Jump to content

Mandapanda

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content Count

    670

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Mandapanda

  1. Posted · Report reply

    Hi

     

    Do you think something bad will happen to them, or do you feel you are missing out and should know exactly what is happening to them all the time? Is it because you don't know if those other people are trustworthy and will have their best interests at heart? You need to acknowledge that your friends know these other people and trust them enough to do things with them. You don't also have to know and trust all their friends, this can be quite hard. You mustn't project your mistrust of people onto your friends and think that they will feel and think the same.

     

    Could you ask your friends to introduce you to these other friends so you can get to know them as well?

  2. Posted · Report reply

    Hi LancsLad

     

    Thanks for investigating this problem yourself. It's always interesting to have information from someone who knows. I do understand what you're saying about feeling violated, I see that with my son. He doesn't like being touched, he doesn't like different tastes and smells, and when he goes to the dentist he is not just touched but they put gloved hands in his mouth. It is a very intrusive experience for him, although perhaps for different reasons to yourself.

     

    Hi chris54

     

    Ewww, it is horrifying when you look back at medical practices and lack of hygiene, but I guess they didn't know, or didn't consider it a major problem cutting corners.

     

    Hi Paula

     

    Our dentist did say she would refer Aw to the Specialist Dentist but only after he visited her - which he wouldn't!!

  3. Posted · Report reply

    yes ask and ask and ask why cant do it,the only thing i eventually got was cant deal with 152 other kids,but the schools answer is she has always managed before( but then so did my eldest and now she has diagnosis)she says there are other reasons but she just wont or cant tell me what.she seems fine academic wise,but its the silly little things,she cant do assembly,pe,and most of the time doesnt eat her lunch.as someone said could be sensory issues,noise in canteen,being jostled about in corridors etc,but is so difficult because i dont think she knows herself.

    yes we realise that because big brother and sister dont go makes it harder,but the sad bit is she wants to go but cant,i have spoken to her about de-registering because emotionally wise i think she would be better than having rows every day,but she doesnt want to ,she wants to go to school!!!

    i seem to be permanantly in the school because she cant talk up for herself ,its a case of complying,but if she cant do work she wont even ask for help,the school seem to have run out of sympathy because they say they see none of it!!!and yes have even been down the dragging route,but never again,she doesnt like being touched at the best of times so when i got her wrist all hell let lose,she was in tears i was and my sisiter was staying and even she ended up in tears,which i am just not prepared to do agan,have done it twice and it makes no difference she still wont go!!its like she is due to see a 'professional'tommorw who she has met once and didnt like so has said wont see her,now i have tried the reward of if she sees for 5 mins she can go to cinema with a friend,but she is so rigid her answer is 'fine i wont go to cineam then'!!!!!!! now what normal kid would do that for the sake of 5 mins!she just cant deal with different people and just dont know how to help her.

    i know the education is important and have just found out about a ASD school about 30 miles away but can you believe it its only for ASD with learning disabilities and as mine dont have any problmes with learning instead all they get is 1 hour a week!!!but honestly think younger one would learn more home educated for the amout of time she is in school.right rant over!!

     

    Hi

     

    Sadly we've been there, seen it, done it, and got not just the T-shirt but the whole outfit!!

     

    Don't expect the school to sort this out. Have you been to the doctor and got a referral to your local CAMHS team? You need to try attacking the problem from every angle as soon as possible before things escalate out of control. I didn't do enough early enough and now my son is so isolated and avoiding everything that makes him anxious that they are going to forcibly take him to hospital this week, which we are dreading.

     

    You need to somehow find the energy to keep pushing and fighting for her. Contact your MP, speak to IPSEA and any other organisations you can about what should be being done. She's probably not explaining what the problem is because she is just reacting emotionally and does not consciously know what the problems are herself. Our son has many problems which all contributed in small ways to making school impossible for him. These things have only come out gradually over the years since he stopped going, and mainly since we deregistered him.

     

    Good luck. I know how exhausting it can be even without other children with difficulties in the house.

  6. Posted · Report reply

    Aw won't take any medication. He has major taste and texture issues. It's hard enough to get him to eat food. He only drinks water so we can't hide anything either.

     

    He is so entrenched he believes he can get better himself but has no idea how to and really is just protecting himself from anything he doesn't want to do or is unable to do.

