Mandapanda
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Posts posted by Mandapanda
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In some areas there is a sort of maintenance firm that will do maintenance jobs for people on low incomes/benefits. Maybe the library/CAB/council will have information if there's one in your area?
I thought councils did places up before they were reoccupied - obviously not!
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Hi matzoball
It sounds to me like she has very low self esteem and is in some ways jealous of you. You have plans and are taking control of your life - whereas she looks to other people for validation all the time.
You've tried to help (I've done the same myself on occasions), but in the end it is you that is suffering and she is probably beyond help, with her behaviour so entrenched she can't even see it.
It's taken me many years to realise that friendship should definitely be a two way thing, anything less than that is not good for me.
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Went to CMHT spoke to the person that did CBT he said it sounds like ive got into the circle trap of thoughts he said to try and consentrait on what im doing and talk trough it in my head ie im picking up the screw driver and im going to undo this cable ect. He said see if that helps and to contact him in a weeks time to tell him how im doing, he said im not wasting his time.
I also got a call from access 2 abilty which do the work based assessments i have a meeting on the 9th september.
so things might be ok
thanks
Daniel
Hi Daniel
Well done on getting some advice. Sometimes you may just need reminding of those techniques, or confirmation that you are doing the right thing. Don't be hard on yourself, and make sure you do speak to them again.
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He spots rewards, psychology and reverse psychology a mile off too!
Yes indeedy
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Hi Jeanne
Perhaps if it is a smaller gap he will get used to the 'routine' more easily. If they have a plan in place that should help too. You'll just have to see how it goes.
Could they take videos of him to send you between home visits? That way you could get to see him enjoying himself without him getting upset. Just a thought.
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Im still struggling at work im keeping a diary as i have an abilty 2 work assessment, i want to show what sort of problems i have at work. But things are changing to quickly at work and i feel like im up to my mouth in sinking sand. I had contact with CMHT i had CBT and every thing was rosy. If i contact them i will feel like i have failed them but if i don't then i could sink so low that i can't work. last time work put me of sick for seven months i do not want to be off work.
I DON'T NOW WHAT TO DO
I feel so stupid when i discuss problems with my charge hand i feel like a baby winging on.
Robo
Hi Robo
If you are recognising signs of relapse then you need to contact them (do you have to go via your GP?). You may just need a few sessions to refresh yourself with the CBT techniques that you learned before - it can be quite hard to keep up with that yourself indefinitely. Everybody struggles sometimes, especially when things get stressful at work, so don't worry about contacting them again.
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No, my dad didn't care about what was going on at school other than what grades I got so he could boast about "how well his son was doing" and by extension the prestigious university I would go to (drunken sociopath prick). The only time he would actively do anything was upon learning that, quote, "he isn't doing as well as he could be", which immediately prompted the drunken ###### to aggressively "encourage" me to work harder, which if anything did the opposite as I just didn't give a ###### about anything anymore. Going to university was extremely liberating. My mum was a bit mad (don't know specifically what was wrong) so couldn't effectively get involved.
It is very hard being parents. Absolutely nothing can prepare you for it. Everybody expects you to be calm, responsible, sensible adults and do the right things all the time, but don't actually tell you what those things are! And we all bring our hangups and difficulties from our relationships with our own parents to the parenting table. Of course there are some rubbish parents around, and some really really awful ones. My parents weren't interested in me, they were too wrapped up with their own problems and I was the youngest of 4 and they'd kind of lost interest by then. You just get to a certain age and have to think "whatever has happened in the past, and whoever is to blame, I am the one who can make my future better". I'm glad going to Uni was a good thing for you.
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I was thinking about PDA at 4am this morning (as you do!).
The key difference (in my opinion based on experience) between a child being stubborn/awkward/difficult/naughty/manipulative etc and PDA is that the child will refuse to do something he REALLY REALLY WANTS to do just because you want him to do it, are encouraging him to do it, or trying to use it as a reward, or even when you are threatening to withhold it as a punishment etc. They will in effect 'cut off their nose to spite their face' as they say.
