Mandapanda
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Posts posted by Mandapanda
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Hi Vikki
Welcome. My honest opinion - teenagers are blooming difficult!!
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Hi all
They turned down Aw's appeal. He took it quite well really, just subdued. He texted me after I'd left to ask me to order a book, so he can't be that upset.
Now I realise I wasn't at all fat back then. The funny thing is I'm fatter now than I've ever been and I'm not really bothered so much any more.
I know that feeling well! -
Hi Jonathon
Welcome, you should find good support and advice on here. I find it useful and interesting to get the opinions and points of view of the young people on here with AS as they are old enough to explain their feelings and behaviours more than my kids have been.
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Hi
I'm sure you'll find good support and advice on here. It can be hard to find support groups for adults - not sure if the NAS would know of any?
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Hi
SmileyK - you need to take it seriously if everyone around you says you have a problem, even if you don't feel you have. Please get some help. Being low weight can be VERY DANGEROUS. You can get to a point where your organs start packing up. Your friends and family care about you and want you to be safe and well. My son was actually admitted for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but he does seem to have or be on the way to having some sort of eating disorder.
Jeanne - It's hard enough with a son who doesn't let me hug him even when he's distraught, it must be so difficult with your son not being able to communicate. Hope the weekend goes well. The tribunal is at 10.30am.
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Hi lizzieo
I was going to do the questionnaire but the link doesn't work. Am I too late?
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That is really good news. Take Sally44's advice, she's spot on.
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Hi
I think many kids don't like going at school, have you been in the toilets there?
Trekster is right to ask about what smell is the problem as it is not always the most obvious one
We found using the moist toilet wipes helped our youngest.
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Thanks Jeanne
Things aren't going too badly. Aw came home for a night this weekend and went back without making any fuss. He's appealing against the section and there is a Tribunal tomorrow morning which I will be going to. He was told that if he made a fuss about going back to hospital after the night at home the police would be called and that wouldn't look good at the Tribunal.
He texted me for the first time ever after we got home after dropping him back to hospital. It said "Don't forget my pocket money". He makes me laugh! When we are at the hospital he is more chatty with us and laughs sometimes. At home he just spent most of the time in his room again, but he did have a shower and sat with us for main meals, so that was good.
We have to go for Family Therapy on Thursday and he's due home for the long weekend (assuming he doesn't win his appeal!).
He's managed to lose 1kg whilst in hospital even with them watching over him whilst he's eating, so that's not good. I took some age 12 trousers for him and he tried them on. He said they were the right length but were made for "fat people", as they are too big round the waist. Don't think he really gets how underweight he is. He's in the right place if he's got or is heading towards an eating disorder as they specialise in that. His iron levels are low and his vitamin and mineral levels are borderline. They gave him iron tablets, which he actually took as he's worried about anaemia, but they gave him diarrhoea so they've had to stop them.
Thanks for your kind thoughts.
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We visited Aw yesterday and today. Yesterday didn't start too well with him pleading and crying for us to get him out of there. I got a nurse to come in and chat with him and he did settle down. We managed to get a couple of laughs out of him later. We had lunch together in the cafeteria where there was music playing (something he normally objects to). He didn't make a fuss when we left, he wouldn't even come and see us off, just sat in the chair in the boys lounge on his own.
Today went much better, just a couple of cheeky attempts at asking to go home, much more chatting and laughing. We had a roast dinner together and he did quite well with it. He was talking about what might happen in the week, with therapy and school starting.
We feel much more hopeful after today as he seems to understand he needs to be there and is resigned to it, although there's no way he would admit that!
This week could get difficult with them starting to challenge him and his fears, but at least he's fairly stable and coping at the moment.
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I went with him in the ambulance and my husband and eldest son followed in the car, so we were with him for quite a while and looked round the hospital. We can go on Saturday and then on Weds. When he's settled and they're confident he'll go back no problem, he'll be able to come home at weekends.
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Hi Paula
I know what you're saying. I have been through the same thing but I believe it's the stress of living with my son, and partly depression. When you have such a stressful life of course you want life to be as simple and manageable as possible, but probably not for the same reasons he does.
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Hi all
Aw went into hospital today. He had to be sectioned but he didn't fight. At one point he went up to his room saying he was getting something, and I was worried he might barricade the door as he did when the intensive therapy person visited the other day! However he reluctantly went along with it all, had a few tears, but was really very brave. The professionals involved did a brilliant job.
