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CarolineJ

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Posts posted by CarolineJ

  2. Posted · Report reply

    Bim was 7 when we got his AS diagnosis. We talked to him and his sisters about it straight away. Bim doesn't understand what it is, but he is accepting of it. He loves to read Asperger adventure stories, especially the Kathy Hoopman books. It's only now that he's gone up to middle school that he's really seeing the huge differences between himself and his peers and he's not coping very well at all.

  3. Posted · Report reply

    Hi Caroline, I too live in Northumberland(North) and have a 12 year old who was in the middle school system until 3 weeks ago, he as AS and Dyspraxia. Northumberland are one of the areas piloting the CAF. I attended one of these meetings before I had to de register. In my case it was a done deal. Me being there was an after thought.They will be more concerned about his academic attainment than his mental health. I had CAHMS there to help me, but none of the professionals involved seemed to appreciate the severity of how things had become for my son, and his refusal to return to school. Even after putting my case backed up by CAHMS all that they were concerned about was that he returned to school asap. You can request an assessment be done by Northumberland. It will be a parental request. School is going to probably keep saying that your kid has no problems as he is academic, I so hate that word. They will also have very little evidence in report form if any, and will try to put you off, they did that with me for over 2 years until I finally requested it myself I have just found out that County will not assess and I am about to start the work for SEN tribunal. My kid so wants to go to a special school with other kids like him as do we. I keep on telling people that I would rather have a happy child than an academic child any day. With statements it all boils down to money I am afraid, it costs £3000 for a lea to do the assessment, do not let that put you off you look out for your kids needs, if you want to request one then go for it. Northumberland in my opinion are terrible!

     

    Bim's in the Alnwick middle school system. His headteacher is really good, but CAMHS are not. I've pulled Behavioural Support Services back in to see if they can help in any way.

     

    I'm really cross with our local CAMHS actually. They're really letting us down.

  4. Posted · Report reply

    I know nothing of CAF and School Action or School Action Plus. This is the first time anyone other than us have taken initiative, even though we've been requesting support before. Bim (Liam) has just started middle school and this new school is much more proactive than his first school, so we're tentatively hopeful for Bim.

     

    I have to head out now, so I'll look at those links you've provided later this evening.

     

    Many thanks for your reply!

     

    Caroline

  6. Posted · Report reply

    My son's head teacher has just called a multi agency meeting this week. We don't have an appointment yet and I don't know how soon I should expect it to take. In fact, I know nothing about it. Bim is 9 and this is a first for us. He has an official diagnosis of AS and has just started middle school this term - we still have the three tier system up here in Northumberland.

     

    What should we expect from this meeting. Of course both DH and I will attend. Bim has nothing at all in place, other than termly visits from a Communication Support Specialist and a useless CAMHS unit. Bim thrives academically, it's everything else that he struggles with. Should he have a statement in place?

  7. Posted · Report reply

    I read the series and have also read The Host, by the same author. I've lent the books out so often - mostly to the teenage girls in my street, but I'll keep hold of the books for when my oldest wants to read them. She's 10 now, so not far off.

  9. Posted · Report reply

    We're moving house in the next couple of weeks. Finally! We're been battling with the defence housing department since March and have justthis week been allocated a new MQ.

     

    I'm looking for advice particularly from any adults with AS. We always decorate the bedrooms straight away and this time I want to find a nice calming colour for Bim's room. He's suggested Blue stripes! lol

  11. Posted · Edited by CarolineJ · Report reply

    Bim has no inkling of empathy. He's a lovely boy, but just doesn't have all of his emotions in the right place. We'll take him as he is though :)

     

    I'm sorry your little one has been ill. Pneumonia is awful and it used to take Ruby weeks to months to get over it fully. It's not nice at all.