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Actually they were very uninvolved with my education. They went about as far as "How well are you doing? O rly? Do better or you won't get to university.".
Either you'd already proved you were stubborn and wouldn't do what they suggested
, or they wanted to encourage you to be independent in your learning 
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he burnt my best friend (a cuddly toy)!!!!!
[/i]
Oh no, my youngest son will be saying much the same thing when he's your age - we took his favourite cuddly toy away when he was being (we thought) extremely naughty. It was like he was bereaved for years. We had NO IDEA what we were doing or what effect it would have (or why he was behaving the way he was), and wish we could turn the clock back.
I'm 20 from Yorkshire, and I've not been diagnosed with ASD. I'm still at home with my parents, and the way it's looking, I'll be here a good few more years. I'm all set up to see some doctor in September, and I don't know what it's going to be like, because I'm not exactly a child, and I'm always afraid that if I ever tell anyone what's going through my mind, they won't believe me. Not exactly, HAH! I still play with toys and teddies and make that little hot wheels cars go on epic adventures round the house.Howlin Mad: I would imagine if you see a professional who is aware of ASDs they would not be at all surprised by your interests. Is ASD suspected or is it something you have come across information on which you recognise as being like you?
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Even more brilliantly I'm pleased that I explained it in a way that works for you (rare for me)
Your posts always seem very articulate and clear to me
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Something else you might not consider when applying for university, the more foreigners there the more he will fit in. Foreigners come from different cultures and are basically "from another world", as the saying goes with Asperger's, "wrong planet". I was extremely fortunate in that where I ended up has a vast number of foreign students, so my "social ineptness" that other English students would (and do) quickly notice, foreign students don't. I made lots of foreign friends as we are mutually different at socializing. Also, foreigners love it when English people are so accepting of them.
Hi acid74
This is very interesting, and I can understand what you are saying. You obviously have good insight, thank you for telling me about this. I work in the NHS and enjoy meeting people from different countries/cultures. I had been thinking he'd be better in a smaller Uni like Chichester, but maybe he would be better in a city Uni? You just think of the number of people - we didn't go to Uni so have no idea what they are like or how the social dynamics work in them.
I did research last year on Uni courses so I am aware that many Unis take them on points rather than grades, so I have been able to reassure him on this point. It is a bit scary hearing the news and so many students not getting into Uni with As and A*s, but I wonder if it's because they all want to do the same courses and, as you say, go to only the best Unis? I guess our best approach is to purely look for a course that he's interested in and not worry about where it is or how 'highly rated' it is (or not).
acid74 and darkshine: You two are doing brilliantly by the sound of it, and both aware of your difficulties and finding your own ways to overcome them (though I can understand how frustrating this may have been for your parents at times). Well done!
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Hi darkshine & mumble
Strangely, although clicking the multiquote took me straight into the reply box before, when I read darkshine's explanation of how to do it and clicked multiquote it did change colour! We are using IE9 and Chrome at the moment so maybe it works on one and not the other?
I've just done a post on another thread where I was able to deal with each part of someone's post separately - it's brilliant! Thank you so much
You want to reply to a few quotes so you open up an identical page in a second tab in your browser window - so you have 2 identical pages open.Now you're talking my language - don't know why I didn't think of this, I do it at work all the time
Or method 3:Get a life.
What's a life? I think I've heard of it but I'm not sure...
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Hi dad of Alix
My eldest was very difficult to toilet train in the day. I tried leaving him in stuffed full leaking nappies but he didn't even seem to notice! We had to have potties everywhere, including right by his bed at night. Gradually as he got used to using it we moved the potties nearer the bathroom. We got a trainer seat for the toilet and eventually got there, but he was only 3 at the time.
