katzmum

Hello Peaches, Your grandson should be undergoing a transition now to his post-16 placement. Does he have an Education, Health and Care Plan? Has a post 16 target been identified? Is there a contingency plan? Have any visits to his target venue been arranged? If he has an EHCP, has consultation taken place with his next venue (even if this is Sixth Form in his current school)? You are absolutely correct, professionals cannot simply assume he will transition to his next placement with no problems. Furthermore, what assistance are you getting? What independent living skills training is your g/s receiving? Where are specialist ASC services or social care? I am sorry, I only have questions. My own experience is not good. Post-16 was disastrous for both my sons, but your sons' transition should be well under way by now. It is not all about academic performance as you know so well.

Hello Steve, I just thought I would drop you a line. I posted on this forum about my 16 year old son who is in the same position as your sister. He only goes out to the gym, has no education, no training and no friends. The Prince's Trust has a programme starting in our area in February but he blatantly refuses to go. His problem is anxiety and I would not be surprised in anxiety lay at the root of your sister's behaviour. Try to see if those AS support groups will run again or encourage your mum to set one up (although as a mother myself, I know how difficult it can be to work and try to support someone with reclusive behaviour). Would your sister consider self employment or careers advice? I am just clutching at straws - but I really feel for you.

Really sorry for posting twice in succession. However, my husband is extremely attached to his mother. In fact, in my experience, many men with AS have a very close bond with their mothers and I certainly have an overwhelming protectiveness towards our sons due to their vulnerability. Your partner may not know how to cope with these overwhelming emotions and the huge change that comes when a parent dies. You are doing exactly what is right (in my opinion), you are standing by him. However, he may not be able to put his feelings into words and he may find his anxiety over what is happening to his parent is preventing him from expressing his love for you. I know when my husband is anxious, it totally consumes him. Helping him practically, by providing comfort, shelter and calm may be the best thing you can do at the moment.

Hello, I am married to a 58 year old gentleman with a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome. He obtained his diagnosis at the age of 50 from the Sheffield Asperger Centre , which I believe now runs under a different name. He was referred there by our GP. We do not live together, although we are married and see each other every day. For us and the teenage son who still lives at home with me, this arrangement works better. My husband is also hugely empathetic towards animals. He feeds the feral cats at my mother's farm and my eldest son (who now lives away from home) has tamed the cats so my mother has 15 very friendly moggies to catch her mice. My husband also fed a rat who came into our garden when a neighbourhood river flooded. He called the rat 'Albert' but Albert brought all his friends over and soon there was a rat run in our garden and in our neighbour's garden. My greatest help was to realise that my husband had a disability and that it is the same disability that our son has. However, the support that our son receives was not available when my husband was younger, so he has had to struggle through and develop strategies to cope. My husband's strategies are to run away from relationships when they become too complicated (we have been married for 20 years, but this is his second marriage) and to respond to conflict with anger and rage. I have learnt not to react and to ride the storm. This strategy works for me, but you may find other strategies work better. I have found a lot of advice and solace in the 'Different Together' forum, which is set up for individuals who are in relationships with people with AS. I am glad you are committed to your partner.

Hello, My husband was diagnosed as a mature adult. He said it helped him to make sense of some of his life experiences and it helped him to explain to other people why he might misinterpret some form of communication. Where we live, there is a Specialist Autism Service which provides social skills groups and employment mentoring and I am currently exploring some links from the NAS about counselling for my husband.

