Mandapanda
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Posts posted by Mandapanda
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Hi Mumble
My son is well into Lego. He found this site: http://www.bricklink.com/index.asp
It's a good site for getting individual bricks, minifigs etc, as well as sets. May not necessarily be cheaper, I am not sure. You may just want to check the location of the sellers as they are all over the world. We only buy from UK sellers.
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Hi Pollypop
Poor you - 2 teenage girls and a pre-teenage girl in the house
Welcome to the forum.
At least being on your own means there aren't different approaches to the difficult situations - something I frequently find hard with my husband. Although it must be totally exhausting a lot of the time.
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Hi Fried_frog
Poor you - you've done amazingly well, but I think you're right you can't go on like this. Everybody suppresses behaviours when they are in a new relationship (eg farting!), but there does come a time when you can't keep doing that.
Perhaps you could find some literature from the NAS website that will introduce your partner to these matters. They may be shocked at first of course, but at the end of the day if they can't accept you for who you are they are not right for you anyway. However, you may find they are not as surprised as you think they will be. Also, doing those things will make you more relaxed and happy so your partner should see the benefits.
Good luck
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Hi bobbybaggio
Thanks for this - I will get it for my youngest, who is currently virtually housebound due to anxiety. Not sure if he'll read it yet but I'll read it anyway.
I feel for you as anxiety can be very difficult to deal with.
I'm reading a book called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It's based on an Australian system called ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which is a mindfulness-based programme. Basically, unlike CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) you don't try to replace bad thoughts with good ones (which can be pretty difficult), the idea is to understand and accept that you are likely to think those thoughts but to use techniques to give the thoughts less power and importance. It all just seems more logical to me than CBT. We are humans and are not likely to be 'happy' all the time!
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Hi
In my experience, difficulties do increase when children start/change schools, due to being in a more difficult environment socially/sensorially. Also as children all grow up the discrepancies between them show up more.
I would suggest reading books by Tony Attwood, as he puts across the positive aspects of ASD as well as the downsides.
Asperger's/autism are fascinating to me, and once you get into the right mindset it should become easier (in most cases) to deal with.
I found with my boys that they need warning of things, but not too much information to 'worry' them. They need clear explanations, without hints, sarcasm or being expected to 'read between the lines'. They would not respond to a warning glance from me, I would have to actually say 'you are making me cross', or 'you are doing (whatever) wrong'. They need things spelled out clearly.
In my experience anger is almost always the result of frustration and confusion. Changes can be very difficult for them to cope with, and again they need warning of these and wherever possible an explanation of why things are changing.
I did find the controlling play thing did improve with age. My youngest son taught my eldest how to play more imaginatively even though he is also on the spectrum, so there can be variations. It's more about social imagination, empathy, compassion, knowing that other people might not be feeling the same way that you do, but again there can be variations in these abilities.
You may find your son needs 'time outs' to calm down when he gets in a state, then when he is calm you may be able to talk through what led up to that situation - you may need to work backwards from the angry behaviour - 'what happened just before that'. It can take a long time and a lot of questions to get to the cause!
My eldest son had always been 'odd' (I mean that in a nice way!). He loved books from 9 months old, could do any shape sorter by 1 year (shapes were his thing), and was obsessed with cars from 9 months old. He could recognise any of Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends from their silhouettes and even learned his numbers from them. He was very observant and loved the Usborne books where you look for the duck on each page, he would find them instantly. He was a lovely little chap 95% of the time, but the other 5% of the time he was completely impossible! He loves routine. We thought that was normal and all parents had that experience, until he was diagnosed at 7.
My youngest was a miserable child, but he taught his brother to play imaginatively, they would make all their cuddly toys Pokemon and run around the house, going to the 'play area' or the 'shops' etc. Before that my eldest would just have a toy car and I would have one and we would make the cars talk to each other - that was the extent of his imagination. My youngest had separation anxiety, he was a nightmare with clothes and food, and hates routines. He was difficult 40% of the time but not as difficult as his brother's 5%. He appeared more sociable, but in the end has been rendered virtually housebound by anxiety (which I find much more difficult to deal with than his ASD).
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In the last few months the Forum has become a source of stress rather than being a help.
