doingmyheadin

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lol

Hi Diane, Poor you - you sound like you had a really rotten night! Your son sounds like mine- constantly throwing tantrums and repeatedly blaming all and sundry when something goes wrong and never facing up to any blame himself or even taking responsibility for his own actions. My son will have his diagnosis in Autumn and I am starting to think of ways of telling him about his condition and who else I should tell. It's going to be a tricky one as Tom doesn't think there is anything wrong with him whatsoever as on the very few occasions I have lightly touched on the subject, when it has been an exactly appropriate time , he has gone bolistic and then blamed me for trying to make him out to be some kind of freak with 'special needs'- I just can never win with him. The thing is, is that he is not stupid, he is a bright lad, in the top sets in all his classes, but has absolutely no common-sense. So he must know in his heart that he struggles socially and can't control his temper and it must get him down. My son too seems to be becoming nocturnal- when he's had enough of his x-box, by about midnight- he seems to be watching the Olympics till god knows what time- that's why he is still in bed now! We'll have to try and start getting back some earlier bed-time routine before they go back to school in September! I'm sure it's probably quite natural for your child to blame you for telling everyone in the world about his condition, it's probably all part of him learning to accept that he is slightly different- I'm sure in time he will realise it's better that way than everyone just thinking what a bad-mannered child he is? I'm hoping that Tom will eventually see it that way. Good luck- Mandie

car

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pants

Hi Guys, My son is 14 and waiting for his assessment (Im sure he will be diagnosed with a pile of things) He is regularly aggressive to me- me probably more than the others in the family- if things are not going exactly the way he wants or expects them to go then he cops. His language can be shocking and has been getting him into serious trouble at school. He was recently picked to do a 20 week 'Fire-break' training course at the local fire station. It would mean attending the fire station every Friday for 20 weeks(during school time). They pick a handful of kids from all the local schools to go and they are meant to learn team-building skills, responsibility, they are put in challenging positions (such as going into very dark buildings and having to find your way around, climbing up high ladders etc) It's all meant to be good for raising self- esteem and confidence building. Anyway they chose Tom because they thought he would benefit from it and hopefully learn a few things. Oh and at the end of the course there would be a passing out ceremony that friends and parents could go and watch. I was lead to believe that the staff and the whole package was geared up to coping with children who had behavioural problems of whatever sort.....How wrong was I! I got really excited for Tom and tried to encourage him and tell how lucky he was to have been picked etc but as usual I got nothing back from him. Non- commital/ indifferent. He was obviously anxious on the first morning but my partner whizzed him across to the station and he did his first day. Came home and as usual didn't really tell me anything about how it went except that it was s... and c... etc. He went for 4 more weeks before I got a call at work to say could someone come and get him(half way through the morning) as basically he had completely 'lost it' with the staff (I think you guys call it having a melt- down?) My partner had to go for him as I couldn't leave work but they told him that Tom basically had decided to sit in an inappropriate area and not move when he was asked to. He was sitting somewhere which was putting himself and others in potential danger- but would he moved when asked to- oh no, not Tom. He decided to start shouting and swearing at anyone who came near him, so he had to be lifted up (physically ) and moved. Oh also he was using threats of violence. He was put in an office to calm down which he trashed and didn't calm down when he was realeased. So he was kicked out of Fire- break- he lasted 4 weeks. Apparently he was on his final warning there which I knew nothing about. When I had read up on the bumpf that they give you about the course it said that the progress of the boys(sorry, and girls) would be closely monitored and feedback would be given to parents- ha ha! I was called into school with Tom and it was decided that Tom should be excluded from school for 5 days for his behaviour whilst on Fire-break. So not only was he put in a position that he couldn't cope with (going on the course- and he didn't ask to do it) but he was excluded as well. Not good. It just leaves me wondering if he has already been diagnosed as having aspergers , ADHD and OCD would they have sent him along to begin with?

gondala

I agree Pearl, AS is no excuse for bad behaviour. As an adult he should apologise and try and understand why it was not funny.

People who walk around in the supermarket still attached to their blue-tooth piece as if it gives them a sense of importance....it's one thing having it on in the car but is it really necessary in the shop? Just makes them look like they have got a growth on their ear!

levis

Hi B's Mum, My son sounds just like yours although we are still waiting for his assessment. I knew there was something wrong when he was tiny but just like you no-one listened or believed there was anything wrong with him. He was just spoilt and not disciplined . Trying to discipline him in the usual way was hopeless, it would just enrage him further and we would get nowhere- he would not learn by punishing him and he would continue to misbehave in the same way he did before. Very depressing.... you do end up thinking it is your fault and you must be the one doing something wrong. How many times have I heard people say - 'you should send him up to his bedroom' and I would but he would just behave even more badly, smash up his bedroom, break things , end up even more miserable and most importantly not have learnt a thing from the punishment. It used to really depress me that my friends could punish their children quite simply by making them sit on a naughty step or somewhere for 10 minutes and then when they were allowed off it, they would truly seem to show remorse (sometimes a bit reluctantly), say sorry and seem to have learnt their lesson! God- if only it had been that simple with Tom! Tom is going to be a hard one to crack, he doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with him- nothing is ever his fault, it is ALWAYS someone else's fault, he never takes responsibility for anything he does, he has a foul temper, his language can be appauling which is forever getting him into serious trouble at school. Tom was promised anger management at school about a year ago but as usual nothing happened. Tom has also picked his choices for GCSE'S and is in the top set for almost all his subjects, he has done OK academically up till now without ever doing any revision and very little homework but I am worried that now he is going into year 10 he is going to have to put that work in , his 'natural ability' alone now will not be enough. His 16 year old sister has tried to drum this into his head as well! They sound quite similar don't they?!

Hi Theresa Welcome! I am new as well and am finding everyone really friendly and interesting to talk to- it's really nice to know that it's not just all in your head and that others seem to be experiencing very similar situations with their kids. My son is 14 and when he eventually gets the assessment done int he Autumn they are going to have a field day! He's always been horrendous from the word go but no-one has ever taken me seriously and I have just got on with it, but it has been a real struggle. If I knew as much then, when Tom was much younger, about conditions such as aspergers, ADHD, and OCD, I may have pushed things with the professionals much harder but I didn't. Anyway, good luck with your little one- keep us posted! Mandie

Thank you Pearl!