My youngest was dry in the day very easily and had great control but pooing was a totally different matter. He just didn't want to do it anywhere. He would hold on for days, he would sit on piles of cushions and be very fidgety and grumpy, but would refuse to admit he needed to go. I tried the new pants (he wouldn't want to get dirty
), no joy. Reward charts/sanctions did not work at all no matter how strict we were. It was like he was frightened to go. He ended up in hospital after fainting and being sick several times in a day. They couldn't find a reason but said he was constipated.The thing that started a huge change for the better was the simple thing of getting a new toilet seat. We moved house (he had just turned 6) and there were old pine toilet seats which we didn't like, so we got new, ordinary white ones. He was almost chuffed to be the first one to use the new seat in the downstairs toilet (even at 15 he still always goes downstairs to do a poo!). It wasn't plain sailing, I had to sit with him, it would take him hours and be very painful and he would cry (he has sensory problems which may have been the cause in the first place along with problems with germs - he still can't tell us). Gradually it came to him just telling us he needed to go and when he'd finished. Now he still tells us he's going, but he gets on with it, he always changes his pants after whether he needs to or not (germs?). I have also found having Andrex/Sainsburys toilet wipes available have really helped as he can get him self 'properly' clean. We also use the Palmolive aquarium liquid soap - it is fairly clear, not smelly, and unlike bar soap doesn't get dirty or touched by other people. He also has his own towel in the cloakroom and bathroom. No doubt others will see all this as pandering to his anxieties, but we are helping him live with them until he is old enough to accept help in the form of CBT or whatever. By contrast he won't shower as he read in New Scientist that dirt is good for us (this hasn't worked with toileting or food preparation though
).Aside from all of the above, the fact that ignoring the soiling caused her to wet herself as well does imply to me that there is certainly an element of attention seeking going on (though not necessarily a willful and deliberate course of action). However this may only be a part of the problem and may not be as straightforward to sort out as some think.
Good luck!
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Hi thanks for all your kind comments. No Glen has no concept of time, his 'understanding' generally is quite poor thats why we have these problems, he just doesn't understand that when we visit him, thats all it is a visit we come and we go again. This upsets him as he still thinks he will be coming back with us. I am going to ring up the home today to try to speak to the deputy manager as the manager herself is not there this week. I do feel that when Glen gets in such a bad way as he did all weekend he needs some anxiety medication to calm him down such as lorazepam which he was having but doesn't have anymore. The home's psychiatrist felt Glen didn't need it so stopped prescribing it around 4 or 5 weeks ago now, however I feel that he should have it on prescription for emergencies only not to be given every day, had Glen had lorazepam over the weekend things may not have got as bad as they did.
Hi Jeanne
I agree it would be sensible for them to get him reviewed by the psychiatrist in light of this situation. They do need to have a plan in place for times such as this. I also agree with Jsmum that they probably need to work with him on the idea of visits compared to going home for the weekend. Maybe even the fact of seeing you in the placement is confusing him as you are 'out of context' there? They must've dealt with this kind of thing before.
At least you know he's not forgetting you! Thinking of you
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Hi Manda
He wasn't given the full ASD diagnosis because the 'late onset' of the condition - we were in an unusual position because my older son was being assessed and seen regularly after his diagnosis so our consultant saw ds#2 develop from a 3 month old baby. As he was a very smiley baby / toddler with good eye contact, none of us thought he would go on to develop autism. I suspect this was because at home with another child with autism, his needs were pretty much met - if he wanted the blue plate he got the blue plate so he didn't get as frustrated.
This is just like our youngest. I did suspect on many occasions but was put off by the school nurse when she said "just because you've got one child with AS doesn't mean you've got 2". I knew he had several very strong traits but it didn't all add up until a lot of things changed in his last year at primary school, and then at secondary school he just went completely to rock bottom.