Hello, I have two sons. My eldest (18) has a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome and currently resides in a residential home for people with mental illness. He has had some serious MH problems and is now learning how to manage these a little better. My youngest (16) was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder about three years ago, but he receives no treatment or medication for this. As a family, we have had a very rocky three years which entailed two Child Protection interventions, the break up of the family (husband left home and eldest went into residential care) and contact with the police (eldest arrested and youngest interviewed under caution). However, all family member see each other regularly and we are moving on positively. I know my eldest son is getting the help that he needs. His voice hearing and self-harming have reduced significantly. My husband (who also has AS) lives close to us and I have come to terms with the fact that we 'live apart, together'. My youngest son, however worries me. My youngest son stopped attending school three years ago when we reached crisis point at home. He received a few hours of tuition from tutors from the local PRU but he hid from them most of the time (locking himself in the bathroom or barricading himself in the kitchen. He only began to engage when he got a regular tutor who managed to build a relationship with him (albeit through a door to start with). As a result, he left school last summer with next to no qualifications (to his credit, he sat his GCSE and Functional Skills exams). No college placement was identified (he refused to go for college interviews, ran away from them or stayed mute when the interview took place) and he joined a course with no transition in September. He lasted a week and a half before the college said he was not participating and that he was not attending (he simply stopped attending in the second week) and they withdrew him from the course and told us they had nothing to offer him. I contacted the SEN team in our LA and I mentioned my son's dilemma to our social worker (the case had now been stepped down to Child in Need). The social worker said that this was not really something social services could help with and referred us to the 'Prevention' team (a local authority team concerned with preventing young people becoming NEET). The Assessment and Review Officer mentioned a personalised learning pathway and said that if my son would not engage with that, his EHCP may have to be closed because he had no educational provision. I phoned up the PLP but my son refused even to speak to them. Now my son has applied for the army. He has been to the Army Careers Office and (with my support) he has filled in an application form. He is also working out at the gym every day (this is something he has done for the past two years). However, I know he is not going to pass the army medical. He has asthma and his anxiety is recorded on his medical records. Additionally, it would be miraculous if he could leave home and interact with a group of strangers, when he will not even go into the shops on his own (his dad waits outside the gym for him). I do apologise for the length of this message. However, my question is this: Should I try the softly, softly approach. That is, should I very slowly and very gently introduce my youngest to new experiences e.g. a ride on the bus, a new hobby we can do together, an online course and so on and hope his anxiety decreases so that, at some time in the future, he will re-engage with society? Or should I continue looking for things for my son to do to break this inertia e.g the Prince's Trust, NCS more college courses and so on and continue pressing the local authority to help him? An additional problem is that I work from home and have few resources (not much money) so time and activities will be limited and I am so frightened that if something does not change for my youngest, he will develop the mental health difficulties that have caused his brother so many problems. Thank you for reading.

Hello Paula, Find your local council's Adult Social Services number and call them, explaining that your family is in crisis and no-one has got back to you. Under the Care Act 2014, you are 'entitled' to a needs assessment to see how the local authority can support your needs as a carer and your son, as an individual with a disability, is entitled to a needs assessment. If your son is refusing to eat or wash, he is putting himself at danger of harm. If you have younger children and your son's behaviour is impacting on them, you may try Children's Social care for help (although I would be careful to emphasise that you are doing everything in your power to protect your other children). Even when we were in deep crisis, we had to chase up agencies who were supposed to help us.

Hello Paula, We had some very significant difficulties with our eldest son (now 18). His behaviour was complicated by some serious mental health issues. After he went into CAMHS as an inpatient, we were looking for somewhere to take him with a view to helping him become a little more independent and to stop the dynamic between my son and his younger brother (the boys were then 15 and 17). We contacted Shared Lives/Avalon and everything seemed to be progressing well. My eldest went on a couple of visits to his prospective Shared Lives carer and met her, some of her family members and the young man who was lodging with her. Then, we were told my son was too high a risk. His behaviour can be destructive and he had police intervention at one time. Shared Lives withdrew their offer of a placement. So, it was back to the drawing board. My son was then catered for by Adult Social Care and a placement was found in a small house run by staff with mental health specialism. My son has been living there, happily, for six months now. Adult Social Care could really help. One factor that complicated matters for my son was that he would not identify with his diagnosis of autism. However, he recognises that he needs help with his mental health. Another organisation that could help is Autism Plus.