dana

Hi all, I have been thinking about my life and my son's ASD. After my son was dx a lot of questions about my own life, it seemed to me, had been answered. First, I realised that I have at least some of the Asperger traits (probably not enough of them to be dx myself). I sometimes felt(specially in my childhood) in dealing with people overwealmed by them, very easily 'loosing my ground', not knowing what to say when I was insulted etc. As a result, I withdrew in my own self-centred fantasy world and books, as far as possible from people. It took me quite a while to get out of it, encouradged by some nice friends I made late in life from whom I learned how to socialise. I always wanted to see the world and situations from others point of view and to truly empathise with them when in distress but did not know how. Only now I realise why I couldn't do that more often. I have a feeling it is because of the self-defence mechanism. I never had a very clear sense of self and going 'out to the others' for me often meant losing it even more. The fear of loosing it completly kept me self-centred many times for years (although people considered me caring and thoughtful but it was learned, rearly with a real feeling behind the action). I was told that my son doesn't have a clear awareness of self either and it often happens with children with autism. I just wonder, can anyone identify with this? Or what I described here is nothing to do with Asperger traits? I am curious what you think of this. danaxxx

I've just seen the other post of yours and wonder was there any singing after the meal? Danaxxx

Well done to you both and many happy returns! Danaxxx

Very, very sorry to hear this,Tally! <'> <'> Danaxxx

Good luck, Sally! I hope that this time your son will get all he needs so your lives can finally move on! I'll keep my fingers cross and will be thinking of you. Danaxxx

Spot on, Baddad! I couldn't agree more! Danaxxx

I am glad you have now a bit of a respite so you can recharge your batteries for a while at least. Hopefully, they won't take your son in April and you will get this respite on more permanent basis, and finally, get a better place for him, the school you are trying to send him to. Maybe, that would be a good time to push it, speak with your solicitor. I am sorry you have to go to all this trouble only to get what is best for your child. <'> <'> >< Best of luck. Danaxxx

What about: Embankment Tube Station, 26.2.11 at 12:00? Royal Festival hall is not far from there and I suppose neither Pizza Express? Kathryn, you proposed the venue: are you coming as well? It would be nice to see you as well as some more people from here. Danaxxx

Well done to both of you! :thumbs: Danaxxx

Hi Sally, <'> >< <'> >< <'> to you and your son. Danaxxx

Is the New Year Meet still on? 26th February at 12:00, Royal Festival hall? Danaxxx

Hi Jsmum, I am really sorry you have to go through all this. <'> >< <'> As if the difficulties your son experiences are not enough. I don't know if this can help but have you thought of looking for another school placement which would better meet your son's needs? friend of mine had a similar situation, the special school she thought was the best for her son (and she fought hard to get him in), proved itself not so good. She also couldn't get much respite but at the end she found another school where her son is now happy. I don't think that ss can put blame on you for your son's anxiates because you didn't invent his problems-he is dx by profesionals. I agree that their opinion is certainly not professional's opinion, they need to have a solid proof of that and they don't. I am sorry I cannot offer better advice, just some more of these <'> >< Good luck. Danaxxx

Thank you, Alexmum2. <'> He went to the mainstream secondary school, year 7 but now we are looking for the new school for him with a hope that the new one will handle better bulling. Tomorrow I have initial meeting there. Danaxxx

My son has not moved to the new school yet. In fact, tomorrow I am having the first meeting with the school near us about the possibility of my son going there. This is just the initial meeting. He hasn't got any NHS SALT or EP. EP assesed him once in his primary school and he's never seen him since. I am paying a private SALT because in the town where I live they don't give any SALT therapy to the children in secondary schools. I couldn't use Disability Discrimination Act because the boy who bullied my son himself had a statement (but did not have ASD, my son was the only one in his class who has autism). However, I will look at it for the future references. Please, wish me luck tomorrow. Danaxxx

I love the idea! South Bank and Royal Festival Hall is one of my favourite places in London. So, yes I am in too. Danaxxx

Thanks, Sally. I will have to prepare the questions for the new school and make sure that I get the answers before we take him there. Aparently,it is not enough just to ask about antibulling policy because I am sure that every school will say that they have a strong one. What happens on the ground matters. Your suggestions are very good and I will include them in my questionaire. Danaxxx

