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Struggling with violence/aggression and language from son

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#1 cmuir



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Posted 18 July 2016 - 11:09 PM



I used to visit this forum a good few years ago now.  Things seemed to be going okay until the past year or so.  Feel like I'm at absolute breaking point.  Here's an outline...


I've got a 14 year old son with Aspergers.  He's been trapped (I say that because placing requests have been turned down repeatedly) in a mainstream environment.  R desperately wants to be like his NT peers, but because of high anxiety levels, his challenging behaviour means that he sticks out like a sore thumb!


He's had several exclusions where 7 members of staff have reported to feeling threatened and intimidated by him.  One has reported sexual harassment.  I've been pinned against the wall by the throat and my husband (R's dad) was knocked out a few weeks ago.  I've had to call the Police several times now – when they hear out address, they send 4.


Social Work have been involved for years, as have CAMHS.  Social Work say that there's nothing they can do as R refuses to engage with them.  Nonetheless, as I've pointed out, that doesn't help me.  He can't be put in care, because they say that there are no suitable placements, and asked me outright what it would take to keep him at home.  I made a placing request for an independent specialist residential school, which was recently turned down the the EA.  The EA are now fighting this and I'm having to go to a Tribunal.


We have a Barnardo's support worker who really gets Autism.  However, he sees a very different side to R.  He takes R out to McDonalds and KFC, and basically does everything that R wants to do.  As I've pointed out, the problems we have at home are when anything is asked of R – even the simplest of tasks e.g. taking his cup through to the kitchen, getting showered and dressed, etc etc.


R's Headteacher has emailed the EA and said that he'd require a huge amount of specialist support in school for his staff to support him, but he feels strongly that R's needs are not being met.  Furthermore, he's outlined how challenging R can be.  Still, the EA keep trying to slap him down and continue to say that he can be supported in mainstream (I should add that they did admit that they don't have any specialist schools that were willing to take him, or able to support him).


I'm really struggling.  This morning things came to a head and I lost it (balled at him and told him to get out of the house).  Support Worker arrived not long afterwards to calm things down.  Feel like I'm at the end of my tether – and such a failure.  I'm not even sure what I'm fighting the EA for anymore – I fear that R will be so difficult (he says he'll do that) at the independent school, that it wouldn't work.





#2 sarah xxx

sarah xxx

    Norfolk Broads

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Posted 19 July 2016 - 08:24 AM

I feel for you im in same boat my sons only 10 and i dont no what to do for the best everything

 we try and do may work for a couple of days then we are back to square one. We have had to take our son out of school due to no one knowing what to do or where to put him since doing this his melt downs have become less but saying that when we ask him to do something  eg, wash brush teeth get dressed all the normal things we have to do he point blank refuse he will become aggessive swearing i also find that the thing that makes him happy is his playstaion he goes into his bubble and is very content but the min we take him away from this he go back to  being anxious aggressive and not cope very well with anything thats going on around him hope you get the support you need soon

#3 JeanneA



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Posted 28 August 2016 - 11:02 AM

I do feel for both of you ladies.  I know only too well what you are going through.  I have been through it myself with my youngest son Glen who has ASD and very challenging behaviours.  He is 22 now and has been in a mental health hospital for 16 months.  He is not doing well at all.  A placement is being sought for him, but funding is an issue.


I wish I had kept Glen at home, but then again I was struggling with his aggressive behaviour and would not have coped much longer.  He sadly went into a residential home at the age of 17.


Anyway, I do hope things get better for you both, I don't really have advice I could offer except keep pushing for help for your sons.  They deserve as much help as possible.  Sadly due to funding cuts etc things are not very good at the moment.


Thinking of you both.

#4 Paula



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Posted 28 August 2016 - 02:12 PM

I also understand ive a 22 year old 6 ft 3 16 stone son who when he refuses to do anything i cant make him and he kicks of he shouts yells stomps round ,he has been known to grab me and throw me out the house he once when he was around 14 kicked me in the stomach hard and hes had me in a headlock,i cant physically handle him.Thankgod his behaviour tends to be shouting yelling and verbal abuse though that hurts in a different way.


I too cant offer advice i just also wanted you to know youre not alone.

#5 trekster


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Posted 05 September 2016 - 04:48 PM

A number of things helped with my angry behaviour. 1, going off antidepressants because I reacted paradoxically to them. 2, avoiding all gluten dairy and benzoates in my diet and other non food products. 3, adding in supplements like 5htp, b vitamins, vitamin d3, omega 3s, probiotics

Also anger was the only way I could communicate physical pain at one point. I didn't know I was angry due to pain until the pain was treated. I've hypermobility syndrome which I believe your son has as well cmuir?

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