dana

Hi and welcome! Does your son play some musical instrument ? If he does not it is never to late to try. dana

In the meantime try something diffrent. Instead of sanctions for his bad behaviour focus on his good behaviour and reword it instantly so he can make th connection. When he calms down reword him for calming down. The same with the behavior at school. I read about this and apply it with my son. For him rewards work much better then sanctions. This is just an idea.Maybe it will help. Good luck. dana

Very well spotted! This is exactly how I think too! We are all diferent even if we are "normal" . What is important is what you do with your life. This kind of articals are baaaad because they feed seed of fascism in people who are reading it and Daily Mail has a lot of readers!

Hi, thank you all for your advise. Ds has been now observed by SENCO and a Headteacher in his classroom. Nobody has informed me yet whether he is on the register of Special Needs or not and on which stage. They have 2 Teaching assistants in the classroom and he is working in the lowest group although his academic levels are higher. He always gets homework of the higher groups. His attention is his main problem. Some days he can work really well and some days they cannot put him to do anything. He fnds classroom environment very distracting. Nevertheless, he does learn and is improving( in some ways) but not the speed the teacher would like to see him . I wonder how much the teacher is taking into account the fact that he was home educated for more than a year because he was very ill while we were abroad. This is just the beginning of the second term in his new school. Maybe he just needs more time to ajust to the environment. His main problem is focusing and disruptive behaviour because of that . I dont know. dana

Hi, the teacher asked the headteacher my son (9) to get statemented. I read that it is a long and stressful process and about the way it should work but I don't know how it works in reality. I want my son to get the best possibe support but I am not sure how helpful it is. Ds has some traits of ASD like ADD,Dispraxia, problems with socialising, some obssesions and behaviour problems but he is not severe ASD. SENCO said that the pocess lasts about a year and the statement is isued only to the children who are severe in everything and my son is not. His work in school goes from very good to nothing depending on his ability to focus that particular day. His teacher thinks he needs one to one suport because of his attention problems but sometimes she tells me he can work in a group ver well. She wants to make IEP but told me she finds it very difficult because of his unequal performance. How stressful for the child (and parents) the statementing process is and how much success we can expect at the end of it? What are possible difficulties on a way and what are mistakes we can make ,how to avoid them? What are your expiriences? Any advise, please! I feel very emotional ,confused and afraid (I read that a lot of professionals are involved, many possibe errors). I dont even know should I be afraid and of what. dana

Hi Elliot, welcome to the forum. dana

Thank you, gemgems77! dana

Hi Jaba, my son also had a fear of public toilets when he was smaller.He did not like the noice of dryers.Now he is 9 yer old and heis not afraid anymore. I want to say that fear might go away when your son is a bit older. Wish you luck. dana

Hi again, Teacher is desperate! She does not know how to help him .She asked him to get statemented. She thinks he needs one to one support. He does not do much at school at the moment. He has problems with focusing, disrupt the class, does not show respect to the teacher,he is trying to get childrens attention by calling them names(which they tought him),I think, because he finds work very hard.He does not know how to get childrens attention . He is refered to the learning mentor to help him socialise and hopefully this will happen soon. .. I feel so confused,overwehelmed, all over te place, emotional,desperate et. etc. and they even havent started getting him statemented yet! Although we are aware of our sons problems, I am sooooo much afraid of the process of staementing.I know this means getting help for ds but I understand that it is a lengthy and stressful prosedure. I really dont know whether I can deal with it. I feel I do not have strangth, ability to cope. I understand I have to fight for my son and I feel I dont know how. I always felt that I was somehow different but now seeing my ssons problems, I suspect that myself has some traits of autism .I am naive,honest, not being able to properly asses some life situation and to stand my ground when needed because lack of confidence.I dont know what to say,how to say ,how to fight fr my son .Ifeel paralised and want to die. Maybe they will say that I am not a good mother and take my son away .I love him to bits and trying very hard to help him but maybe i is not good enough. Is statementing process realy that hard and stressfull or I am amplifying it? Is it really worth all of that? Does it really help or it is like you get statmented but die in the process? More statementing experiances, please!

What is St. Johns? Is it some local organisation or you can find it in the other parts of Britain? I a sorry I am asking but we were abroad and lost touch. Thanks.

Hi Cat, thank you very much for your advise and for the effort you made it to write it again after you lost it! It is so encouraging to read success stories for us who are still deep in the tunnel... I did tell ds that the girls prefere to play with other girls. He picks any girl who is once nice to him and has fixation to befriend her. One of assistant teachers told him not to give up trying even if she does not want that. I am not sure that is good idea. The teacher did try to tell the children not to do namecalling but being there I was able to see that some children show one face to her and play totaly different games behind her back. They pretend tht they want to be ds friends but ASK HIM TO CALL OTHERS NAMES AND AFTER THAT THEY REPORT HIM TO THE TEACHER. I was horrified when he told me that .One of them asked him even to hit the otherone and my son almost did it.Luckily the teacher observed that and punished that child. But on friday I was glad because he told me that one of the children asked him to hit the girl and he told me that he did not want that because he does not want to hit his friend. That gave me hope that he took advise which I gave him ie. not to listen to the other children who tell him to do these kind of things. Some of them who are really nice and want to help him are put off by his behaviour or he is not very interested to play with them. I am very fond of idea of home educatin and I did it in the past but you need to have money to pay for all kind of activities if you want your child not to be isolated (we just moved from abroad last autumn and setteling down still with jobs etc.). If the school does not help him we might consider it again in future.