Thank you for your replies. He likes the idea of going to school, he loved going to his primary school even he also had some bullies there as well but the staff attitude to it was much better (not perfect though). I believe him, I know he wouldn't invent these things, especially that he tried to tell about it to his teachers many times before but they asked him to manage by himself. Also he is in general very honest and if he didn't want to go to school he would have said so. He is incapable of social imagination and is also very naive. There is nothing about bulling in his statement but one of the goals is to develop his social skills and selfesteem and certainly doesnt help if he is called lier when he complains about bulling. Danaxxx

So, 26th February, Covent Garden, Transport Museum for Pizza Express (like the last year) at 12:00? Danaxxx

Hi all, recently I posted about bulling in my son's school. One of the boys called him names, spat at him and threatened him that he would beat him. I tried to speak with the senco there but the result was (unbielivable) that they not only didn't want to help him (they denied that there was any bulling),but my son also got the detention for complaining! Anyway, I pulled him out from that school and next week I am going to the meeting in another school (btw, closer to us). I have been thinking to tell them that my son was bullied in his previous school and ask about their antibulling policy and what they do to protect the children who complain about bulling, than and there, during that first meeting. I don't know what the previous school put on his records, they might even put that he invented the whole thing and, I have been thinking, once the records come to the new school, to ask them if I could read them and then give them my son's side of the story if neccessary. What do you think of all this? Would that be a good idea? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Danaxxx

Thank you Charlotte for your reply. My son is 11 and recently I am looking for a new secondary school for him. Autoscape seems to be more for adults? It is in Bath (quite a far away from where I live. Is it expensive to stay there during the conference? Danaxxx

Hi all, my son told me yesterday something which broke my heart, no matter that I have been aware of it myself. 'Mum, I feel really lonely and isolated. I have autism, I don't have any friends, sometimes I want to get out on the grass and run, run around and be 'world people.' This came after he was bullied at school and got detention for complaining about it. They didn't believe him. They believed the bully. I feel soooo helpless. Danaxxx

Why is everybody talking about £95 cost when the OP clearly states it is £30! Well said, Kathryn. danaxxx

For me would be good any Saturday in February but not on 12th and 19th. Pizza in any Pizza Express in London is ok with me. Danaxxx

It is a general meeting with SENCO and parents, nothing to do with my son's difficulties. However, the purpose of it is to get some comments from parents how to improve SEN department. I have been thinking to go along with the meeting and perhaps start with more general isues about bulling before I throw any specifics about my son. I am also not very comfortable about doing it in front of everybody at once so maybe to speak with SENCO after the meeting might be a good idea. I have been thinking to ask my son to keep a diary about every incident, to have it ready on paper. The problem is that ds has difficulties in expressing himself so it will be hard. Also, he will be forced to remember things he wants to forget. It took him the whole Autumn term to tell us about his problems at school. We thought that everything was fine and had no idea that he was bullied. I've asked him why he didn't tell me earlier about it and he said that he wanted to forget it. I am using this here but my tears have dried out, I wish I could have a 'good cry' at least when I am alone. My DH is very upset about the whole thing, especially because his other 2 sons (from his previous marrige) were also bullied at school and they are NT. Danaxxx

Thank you Sally for our reply. Hi Baddad, I found your advice really useful. Although my first instinct is to use the words like 'bulling' I don't want to atagonize the school. I know I have to be very diplomatic if I want the school to help ds. It is very tricky. I asked my son to put on paper the names of his bullies, exactly what they've done, reactions of the teachers and how he feels about it. He wrote that some children(he named them) called him names, spit on him, mocked his voice and threatened him on numerous occations. He also wrote that one of the teachers even threatened him with detention if he carried on complaining with explanation that 'she doesn't care,this is a grown up school and he is expected to manage by himself'. The other teachers reacted in the similar way (inluding the headmaster to whom he also complained)After that ds wrote how this all made him feel. I think that might be a good idea to present this at the meeting and ask what they are going to do about it. However, if the whole school has this attitude I am not at all sure that I can do anything to help ds. Is this a good idea? Any sugestions appreciated. Danaxxx