     

    They are putting the referral forward to admit him as soon as possible. Whilst it's frightening, we feel it is the only thing to do as he will not change his behaviour in the home environment. We can't go on like this and he won't allow us to try over weeks, he is so adamant and angry about it.

  7. Posted · Report reply

    OK the guy came and Aw pretended to ignore him but didn't shout or slam doors. He came again today and again Aw pretended to ignore him (after taking his headphones off!). We thought great!

     

    However after the guy went Aw came down and kicked off about him going up to his room and said he doesn't want to talk to anyone and doesn't want him to come again. He accused us of insulting him and saying he's "too pathetic" to sort himself out. He went up to his room and kept stamping on the floor, so dad went up and talked to him. He's quiet now but I can see things are going to get much worse before they get better.

     

    The i2i guy said he would probably need a hospital admission even if he started to engage, as his difficulties are so entrenched.

  11. Posted · Report reply

    If you can tell me how to make a large 14 year old boy do anything that he does not want to i would be delighted to try! He flatly refuses to do anything, other than come downstairs for food. His response to any request, or demand, or suggestion is instant anger. If pushed he becomes violent.

    When we try to take his laptop away he goes berserk, destroying the house in rages that last for hours. We have been advised not to remove his laptop as it is his attachment object. Quite frankly I am at the point of giving up. I don't think I can be the right person to care for him If others think it is so simple to sort him out, because it is quite beyond me. I know that you don't mean to critisize and thank you for trying to help, but frankly I am teetering on the edge of despair so I am feeling a bit sensitive.

     

    Been there, seen it, done it, got the T-shirt.

     

    I had a pretty much similar experience with my son (though probably not for the same reasons). I believe my son has PDA too. PDA is on the autistic spectrum and there is info on the National Autistic Society website about it.

     

    It does sound like he could well be depressed, as my son was (and possibly still is). It is understandable that they might feel down if they are unable to do things other children do, or that they themselves used to do. We have given our son time to heal. School nearly destroyed him. He hasn't been for 3 1/2 years, we ended up deregistering him to try and take the pressure off him, which it did in his case.

     

    Does he have particular interests? You have to try and build on their interests and try and get them to go to somewhere with some connection with their interest (eg dinosaur museum, science museum, planetarium etc). Will he go down town to buy a computer game? I'm not saying that because I think he will, but he might after considerable encouragement. We found the best way was to 'drip' things to him, plant seeds in his mind that can then grow over time.

     

    Telling or trying to force has never ever worked for our son. Threatening to take things away doesn't work either, as he'd rather give you those things than do or stop doing whatever you're focussing on. Our son did get genuinely suicidal and the computer was his only 'protective factor', so it's very difficult for us to contemplate taking that away.

     

    It is NOT simple to solve. Some people do not realise how low children can get, or how they will fight for their life to protect themselves from things that make them anxious or fearful. Please do not be hard on yourself.

     

    It used to be impossible to be strict with our son, but now the depression and anxiety have lifted to some extent we can be much firmer with him and he is much more reasonable, most of the time.

     

    Keep trying to get help. Is there an old friend of his who might visit? Even if they just pop their head in his doorway and say hello and then go. If he can cope with that this could be built on over time.

     

    Try and take some time out for yourself if at all possible. It can be exhausting living with this situation. Any break will help you have the strength to deal with it.

  12. Posted · Report reply

    As Tally said:

    "It's a massive coincidence, isn't it, that you are interested in neurology, and an unusual neurological episode happens to you?"

     

    It's fine to take notice of symptoms, just don't spend time worrying about and looking for particular illnesses. There can be any number of reasons (serious or not so serious) for symptoms.

  15. Posted · Report reply

    Hi

     

    You can contact the credit reference companies. They can put a note on your credit file so that if anyone applies for any finance, credit cards etc in your name it will be double double checked if they are really you.

     

    http://www.cifas.org.uk/what_is_a_credit_reference_agency

     

    http://www.equifax.co.uk/Products/learning-centre/if-you-are-a-victim.html

     

    http://www.experian.com/credit-education/victim-assistance.html

     

    http://www.callcreditcheck.com/frequently-asked-questions#19

  16. Posted · Report reply

    We have the unflavoured toothpaste. Aw is using it but says he hasn't used it long enough to know whether it's OK, although he said "it doesn't taste of anything so that's good." He hasn't put his old toothpaste to one side yet - but one of them will get cast aside when he has decided. I'll let you know!

     

    I got mine on e bay which worked out a bit cheaper.

