frankerooney

My hubby has learned to tell me when I need to say hello and goodbye. I don't think he'll ever get me to say 'how are you' to people - what a pointless random question that is! And there are misunderstandings due to me taking things literally. But the hardest thing for him is lack of physical contact. I do feel sorry about it - we didn't know anything about AS when we got married. He especially likes cuddles and back rubs so I have to make an effort to remind myself to do that but if I'm very tired I find it hard. Come to think of it, I don't even know if that's an Aspie thing? Maybe I'm just a weirdo! Well we've been married 6 years and got 2 children so I must be doing something right!!

Oh yes, darky, me too! My sister-in-law was quite put out the other day when her 2+half year old daughter went around kissing everyone goodbye; she got to me and I reeled and said can I blow you a kiss instead. Poor little girl was a bit confused and there was a bit of an awkward silence, but I'm glad I understand a bit about Aspergers and why I had that reaction. At church they keep asking me to help with the creche! NO WAY! On the occasions I've been in there, I've been unable to look after any kids other than my own, I don't understand what they're saying or doing and the noise turns me into a lump of jelly!

Aw, thanks Sooze, you started me blubbing! My husband despairs at my lack of empathy! If he hurts his leg or something I say oh dear and he says 'is that it? thanks for the sympathy' but unless I need to take him to hospital, I don't know what on earth I was supposed to say! He just rolls his eyes and goes to someone else for sympathy! I noticed that your signature mentions that your 8 year old possibly has ADHD. We are going to start investigating the implications of sometime getting a dx for our 3+half year old. Do you know of any good web sites or books that would help us weigh it all up?

Thanks Bid, that's a very good idea. The 3 year old and I both have a muslin cloth as a 'cuddly' at night (I hope he grows out of it before he's 36 though!). I was hoping to find another AS mum so thanks for chipping in. I guess you enjoy having little people in your world if you've had four of them but do you ever struggle with 'personal space' challenges, in a physical way or as a time-to-yourself issue? And do you have trouble with empathy? I do wonder what my children are missing, with me being differently wired, as they say.

Wow, thank you everyone for your suggestions and encouragement! I will definitely give some of your ideas a try. My older son responded to swaddling, so I might try that again with littlun. We loosened his swaddle once he was fast asleep (thanks for the warning about overheating). I will try the dummy again too. I don't really like him sucking my finger because it means he relies on me to settle him (i.e. gives hubby an excuse not to!). Classic FM is a good idea too. We've got a machine that makes the sound of rain or waves and that seems to keep him asleep so I'll see if music would help him doze off. We do the bath - feed - dim lights routine but I haven't often put him straight in the cot to see if he wants to settle himself so I will persevere with that. Thank you all again. frankerooney

Hello, newbie here. I'm 36 and Aspergers but no official dx. I have a 3 year old son with suspected ADHD and a 3 month old baby boy. I struggle big time with having little people making constant demands on my life, ruining any notion of a routine etc. But the biggest problem at the moment is settling the baby to sleep. My husband and I do not subscribe to the 'let them cry' theory; we soothe the baby to sleep with rocking, singing, feeding, swaying, finger-sucking or whatever. But I have very little empathy intuition (if that makes sense) - I find it impossible to tell from his crying what he needs. My Mum can tell what he wants and gets him to sleep in a few minutes no problem. But the only way I can do it is to try the techniques that have worked previously for a few minutes each in turn until he responds. Poor little thing! I get tired and frustrated and my back hurts having to hold him so much. I just wondered if anyone else has had this problem and if you've got any suggestions?