The hospital is nice. We can go to see him on Saturday, so not long to wait.
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Thank you LancsLad. Even though you don't sound like it was a good experience for you, you appreciate the potential benefits of a hospital stay. I agree we would rather him go for a while now than for longer or more frequently when older.
I think we would be fortunate in that Aw would go into a special unit for 12-18 year olds. Aw doesn't actually like routine, I have suspected he has Pathological Demand Avoidance. My eldest with AS likes routine.
We actually managed to go down town with Aw today and got him new shoes, went to the cinema, and went to Game and Waterstones. He's supposed to sit and eat dinner with us today but I really don't think he will.
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That's sad. How does your son cope with this?
My youngest used to absolutely love chicks (the feathered variety!). We went to Finkley Down Farm and the trainee nanny I had with me (on placement from college - I didn't pay her) held a chick out to him and he just grabbed it by the head! It was OK thankfully. I didn't anticipate that the trainee nanny wouldn't realise he might do that.
I haven't heard of many people keeping ducks. Chickens, but not ducks. Do you have to have a big pond?
My eldest used to love foxes and his grandma used to say about how cruel they were killing but not eating chickens.
It must be worrying knowing you have to put those cute little ducklings out and at risk sometime.
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we are up in scotland and have been told they only go up to 16 and then wash their hands of you so my dd feels that she is just being dumped as there is no forward planning,my ds is only 14 so unfortunatly we may have to put up with them although have big meeting next week and if we can get rid of ss for son of 14 and daughter of 11 will gladly do so,heres hoping!!!
In theory (
) Adult Services should be better for your daughter as they will treat her as an 'adult' and talk to her very directly about what is happening with her and any difficulties. Not sure whether that always translates into what actually happens. -
The rest of the time it is hard for me to put myself into someone else's shoes - I don't know how people are feeling a lot of the time - I can't pretend to be them and know what they think or feel - I don't care about people en masse - news stories don't really touch me - gossip doesn't even register - if I don't know someone I usually don't care about them.
I wonder how much people are really able to put themselves in other people's shoes anyway, or are they just imagining how they themselves would feel in that situation - not quite the same thing.
You certainly don't come across as a heartless git on here! Thank you for sharing your experience. It is very helpful to me.
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I think when you have been in a unit such as this the emotional memeories are very strong indeed and easy to reconnect to.
That makes a lot of sense.
Please believe me when I say that we would not leave him in hospital longer than absolutely necessary just so we could have a rest - and of course hospitals such as this should never encourage that as there will be other more urgent cases needing the bed. We'd be more than happy for him to work with Alex at home, but he is flatly refusing to do so. It's a very difficult situation and as parents we do try to do the best and right thing but it's not always clear what that is.
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I recently found that a friend was not such a friend and my analytical side is still analysing this nearly 2 months latter. It still hurts, greatly!
That's a hard lesson to learn at any age.
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I think its going to possibly be a difficult and challenging time for both your son and you and your family - from the sounds of things you guys need some time to just get your personal resources built back up again, I know from your posts that you've all been pulling your hair out and stressing. Having your son somewhere safe for a while could be as much benefit for you guys as it is for your son - if only to give you some breathing space.
Most of all I just hope it helps you all - your son is 5 or 6 years younger than I was when I was sectioned (although mentally and emotionally I wasn't in a much different place to your son). I hope he can see things for what they are, I hope he can find some hope and interest in his own future - if this happened things would be so much easier on you and your family (it cannot be easy having to try and force someone to do things and look after themselves all the time, while banging your head against a wall when it feels like there's hardly any help with this).
It might sound harsh but this could be the short sharp shock he needs to see things - even if he uses it like me as a negative push - like when I said earlier about not wanting to go back being very motivational - even so, my own steps forwards have been tediously slow.
It would be prudent to expect a lot of anger from him to begin with - the first couple of weeks might be hell when you visit for example...
In a bizarre way I sort of ended up liking the place - the routine the fixed rules, the repetition etc - I'm not sure whether it could an issue for a younger person or not, but I'd really want to make sure that the people there keep the focus in his mind that he is there to get better and then leave - you don't want him turning around and saying he prefers staying there - because he needs to know why he's there and what he has to do to leave - its about self awareness but also about awareness of others too.
He's at a funny age where he's leaving childhood behind and I can't help but wonder if his behaviour is all about trying to avoid what will happen all too soon - that he'll leave the child world behind somewhat and step into the big confusing unpredictable and downright scary adult world - this was a very big problem for me....