But when he started nursery he became violent and distressed. The report also says how he displayed good eye referencing - when he was being observed he made sure the consultant was watching before he did 'naughty' things like turning on the taps, pulling the stuffing out of a toy.Our youngest wasn't generally like that - he tried really hard not to be noticed or stand out. He did once get in trouble for trying to stop another child going over the Yellow Line (not allowed) in the playground
! My eldest would do naughty things because others were doing them, completely oblivious it was wrong or that a teacher was coming and everyone else had stopped doing it - he would've ended up being expelled if I hadn't moved him to a more understanding school after only 2 terms at the first one Ds#1 has straightforward AS and is pretty straightforward to deal with. He responds to typical 'ASD' management. He's really moral and honest, sometimes a little odd, - unlikely to lie, wouldn't steal, stopped speaking to a boy who made a racist comment about another child. I can explain things to him and as long as they seem fair to him he will accept it. He strugles socially though and gets upset easily when things don't go how he thinks they should. Ds#2 is a different personality altogether, he doesn't really respond to ASD strategies, can lie convincingly, has no apparent morals! His behaviour is much more of a challenge. However on the surface he is much more social, has lots of friends and can have a good two way conversation with people that isn't just based on his special interests. He still displays ASD tendancies such as when I stripped the wall paper on the stairs last week he freaked out and tried to glue it back on but if you met him briefly you probably wouldn't think AS.My eldest has AS and had many problems times through school with friends, not knowing when kids were asking him to join in to make fun of him or hurt him etc. He was painfully honest - telling a teacher in front of the whole class who was responsible for some wrongdoing, yet he did eventually learn to lie, and when he did he would actually believe it! He once stole a Hot Wheels car (his obsession) from CAMHS - very embarrassing! However since going to college (a nice sixth form college) he has thrived, and has several groups of friends. The ones we have met are really nice and very individual like he is. The first time he said he was going to a party I was really worried, but they all left at 10pm and had been playing card games
We never thought the youngest one would have MORE problems than his brother, but now he rarely leaves the house (at 15 he has NEVER EVER left the house on his own), school nearly destroyed him, and he has lost all his friends. But he has one thing his brother doesn't - anxiety, I think now that's mainly due to his senses being too sensitive. This is what has got the better of him, and at times has caused violent behaviour (despite his best efforts to control himself so as not to stand out). He has never understood why people should have authority over him just because they are older. And if we said "stop doing that or we'll take that toy away" he would just give us the toy (presumably so he could carry on doing it without punishment?!)
It's amazing how different they can be, and I am now having some sympathy for the difficulties of diagnosis!
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You can use the 'multiquote' button
Hi
I clicked multiquote and it brought me here with only your post quoted...
Then I saw the little Insert quotation button but that just does this:
So I did Insert quotation and then copied some text from a post below and pasted it between the quote instructions:
Although I would like to know why sometimes the notifications act as links and other times not...Guess there's no stopping me now
Though I'm still not sure how to do it if the message doesn't show below the reply box (if there are too many posts).Thank you RainbowsButterflies and darkshine - especially darkshine as you brought this whole subject up in the first place, and I was too embarrassed to ask!!
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Hi jlp
This is briliant - it sounded like you weren't expecting a dx of asd, did it come out of the blue? Just curious - any idea why they said a-typical rather than saying something like 'he doesn't fulfill all the criteria for a diagnosis of asd'?
My son appears to be strongly PDA but also asd - I personally don't think you get one without the other (unless the child's just a little %&**^£). I think if my son could've gone to an EBD unit as soon as he stopped going to school he would have done well. He liked the sound of not wearing uniform, calling the teachers by their first names, 5/6 pupils to a class. But they said he had to do online learning/home tutoring first - which both failed. The online learning made him too anxious and the home tutor made him feel 'singled out' - something he'd spent 7 years avoiding! The Home Ed EWO has said it wouldn't have been good for him because of other pupils difficult behaviour, but as you've found it can work when you/others don't expect it to.
I'm sure it can be difficult at home, he'll still need to let of steam and no doubt being at school still causes him some stresses. But at least he is getting an education and enjoying learning now.
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Hi Jeanne
It must be very hard, wanting to see him but him getting upset when you go.
But absolutely brilliant that things are going so well in his placement. You know he's well looked after and safe and they have more people, resources etc to help him progress.
