KezT
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Posts posted by KezT
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The word is commonly used in France to describe a stubborn person who does not listen.anyone know enough French to confirm this? I have to say, if you are going to drop native words into a second language you should specify that they are native! Most french people I have heard interviewed preface such things with "how do you say?" or "as we would say" or something like that.
And...... if it is used in french in that way, is it also used as a medical term? if so, i reckon the French NAS equivilent should be jumping up and down in anger!!!!!
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My great grandfather, grandmother and 3 of my cousins had Aspergers syndromeThe term Aspergers syndrome was not used as a diagnosis until the mid 1980's and Hans Asperger started researching children with similar symptoms in 1944 - I rather doubt your great grandfather could possibly have had a dx of AS!
This is not to say he didn't show AS syptoms, or that you do not, but that you have not got the facts correct. If he had a dx, it must have been for something else.
Because ASDs are a spectrum, most people can pick out bits of their personality as being very ASD symptomatic. That does not mean everyone has an ASD. A referral to a psych is a good start - GP's are not particularly knowledgeable about ASDs
But don't disregard the possibility that it could be something else. It sounds like you are determined for it to be AS......Whatever the psych report comes back with, i am sure it will not say you are an alien
<'> My advice is keep working with the MH team, go to the pysch, and keep an open mind. -
I too would suggest the RSPCA - even if they can't do anything they might be able to tell you who to go to next
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we had queueing as a specific goal on ds's first IEP - with ideas of how to get him to manage it.*
My only suggestion is to see the SENCO (or whichever teacher understands best) and try to work out an individual plan for him.
* techniques included practising on his own, social stories, putting a chalk mark on the playground where he should stand, giving him two "buddies" , one which he always stood behind & one in front....... Not totally sure which ones worked, but it took a year before he finally grasped the concept
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I have asthma and have had 3 chest infections and 1 episode of pneumonia this year. I would not take Tamiflu or swine flu injection. Will wait till several thousand people have had it and than get the REAL side effect data.Tamiflu has been taken by several million people for several years across several continents
There is LOADS of very good research out there about it.Ditto for the seasonal flu vaccine, of which the SF one is a varient....
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I have to say, having made it half way through now, I am finding it a bit pointless. other than a vaguely smug feeling that we already do all that, we haven't learned anything, and I agree, they tend to shrug off any questions about ASD specific behaviours.
I also think that there is waaaaaay too long a time period between families contacting CAMHS and getting on the course - most of the parents on this course (including us) would have got a lot more out of it two years ago when we first started having problems with our kids. Now we have either solved those problems ourselves or given up hope of doing so
This may be a geographic specific problem, as when i said this to my ed Psych sister last weekend she was absolutely horrified and said she complains if people wait longer than three months But I am ticking the box as required - in case I need CAMHS again in the future:) It's not exactly a terrible chore to go along to.
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DS was told almost as soon as we got the formal diagnosis - so he was 7. He is high functioning and knew that 1) he was different in some way and 2) that he had been dragged off to see dozens of different "doctors" to find out why he was different. He deserved to know, and it made life much easier when explaining to friends/relatives/teachers etc - he is an awful eavesdropper anyway, and invariably gets everything completely wrong when he listens in to our conversations
We have taken the explanations about all the diagnosis entails at a much more slow pace tho - at first it was just a name and the explanation that he finds things like socialising and understanding others difficult, whereas other people find maths or reading difficult. He has just recently asked for a bit more info, and i explained about the "spectrum" concept with some rather nifty craft work involving me making a sliding scale
I asked if he wanted to learn more, or if he wanted any books about AS and he said not at the moment, so we'll take it at his pace.....
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just to show another side - DS is very good at maths and loves doing it:)
When he was 4 & 5 the stupid school he was in put him down as gifted & talented in maths (I told them that a) he wasn't and
they were using it as an excuse not to look into his problems....). Now his school just says he is verfy good at it - a couple of years ahead of his peers.Except in shapes apparently - which he has difficulties with......
