent of an eccentric kid?

 

There doesn't seem to be any "magic bullet" solutions to the problem. You say that you have tried a support group but couldn't find any suitable friends. I suppose really you will have to find another Lego obsessed kid and 12 happens to be the age when most kids abandon playing with Lego and similar toys!