  14. Posted · Report reply

    ssafa can be quite pwerful though. my friend has twins who have been dx with autism plus a one year old. she was told no way you can have a 4 bed but she got ssafa involved and she was given a 4 bed quarter. i think sometimes they are just jobsworth but if you keep pushing you will get one - ill do a search later and see if ican find the information that i used

     

    i used to be in the raf myself so did my trade training there so have happy memories of the area. my next door neighbour was a policeman there before he moved here a year ago - you may know him!!! hes a complete pain and i soooooo wish i didnt live next door to a policeman

     

    he has 2 kids age 9 and 7 - he also has an 'au pair' whos just turned 21 - hes a single dad - dont know where mum is but the kids see her sometimes

     

    he has got a 4 bed house cos he argued that the au pair needed a room but they are living together as a couple!!!!! in fact they are getting married on friday. some people really play the system - can you not invent another long lost kid?? know thats probably a bad idea but the number of people who use that to get a bigger house nad then the kid never ever comes to stay!

     

    I know exactly who you are talking about! Older boy and younger girl right? His kids went to the same school as mine! I can't for the life of me remember his name though. Is it the Spanish girl he's marrying?

     

    So you were a scopie? Small world! We may have crossed paths in the past :)

     

    As for house stuff, we are entitled to a 4 bed and have been offered 2 over the other side of the village, but really need to push for one on this side as we have worked so hard to give Bim the confidence where he is and if something small can avoid anxiety for him and consequential stress on the rest of the family, then it's our jobs as his advocates to try to do this.

     

    It's a big shame we don't own the house we are in as we love it so much. We'd stay here if we could extend onto it.

  15. Posted · Report reply

    We're at Boulmer.

     

    We're in an awkward position. When Darren was posted here in 2003, there was a situation with MQs that meant we got allocated a 3 bed officer's MQ as there were no 3 bed airman's houses available and though we were coming from a 4 bed, they wouldn't give us a 4 bed up here. We had 3 children then.

     

    So fast forward to now - 5 years later. Darren's been posted to the SFC, which is also at Boulmer, so though we don't need to move out of area, we now have 6 people in a 3 bed and it's not working. We applied for a 4 bed, on the same end of the village, to keep the disruption as small as possible for Bim. He knows the geography of this patch. He's also allowed out to play and knows which tree and fences he can go as far as. He's also got some good friends here. The adults here know him too.

     

    Here's DEs problem: "We cannot offer you a quarter in that area as it is above your entitlement. You could try putting together a welfare case, but your chances are slim." We've been "in that area" for 5 years!

     

    So anyway, I've got SSAFA involved and we're also waiting on letters of support from Bim's CPN and consultant, so for now, we're stuck.

     

    *sigh*

  18. Posted · Report reply

    We've got the communication support team coming into school on the 9th of next month. They want to meet DH and I first. Bim's CPN at CAMHS requested the assessment and school were very reluctant to accept them as they felt the paperwork was a pain, Bim doesn't need them and they wouldn't come out anyway. Well Bim's teacher is surprised they are coming now!

     

    So, DH wants to voice his concerns over Bim's communication with his peers. He's very exaggerated and in their face. It's as though he tries way too hard. I want to see if Bim can get some help with his handwriting. When I mentioned the handwriting concerns to Bim's teacher, she replied "Have you seen mine? hahaha"

     

    Does anyone have any advice for this meeting? The lady will be in school for the whole of the morning.

  19. Posted · Report reply

    Oh and is it just me but does Billie sound weird when she is talking???? It doesnt sound normal!!!!

     

    Yes! We noticed it last week too. It sounds like she's got one of those removable brace plates at the roof of her mouth. Very off-putting.

  21. Posted · Report reply

    Do the NAS really hand those out? What a horrible, snitty, snipey way of making the point. If someone gave me one of those I'd probably say 'fine - what behavioural techniques do you usually use - I'll try something different for the day!' That's even worse than 'not naughty - autistic' t-shirts: negating all responsibility and expectation and using the child's medical condition as an excuse (actually, a kakky stick full of guilt to hit them with) rather than an explanation...

     

    Sorry - well aware that little of that's likely to be particularly popular, but I do think we have to be responsible when our children can't be and that they have to be when they can...

    and of course, i'm as guilty as anyone of handling these situations the wrong way (when you're stressed up to the eyeballs already the last thing you need is a stranger sticking their oar in), but always I've regreted it afterwards rather than seeing it as some sort of victory. So, in a nutshell, I'd try to explain the situation calmly and reasonably, and certainly if Ben stepped in and verbally abused the other party he would be disciplined for it.