Hi Karen
This makes me very sad. We don't want to lose people like you from the Forum, but I fully understand your decision.
I wish you happiness for the future.
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Hi Westie
Thanks for the link. I've printed out a poster to put up at work. I have yet to read everything but it does look very interesting, and I will probably write to the PCT and CAMHS in our area as they have been/are, unfortunately, hopeless.
I am pleased to see the emphasis on support for CAMHS from the NAS, as our CAMHS clearly lack proper training and knowledge about autism itself, as well as autism combined with mental health problems.
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Hi
I have felt like this in the past, and still do sometimes. I had depression as a teenager and postnatal depression after my eldest child was born, but neither of these were treated or even taken seriously. I just struggled on as best I could.
When my sister got breast cancer and my eldest was having a hard time at school I finally went on antidepressants. I was fortunate that the ones I was put on suited me, I had minimal side effects, and when the dose was high enough they really transformed my life. I was able to plan, organise, make decisions, etc, and I didn't get so angry with everything and everyone.
Several times I have come off them thinking I was well enough to cope without them. Each time I have deteriorated after some months. The problem is many people come off antidepressants because they feel better. In actual fact you need to stay on them for quite a time AFTER feeling better - you need to feel genuinely better, not just better because of the effect of the tablets. My GP has said I need to stay on the tablets for 2 years after feeling properly better as I have a long history of depression, other people I know have been told they need to stay on them for 6 months after feeling better.
I do think you definitely need to talk to your GP about how you are feeling, as it is very difficult to cope on a day-to-day basis feeling like this. It is very hard with two toddlers, but the way you're feeling appears to be above and beyond that.
Thinking of you
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Hi
We went through this with Mj. It was awful. He would look very hurt if we said he smelt, but still wouldn't do anything about it. His brother was seriously depressed at the time and was absolutely horrible to Mj (although we're struggling to get Aw to shower now
). Aw wouldn't go on the school bus because kids would say to him 'your brother smells' - they gave up saying it to Mj as he didn't take any notice.After being at college for a year, he has a good group of friends and has become a bit more self aware. He eventually said to us that us keeping on made him not want to shower etc, (it made him feel totally negative about the whole situation) so we agreed that if he had a shower at that time we promised not to say anything in future. It's been a few months now. He has a shower once a week although he does forget occasionally. My husband has once in that time said, I think you should have a shower, and he took it OK and did have a shower that evening. He also now gives me some T-shirts to wash sometimes, especially if I ask. I have to practically force him to give me his trousers to wash though! I'm still not convinced he's using soap and shampoo, but at least he gets wet! He will also aske for his bedding to be washed very occasionally.
Maybe you could talk to him and set out a 'realistic' schedule for his personal care - CoolColombo's chart idea is great. It may not work initially, but it could take the stress out of the situation for Marcus and you. The 'normal' approach is not working so it can be useful to take a step back and approach things in a very different way. Good luck!
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Hi Sally
Unfortunately some schools will only do things that fit with and suit their side of the story.
I was told by my eldest's Junior School that they were requesting an assessment for a statement. The SENCO went through the whole form with me and I was told to fill out my 'bit' and could I do it before half term so I wouldn't lose the form or forget
I did my bit and handed it in and waited. Some weeks later I asked if they'd heard anything and they flatly denied ever saying they would request an assessment, they said they had just been 'thinking about it' 
The SENCO then said she could arrange a meeting for me to see the Ed Psych (without my son!), but that would take time away from a child 'who really needed help'. 
I even asked a Governor to help, but he was so appalled with the reaction from the rest of the Governors that he took his own children out of the school!
Sorry I can't offer any help or advise
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Hi Kerry
If you (or someone) phone up the Mental Health Team and ask them for the phone number for PALS. They will help chase up the referral/appointments etc. They will help you if you need to put in an official complaint. Or you may be able to google PALS for your area, although I think there are different PALS for different Trusts in any one area so it may be difficult to pinpoint the right one from the internet.
It's actually very difficult as ASDs come under the Mental Health umbrella, but I personally think that often they don't understand fully, and compared to people with Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder etc, ASDs can get sidelined as not being something they can really help with. You may have anxiety and depression as well but these may appear to be 'minor' problems compared to those with much more severe difficulties.
