jaffacakes

That sounds like a scheme called "Building Resilience", worth looking into as it does not work for children with ASD, I spoke to NAS about something similar a while ago and they gave me some details. Basically the idea is to put a child into a "controlled" challenging situation so they can learn from their experiences. Have you written to the Head again? I would, and make it clear that they are causing your son stress by their actions. Get your son to write as well if you can. As for the TA thing, I'm sure other people will have more experience than me on this, but it's common. I can understand that it may not always be a good idea to have a 1:1 sat with a child all the time, but their focus should always be on your child, not on any 'other role'.

It's not even as if we're asking them to spend money! just discuss strategies with us - they keep telling us we are the 'experts' but don't want to treat us as such. Very, very annoying and worrying.

Hi Sally, thanks. The "holding until calm" is something in a "strategy plan", I would be extremely upset if they ever used it and didn't let us know. If you can find any documentation that states it's inappropriate then please can I have links etc? The lack of information is for most, if not all day to day issues. I have asked on a number of occasions over the past few weeks that "inappropriate behaviour" be documented, and it had been agreed that this will be done. But it's not happening, which means that while we are also trying to get the school to discuss coping strategies with us (and they are refusing) we have no idea how well he is coping in school - apart from him getting tearful in the car on the way home and becoming anxious and upset before/after school etc. Plus 1 document written by someone outside of school which documents: spitting, hitting, kicking etc. as I mentioned above. Add to the equation that I've been told today that I am "obsessive" about my son's behaviour and a "sid" has documented that s/he is happy with strategies in place in school where in the same document we have confirmed that this person has not got information on the full range of my son's behaviours and also has NOT read all the strategies in place. Worried? yes. Obsessive? probably.

Thanks all, yes I do have Ed Psych there, unfortunately it's her document which states that my son should be "held until he is calm" OK 2 further questions: 1 Why would school be do determined to only push the positives? Why are they not documenting the negative behaviour which my son is displaying and not asking for help when it is offered and available? 2 Some time ago someone posted up a very good pdf file for schools to use to teach those in school (teachers and children) about autism, it included classroom activities and was at least 20 pages long. Can you one send me a copy or link to it please. Many thanks Lynn

Thanks Jaded and Suze, Yes CASADT have been good, and I've had more support from them than anyone else, but school are now in the driving seat and they have done too many things in the last 4 weeks that we are concerned about. We have not dug our heals in just to give way now, although it feels like that's what we are being expected to do. It won't work. R has been treated badly once before and it won't happen again - it took me over a month before he would even walk by other children without extreme anxiety. Thanks for the reassurance, it's not nice to have such grave concerns for people who are meant to be working in his interest - who in their right mind would even suggest "holding until he is calm" a 5 year old with spacial difficulties who can sometimes kick, hit out and get very very upset if people get into his space. Holding him until he is in a safe place or until others are removed from his location is very different.

I know I have gained the 1:1 because of all the fighting I did, remember I had my son out of school because we had no recognition of any issues - his previous school REFUSED to speak to our local Autism team THREE times. I have paperwork going back 2 years regarding his behaviour yet no-one was even interested. Our concerns are that we were promised inclusion and involvement, but now our son is in school that has all gone. R has come home obviously upset on a number of occasions and they have all but denied it. This includes one day where he had THREE melt downs within his 2.5 hours. This was not reported in his diary and when I questioned it the Head eventually said they were "trying to build his resilience". We are very concerned that they are trying to push him to see whether this is bad behaviour or something more. However they are distressing him at the same time and then denying it to us. The strategy document does not list any of the things we have already asked about, and he is now (Friday) having incidents which they say have no triggers and no warning - he hit a child on Friday and it happened "with no warning". My son does NOT do this. I'm very concerned about Welfare being brought in, what are they up to? Jaded: you must have posted as I was typing this, I'll repond to you later - you make a lot of sense but I am still worried

Hi all, Been about a month since I've been here, been busy and things have moved on greatly in that time. Son has had 4 weeks in a new school, 1hr per day then 2.5 hrs, with 1:1 support. We had lots of promises about being involved and going at our pace before we started. Home /School diary started at our insistence , it has become an issue as it is full of positive stuff but has glossed over negatives and has blatantly not included negative issues. We also have a weekly summery which is all positives with no negatives. A whole lode of paperwork went forward for an IPF, including a very fair but negative document from Ed Psych, including biting, hitting and requiring 2 staff to contain him. We've started complaining about this, and also lack of written strategies - we asked for a meeting where WE could discuss this. R has been granted IPF at level 4 (£11,000) plus a Statutory Assessment has been started as of 1 June. Ed Psych has presented us (emailed) with what looks like a very 'standard' document with strategies - mainly covering high level behaviour - violence etc. Nothing about coping strategies or what to do if ... No input from us and it has been sent out as an "agreed document". Also CAF has been booked for 2 weeks time, I have not been included as join lead as requested, and I now find that 19(!) people have been invited, including welfare and 2 GP's. I think this is R's and mine. School have also invited us to a meeting (Recorded delivery letter) to discuss. What is going on, what is the game plan here? I have forwarded all of this onto my MP and also the Council's Chief Exec who were both involved about a month ago when I was getting desperate about finding a school for R. I'm beginning to get concerned that this is not going to go well. Help please Lynn

1 Because he was being assaulted and bullied, also that the school he was in were ignoring requests for external input/help (we have proof of this) 2 None 3Nothing apart from saying 'he should be in school' 4 no, we removed him 5 good question, we withdrew, they did not try to change out minds or help.

A quick question for you all. Ross has been out of school just over 3 months, 95 days in total including weekends and holidays. Is there any deadline we are getting close to, anything that might affect our position for, say, complaints procedures or similar. Thanks Lynn

I'd be very suspicious, see what reasons you get in writing.

I can agree with much of what others have said, you know your son best and have to go with your instinct. Personally I think 3 days when he is so young is a lot to ask any child. For Beavers (6-8) they can only be away from home for a max of 24 hours. Have a look at the Scouting factsheet http://www.scoutbase.org.uk/library/hqdocs...fs/fs155053.pdf I have 15 Cubs (8-10) away for 3 nights this weekend, I know some (not going) have decided they are not ready and no doubt we will have our share of home sickness and other issues. I'd say that any overnight event for a 6 yr old is a lot to ask.

No, not really who I want him to associate with, but I would like him to have someone to play with. How do I wind them up, any hints?

We have a local new play area, Ross has been there with us and discovered that some of the children from his old school were there. First time they played with him - when he would allow. Now it would seem that one parent has told her son that he is not allowed to play with Ross, so all the children in the gang are being little ###### around him. Hateful, horrible people.

Looks interesting, but not much I can use without paying for it? I'm thinking of scanning in some of Ross's books and reprinting the text separating the sounds and highlighting specific sounds etc, I can always try different colours as well Ross is really past the baby stage of symbols - he wants to read but for some reason can't.

Thanks, will have a look now