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I am waiting by the phone for DH to be offered it - he also has an autoimmune disease (or two/three) and is also immune compromised
I will be shoving him out of the door to get iot thee moment it appears in our surgery.I suppose they'll offer it to me too, being preggers - not toally convinced of the need, as I am totally healthy
I'm not sure if they'll offer the kids as they live with DH - if they do, we will definitely take it. The chances of theem getting SF is really, really high - it is obviously very contagious! I hate my kids being ill, and would rather avoid it if possible LOL.The SF vaccine is almost exactly the same as the normal seasonal flu vaccine which has been given to several million people with few worrying side effects - only a tiny change was required.
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We have tried all of the above:) But through trial and error have finally reached some kind of agreement as to how these things work with DS!
First, rewards and punishments have to be completely separated. We tried doing extra time on the computer for good behaviour & losing time for bad - absolute disaster!!!!
Second, DS needs very explicit boundaries - just saying don't hit other kids didn't work, and punishing him when he doesn't understand what he's done wrong is not helpful..... We are slowly getting to a stage where we are breaking things back down again now, but decided two years ago that the simplest rule was just "don't touch anyone, in any way, without explicit permission at that moment" - I think DS really does not understand the difference between pushing/hugging or playing/fighting:(
Also, we have learned to keep school and home separate - if the teacher grabs us at the end of the day and tells us there has been a problem, we tell him off and decide any punishment while still on the school premises (this may mean 10-15 mins hanging around school, but so be it). Once we are home, it is a different place, and there is no point trying to continue/discuss a school issue at home - or vice versa.
Finally, whatever punishment you decide to go with - make sure both you and he can live with it - and make sure you've got somewhere else to go from the punishment of there is further bad behaviour! DH had a habit of immediately banning all screen time for bad behaviour a while back - it just meant that we had screaming rows every day and once he had given the punishment, DS could do anything he wanted because the worst had already happened! Another thing to think about is your son's anxiety levels - it was explained to me like this: Imagine it is your first day in a new job - everything is new and you are trying to make a good impression to everyone you meet. At the end of the day, you will need to de-stress/relax somehow. For our ASD kids, every day is as stressful as that day is for us. Most ASD kids need some de-stress time - and for many, that is on the computer. If you remove all access to their de-stresser, they are going to get worse behaved, not better. MY DS is pretty much guaranteed 30 mins screen time of some kind each day, because it makes everyone's life easier.......
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Ds also only ever opens one presie at a time, and plays with it seemingly happy to ignore any other pressies. It's not about wanting a specific thing either - he has opened the most boring pressie first and seemed content to stop there before now!
TBH, I think the only people upset about this are me and DH, as we want to be able to see that frantic excitement we know childhood Christmas (& birthdays) ought to have
DS is quite happy to wander down on Xmas morning, check that santa has been, and then ignore the pressies for a few hours, open one if we insist, then ignore them again. We do usually spread Xmas out a bit - santa pressies first thing (and they are only a few small things anyway), one big pressie from us once whichever gusests are coming have arrived, and visiting guest pressie after lunch. All other pressies get spread out around the next few days as we visit different parts of the family & attend various freinds parties etc. We do the same on his birthday - our pressie on the day, friends on the party day (usually 2 or 3 friends max), family pressies when we see them).
DS is 9 now, and has known about santa for a couple of years. It took a bit of explaining and a simple rule of "don't tell your sisters" - but he has managed not to ruin it for them. They are both still total believers
My sister (NT - but quite a b**ch TBH) told me when I was 5 - I remember being devastated 
I think the only answer is that ASD children are never really going to exhibit that magical excitement that NT children show at Xmas. I think DS finds the whole thing quite stressful really, and certainly weird. I have asked, and he does like pressies, and Xmas in general, but his outward appearance is not the same as an NT child. This is just something we have learned to accept.
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What Karen said - work with the school to get him help there. We started with a meeting between us, Head, class teacher and Senco. Just go in & say you want to arrange a meeting and see where it goes from there.....
Re DLA, you don't need a dx, although it can help, but it is financial aid for the extra expences that having a disability incurs. I would strongly advise getting some help filling it in if you haven't done one before. CAB DIAL etc can all help complete the form with you and explain what the criteria is.
Also get in touch with local organisations, NAS etc and see if there are courses/groups you can attend. We found the Early Bird course really helpful - and gave us lots of signposts of where to look next.