Also, I don't know if this is a national policy or just in our area - the GP is told to try a minimum of 2 antidepressants before referring to Mental Health Team. So we the general public may not want medication but other forms of therapy, but GPs are being told to do the medication thing first to see how effective that is before they can refer for other types of therapy, eg. CBT. They do expect GPs to deal with the lower levels of anxiety and depression themselves. Mental Health Teams provide a higher Tier level of support, but talking therapies can only be accessed through them (unless you can afford to go private). This is an anomaly in the system.
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Tesco do a strawberry icecrem toothpaste...
Mmmm, might try that myself
We have become experts in tracking down non-minty toothpaste that doesn't say for up to 7 years on the tube.
We have found the Berry flavours to be best. These are the cheapy toothpastes from supermarket own brands.Sainsburys, Tesco, Morrisons have all done them at various times. Also the cheap supermarkets (Lidl, Netto, Aldi) often have this type too.
I tend to bulk buy when I do see it, and have a stock built up, so if you PM me with your address, I will post a tube to you so you can try it.
Thank you so much for this offer. Unfortunately he won't do any fruit flavours at all. He only drinks water and doesn't eat any fruit, it would make life easier if he drank squash or fruit juice as he would be open to trying the fruity toothpastes. He only eats chocolate, not any other types of sweets so he is very limited and restricted.
Sally - the Sensodyne I bought yesterday says 'New Improved Flavour' so maybe they've changed more than just the flavour.
I thought I'd got him the right Sensodyne yesterday but it is plain white. He says he's sure it was white and blue and a gel type.
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Hi
My youngest is 14. He used Milk Teeth Toothpaste until he was about 10 and decided (after they had repackaged them) that he couldn't use toothpaste for babies! He tried many many different ones until we hit upon Sensodyne. He has used a small one of one type and then he has almost finished a large one of a different type and has now decided he wants to use the first type. He had finished that tube but is adamant that he hadn't and that it just disappeared! He told me it was a gel, so I got another one that I thought was the same but it is GREEN gel - it says nothing on the box/tube about that. It's confusing as Sensodyne do a gel and a paste in very similar coloured boxes/tubes. He won't use a pump even if it's the right type of toothpaste
Most toothpastes are minty, many foam up a lot, many of the gels have 'crystals' in them. Many of them 'sting' his mouth. He won't have fruit flavoured ones.I said ages ago on here, we need cheese or vanilla ice cream flavoured toothpaste!
In the past we have even tried fennel toothpaste (which I thought was disgusting!
). I now use Corsydol Daily toothpaste because I have bad gums. It is very different/odd. It is a peachy pink colour and not minty at all. It contains things like essential oils etc. It actually warns you on the tube that it takes a while to get used to because it's so different.So many of the toothpastes do not show what they look like and don't say what they taste like, sometimes it's not even that clear whether it's paste or gel. Why are so many of them minty? It's all so frustrating, and trying loads of toothpastes is a great way of wasting money (although I end up using them whether I like them or not
).Anyone found any radical solutions for this?
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Hello Maurice
Welcome!
You must have had some struggles over the years. I'm sure your experiences will be of great interest to those of us who have children with AS, if only to confirm that we are actually lucky that things have improved, however hard they might seem to us at times!
And you could talk with your wife about some kind of signal she could use if you are talking too much. It could be a special code word or gesture she could use in front of other people without them knowing what it means.
If my husband is anything to go by, this may not work. When I kick him (gently) under the table to hint that he's saying something he shouldn't, he says in a loud voice "Why did you kick me?"
Also with my sons, if they're in full flow they're oblivious to what I'm doing - even if I'm yawning or walking away they keep talking!!
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Hi
The biggest difficulty in any classroom situation in my experience is the use of sarcasm, hints, ambiguous statements, the use of 'aside' comments, etc.
All children benefit from having things explained clearly and simply and in concrete language, and with a clear message that the information applies to them as well or specifically.
For example, a teacher said to the class "If you've finished, pack up now" - meant to be a hint to hurry up. My son hadn't finished so he didn't hurry to finish and/or pack up.