Not too long to wait for his next home visit
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If he plans to go to university to study his preferred subject he'll probably do very well at it.
When I was doing my A-levels I spent all my free time learning about my own interests, more or less ignoring my A-levels as I wasn't that interested in them, as a result my results were mediocre (but good enough to get to a decent university). Now I'm at university, doing what I enjoy, I'm getting top marks.
Thanks (and to darkshine), it's useful hearing other people's experiences. We suspect/hope this is what will happen with Mj.
College hasn't really helped in many ways - they wouldn't let him do A-level English the first year as he got a D at GCSE so he had to spend the first year redoing it (and got A). He said then that at school he had too much/too many different things to do, and that's why he did better in the English GCSE at college. They didn't want him to be at college 3 years even though he had to in order to do the English A-level! Last year he wanted to do only A2s History & Philosophy, AS English Lang & Asset Japanese but they insisted he do another AS (he chose Sociology after they said he couldn't do Computer Technology because he wasn't doing Maths
). They also keep on about needing As/Bs to get into Uni which I know isn't necessarily true. Suspect they just want their league tables to look good This year he seems happier with his choices. I got it a bit wrong - his Extended Project is in Creative Writing (chosen I believe as it means there will be no right or wrong answers and almost no 'research' etc
) and the Computer Animation is an Asset subject (just for fun 
).I'm thrilled he's doing the animation as it's bringing him back to his designing flair. He used to draw hundreds of car designs, then moved on to drawing floorplan designs - they were amazing. I believe he still draws but he keeps it secret now.
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As for the actual comment regarding AS making you steal mail, it could actually be a valid genuine question. If an officer doesn't know what AS is or how it affects people it's a logical question to ask for all the officer knew it might have been similar to kleptomania - we know it's not but we shouldn't assume he had that knowledge and had to ensure it wasn't. It would be wonderful for all police officers to have full knowledge of various conditions they are likely to meet in the community but it's just not possible to cover all bases. A modicum of common sense would mean for me that the officer should have asked James for some details of AS so he could get a rough understanding of it.
I also agree with darkshine that those with issues looking officers in the eye are going to have to tougher time than most, must be very difficult for the person with AS and also for the police officer who's training and insincts will be telling them to not trust this person.
Don't the NAS do little cards that can be given to people with brief explanation of ASDs?
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darkshine - being overly helpful is a good thing in my opinion
- the whole comment was a joke, but I did feel they couldn't punish you for doing something good and well meaning.Kathryn - I would just like to say (and I was going to say it before I knew you had replied), that this is the best forum I've ever been on. The actual subjects/threads are so clearly laid out and nice and separate, and the ability to view New Content since I last logged on is sheer brilliance. It is on the whole very easy to use. I have used a Yahoo group for Home Education but you literally have to read EVERYTHING as there aren't separate threads - which makes it virtually unusable to me. I salute whoever set this site up
:notworthy: I have yet to work out how people quote different parts of different posts in one post, but no doubt it's in the instructions somewhere. I've just been too lazy to look
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Thanks everyone!
He is going into his 3rd year at college. He'll be doing A2s in English Lang and Sociology (he hasn't got copyright on Sociology - just a grade C
), GCSE Japanese and an Extended Project (not really sure what that is ) about Computer Animation.It's lovely to see him so happy and proud of himself!
We were watching the news about everyone rushing for Uni places this year due to next year's fees increase, and he said "at least I shouldn't have trouble getting in next year" - not sure it will work out like that but it's certainly putting a positive spin on things!
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Hi
I could report you for being overly helpful - surely they wouldn't lock the topic then
You could try putting a more explanatory heading on your next post, not everyone's as nosy as me...
Council Housing
in General Discussion
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Hi dekra
If you are involved with CAMHS, paediatrician, social services you can ask them to write letters of support for your family. Your GP should also be able to do a letter. Any adults in the family who have contact with mental health services could also ask their care worker for a letter.
Good luck.