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Not had to deal with this per se, but general advice would be...
start with small trips, regularly repeated, so the concept of going out is less scary
try and find something she really wants to do/somewhere she really wants to go/ties in with any interest she has and encourage her to just go there - until she is used to going out a bit
reward charts etc for each trip she attempts
Lots of positive imagery of where you have been when you go without her.
Lots of info to her before you go anywhere so she knows exactly where, why, what it will look like, how long it will take, who will be there etc
Has she said why she doesn't like going out? DS hates crowds, so we avoid anywhere fun & exciting in the summer, or the shopping mall at any time
I know of some children who have a dislike of a particular colour (so won't go to specific supermarkets) or sound etc.And finally - she may well not want to do any of the things that her siblings are doing. She could really be quite happy at home on your own. Remember you are not being a bad parent by not forcing her to do things she hates!
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We also moved Ds from a "good" small local school to the big one in the less prosperous area a few years ago. It was before his DX but during the investigation period, and I agonised for ages over what to do. Especially as we didn't move, so it involved a load of paperwork and appeals etc to change schools just because......
I am soooooooooo glad we did! the new school has done everything differently from the start, and DS likes going to school now!!!! He has a FT LSA - which he needs, when she is off sick or whatever it is always a nightmare, but the whole school attitude has been different. Best decision we ever made:)
I'm petrified about what will happen when he goes to secondary in a couple of years time, but for now, school is working. yay for the good schools! I have to walk past his old school each day on the way to the new one, so still see some of the parents - the school hasn't changed its attitude towards "naughty children". If DS had stayed, he would proably have been expelled and a school refuser by now
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Thanks:) But people live in much worse places! I have a big house, the kids have their own rooms, and the bathroom is fine all summer (salt is cheap fortunately), and we do have the shower!
I'll have to change my text tho - given up on the studying for now LOL.
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Thanks Justine, no worries about my personal space:) But cos we own the house and I work, we don't qualify for any of the means tested grant's/benefits
If I stopped work, we would lose the house, and so the gov't would get to pay for a nice adapted property for the rest of our lives. But cos I do work, and therefore pay the mortgage, they don't see the need to pay anything out I offered DH a divorce when he left work on the basis that way I would keep the house and get the mortgage paid, and he would get a lovely little bungalow down the road, but he didn't go for it for some reason LOL the intricacies of the benefit system eh! So my best bet has been to encourage DS to use the shower instead. DH has to use the bath whatever, it's part of his psoriasis treatment
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Our house is old, and originally had no bathroom. At some point a past owner slapped up a lean to at the back and put in a bath & toilet. We bought the house in the summer - didn't realise that it floods & freezes every winter, or that it provides the perfect home for the county's slugs
We've tried bodging it over the years - (also used up a kilo of salt each week trying to stop the slugs!) and an oil filled radiator will make it warm enough for the girls to use if I have time to put it on an hour before they go in there, but DS just won't go in there from about Sept through to May/June. As we have a tiny shower & toilet upstairs, I've just shut it up for the last couple of winters and used that instead
It's right on the top of my list of important things to do to the house, but with a quote of £15-20k to rebuild to current specs, and a continuosly falling income since DD no 1 arrived, not likely in the foreseeable.....
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OK, I know it's sad, but I'm really delighted that DS had a shower today - on his own, with only a little bit of encouragement, and washed all parts of him, including his head!
He's 9 now, so don't know if this is the start of puberty cleanliness, or just a big step forwards
But he has always had issues with the shower, and as our bathroom is unusable throughout the winter, we have pretty much resigned ourselves to dunking him the swimmimg pool once a week LOL.Here's hoping it's not a one off.........
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Hi all,Mumble has asked me to let you know that she's not going to be around for a few days. She's in hospital at the moment being treated for her asthma and says that she is being well looked after.
She's got no internet access and didn't want people to worry that she'd been locked up!
K x
Thanks for letting us know. Hope she gets well soon.
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Facebook rules are over 13, so you would have to give parental permission for him to join at 12
It is not really possible to open the accont for him - it is either yours or his, but you can insist that you have the password and check on his settings. If you set up your own account and make friends with him, you can check out his personal page anytime. there are loads of security settings you can use to make sure only "friends" see his profile etc. My page is closed to anyone except people I am friends with, and even then, some friends can only see some bits of it
Open settings mean anyone in the whole www can see anythinga nd everythng, from photo's to messages!On the whole f/b is not anything much to worry about - no more than any other social thing I s'pose. Bullyng and nastyness can happen, and are well documented in the media, but that is true of any communication. Mostly, kids just write inane rubbish, play the most ridiculous games and maybe post some photos/youtube videos for a laugh.