Another teacher would say as he walked into the room "Right, let's start the test" in a hurried loud voice. This would send my son into a panic so he would start every lesson feeling bad. The teacher saw it as some sort of joke
Now my son is at college, if he thinks he recognises a handout as being in his book, he won't take it. Ideally the tutor would need to say, "this handout contains information that is extra/different to what is in your book".
These may seem little nit-picky things, but they can make a huge difference to my children.
Good luck!
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Hi Kez
I'm glad this worrying situation has turned into a potentially helpful one!
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Thanks for the encouragement, all. Think I'm as prepared as I can be now really. When I get in there, my mind will probably go blank anyway so there's not too much point in me reading any more interview tips websites, I'll just play it by ear from now on in. Just hope I'm not late, that's all.
Luckily we went to a wedding in March and, seeing as I only had two pairs of jeans in my wardrobe, I was forced to go out and buy a suit. At least it will get another airing.
It's tomorrow, btw, 11.30, wish me luck! ~ Mel ~
Hi Mel
Good luck - have faith in yourself
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Hi flappyfish
Going to secondary school is a really big step. It is often a bigger school, and the older children look (and behave?) like adults. The children are expected to be self sufficient and have a certain level of maturity. Even my eldest struggled in the first year of secondary and he has always enjoyed school. They come together from different primary schools and they are all sorting out their groups and hierarchies again. They go from being big fish in little ponds to little fish in big ponds. We found the second year was more settled.
I've found it is not my children's cleverness that is a problem, it is their delayed emotional maturity.
My youngest son could not cope at all with secondary, but he is a very different personality to my eldest. There were many problems for him in the school environment, including the older pupils snogging each other at breaktime!
Hope things settle down for you
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Hi Mumble
That's so funny!
Do you watch the programme Monk at all? I love it. He's brilliant and always notices things others don't, but what are often quite obvious once he points them out.
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Hi IslandGirl
My youngest was like this when younger. He wouldn't talk to people if he saw them 'out of context', for example seeing the childminder at school instead of at her home. He did grow out of it, but it appears (in hindsight) to have been a sign of what an anxious child he was, although he hid it very well most of the time. He has many anxieties and his senses are super-sensitive.
I think Beth is right, it could make it worse by keep telling them to talk. If it is anxiety related they can't just change their behaviour instantly.
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Hi
Thinking of you today.
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Also, I would say in recent times I have been bullied as regards the fact I didn't pay over £500 quid for a guitar, which in some people's eyes, makes mine a **** guitar, which may I advocate it isn't and gives the other guitars a run for their money! so I am not pleased about that either. It always makes you feel bad particularly when the kid doing it is like two years younger than me and says 'It's a joke' (typical excuse) and yeah, it was a joke at the beginning of the year, but they drag it on and make it more insulting to me, which is bullying?
Hi
Sorry about the spelling thing.
It doesn't matter how much a guitar cost, it's how you play it. Perhaps the others are annoyed that you play better on your cheaper guitar than they can on their expensive guitars. A genuine guitarist will not just buy the most expensive, they will find a guitar they like the sound and feel of. Keep having faith in yourself, it sounds like you're doing great.
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Hi Bluesbreaker
It can be difficult getting on with other people sometimes. Can you put your stuff away somewhere safer? Can you avoid the Aspie girl wherever possible. Try not to get uptight about what she is or isn't doing. You're going to college for you, that's why you should be on time whenever possible.
If you are sending off job applications (online or in the post), I would suggest you get someone to check them as your spelling (in your post anyway) is not that great. There is a chance the people receiving the application won't notice if they are not good spellers, but if they are it does not give a good first impression.
Keep trying and something will turn up for you eventually.
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Hi
You could try applying to the Family Fund. There are conditions regarding family income etc, here's a link:
Advice on sensory issues...
in General Discussion
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Hi Saneasever
I can sympathise with you. My youngest has sensory probs and I have noticed they are worse when he is anxious. If your daughter has been in hospital, I would guess she's been through a difficult time (as well as whatever she was in there for) and this may be a sort of reaction to the stress she's been through coping with being in a hospital environment.
I personally would suggest making as little fuss as possible about this and being VERY discrete about using the things she can't cope with. Hopefully as she gets over her experiences it will calm down.
Best wishes.