Hi Caroline, this is exactly how I feel as well! It would be easier for me if ds does not want to have friends although this does not make sense in a long run because this also gives me a hope that his desire to socialize might push him to learn how to do it. In the meantime, you put it perfectly: we are in the twilight zone,uncharted teritory, confused ...and very sad... dana

Hi Rosie, wellcome to the forum.I m new here too. dana

Thanks for advise. dana

I suppose the teacher meant to ignore what he wa saying. It seems that she wants to help him with socialising and she appointed the child to play with him dduring the break but this is not the child ds wants to play with. My son likes to play with particular girls but they are not interested and he is desperate to make them interested but does not know how. It is obsession. SENCO promissed to reffer him to the Learning Mentor to form a circle of children to help him. But nothing happened so far. I would like to press them but I am not sure that this is a good idea because I am afraid that they might find me too pushy and reflect that on my son. Each time I speak with the teacher I have a feeling that I am bothering her because she is very busy.This excuse she used not to make IEP for ds,also saying that anyway he would have to follow National Curr.

Hi there, I need help and advise,please! My son ds (9) always had problems with socialising.We were abroad for 2 years,1 year he was very ill and did not go to school.We came back in september when he started going to school gain. In th beginning the children observed that he was different and started calling him names ,mocking him and bulling.Hedid not understand what was really happei9ng and thought that it was some kind o f a game,that it was funny and that they liked him! (I want to cry .....).We told him what was realy happening and to report this to the teacher .We also told him to ignore these children.Now,HE is calling THEM names and loughing even when they get upset, without realsing that it hurts them. He is a friendly child and wants to hAVE friends but does not know how to get their attention. Calling names is the way he gets it! In the beginning the teacher was simpathetic but now she tends to believe the other children, even if ds might be telling the trueth. She told them to ignor him with a hope that he will stop doing it. SENCO promised that she would reffer hm to the learning mentor who would help him to develop social skills but n0thing is happening yet.Only empty romises. His school asked me to help his teacher last term and it was good because I was able to see what was going on in his classroom. I observed that he simply imitates their behavior and amplifies it, without ability to stop doing it. My hubi and I wanted him to go to school,to mix with children, to learn from diffeent authorities then us,to learn things we are not able to teach him.Now I am not so sure that this is so good idea because what he learned so far is only rejection, namecalling ... I don't know how to help him. Now he started to appologize to them ,feeling guilty but they don't appologise to him. I feel so sorry for him, I want to cry but don't know what to do... dana

Thanks Maryanne, I will try that at home ! dana

Hi Nicky, how old are your boys? I am piano teacher myself and learn a few tricks. It is difficult to focus for the child with problems but if you introduce game and their favorite characters that might help.Be creatve. Also,try short lesons at first. My son likes to listen to the music very much .Some composers of the clasical music (Mozart etc.) are known to be therapeutic. Introduce listening to the chosen music gradually,as a background. dana

Hi, I am very happy that I found this site and want to introduce myself. I am a mother whose son is 9 years old and has developmental problems since he was born. He had problems with language ,attention ,social skills although he is very affectionate.I worked hard to help him over the years and now he doesn't have problems with speach any more.In contrary ,he now speaks the second language.I helped him with flashcards but what I think helped him the most is suzuki piano lessons. Studies show that music helps children who have problems with speach. Well, I sow improvments after only 4 months. Every child is different and I strongly believe that he can learn given proper time , environment and support, even if he has AS,ADD,ASD etc. Unfortunately, not very many people have understanding and will to accept these children as they are. Not even parents of ordinary children....Not even family... We felt so lonely,nobody to talk to. Now, Idon't fel so lonely any more.Ifound this site ! I would be glad to share my experianses ,to meet you all! dana

Thank you, JsMum, your advise gave me food for thought ! dana

Hi, I need any help or advise,please! My son has ADD (problems with focusing) and when he is at school or when I work with him at home (maths ) often he starts loughing .It is so annoying when me (or teacher) tries to explain to him something he switches of and starts loughing.He finds it difficult to stop.When I ask him what is so funny he tells me that he remembers somthing what happened even yesterday! The same happened at school as well. He finds maths particularly difficult although I try to break tasks into small,manageble steps. I keep telling him to focus on what is happening right now but unles I get very upset he takes no notice.My son DS is 9 tears old and also has problems with socializing .He annoys choldren at school with his lough too.He finds some things funny what nobody else does and loughs when he is not suppose to, finding it difficult to stop.I don't mind he being happy and loughing but not when the situation recuires different behavior. How can I help him with focusing? dana