     

    (Grabs coat and RUNS) :unsure:

     

    In both situations, my son was not behaving badly. He was distressed and anxious. To be blunt, he was sat sobbing on the floor at the end/corner of an aisle in Sainsbury's when an old "dear" said to him "Will you just be quiet and get out of the way!" as she tried to shove her trolley past him. She then turned to me and said "In my day we did as we were told and respected our elders." My husband was further along the aisle and loudly replied "In my day we have respect for everybody..." until I gave him the *just leave it* glare. Admittedly, we were trying the leave Bim a minute and see if he comes along of his own accord and weren't actually attending to him that second, but even so, the bat had no right to be so rude. In the second situation, we were in a casualty waiting area and Bim was really upset. Not so much about the wound to his mouth, but that bacteria in his blood may rot the Ipswich Town football shirt he had on. Again, and older person chimed in. She said "Do you mind? Some people here don't feel well." That time I was doing my best to console Bim, but obviously wasn't doing a good enough job. Yes, I'll admit to using his condition as a weapon those two times, but I felt so defenceless and was stressed myself, I did the first thing I could think of to diffuse a possible situation. The second lady actually apologised. I apologised for my tone and it led to a very nice conversation.

     

    Neither of the situations warranted outside interference, so I felt justified in my reactions at the time. My son is not abuse, nor rude, though I understand he may come across as rude at times when he doesn't quite have the language or understanding needed. In those situations, I step in and explain the proper course of action to him. It's as much a learning experience for us as it is for him.

  23. Posted · Report reply

    Getting a kitten was the best thing we ever did for Bim. The realtionship those two have is something you can't recreate. They're inseperable!

     

    I have to show some pictures!

     

    http://media0.dropshots.com/photos/20735/20030728/191505.jpg

     

    http://media1.dropshots.com/photos/20735/20030920/194239.jpg

     

    http://media5.dropshots.com/photos/20735/20031125/171521.jpg

     

    Those are all from 2003. Alfie's been a great addition to our house. He even taught our older cat how to be a kitten again!

  24. Posted · Report reply

    I only have J too, I see you have four and littlies too, do you have them in a good routine? And how do you do it?

     

    JsMum

     

    How do I do it? I don't know! lol Sometimes I wonder why I do it.

     

    Practically, we live on routines, persistency, consistency, visual cues, rewards and lots of planning if there's going to be any change in routine. Also, I've had to learn to let go of some of my hang ups and not expect so much of myself. Parenting is such a barrage of guilt.

     

    Liam thrives when he knows what's expected of him. He's a slave to his wall charts! :thumbs: I've often said he'd be so much better off if he was an only child, but thinking about it, having to "conform" to larger family rules and expectations may have been a good thing for him. He knows where he stands. Trouble is, he cannot get the attention he desires all.of.the.time. and this is difficult for him, and me, so we have to learn techniques to help him to *swear word* - wait.

     

    One big thing I always had, was not to pander to fussy eaters. We've had so many battles with Liam over this and since his diagnosis, we realised why. We do get round it though, so that's good. Self service from a selection of foods (tacos, jacket potatoes and toppings, fajitas etc) makes life a lot easier. At other times, we convince Liam to at least try something (he's often had it many times in the past and enjoyed it, but has forgotten, or is just stressed about it for some reason) once. We never serve any food (on the plate) that we know the children don't like, so feel confident to stick to the pudding rule. We've learnt to not change the rules about things, so all of the children feel secure in knowing where their boundaries are and we don't have constant negotiations! :lol:

     

    I'm sleep training my 9 month old at the moment. Blue had been poorly for a while and her sleeping had totally gone to pot. She was going from one boob to the other all night! I set myself rules on Monday and have stuck to them since, so I know it's only a matter of time before Blue's fixed!

     

    *yawn* Whose idea was it to have 4 children?

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