I would be happy with a 12 year old using it - under adult supervision, but that goes for all internet access imo.
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I think all this shows is that there are some really terrible birth stories out there
and that ASD babies are born just like everyone else -easy/difficult/early/late/quick/slow.... LOLI know that the bad birth was nothing to do with DS's ASD really - just hormones and stuff make me question every now and then. But the brain is made much earlier on, and ASD is a neurological condition. I'm quite sure that it is formed waaaay back before baby is ready to come out. I also don't think it would help if I had something/someone to "blame".
But I'm only half way there this time round and already getting stressed about the birth. I know they don't like inducing if you've had a c-section, but how can it be preferable to advise me to do it myself at home, without any medical supervision? Or to suggest major abdominal surgery again when it took me almost a full year to recover last time and this time I am 10 years older, and a carer for DH and DS, as well as having two other young children
Ho hum. Not seeing the consultant till Dec, so there's no point arguing about it here and now
Thanks for all the responses. Makes me feel that I'm not talking utter rubbish all the time.......
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I am getting ready to do battle with my consultant again
DS was born 3 weeks late - despite my constant queries, the medical profession refused to induce, so he was eventually cut out after going into disctress:(
With both the girls, I self-induced at 39 weeks using castor oil - no fun whatsoever, but safe and sucessfull. In both cases the doctors refused to induce again (although they would have been happy to do a planned ceasarian
because major surgery is FAR better than a bit of medication!!!!) On the third pregnancy, I argued over this with my consultant, and he basically said that he wasn't willing to risk inducing, but agreed the best thing for me was to do it at home with the castor oil as I would not go into labour without intravention of some kind grrrrrrrrrrr!Anyway - all that is beside the point, other than I don't want to do it again
but it did make me wonder - I don't think that it necesssarily had anything to do with DS's ASD, but it is always there in the back of my mind. 3 weeks late is very late - he was tiny and aneamic when born, because the placenta was already breaking down. As I was already taking my employers to an employment tribunal, trying to cope with my first baby, and a newly diagnosed husband, and a bit of PND, I didn't follow up with the hospital at the time (there were a number of issues that I had complaints about). But the other two were on time and NT (and girls, of course).What week were you/your children born? early, on time, or late? Was there a difference for those of you who have ASD/NT kids?
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I know because no one will make phonecalls for me, and while I do occasionaly have to make a phonecall, i will always try to avoid it if possible because of the stress it causes.ditto - and I am NT LOL. Phones are horrible things - so rude! It's like yelling in someone's ear "speak to me, speak to me, speak to me NOW" I always assume I am calling at the most inconvenient time:) I also regularly don't answer my phone when it rings - I'd rather pick up the message and text or email back....
I don't mind face to face meetings, but the internet/email is a wonderful thing
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WOW DS ate a spare rib last night!
he picked it up in his hands and bit it off the bone!!!!!!!!!!
It involved quite a lot of wet wipes, but still......... Azn we've only been "encouraging" him to try them for three years
Guess what he said?It was deleicious and can he have it again tomorrow
hope he doesn't get to upset when we give him chicken tonight instead
Am I an alien, or do I have Asperger's?
in Help and Advice
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pyramyd, i also add my apologies - i didn't mean to contradict you in a nasty way, just to say that as one of the symptoms of ASD is a tendancy to fixate on a particular answer to something, and that it sounds like it is too early to make a sound dx of AS for you yet.
I am sorry I did not express myself very well - it has been a very stressful week for me, and I probably didn't think through what I was writing properly! But retrospectively self dx'ing other members of your family with any condition is not terribly helpful in most cases - it is good to be able to take the symptoms/personality types of your relatives to the pysch, but not to dwell too much on what that "means" about you.
An adult dx of AS is pretty rare on the NHS. there are places you can get it done privately if you want, but it is neither a quick nor cheap process:( However, if combined with other conditions you are more likely to get an NHS dx
the psych will be looking for a variety of conditions, and I was trying to say, obviously ineptly, that other suggestions may be made, and may be helpful.