  18. Posted · Report reply

    Hi

     

    Is this an exchange? I don't think the families get paid - usually their own children would go to France at another time. I have heard of schemes for older students where families get paid for having them to stay, that's a completely different thing. I haven't heard of this idea of 3 students staying with one family. Perhaps you need to clarify on what basis they are staying there and how the families are selected etc.

     

    Have you tried the wristbands you can get for travel sickness. My son found them quite effective.

     

    It is scary for us parents when our kids want to do things and we are not sure they are yet capable. My eldest has constantly surprised me. When he first went away, him and his 3 friends who shared a room won the prize for the tidiest room! (Of course that's only because none of them got anything out of their bags at all, lol!)

     

    It's good that you've got a last resort in your parents, but he has to try things like this. Sometimes they are actually better away from us because we react at the slightest hint of a problem whereas others may carry on as if everything's fine and so he may follow their lead and carry on as well.

     

    Perhaps because you are English and it is a trip to England that makes him keen to go? I hope you can get some answers to your questions from the teacher and that things will go well.

  20. Posted · Report reply

    If a Psychiatrist or Pediatrician has diagnosed Asperger's that is not your ex's fault, and it would be based on an assessment of the child not just one adults' say so. I can understand you might feel left out, but this is about your son getting any help that may be needed, and shouldn't become another reason for an argument between his parents (excuse me saying this, I don't mean to offend you - you may generally get on very well with your ex, or it may be your ex that causes problems, I don't know)..

     

    What do you disagree with? The fact it was done without your knowledge or involvement, or with the diagnosis itself? Obviously I don't know what reason your ex might have for not including you - perhaps it's just that you're apart, it's difficult to get hospital appointments without involving more people, or perhaps you have argued about the possibility in the past or not been supportive of any concerns. Perhaps you're the one who had concerns and your ex didn't want to admit that you might be right. It's never easy getting a diagnosis that there is something 'wrong' or 'different' with your child, and in my personal experience in some cases parents can be in denial either because they don't want something to be 'wrong' with their child, or because they think it's normal because they are like that themselves.

     

    My husband didn't see the difficulties with our boys as he was out at work all day. He just put difficulties in the evening down to them being tired and ready for bed. Also they'd be pleased to see him (having not seen him all day) and distracted from rituals etc because of that. Also I would be the one to see the boys in the social situations which showed up just how different they were, toddler groups, messy play, playgroup etc.

     

    Read up about Asperger's, Tony Atwood writes some very good books which show the positives as well as the negatives.

  22. Posted · Edited by Mandapanda · Report reply

    Is there an advocacy service locally - we have one called Speakeasy Advocacy and they help people with ASDs. There may be a general advocacy service if not a specialist autism one.

     

    I understand you have to explain how the conditions affect the person's ability to do physical things. It's not easy as the forms are aimed more at physical disabilities.

     

    Here are some links which may provide useful information:

     

    http://www.autism.or...-allowance.aspx

     

    http://www.disabilit....org/dlalaw.htm

     

    http://www.disabilityalliance.org/

     

    http://www.disabilityalliance.org/f11.htm

     

    Good luck to your friend.

  23. Posted · Report reply

    Hi

     

    Firstly Avast is a good programme. AVG is not great. Microsoft Essentials seems OK. Malwarebytes and SuperAntispyware are highly recommended and will pick up things AVG misses.

     

    Anything you want in your start up menu has to be copied to the Startup folder which should be in this sort of location:

     

    C:\users\admin\appdata\roaming\microsoft\windows\start menu\programs

     

    You can find it by searching your main hard drive for startup.

     

    However it's a good idea not to have too many programs starting up automatically as this can slow your PC down, especially if you're playing games.

     

    Not sure if that covers exactly what you're asking, but hope it helps.

  24. Posted · Report reply

    There's nothing wrong with applying for a post like you used to do and saying that moving into a slightly different was what you wanted to do and you miss the work you were doing previously.

     

    There is a skills questionnaire online https://nextstep.direct.gov.uk/planningyourcareer/skillshealthcheck/Pages/AbouttheSkillsDiagnosticTool.aspx

     

    Your girlfriend may have keyworker status and therefore get help with accommodation.

     

    It does sound like you are getting exhausted and feeling low due to the extra pressures and difficulties you are encountering, so I would suggest you speak to your doctor for some short term support to help you through.

×
×
  • Create New...