Routine.

[Dandy]

Hi everyone.

 

I posted a few months back regarding a guy at work who has Aspergers and the best way to develop a friendship with him.

 

After some very good advice from people on here I'm glad to say things have gone very well.

 

There's been some trial and error involved but I've learnt some of his signals and things have very gradually become easier. We're not exactly best pals but I think we're "buddies".

 

There is one thing that is causing problems though and that is his routine (hence the title of this topic). He keeps very odd hours which make any sort of socialising very difficult. For him things happen at set times on set days and they conflict with any free time I might have. Even his sleep pattern is out of sync with mine.

 

At the moment things are very predictable, we do the same thing on the same day at the same time and have our own little routine. You could basically say I'm slotted in for 1 and a half hours one day a week.

 

I know He will never want to go to town with me for a drink, he will never want to catch a train and go for a day out and that's fine. I also understand he may have a need for routine and structure in his daily life and his routine might be important. But small things like coming over to my place to have some pizza and watch a movie or meeting at his to play on his XBox all seem out of the question because they conflict with his routine

 

I might be making a fuss over nothing here but I'd like to know if I should gently push to try to get him to alter his plans a little or accept this is just the way things are and will always be.

[oxgirl]

Hi Dandy, it's hard to generalise, as, obviously all people with AS are different, but generally I'd say it would be quite anxiety inducing for this lad to be spontaneous and step out of his routines. That's not to say it is impossible, just that it might cause anxiety. I wouldn't expect him to react very well to sudden or unexpected changes but there's no reason why you couldn't suggest a time in the near future to do something for the first time. I would give him plenty of notice to work towards a suggestion of doing something different and not spring it on him at short notice. Maybe if he had a date in his diary that he could work towards it would lessen the stress and then if it went well it could become a routine in itself, say, once a month or something.

 

Good luck with it.

 

~ Mel ~