positive_about

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Just watched it - great video, and congrats on getting the job - I hope it works out for you. It is painful and demoralising when you know you have skills/qualifications that employers are looking for but you keep getting rejected, especially when years tick by - but it just shows with support, and understanding employers, more people with autism could be working. I hope more employers watch these films and appreciate and consider candidates with autism for the abilities they have, rather than rejecting them for the ones they haven't.

Welcome back, sorry to hear you have become homeless! - i hope you can find somewhere to live soon. My ex-wife didn't tolerant my 'quietness' and other difficulties, so I ended up being kicked out - it was painful but it was a turning point in my life, and it was good to move on from what I later realised was a very negative and controlling relationship.

I'm 43 and only recently diagnosed, and can relate to some of your hubbys difficulties. It would be a good idea to discuss it with your GP, and take the above list of his 'traits' with you and hand it over - tell them your concerns as well, and how it all affects you. The more they know the better.

Hi, and welcome to the forum I can relate to much of what you have said - I grew up with a keen interest in electronics and computers, and always been quiet, introverted, and somewhat eccentric. I was bullied/shunned at school for being quiet/shy/weird, and again at work - I've always felt like I had a target painted on me, without really understanding why or how to deal with it, so still struggle now. I don't fit in at work, and struggle with concentration as well, so work became really difficult and stressful and in the end I had to give up a good job. I haven't worked much since. I was diagnosed last year, at 41, and this was a relief to me - although I am still waiting for the official report so haven't really been able to come to terms with the way I am and start moving on. It was impoertant to me to get a diagnosis as I have several difficulties that I felt needed recognition - I haven't been able to cope with them, or get over them. If you feel you are coping well in life then a diagnosis may be tricky to get, and may not benefit from it - though things can change, and you may become aware of other difficulties, so you might need to consider it one day.

Thanks It has been difficult waiting for my report, my depression has worsened and lost the hope I had after being assessed last year - I get really anxious when waiting, not knowing whats happening. Its been hard to think about post-diagnosis help/support without having my diagnosis in writing, but will look into it - I was assessed via Autism West Midlands SPARC unit, and had other dealings with them so well aware of them. I think they offer post-diagnosis support themselves, so that would be good. In the past I looked into autism courses/degrees, to understand it more and maybe help others one day - but I struggle with social anxiety, poor concentraction, and lack of confidence, so not really ready. Maybe one day I may feel up to it.

Well, I needn't have posted now - my partner has since rung them and apparently my diagnosis report is on its way So that is a huge relief, and hopefully I can move forward now rather than being stuck in a rut. Thanks for your response, it has been a long up-hill battle, but it shouldn't be this way at all. I should have been more pushy about my diagnosis, as my health has suffered whilst waiting without any explanation or apology. One of the psychiatrists said 'people with AS can't tell the difference between a telephone and a person!' - which didn't fit what I'd read about AS. The other one admitted he didn't know anything about AS, but then said I didn't have AS (after I had a disagreement with my partner about something!). I just can't believe how there can be psychiatrists out there that have little or no knowledge/experience of AS/autism. Fortunately I've got the diagnosis now, so can put all the I've faced behind me - and try and find a to live my life as best I can.

I haven't posted on here for a while, for a few reasons, but mainly because a year ago I was assessed for AS through my GP at a local diagnostic unit. The assessment went well, and they said I had AS there and then which I didn't expect - and would send out their report within a month or so. A year later, nothing, despite my partner having pestered the unit a few times to chase progress. By itself its worrying, but even more so because of the difficulty I've had getting this far, with a couple of psychiatrists dismissing that I have AS (despite admitted or showing they have no understanding of AS). Luckily a social worker and another psychiatrist suggested I probably have AS, so determined to have this recognised, but this alone is not enough for me to feel I have AS - having the official diagnosis is very important to me, but now I feel this is not going to happen. The diagostic unit use external assessors who they repeatedly can't seem to contact or get a response from, so it doesn't look good. They may be extremely busy, but some feedback to explain the delay would have helped - but there's nothing. I was close a year ago to accepting that there was something behind my eccentricities and difficulties, but now I am back to feeling that I am just an anxious messed up freak, rather than actually having anything that may be behind things. Has anyone else had a long wait for their diagnosis report? I also need to change my username, struggling to be positive right now.