I will be thinking of you all through this time
Darkshine
PS - if there's anything I've said that you would like further elaboration on please ask as I've been a little brief (by my standards anyway lol) I don't mind sharing my experiences further on here, or via PM if you'd prefer...
Hi darkshine
I thought people with AS were supposed to lack empathy
- you clearly don't 
Your post is wonderful and is very reassuring. I'm blowing hot and cold on the hospital thing. Yes we need a break, and yes we feel he needs help with his insect and germ phobias and possibly with mixing with people again. But I also realise he will find it extremely difficult and upsetting, and he is indeed likely to be very angry.
He seems to have a drive about him since Weds, and is doing more, even unprompted. Someone else is coming on Saturday from i2i as Alex is on leave - we'll have to see how that goes (Alex will have fully brief them).
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The intensive therapy guy, Alex, came and we impressed on Aw that he HAD to come down and listen to Alex. Alex stayed just over two hours talking to Aw. Aw point blank refused to go to hospital, saying he doesn't need to, but he did listen and talk to Alex.. We now have a plan for him to follow each day, incorporating some things he'd started doing plus some others. He's to try and follow the plan for the next week or so. He's been told that the doctors may still decide that hospital is in his best interests. He doesn't know that anything is planned for next week, and of course if he does make very good progress this week, it could be called off anyway.
Many thanks to darkshine and LancsLad for your experiences and point of view. It is very helpful. It is easy to get wrapped up in what you yourself are feeling and forget to think about the other person's point of view.
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we too prefer the home ed route - yes it is tough no breaks etc but they are learning more being out of school than they ever did in. which is what i always believed education to be about. when they are older they will have a certain degree of choice over work situations - would you work in a place that you did not feel happy or comfortable or where you were bullied, so why should school be forced just because it is the done thing. i work in school it is artificial and 75% of what they learn would only be useful to teach you how to win the pub quiz.
why have kids then send them to boarding school that will not help them adjust to normal life - being part of normal life however wil and as for medication my youngest has gone worse since being on meds to relieve his anxiety and i intend to have him taken off them asap.
in my opinion and it is my opinion we all spend so much time fighting the system to get our entitlement we forget to ask the kids what they want - and if they dare say they want to stay home where it is safe we announce they dont know what is good for them. each to his own my kids are happy at home and i am happy to have them and i am fed up of people telling me i have made the wrong choice, i am fed up of coming on these forums and having to keep quite about home ed because it is frowned upon so i will say it load and clear I HOME ED AND IT IS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE FOR MY BOYS.
right rant over x
Good for you. I think Home Education is the most brilliant secret ever! I wish I had known about it when my youngest was younger.
Home Ed probably works best when you have a child that is curious and enthusiastic about learning. I think it could be very hard for a parent to 'make' a child learn. At least with Home Ed learning can be done in a roundabout fun kind of way, rather than just learning to (hopefully) pass SATs and exams.
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The hospital phoned me today and it turns out they were expecting us to just take him in. They said they couldn't possibly arrange a section at such short notice (they gave us the date). They said they could do it next Thurs. We've both booked the day off work and been all keyed up over the weekend. The intensive therapy guy thought they were sectioning him tomorrow as well. He's going to come in the morning and try to 'encourage' Aw to go with us to the hospital as the bed is available but it's highly unlikely that he will. What we don't want is for him to have a week to wait knowing he IS going into hospital as I wouldn't be able to leave him as we would fear for his safety. If he does get really bad he could be admitted as an emergency but he would have to go into a different hospital until the right one was able to take him as they don't take emergencies (even though the bed's available from tomorrow). It's been an emotional afternoon and evening!
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My youngest, Aw, is going to hospital tomorrow. He is extremely unlikely to co-operate so they will probably have to section him. It's all very scary, but we cannot carry on anymore like this. He needs proper help to overcome his depression, and obsessive thoughts about insects and germs.
Me and hubby are very frightened about how he'll react. I'm also worried how it will affect his older brother who is coming to the end of his A-levels. The doctors think he will be angry for a couple of days and then settle down and get on with it. I really hope they're right!
This smiley represents what my son used to be like - and we hope he can be again...
Feeling a bit 'low'
in General Discussion
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That's lovely really - though it probably made you worry about him!
When I took Aw back yesterday he was completely silent all the way there. It is difficult x