Mihaela - sorry for hear about your experience, unfortunately there is a lot of legislation for the protection of vulnerable children - but considerably less for the protection of vulnerable adults. I find it tragic that your honesty and loyalty has led to the consequences you described. I hope you can regain your support, don't let them win. . I've long had a sceptical view of the state, mainly because of my dads strong views/paranoia about the 'state' (he is almost certainly an Aspie) due to his own life experiences and beliefs, but also because of my own life experiences - nothing as serious as above, but still negative experiences that have left their mark on me. Wish I could say more in the way of support, but I'm struggling with my own issues.

Hi Will, welcome to the forum

Just let it go, some people on forums are just abusive and immature, don't rise to the bait - these people have little or no understanding of autism, or being long-term unemployed. There are plenty of long-term unemployed out there, its hard to get a job when you haven't worked for a while - employers have plenty of candidates to choose from, so they are unlikely to choose someone without recent work history. Some people just like to provoke other people and see what response they can get.

Thats terrible - what she is doing is fraud, and financial abuse - I can understand your reluctance to report her, but she shouldn't be allowed to get away with this. How dare she accuse you of not being responsible with money! Even if you weren't, that doesn't give her the right to spend your money on herself. Are you able to open a new bank account? If so, then you can inform DLA + employer with your new bank details and use this account instead.

Good to hear the end of the day was better, it can help to get away from things for a bit. Just make the best of things in the meantime. If his job is getting to him then he needs to find a way to release things in a healthy way, rather than having a meltdown (or shutdown). Going for a long walk somewhere quiet works for me. I used to drive/wander off for hours after a meltdown, to try and recover, but that was a bad way of handling it. Now, I try to keep calm and avoid meltdowns, I'm learning to let things go and not let things build-up. Also, we like to get away from things now and then and head somewhere quiet, which helps me release any built-up tension. People with autism can struggle to change the way they think, and prefer to keep things the same even if its not working. It is possible to change, but it takes a lot of effort - and first of all it requires acceptance that things need to change.

Sounds like his job is overwhelming him, so that he just wants to shutdown at home - which makes things difficult for you. I had to give up a good full-time job years ago because work was just too much to deal with, both the tasks I had to do and the people I had to work with. I know what its like but he has to try to communicate how is feeling, and admit he has difficulties. Maybe his job is not right for him, maybe work is beyond him right now, but he needs to talk about it and seek help or he will just end up crashing like I did, and that will be worse than how things are right now. In answer to your questions: Trying to cope with work/life with depression is difficult, especially without medication, so he needs to get help with that. But also, he really needs to see a psychiatrist to discuss his paranoia and other difficulties. I suffer from paranoia, have since childhood - its not an autistic trait, but autism can give rise to depression and anxiety which develops into paranoia. He may be picking up signals that people are against him, or he may be reading the signals wrong - autistic people can have great difficulty reading people, so they don't know what other people really think. It also sounds like he is suffering from low self-esteem, and is beating himself up for not being good enough, which is another reason to seek help. Self-help books can be useful, though at this moment in time he may not be in the right place for these. If he is struggling with part-time then maybe its unrealistic for him to work, but he maybe just need medication and to seek help with his difficulties. I would suggest seeking help before he gives up his job, in case medication, etc., helps him to cope better with it. However, if things are really that bad then maybe he needs time off to recover and get help. If he is on DLA then this will continue until he is asked to apply for PIP, so if he were to give up work then doing it while he is still getting DLA would make sense. Being defensive is probably his way of trying to protect his core self, which is probably suffering right now. Again, its not a trait of autism - though his explosive reaction is a meltdown, which is a trait. People with Asperger's can be perfectionists, or try very hard to be, and so he may be fighting to be 'perfect' - and not cope with signs or comments that he is not. This is probably linked to his paranoia and low self-esteem. All you can do is keep telling him you love him, and are on his side and want to help him. Meltdowns can be bad and painful for all involved, but tend to be short lived.- it will pass. Try to balance being supportive with giving him space - don't let him disappear, but don't push him too hard either. Its time for him to seek help, even if it goes against his nature. It took me a few years to realise I needed help, I was too busy blaming everyone else. Keep positive, and keep providing reassurance.

Hi Damon, welcome to the forum